Chastity Forums

Why would anyone share details about their intimate sexual life with anyone who has nothing to lose if they divulged such deliciously salacious information with others?

RegularJoe wrote:Why would anyone share details about their intimate sexual life with anyone who has nothing to lose if they divulged such deliciously salacious information with others?

This is an odd forum and it is clear to me that I don't belong here. Your wuestion and the one before is not an innocent question truly trying to understand a perspective. It is a judgemental one intended to show a flaw in an aspect of this lifestyle. Clearly several people share the fantacy and were sharing their experience with the fantacy. Unfortunately this happens with almost every thread on this forum so even though it is advertised to be an open forum welcome to all perspectives, it is not. After several months as a newbie to the whole lifestyle, one thing is clear - I don't belong on this forum.

celticqueens_sub wrote:It is obviously up to individuals what they discuss with their friends etc but I really don't see any reason to discuss this 'kink' in the same way that I would not discuss any sexual things with others.

Some people do have discussions with friends regarding sexual subjects. I know that Mrs. Twisted and some of her friends discuss such things, and, consequently, I know things about them too.

We are scheduled to go out with another couple in the near future, the woman very recently asked Mrs. Twisted about The Key, to which an evasive answer was given...an answer that no doubt served to increase curiosity rather than to allay it. I can foresee a distinct possibility that the question will come up again, posed directly to *me*. It will be an interesting evening, if only for me, and even if the question is not asked...because I will be wondering if *she* is wondering, and wondering if she *is* going to ask again, and wondering how I will react if I am put on the spot...

chastityrandy wrote: This is an odd forum and it is clear to me that I don't belong here. Your wuestion and the one before is not an innocent question truly trying to understand a perspective. It is a judgemental one intended to show a flaw in an aspect of this lifestyle. Clearly several people share the fantacy and were sharing their experience with the fantacy. Unfortunately this happens with almost every thread on this forum so even though it is advertised to be an open forum welcome to all perspectives, it is not. After several months as a newbie to the whole lifestyle, one thing is clear - I don't belong on this forum.

Huh?

I think you're making an error in judgement. There are many perspectives here. I don't think anyone is suggesting that you don't belong or that you are not welcome. You should read a little more of Joe's writing before you accuse *him* of being 'judgemental'.

chastityrandy wrote:

RegularJoe wrote:Why would anyone share details about their intimate sexual life with anyone who has nothing to lose if they divulged such deliciously salacious information with others?

This is an odd forum and it is clear to me that I don't belong here. Your wuestion and the one before is not an innocent question truly trying to understand a perspective. It is a judgemental one intended to show a flaw in an aspect of this lifestyle. Clearly several people share the fantacy and were sharing their experience with the fantacy. Unfortunately this happens with almost every thread on this forum so even though it is advertised to be an open forum welcome to all perspectives, it is not. After several months as a newbie to the whole lifestyle, one thing is clear - I don't belong on this forum.

I truly meant nothing disrespectful with my comment...that's the trouble with the written word...it's possesses none of the other clues that help convey actual intent.

It was more of a rhetorical question. I fully understand 'why' a couple might reveal parts of their sexual lifestyle to select friends; it would, to me, be humiliating (and therefore stimulating) to have some of my wife's lady friends know how she treats me, but it's a double edged sword. Private kinks are, by their nature, rather sensational to some people....people that might not be able to resist telling others we don't want to know such things. Gossip can be damaging.

Anyway, you belong here just fine, and I'm glad you let me know I phrased something in a manner you found offensive, so I could clarify my statement's meaning.

This is an interesting topic because it shows several things:

1 - Many still feel that sex is something that isn't discussed amongst friends. (I wonder how this differs between countries. Perhaps the USA is a bit more conservative than Europe and Australia?)
2 - Many of the men into chastity think it would be humiliating for someone else to know about this (and some would like to tell someone so they could enjoy feeling humiliated).
3 - Even without thinking of chastity as being humiliating, it is still seen by those who do it as something others are likely to think badly about.

One definition I use for 'kink' is something which turns what is usually a negative into a positive. So back when most people thought that oral sex was disgusting then oral sex was kinky, but now it is just vanilla. Getting spanked is usually a negative, but of course some enjoy this practice.

I think the man being locked up in a chastity device is kinky as most people would see this as a negative.

But there are some sexual techniques that are very different from vanilla that are not thought of as negative. For example, Tantric Sex is different and strange but not negative. Perhaps going to a nudist resort is something else that many would now think of as different and adventurous but not a negative.

Of course those who think sex is a private matter will keep quiet, but those more open about talking with friends would not see it as being difficult to share with their friends that they did tantra or went to a nudist resort.

I practice Devotional Sex which like chastity has the man ejaculate far less often than usual and he obeys the sexual and sensual requests of his Princess. With my first Princess we ended up telling all our friends about this practice. I think one reason this was much easier to do than with chastity is that Devotional Sex doesn't have any humiliation involved when telling people. It's more like sharing the joy of a tantric practice.

I can only remember one bad reaction when telling friends. Most were interested and wanted to know a bit more about it.

And we had good rules for being able to tell people. I had said that it was to be kept secret from family and work colleagues, but anyone else could be told. And I wouldn't tell anyone about it unless my Princess allowed.

RegularJoe wrote: I truly meant nothing disrespectful with my comment...that's the trouble with the written word...it's possesses none of the other clues that help convey actual intent.

Unfortunately, as I have recently discovered, occasionally one encounters a person who insists on being 'offended' no matter how carefully one composes the writing using all of the punctuational and grammatical methods available. It occurs to me that this same behavior happens with face-to-face communication as well- there are some who will jump at any chance to perceive a slight where none was intended, resulting in wars, feuds and divorces. I am well educated in the use of the English language and typically find it much easier to convey my intent through writing than verbally, and if my intent is to offend then such is [usually] clear to all. Arguing [that one did not mean to offend] with people who choose to see insult where none was intended is often fruitless and frustrating, and can even make matters worse. I see little to be done except to discontinue communication and let them enjoy their [perceived] persecution.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand...

Devotional Sex wrote: One definition I use for 'kink' is something which turns what is usually a negative into a positive. So back when most people thought that oral sex was disgusting then oral sex was kinky, but now it is just vanilla. Getting spanked is usually a negative, but of course some enjoy this practice.

I think that much eroticism occurs precisely because something is perceived as 'bad' or 'taboo'- that which is hidden becomes exciting. For one example, in the US there is much attention paid to the female breasts, they are highly eroticized and there is much ado about how much of them are shown in public- a "wardrobe malfunction" is scandalous and breastfeeding in public invites contentious discussion.

And yet, there have historically been, particularly in some equatorial/tropical environments, societies where it was commonplace for the women to go about bare-chested just as the men did. Did this constant mammarial display turn the male population into gibbering, drooling sex-maniacs? Of course not- because it was commonplace and de-eroticized.

I think we enjoy our 'kink' because it *is* [viewed as] 'abnormal' and 'humiliating'. If it were to become commonplace, standard practice for men to have their wobbly bits locked up and controlled by women it would become de-sexualized and no longer 'fun' and 'exciting'.

One definition I use for 'kink' is something which turns what is usually a negative into a positive. ...

I think the man being locked up in a chastity device is kinky as most people would see this as a negative.

But there are some sexual techniques that are very different from vanilla that are not thought of as negative. For example, Tantric Sex is different and strange but not negative.

Wearing a chastity device - a device that is *locked on* - can easily be seen as a submissive act, which is inherently humiliating for men in our culture. Intentionally withholding one's orgasm for the purpose of future sexual enjoyment, while being seen as odd, does not carry that kind of stigma.