Taking The Long View

[michaelnmelissa]

I'm just thinking out loud here, and maybe it's just me, but maybe some (much) of the frustrations that we sometimes experience with MC come about because we're not looking far enough down the road?

I think everyone on here is in this for the duration, right? So then, why do I find myself wanting it perfect all the time and right now?

If I slow down and think about how far Melissa and I have come in only three months or so it's pretty amazing. Are there things I'd like to do and try? Yes, certainly. Pegging comes to mind. Is she ready for that? Not right now. But, who knows what might be in another three months or six months or even a year or two?

We've had some incredibly hot lovemaking lately. We've also had some dry spells. I'm always reminding myself this is natural. It doesn't mean MC is not working. MC is hot in itself, it's been hot in the past, and it will be hot in the future. So, why stress? Why push? Why argue? Talk? Yes, most definitely. But keep on keeping on even when it's a bit barren.

Anyway, I'm prone to thinking it's not worth it, even momentarily, but I sometimes thought that way before MC too. But it's so much better with MC that I'm looking forward to where this will lead us years down the road.

Does any of this make sense!?

Michael

[celticqueens_sub]

Anyway, I'm prone to thinking it's not worth it, even momentarily, but I sometimes thought that way before MC too. But it's so much better with MC that I'm looking forward to where this will lead us years down the road.

Does any of this make sense!?

Michael

It makes some sense to me. MC in my view is a commitment and changes relationship dynamics in a very deep way. For me it is a commitment that is akin to my marriage vows to CQ. When we first dated, our lives changed, just by the fact we were in each others lives. Then as things progressed our lives and relationship changed again when we married. Each "stage" of our life together and each change is somewhat irrevocable, the birth of our daughter springs to mind

MC is such an event. My periods of orgasm denial leads me to behave in a way that CQ loves, it makes me a better man and husband and I hope a better father as well because we have a very stable relationship dynamic. Our true love for each other is not clouded by 'the old ways' and we live our lives in a different manner.

The fact we also have an FLR marriage and I submit to CQ adds an angle that non D/s couples may not fully understand. This also is a state of affairs I would not change as it too has added a mechanism for us to out issues and problems in a very open way and has allowed us both to become the people we really are.

You talk about trying other things in the future. This is certainly an area that requires great communication. CQ and I have experimented with things I would never have dreamt of without the security of the deep love and true knowledge that we both know how much we love each other. This has completely removed any barriers. I know I can say to CQ that this or that is one of my fantasies and she will not pre judge me and vice versa. The level of communication we have had to develop alongside MC has expanded us both as people. It is unbelievably liberating not to be constrained by the usual fear of being judged by your spouse for articulating your feelings and fantasies. I genuinely cannot see MC and D/s ever ceasing in our marriage.

Rgds

CQs

[Celtic Queen]

One thing I've noticed during my time on the forums is that men come to MC thinking that the most difficult aspect of it is giving up orgasm. My feeling is that in reality, it's actually giving up control that is the greatest obstacle. I think men define themselves by action, forward motion and "doing". MC works when SHE sets the pace and my sense here is that this is where you are struggling. Melissa leads this dance now. You risk topping from the bottom here in your impatience for results.

Settle back and take a deep breath. Then loosen your hands on the reigns - as foreign as that feels. MC takes a long time and patience to get right. You have made huge strides so far and you should be proud of your progress. Don't cock it all up now (Brit pun intended).

[Tom Allen]

One thing I've noticed during my time on the forums is that men come to MC thinking that the most difficult aspect of it is giving up orgasm. My feeling is that in reality, it's actually giving up control that is the greatest obstacle. I think men define themselves by action, forward motion and "doing". MC works when SHE sets the pace and my sense here is that this is where you are struggling. ..

*like*

[prthomas]

After 16 years of being the dominant partner in our marriage, it certainly took me more than a couple of months to really relinquish control. I wanted to do it, but my old habits were providing resistance. While we are not into long term orgasm denial, we are totally into orgasm control. For her, it has been one of the best mental turn-ons we've ever come up with.

We tried other ideas we've heard and read about in MC forums (contracts, wife-led, etc.) and have decided that orgasm control - MY orgasm control - is what she genuinely desires. We talk about it whenever there's a need to. We keep an open mind to each other's needs/desires. That is what has dramatically improved an already great marriage between us.

Keep on, keepin' on!