How to make husband realize that chastity is not just sex?

[wanchine]

Sometime ago, my husband expressed multiple times interest in being put into chastity.

In a few days, I am planning on surprising him about it. However, I know that no matter how much in the past he had said he wanted it, I need him to realize that it is not just about the sex/role playing. Rather that if he are going to be doing this, it will have to be done right. Which means him taking care of my needs, etc...

He is a very alpha male, so it will take work to "break" him. Any suggestions how to from the beginning show him the way things are going to be? I need tips, because I am not dominating by nature.

Thank you. Any tips for the first week (which will probably be the hardest)?

[Anomaly]

The first week will, typically, be pretty uncomfortable both in terms of emotions and the discomfort from getting use to a device. For that week he will probably need breaks off and on and shouldn't be forced to wear it if there is bad chafing or another health concern. Once it's comfortable, you need to step up. You need to lay down the law and be firm with the rules. He needs to be a bit more submissive to you. It has to be both in and out of the bedroom. It's a completely different lifestyle change, and it's hard. Laying everything out on the table and follow through with punishments right off the battwill give you a great foundation. Us guys are like dogs, we want and need to please you, but we need to be told how. It will take time and patience on both parts.

Denial also completely SUCKS the first week but after that I guarantee that he will be more caring and pleasing and attentive to your needs, but if you give in he will be back at square one.

[poor]

I can't tell you what will work for you but I can tell you what works for us. Our rules are mine to follow and hers to ignore if she wishes but here they are:

1) I am not allowed to touch the penis when it is erect.
2) I only cum when directed to by Chatelaine.
3) I will always lock up ASAP when ordered.
4) I am not to initiate sex when locked. (+28 day penalty)
5) There is no minimum or maximum periods of chastity or release.
6) Chastity is not foreplay; release does not presume an orgasm will be authorised.
7) I am to report if I find the key and may not pick it up. (+28 day penalty)
8) Any sexual/kink request will not be considered during the current cycle. (I f**king hate this one!)
9) I will immediately allow examination of any item Chatelaine deems necessary.
10) Any kind of orgasm will be immediately & truthfully reported to Chatelaine.
11) I am not permitted to count the days since the last orgasm.
12) I may neither ask to be locked or released but may report discomfort for examination.

In action, it's a well constructed trap that leaves me waiting for her to give me an orgasm but doesn't allow me to provoke it in any fashion. It works so the more I push the less I get. It has been so effective for us that I have ended up grateful just to be allowed to enjoy unfettered erections.

The trick is whatever you decide (and however you get him to agree) be resolute when it comes to following those rules, otherwise neither of you will know where you stand.

[poor]

Entirely coinicidentally I read this: http://kinkinexile.wordpress.com/2012/1 ... d-debrief/ which I think pretty much describes Chatelaine's approach to TTWD and gloriously affirms that chastity IS sex.

(Might even be worthy of it's own thread in the KH section.)

[Tom Allen]

It's funny to see how things work for some people, but not others. For example:

1) I am not allowed to touch the penis when it is erect.
2) I only cum when directed to by Chatelaine.
3) I will always lock up ASAP when ordered.
4) I am not to initiate sex when locked. (+28 day penalty)
5) There is no minimum or maximum periods of chastity or release.
6) Chastity is not foreplay; release does not presume an orgasm will be authorised.
7) I am to report if I find the key and may not pick it up. (+28 day penalty)
8) Any sexual/kink request will not be considered during the current cycle. (I f**king hate this one!)
9) I will immediately allow examination of any item Chatelaine deems necessary.
10) Any kind of orgasm will be immediately & truthfully reported to Chatelaine.
11) I am not permitted to count the days since the last orgasm.
12) I may neither ask to be locked or released but may report discomfort for examination.

This is pretty different form how we play this. When I'm locked up, I pretty much stay locked. I'm allowed - even encouraged - to initiate sex, but she doesn't let me out for it. Sometimes she requests that I wear my strapon to bed every night, so she can decide if she's up for it, but during the day or evening, I can certainly come on to her as much as I want. This plays into what makes chastity work for *her*, which is having an aroused husband, but complete control over saying yes or no.

[TwistedMister]

Sometime ago, my husband expressed multiple times interest in being put into chastity.

In a few days, I am planning on surprising him about it. However, I know that no matter how much in the past he had said he wanted it, I need him to realize that it is not just about the sex/role playing. Rather that if he are going to be doing this, it will have to be done right. Which means him taking care of my needs, etc...

He is a very alpha male, so it will take work to "break" him. Any suggestions how to from the beginning show him the way things are going to be? I need tips, because I am not dominating by nature.

Thank you. Any tips for the first week (which will probably be the hardest)?

Are you sure that 'breaking' him is what you really want to do?

Personally, I'm more of a fan of starting off easy, then gradually adding requirements. "Breaking" implies a psychological condition that may not be desirable.

[J&M]

I too was very Alpha. We have been practicing MC since May and in our case Ms. M has established a set of rules relating to her needs being met. These are both sexual and domestic in nature. I have a list of chores that must be completed on a weekly basis broken down by the day. If I do not complete my assignments then she issues demerits and these have to be worked off. My last release was three weeks ago and Ms. M informed me then that I would not be allowed another release until Nov.18 at the earliest.

[Barons]

Everyone has to find a style of play that they enjoy but for me chastity is all about the sex... or in teasing to be more specific. Chastity helps me want to do more things to connect emotionally with my wife and in turn helps us be more romantic and have more frequent intimate moments.

In exchange for this I expect my wife to keep me aroused as much as possible. Also some people have much less trouble finding a balance that works well from them that others. I know many couples that practice chastity and some had no trouble at all finding their grove. My wife and I have been playing with chastity for a while and it's still a work in progress for us but the important thing is that both of you are enjoying the game.

It's give an take. You may read things online about how he will be doing everything around the house and rubbing your feet every day but keep in mind you have to do things to keep him horny. For example if you want a foot rub put one foot on his cage while you're sitting on the couch together and rub his cage. Point the other at him and boom instant foot massage for as long as you want. When your left foot has been massaged enough swap it out with the other and continue teasing his cage.

He'll be begging you to massage your feet every day if you make it worth his while. IMO guys are simple, keep him horny - keep him happy.

Just be sexual constantly and he will love it and in turn do things that make you love it as well.

[poor]

Just be sexual constantly and he will love it and in turn do things that make you love it as well.

Did you miss the hint in the thread title?

[Barons]

Just be sexual constantly and he will love it and in turn do things that make you love it as well.

Did you miss the hint in the thread title?

Maybe, I didn't read through all the replies but my understanding was that the OP was expecting her man to be less sexual once they started chastity play which is the opposite of what is actually going to happen. Chastity is about becoming more intimate and sexually active not less. If she wants her needs met she needs to be prepared to meet his. Since she was under delusion that chastity isn't just about sex to her husband, I was trying to give her help.

I really don't know what's she's talking about I wouldn't buy my wife a vibrator if I wanted her to be less sexual. So yea there is a good chance I missed the hint.