Wife Hates Device-What Should We Do?

[Francois]

Today my first MC device (CB6000) arrived. My wife allowed me to buy it as my present for our anniversary. She wasn't crazy about it but said she was willing to give it a 30 day try.

(By way of background, we started a femdom relationship 9 months ago, at my suggestion, after many years of marriage ups and downs. She controls our sex and I cater to her. I do the chores, etc. It has been working. I come very infrequently and enjoy the eroticism of arousal. She orgasms twice a week however she wants it.)

We went out to our anniversary dinner and she seemed to be warming to the idea, but after coming home and getting in bed (locked) things changed. When I began to pleasure her orally my penis tried to bust out and my balls turned blue. She became concerned and asked how it felt. I said, "Physically constraining, not painful, and psychologically great as you are getting your sex and I am not even able to get a full erection." She then said she hated it, that it was a plastic barrier to sensuality, it is about my pleasure and not hers, if I really was into submission I should want to please her not feed my own eroticism, and what will be the next artificial step to eroticism? I offered to take off the CB but she said, "No, find out what other couples do when the wife is turned off by the device."

So please help us!

[Atone]

"No, find out what other couples do when the wife is turned off by the device."

We upgraded to metal

My wife didn't like the plastic CB3000 at all but did tolerate it. The Mature Metal Jailbird was much better. Now that I am in the Steelheart I wouldn't say that she likes it but it doesn't bother her anymore.

In the CB and the Jailbird it looked like a penis in a cage (or tube). With the Steelheart, well, it looks like a steelheart. You don't see penis at all . Out of sight, out of mind? Not sure but she likes it better.

[locked4her55]

I agree with Atone. I found out only after we purchased our first MM device that she hated the CB6000s I was in but put up with it for me. Now in our custom stainless steel Jailbird she loves keeping me frustrated and all to herself.

[KeyheldHubby]

Gotta say I agree with the responses so far.

But this seems like a perfect opportunity for a good heart-to-heart with your wife. What does she think of keeping you locked-up? Was her turn-off the notion of chastity or just the cage? If it's the notion, then there are other discussions you should have with her. If it's the cage, then you can have a discussion of other options - belt versus ball-trap, plastic versus metal, options as they relate to sizing, etc. Difficult discussions to have for most of us, but if you're already in a strong, femdom relationship as you state, then IMHO it might be easier for you. No personal experience with a femdom relationship, so it's just a guess...

truth in advertising: Like Locked4her55 and Atone I am in a MM Jailbird and absolutely love it (as does Mrs. KHH). Oh the things she did to me last night at 1:00 in the morning.... But that's another story (LOL).

My recommendation is that you have links to the various sites at your fingertips so you can show her what you're talking about while you talk about the various devices, and you can discuss what's important to both of you while you compare the various options.

Thanks for a great, great question and good luck to both of you!

[Locked by LRC]

When I had the CB series LRC tolerated the plastic but loves the metal. That said, she also did something else that helped her.

When we went to bed and there was any thought in her mind that she wanted to be pleasured the device would come off. The understanding was there was no orgasm for me unless she wanted it. When she was ready for sleep I had to put the device back on.

With this method sometimes she just wanted to feel my erection and that pleased her. Other times she wanted oral or PIV. Whatever happened this worked as a compromise that satisfied both of us.

[TwistedMister]

...She...said she hated it, that it was a...barrier to sensuality, it is about my pleasure and not hers, if I really was into submission I should want to please her not feed my own eroticism, and what will be the next artificial step to eroticism? I offered to take off the CB but she said, "No, find out what other couples do when the wife is turned off by the device."

So please help us!

It sounds to me that this is not a question of 'plastic vs. metal', but the idea of *any* device at all (regardless of what it might be made from).

Mrs. Twisted was not keen on it...at first. Then she discovered that there was something quite enjoyable about being able to lay back and relax, while I pleasured her orally, and to not have to be concerned about pleasuring me at the same time. This let her focus completely on herself, and on her enjoyment of the pleasurable sensations.

Next, she discovered that she rather enjoyed being able to tease me, to escalate my arousal and desire, without needing to deliver the [previously] expected orgasm, making me horny and wanting but unable to do anything about it unless *she* wanted to allow it.

[male_pet]

If the various device options don't pan out, a last ditch solution can be belt-less chastity that uses self-hypnosis for orgasm and stimulation control. Your wife would get all of the benefits and fun, with none of the ick factor of a physical belt.

It can work, but it does take some effort on your part. However, for your keyholder it can be a a breeze...
http://chastityforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=22163

[Devotional Sex]

Devotional Sex has some similarities with chastity - with the biggest difference being that the man does not wear a chastity device. Perhaps this would be a half-way point that keeps your wife happy.

One way to include a device in your lifestyle is that you wear a device whenever you are not with your wife.

[sls01234]

My wife felt the same way at first, felt like it looked painful and hated it, she also did not like the post on each side because they poked her when we would spoon. What I did once I had the spacer size set up I trimmed the post post back so they were flush with the base. She appreciated it and started to spoon, The part about painful I explained to her I would be honest and tell her if it was and I kept wearing it around her to get her more comfortable with seeing it and understanding I was safe and OK. I actually consulted with her before responding and she said be open with your wife, trim the post and keep wearing it in her sight so she knows you are ok. After she was a little more comforable with it, I gave her the CB and Key told her when she was ready let me know. And she has taken me up on that offer many times in the last year (we started July 4 2012) Currrently I am starting week three and since she disposed of the primary key at my request and her inability to remember where the spare key is it might be another week at least.

[Francois]

Thank you to all who commented. Sorry i was not able to read or respond earlier but I was not allowed to go back on this CF site until yesterday when She wanted to see the comments. They were helpful, especially seeing that other women had initial reluctance.

We continue to struggle with it so any further thoughts, especially from women, would be greatly appreciated.

Yes, it is not the idea of chastity but the fact of a device. And it does not a matter if plastic versus metal - in fact we chose the CB because She disliked metal more.

A while after Her initial reaction, She has allowed me intermittent use, as s a reward for good service, but never in a way She can see it. It is off whenever She wants access to Her Toy. We continue to talk about "Claire" (She has named it, perhaps to become more comfortable with it.), my desire for being locked, and Her concerns - which is all good.

Bottom line: She wants me to be happy but does not want to feel "pressured" into doing anything - a fine line to walk.