Reluctant Wife

[go where i am told]

I know this has probably been covered many time before, my wife is still not into this and I'm looking for ways to help her/me.

We started playing with this last September on and off, and so far she has agreed to hide the keys from me. I think for her she has the typical response....why? I think she may be uncomfortable with the extra help and attention she gets (yes, I am aware we can be anoying so I do give her space). But I know she like the back/neck rubs and going to sleep spooning and just cuddling that doesn't always lead to sex.

What can I do to help explain, its hard to put it into words.

Thanks

[TheToy]

It took my wife a few years really to start enjoying keeping me locked, although she has never insisted I do house work to earn release.
Perhaps you should just carry on taking it slowly allow her time to get use to the hole concept.

[locked4her55]

http://www.amazon.com/Male-Chastity-A-G ... stity+book

I purchased this book for my wife to read when we started this adventure.

She said it really helped her understand.

[Jedi]

I highly recommend the book by Sarah Jameson "Be Careful What You Ask For..." and her blog at http://www.malechastityblog.com/. In one of my first posts on this forum, I discussed how things progressed in my relationship with my wife. It can be found here: http://www.chastityforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=6995. Most importantly, be open and honest about everything!

[go where i am told]

Thanks for the advise.

I guess for me, the feelings are typical for a guy. We get on board with something, and expect the rest of the world to just jump right in.

Sounds like patience and honesty are the key.

[locked4her55]

Sounds like patience and honesty are the key.

Let me add: Patience, Honesty and Communication are the best way to convince her to hold your key.

[Breed36]

You really don't need a book from any "expert" because there are no experts on your relationship except you and your wife.

A discussion withher about why you seek this is the first step. At that point she can decide to be a part of it or not.

Most of the KHs for the people on this forum (my own included) have had or continue to have some sort of reluctance about chastity. That's fine. It takes time to change perceptions. You don't have to be locked 24/7 for the rest of your life starting from day one. You can work up to whatever level you both feel comfortable with.

Just talk to her and explain your wants and desires. Women have an amazing ability to feel empathy for us if you just give them a chance.

[wonderingwife]

Breed 36 wrote

You really don't need a book from any "expert" because there are no experts on your relationship except you and your wife.

That’s the first thought that went thru my mind when I read the links/books being suggested. When my husband was trying to persuade me to be his key holder, the links and book suggestions he sent me aggravated me, they didn’t help his cause. He was so worried about getting me to see things his way he wasn't hearing what I was saying and the fact he wanted to use others words to talk me into it had me ready to shove the devices where the sun doesn't shine.

Have you asked her if she is uncomfortable with something? That would be a good place to start. Instead of trying to figure out how to explain to her what you want let her explain how she feels about the idea and open the door to a conversation between the two of you instead of you sort of* hogging the floor to make sure she hears you, you need to worry more about hearing her then getting her to hear you. Once you know why she feels the way she does then you have an idea of how to make adjustments to what you want so what you want works for her and makes her more comfortable with the idea of using chastity in your relationship.

The books and links may help her AFTER she knows you are hearing her out and knows she isn't being possibly pushed into something she doesn't understand or want. She may have some misgivings but is afraid of disappointing you if she is honest but if she isn’t allowed to speak freely sooner or later she could get to the point she resents the idea.

* hogging the floor to make sure she hears you.That reads more harsh then it is intended to but couldn't figure out a way to take the snark out of it.

[go where i am told]

Thank you all, plenty of food for thought.

I've thought about buying the books, and, I don't want make this sound bad, but she doesn't read for enjoyment. I mean she is a well educated business owner, but for "reading", she just doesn't. So I would be forcing that on her too.

We have talked about this, but as a guy, I'm probably better at talking than listening. But, what I can gather, she is pretty strong in that when she sees something she wants, she won't stop until she gets it. But in our relationship, we split things when we can, so I don't think she is ready to control that part of it.

And second, she thinks the whole thing is just...... odd.

[wonderingwife]

I don't want make this sound bad, but she doesn't read for enjoyment. I mean she is a well educated business owner, but for "reading", she just doesn't

That doesn’t sound bad at all, in fact it hit home for me. My job requires I do a lot of reading so any time I don’t have to read you can be golly darn sure I won’t LOL! It's going to have to be something reallllllly interesting to get and hold my attention.

And second, she thinks the whole thing is just...... odd.

My own “okay so what’s in this for me and WHY should I even consider it?”

http://chastityforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=46670

It’s a lot to wade thru but the reason I ended up on this site is because my husband brought up the idea to me. I didn’t find it odd but it did throw me for a loop.

There’s some great input from the guys here and it might help you sort out a way to hear her and talk with her, not at her.


The books and links aren’t “bad info” they may not be the best info right now for her. They didn’t appeal to me so I am bit biased but they didn’t appeal to me because the whole concept of chastity doesn’t appeal to me.


This site offers a section for key holders only to discuss being a key holder and get advice and input from other key holders and it might be something to consider letting her know about, after you two have had a good chat and have a clear line of communication established. It is exactly why my husband sent me a link to this site. (And just be forewarned, that came back to bit him on the butt pretty hard )