Ruined orgasm

[Celtic Queen]

Atone, try not to let the "schedules" and "targets" etc cloud your view here. This isn't a project with deadlines, quotas and outcomes, it's your love life . Yes, you ejaculated, it does happen and it sounds like you had a lovely, intimate time and you both didn't suffer the post orgasm let down. Why not see it a little more constructively as a win win?

As hub says, this happens to us rather more frequently than we would both like but it isnt a pre agreed "gifted" orgasm. He doesnt enjoy them as he focusing on it not happening and I don't see it is as anything other than "one of those things". We haven't failed in anything here - and neither have you.


The post orgasm grumpy is a really common theme and as with most of MC, it's the opposite of what a couple expects to happen. Received vanilla wisdom expects the man to be whistling happy tunes for the rest of the day, even more in love than he was before but in MC something else is definately going on. When hub and I discuss it, it sounds to me like an almost palpable sense of disappointment and a reversion to a loss of control somehow - almost as if the penis has temporarily won the day. There's some interesting stuff out there on Taoist sexual practices that links a loss of postive energies when the male ejaculates. I'm not sure about that as holding any medical weight but it's a recognition of the mood change all the same in a religion that practices orgasm control.

Hub reckons he doesn't suffer from grumpiness post orgasm but I definately see a change in his behaviour afterwards which manifests in a range of things from apathy to boorishness. Weirdly, ruined orgasms don't seem to have the same impact. I have found that I can intervene to get us back to where we were before with variable results - activities that re enforce submission do seem to help hub but in conclusion - there is a rather sizeable cleft stick here that chaste couples are caught up in. Only a small minority of males want permanent denial but everyone reports how much they enjoy the new behaviours that orgasm denial / control brings.

[justplaying]

I have been curious about "ruined orgasms" from the first time it happened to me about 4 months ago. I have had 3 more ruined orgasms since then. As Atone and CQ'sub mentioned earlier, you almost don't think you had an orgasm, but the physical evidence says differently. I started to read about Tantric sex from the internet and the popular sites have really missed the point completely. But then I read an interesting blog from the KeyHeld site that did a nice brief job explaining the chemistry behind what we all have been talking about and clearly have been experiencing here in this forum.

Here's an excerpt;
"There are a number of different neurotransmitters involved in shaping our moods throughout our life but the three dominant, key ones where sex and orgasm are concerned are dopamine, prolactin and oxytocin. A fourth factor is the concentration of receptors for these neurotransmitters, in particular those for dopamine. Sexual activity and orgasm generate predictable patterns in the levels of each of the three transmitters as well as receptors. Men and women have distinctly different patterns which have evolved over time to deal with the imperatives of species survival - i.e successfully passing on one’s own genes. In particular, gene pool mixing and the care of off-spring so they survive long enough to pass their genes on."

Here's the link to the blog:

http://secretchastityhusband.blogspot.c ... 6dc247480c

I have noticed a very strong trend in this and other chastity blogs, wherein the couple have cycles of intimacy and then some sort of falling out (often with bouts of depression). Okay, so that's life right? But the interesting thing about this phenomenon is that they seem to cycle. And the length of the cycles always seem to be about 8-14 days....which fits the premise of the lymbic system effects near perfectly.

I decided to buy the book mentioned in the article: Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, and I am nearly finished reading it. It is a bit long winded and kooky at times, but the premise of how our primordial brain affects our modern rational thought (and subsequent behavior), makes intuitive sense for me anyway. I would like to read other texts with more scientific supporting evidence, rather then anecdotal, however, this is a good start.

In this forum and others, we talk a lot about how the key holder controls the male orgasm, while the Key holder enjoys as many orgasms as they like. This book suggests that a paired couple needs to be in sync in how they will make love, such that they both control when they orgasm. It appears that both sexes are impacted by the effect of having an orgasm. As such it seems that the real Tantric sex and ancient Eastern religions were emphasizing "bonding" sex, not "procreative orgasmic" sex. I haven't finished the book yet, so I am not sure if there is any practical advice to be had. I suppose I was so hung up on the fantasy of having my KH control my orgasm, I never thought about how her orgasms would affect our relationship. The idea of "bonding sex" being as pleasurable as "orgasmic sex" remains to be seen....but I am going to suggest my KH and I give it a try.

[danj]

Should we treat this as a bump in the road and stick with our original schedule? My body definitely didn't consider this an orgasm, I was making the case for it not counting and we would stick with our Jan 13th release date.

It was /is a strange unanticipated situation to be in. It has left me a little confused and sometimes disappointed. I kind of want to just have a real orgasm sometime soon just to make a clean break.
-A

I think you should try and go that route if she will agree to that. We're all human and will make mistakes, and while you tried not to cum, given the circumstances, it's very easy to see how it happened.

[Tom Allen]

Atone, try not to let the "schedules" and "targets" etc cloud your view here. This isn't a project with deadlines, quotas and outcomes, it's your love life . Yes, you ejaculated, it does happen and it sounds like you had a lovely, intimate time and you both didn't suffer the post orgasm let down. Why not see it a little more constructively as a win win?

Can we remember to post this once a month for the benefit of those people who forgot why they are doing this in the first place?

See, this is one of the reasons why we don't use the dice games, schedules, or any set period; at some point you stop focusing on the intimacy and focus simply on the numbers.

I think I mentioned (it's on my neglected blog someplace) that we once went 8-1/2 months of OD. Then we didnt' play for a long time. When we went back to it, we had a talk, and realized that it was pointless to try to put some kind of time limit on things. I mean, after 8 months, where do you go - a year? Two? Why turn it into a contest each time?

You will make yourself crazy if you try to quantify what counts - or doesn't, and you will make yourself even more insane if you keep soliciting such input from "the chastity community" (even from me) because everybody has a different idea (as they should) of what "counts" because everybody has a different relationship.

Just laugh about it and go have a good time next weekend.

[danj]

Actually, I like what Tom (and Celtic Queen) say.

[Atone]

You will make yourself crazy if you try to quantify what counts - or doesn't, and you will make yourself even more insane if you keep soliciting such input from "the chastity community" (even from me) because everybody has a different idea (as they should) of what "counts" because everybody has a different relationship.

I understand what you are saying, at least to an extent. It's not that I am trying to quantify what counts or doesn't as much as it is trying to figure out just where I am. Due to an unplanned sequence of events I have ended up in this unknown place. Does it matter? No, not really. Does it matter? Yes, absolutely. Same question, two answers that seem exclusive but they are not. I am thankful for all the responses because it is helping me sort everything out.

-A

[Celtic Queen]

Here's the link to the blog:

http://secretchastityhusband.blogspot.c ... 6dc247480c

.

Seriously good article - the thoughtful poster did all that reading that I meant to!!