Disappointed

[velcrofist]

Well, after finally getting "serious" and going for 2.5 weeks locked up (my longest yet) I've got to say reality hasn't turned out to be all that spectacular. From around the 1 week mark I had permanent blue balls and was sick of wearing the damn thing. By release date I was no longer interested in the game or even sex in general and when I finally did get to cum it may as well have been a ruined orgasm. Rather than the "full body" orgasm I was expecting it turned out to be a total non-event, and a follow up wank the morning after wasn't any better.

The increased intimacy I hoped for hasn't happened. As a matter of fact the only difference is before I had orgasms and now I don't, and after a couple of weeks that's not as exciting as it first sounded. It's downright dull in fact, even with T&D a couple of times per week (which I started to dread more than enjoy anyway).

I don't know whether to try going back to a shorter term fantasy type thing or if the fantasy is now ruined by the dreariness of reality. Maybe I should just forget about it for a while...

Has anyone else found chastity hasn't met their expectations?

[Atone]

Has anyone else found chastity hasn't met their expectations?

I'm sorry this has been your experience. It is certainly not unheard of but as you might reasonably expect not too common with most of the members of this site.

I have heard the warning many times that the reality of an activity might not be as exciting as the fantasy is. This obviously applies here as well. I would look at what part of the fantasy really turns you on and see if you can revive that part. It may be possible to play with just being denied for short periods of time but not using a device. If that works out then maybe consider trying to use a device for various lengths of time.

The worst case of blue balls I ever had was many, many years ago and did not involve using a device but just good old fashioned T&D. My wife would bring me close to the edge every day and then stop. By the end of the week I could hardly walk the blue balls were so bad. I didn't have the benefit of the internet so I didn't have any of the techniques I know of now to reduce the effects. I was definitely popping pain killers by the end of the week. My recollection is that the orgasm at the end of that wasn't very good either, I was in too much pain. Took a while to recover from that.

[locked4her55]

velcrofist, I too am sorry that it hasn’t worked out as you would have expected. You might not get a lot of replies since it's working out pretty well for most all of us here. If it didn't (as in your case) they have moved on to other interests.

For me, after almost 3 years it still drives me sexually and my wife/KH would be disappointed if I told her I wanted to stop. She’s not dominating but she does very much enjoy what this has done to our relationship.

[kpb57]

Your expectations may simply have got the better of you. Expecting too much is always a recipe for disappointment.
Just keep taking the smaller steps, and let yourself be surprised when suddenly it works out very well. And don't expect every O to be a monster once one of the monsters came visiting
Regarding intimacy: if you already spent an hour per day (or so) cuddling up and the like, and had never lost the intimacy of your first years, then there is not much to be "brought back". I think that most here had suffered from the "mid-marriage crisis" and MC has helped them get over it.
What did your so feel during your two-and-a-half weeks? If she gained something positive from it, there's a starting point.

-K

[cb6000s]

Has anyone else found chastity hasn't met their expectations?

There are simply too many varibles here. We can't know your expectations or the expectations of your KH. For me real chasity kicks in around day 30, your mileage may vary. At that point KH can send me into pre orgasmic bliss by kissing my tits or massaging my perineum and keep me there for as long as she wants. 3 hours of this beats orgasm any day of the week.

[Atone]

At that point KH can send me into pre orgasmic bliss by kissing my tits or massaging my perineum and keep me there for as long as she wants. 3 hours of this beats orgasm any day of the week.

While not exactly relevant to this thread, this reminds me of an experience I had a couple of years ago. It had been a long time since I had an orgasm and also a long time since I had even been let out for a touch. We were laying on the bed together and I had been out for a while just massaging myself. Usually while I do this she will apply lube from time to time to keep everything moving freely. It had been a while and I was pretty close to the edge so I was just going up and down on the shaft avoiding the head completely. I was really relaxed and had my eyes closed, just enjoying being "right there" if you know what I mean. This is unusual for her but she reached over and using just the tips of her finger nails she lightly touched the tip of my cock all the way around, kind of like if you were going to pick something up with your fingertips. Well, I didn't know she was about to do this and she didn't know I was right on the edge. I screamed something (probably "oh, shit") and we both pulled away immediately. We watched, it seemed like slow motion for me, as my cock throbbed a couple of times and then did its thing. It was probably as close to a perfect ruined orgasm as I will ever have.

[velcrofist]

Thanks people. After pretty much abandoning the idea since my first post I'm just now starting to get a little of the spark back again. Strangely during this time I've had almost no interest in any kind of sex at all which is highly, highly unusual for me.
So it was possibly just a circadian rhythm thing or similar, but I think another problem is just life getting in the way in the in-between periods of play. My high sex drive doesn't seem to allow me to cope very well on those days when no sex happens when I'm aching for it (or any sort of attention), and knowing that my SO mostly has sex for my benefit rather than hers, going without orgasms when we did have sex was a paradox my mind couldn't deal with. (Not that she doesn't enjoy sex. She just doesn't have a particularly strong drive and would happily go without it indefinitely if I wasn't asking for it).

One benefit that has come to light is we both get turned on by the other being turned on. I light up best when she plays the role and she then reacts to my excitement, so on that basis it definitely does enhance our relationship.

All in all I think shorter periods of denial are in order with perhaps occasional forays into longer terms without that necessarily becoming the norm.

[locked4her55]

She just doesn't have a particularly strong drive and would happily go without it indefinitely if I wasn't asking for it)

What a statement. This would make chastity difficult I think for any person. I need an interested and vested KH to make this work for me. My wife embraces this lifestyle because of the place it has brought us to in our relationship. I now do things for her that I have never done before in 22 years, both sexually and in our day to day lives. It's truly a win, win situation for both.