Rewards and punishments

[Blaeu]

I'm curious what type of "rewards and punishments" are used with other users of MC. I use the terms loosely as I'm aware that the many shades of grey make it hard to use any sort of label. Basically, if my wife were to want to encourage a behavior, she would use a reward to reenforce it, while if she wants to discourage a behavior, she would use a punishment.

We often have brainstorming sessions so we can make sure we are on the same page. In this context, it is important for me to see something as a reward or punishment, not her, as it wouldn't do any good otherwise (example, a butt plug is considered a punishment for me, while it may be a reward for others).

Anyway, I surf the web enough to have a wide variety of ideas at hand, but I also feel that I'm bias even while trying not to be. So, I ask for examples or ideas from other people. My wife and I can then review the list together and avoid my "metal filter."

Thanks.

[Tom Allen]

I don't generally reward or punish my wife; I prefer to talk things over when she gets out of line.

[Blaeu]

I don't generally reward or punish my wife; I prefer to talk things over when she gets out of line.

Talking things out huh... I think I'll put that in the punishment section.

[Sarah]

I don't generally reward or punish my wife; I prefer to talk things over when she gets out of line.

Well said, Mr Tom.

Although to be fair, there's often some confusion about what's really meant by "punishment".

Most men, or so it seems, mean "she gives me more of what I really want", such as longer denial, more teasing, a good arse-caning, etc.

But the point of punishment is to deter unwanted behaviour (the fact our overflowing prisons show it doesn't actually work is another thing entirely). Giving someone more of what they want isn't punishment -- it's reward, and generally it's role-playing, too.

If a keyholder really wanted to punish her man she'd simply hand back the key and tell him to play the game by himself. I guarantee for most men that would be far worse than longer denial, ruined orgasm or even a caning.

But then that leads me back full circle to what Tom said. Because in handing back the key, a keyholder is then depriving herself of the fun of chastity.

Sarah xxx

[locked4her55]

My wife doesn't believe in the "reward or punishment" theme either. As Sarah stated, if she really wanted to "punish" me she would choose not participate and just hand me back the key.

[Blaeu]

Hmm, I'm surprised by the responses I'm getting.

First, although I assumed was assumed, everything my wife and I do together is "for fun" and in no way is forced or against the will of an individual.

Second, a "reward" could be something such as a long kiss, the type you replay in your head as you walk away. A "punishment," is something as simple as a spanking with our paddle. In general, I was just hoping from some brainstorming, but it didn't seem to work out that way.

If people have ideas, I would still love to hear them. If not, I just wanted to attempt to clear up any confusion by my initial post.

[Tom Allen]

If you're talking about erotic punishment, inflicted as a type of role play, you need to be more specific.

But I think that this thread serves as a reminder that despite what you read on the internet, we don't all experience denial the same way.

[Sarah]

But I think that this thread serves as a reminder that despite what you read on the internet, we don't all experience denial the same way.

And if more people grokked that, I wouldn't get so many wankers emailing me with the shit they'd be better posting on Chastity Mansion

Sarah xxx

[TwistedMister]

But the point of punishment is to deter unwanted behaviour (the fact our overflowing prisons show it doesn't actually work is another thing entirely).

Most of our prisons aren't really 'punishment'. The inhabitants get plenty of food, they are warm and dry, and they get lots of recreation, and education on how abuse the system. I worked in a city where they built a new multi-story prison, up near the top was a brightly lit...basketball court. A fucking basketball court! 'Punishment'? Yeah, right.

If cells were 5'x5'x5' stone with no window and solid doors with a slot for food, and once you went in [the cell] you didn't come out until your sentence was up there might be some incentive to not want to go back. As it is now, for many, it's a better life than they had on the outside.

[Sarah]

If cells were 5'x5'x5' stone with no window and solid doors with a slot for food, and once you went in [the cell] you didn't come out until your sentence was up there might be some incentive to not want to go back. As it is now, for many, it's a better life than they had on the outside.

It's a nice fantasy, but it doesn't work as a deterrent, I'm afraid. If it did, there would have been no crime in Tudor England when you could be hanged for theft and burned at the stake for heresy.

In modern times, the death penalty in places like Texas, Florida, and Georgia (just for example) does nothing to lower the murder rate. Either the death penalty is no deterrent or people think they're not going to get caught (in which case it's also no deterrent). In either case it simply doesn't work and far too often ends up with an innocent man being wrongly executed.

Being "tough on crime" is a great soundbite and a vote-winner but it doesn't improve society in the least. If it did, then I think we'd have noticed by now. The most civilised countries in the world are the Scandinavian countries where prisons are modern and humane and there's a big emphasis on rehabilitation and education (not surprisingly, they also have very low levels of religiosity, too).

Moreover, one is sent to prison as punishment, not for punishment, and without rehabilitation and education, that doesn't work well as a deterrent, either (and let's not forget a huge number of people are in prison for victimless crimes like possession of drugs).

As a libertarian, I think the sanest answer is to have prison as an absolute last resort, where you're sent only if you refuse to pay reparations. While you're in there you work for your keep. If you don't, then you either starve or live on the charity of other prisoners. The easy way to get out of prison is to pay your dues to your victim and wipe the slate clean.

It's no benefit to anyone to have the man who steals my car locked away in prison. It doesn't get me my car back, it costs everyone a fortune to keep him there, and it doesn't help him learn the error of his ways.

Obviously there are some people who have to be locked up because they're just to dangerous to the rest of us to have them walking around. But they are a very small minority of criminals.

Sarah xxx