Starting out into chastity

[RegularJoe]

Even my wife, who is nowadays not so vanilla, doesn't think of herself as sexually dominant.....though, in reality she displays every characteristic. She insists that it's just 'teasing' and sex play....despite the fact she spends a fair amount of time perusing BDSM femdom websites, and has accumulated quite a toybox of gear (much of which is BD oriented).

She didn't start out this way, and I learned long ago to not refer to her as a 'domme'. None of it developed 'over-night' and required a great deal of patience on my part.....I would push to fit her totally into the mold of my kinkiness, and it created resistance because she resented the pressure.

When it comes to sexual matters, I think women can be become quite comfortable with the actual specifics of an activity without associating it with a 'sexual genre'. Sending her to 'vetted' websites might well be pretty counter-productive unless she's actually requested your assistance.

Maybe it would help if you just consistently approached this whole thing as 'teasing' sex play that will enhance your intimacy and closeness as a couple, it might help her develop an interest without making her feel like a 'bad girl'. We men are filthy pigs, and we can't expect our ladies to have our perspective on these matters.

Just a thought.

[poor]

Just caught the fact that you are 19 from the 'Hello' thread. However old that feels to you, it's awfully young for this fetish. I can only wish you luck as at that age I couldn't have held back the physical urge & didn't have the maturity to approach my partner with my kink successfully.

[locked4her55]

Another point to make is I have read a couple of times where it has been the man's decision and the female has been a bit sceptical, but once they have got into they have loved it and their dominate side has came out. Does anyone have experience of this happening, because that would be perfect for me!

I think you will find this is how the majority of us here started out.

By the way, I agree with poor. At 19 I couldn't get enough O's much less enter into something that restricted them. Best of luck.

[newtothisuk]

Yeah the age is young I guess but I've settled down quite quick and I'm like 19 going on 90 but that doesnt matter.


With tease aspect I'm telling her it's not the device I'm interested but in her controlling my orgasms. We have spoke about it a bit more but I think it is going to be a while but like mentioned before not say to my gf I want you to be dominating me. Thanks for the help. I just think it's going to take a while.

[finallyhappy]

With my gf, I explained it was to reduce masterbation and to take the pressured feeling off of her. Her response was that she wanted nothing to do with it and don't wear it around her, but feel free to do whatever it was I felt I needed to do.

About a year later and her getting slowly used to things, it tickled me the day she said that even after we got married and were finally under the same roof, that it will always be part of our life.

[BethK]

That is a true point, everyone must be able to do things they like! My gf is vanilla and im trying to get her out of that, I have told her to look on the internet about what it is like doing MC. And from what I have found everyone loves it! So I am just trying to kinda educate her into chastity. Her concerns where that she is not the dominating type and also she doesn't want a submissive/dominating relationship which i agree as I do not just want to be a doormat. I just want her to control my orgasms!

Going to talk to her tomorrow about, browse the internet about peoples views on it, So will just have to see. Thanks for the advice so far!

I'm quite vanilla too. And, I'm a keyholder, and I love MC too. It took quite awhile for my DH to convince me to give it a try. I, like someone else brought up in this thread, had a bad experience combined with a general misconception about the meaning of the word "chastity".

To me, I had the "ordinary" definition of the word chastity as "no sex". The bad experience was, in a previous 12-year marriage, it became sexless as soon as the ink was dry on the marriage license. The phenomenon of sexless marriages, defined as sex less than 10 times per year, is only now beginning to be discussed. Mine was more like 4 times a year for 5 minutes with no foreplay. That put the whole marriage into a bit of an "off" state.... more like a roommate who actively prevents you from having love/romance/eroticism/sex in your life. Let's just say that I was not eager to repeat this when a new husband suggested "chastity" in our marriage!

My husband backed off, and slowly educated me about what he meant by "chastity", which is what is talked about on this site. To say the least, it is not "no sex"! But, your gf may not be getting that. I didn't "get" that for a number of years.

After I had learned that it's only the guy who cannot orgasm unless so directed/allowed/etc - the woman can orgasm as often as she wants to or can, and the chaste guy is much more interested in helping her to get her own pleasure. It is not limited to sexual pleasure, either. I have found that my own husband is much more interested in providing me with pleasure, good times, and general happiness since we've been practicing male chastity.

As for myself, since getting involved with male chastity, let's say I've slid down that slippery slope of kink that is coated in vegetable oil. Not that far. Let's say that my own "vanilla" has changed to "strawberry swirl".

I'd be glad to write to your gf privately, if you or she would like. Just send me a private message on this forum so I can give you an e-mail address at which your gf can write me.

[newtothisuk]

Finallyhappy, what you mentioned is correct with myself, I masturbate more than I should, im not saying im an addict just someone who likes their own touch. And I think would be hard to go say 10 days without doing it out of pure self control. This is where the chastity comes in, I want my gf to be able to say right you are not going to be touching yourself and there is no way you can!

BethK, I think my gf has the same view as you, from what I have heard from here this is what she thinks of chastity.

I want to be a submissive and her to totally dominate me. This comes from looking at the chastity devices on web and reviews were 'my mistress has told me to order one, hopefully she lets me out in a month blah blah blah' But this is not what I want, I do have a submissive side to me but who doesn't. I just want her to control when I can orgasm.

She thinks it will be very uncomfortable. This again comes from a review saying it is like a vice round the penis. I know from research that it is not like that, takes a little to get used to but that is not it.

She thinks that I will hate her telling me what to do. I have to admit that is the case outside the bedroom, but not in the bedroom I find it a turn on!

She also thinks its ''different'' so she is a bit worried of trying stuff that isnt in ann summers basically! We do have a lot of toys, non of them kinky I would say just your usual handcuffs, little butt plug, rabbit, dp cock ring and lubes. She sees this as a huge strange contraption from another planet!


Anyone she has mentioned she wants a stripper pole and said it would be fun to do a routine on it while im, and i quote ''all chained up like you want to be'' This sounded very hot. She is joking about it a little bit now and she did say well we can try it if you want. Also after sex last night I said I should not have an orgasm for say 30days, this is going to be very hard. But she agreed and said I couldn't. So it is not the incontrol she doesn't like, or the denying me as she seems to be okay with it in that sense but its the actually chastity device

[newtothisuk]

Also I have just had a quick thought, I am not circumcised, can you recommend if the CB6000s would be suitable? I have read putting tape on the side vents and hole at the bottom makes it more comfortable.

Any tips on cleaning as I know would be hard not being able to pull back?

[TwistedMister]

Another point to make is I have read a couple of times where it has been the man's decision and the female has been a bit sceptical, but once they have got into they have loved it and their dominate side has came out. Does anyone have experience of this happening, because that would be perfect for me!

Sure. My wife was hesitant at first, but the last bout was her idea and lasted some 20 months. She was really enjoying it and found that there were a number of things about it that turned her on. She liked being able to dictate sexual activity and discovered that slapping my cock and balls makes her wet.

[newtothisuk]

Sure. My wife was hesitant at first, but the last bout was her idea and lasted some 20 months. She was really enjoying it and found that there were a number of things about it that turned her on. She liked being able to dictate sexual activity and discovered that slapping my cock and balls makes her wet.

I would love for it to get like that in my relationship! I just hope we do get to try it and she really enjoys it and the continues