Most useless sex toy your wife has ever acquired?

[RegularJoe]

Excluding husbands, of course.

[Blaeu]

Hey, I am by far her BEST sex toy. She even pets me and says "good toy" after a job well done.

We have this vibrating cock ring that is useful for us. It doesn't hit her spots at all and she cannot even tell my cock is vibrating. However, I can, and my goal is to NOT cum quickly... so, this doesn't help. Tried putting it on my tongue, failed (doesn't stay on). Tried putting it on another dildo as I could control the location, then it finally worked. However, she said it sucked. Ugh.

[Belle]

We used to review sex toys. I have a box of useless ones, to many to list. Most were vibrators, and one cock sheath comes to mind.

[locked4her55]

Some of the more traditional vibes didn't do a thing. I finally broke down and purchased the renowned Hitachi. For her it's lived up to the hype.

[Belle]

Some of the more traditional vibes didn't do a thing. I finally broke down and purchased the renowned Hitachi. For her it's lived up to the hype.

The Hitachi in our house belongs to Jnuts. Works great for ruined orgasms!

[locked4her55]

Some of the more traditional vibes didn't do a thing. I finally broke down and purchased the renowned Hitachi. For her it's lived up to the hype.

Works great for ruined orgasms!

I hope you're administrating.

[RegularJoe]

Some of the more traditional vibes didn't do a thing. I finally broke down and purchased the renowned Hitachi. For her it's lived up to the hype.

The Hitachi in our house belongs to Jnuts. Works great for ruined orgasms!

My wife has quite a collection of Lelo vibrating toys that she really enjoys (so do I, because it's my job to keep them lubed with my saliva while she pleasures herself....as well as lick them clean of her juices when she's done). She doesn't care for the old Hitachi...heavy, corded, only two settings (she says both settings feel like a chainsaw on her clit)....but she really likes the new Lelo rechargeable version of the Hitachi ...many settings, holds an incredible charge, and has a intensity memory....it stops when she pulls it off her pussy...and it automatically goes back to the same setting when she starts again.

The most useless sex toys she's purchased are a large collection of nipple clamps...useless for her, that is, because she's taken to clamping them on my nipples. She says that way she knows I'm in a bit of pain while she enjoys my oral services, and doesn't have manually torment me (she says it distracts from focusing on her pleasure....which is what our entire sexual life is supposed to be about).

[Harry Haversackers]

We've got a box full of useless, expensive toys... It's too bad there isn't an erotic alternative to Goodwill to give them to..

The Hitachi Magic Wand is great for ruined orgasms for me, or for loosening sore muscles, but CH finds that its jackhammer effect does little but numb her delicate parts. She certainly can't orgasm with it. For that chore, she has a cheap, slim, hard plastic vibe that gets her off every time. Her Wi-vibe comes in at second place. The G-spot vibes are useless, unless she feels like working one of them up my behind to massage my prostate.

The very best toys were the least expensive... Twenty feet of soft rope to truss me up with so she can tease me, a very stingy little paddle cut from a scrap of laminated flooring, and a not too painful strap made from a couple of pieces of an old belt, glued together to make a nice noisy slapper.

Which is the most useless? I'd have to say it's the multi-program, multi-button, battery eating, very expensive Japanese (that was the description, not necessarily the place of manufacture) G-spot vibrator. It doesn't even do much for me, it's too short to effectively buzz my p-spot.

[fuzzydunlop]

Everyone is different I guess. The Hitachi is absolutely the gold standard for my wife and she much prefers external stimulation to anything insertable so far as toys go. Most other vibrators will do nothing for her. I did buy a dildo or two over the years that were wasted. Recently she has started to enjoy a very high quality dildo when the mood is right. But she would never do without the Hitachi.

[RegularJoe]

Everyone is different I guess. The Hitachi is absolutely the gold standard for my wife and she much prefers external stimulation to anything insertable so far as toys go. Most other vibrators will do nothing for her. I did buy a dildo or two over the years that were wasted. Recently she has started to enjoy a very high quality dildo when the mood is right. But she would never do without the Hitachi.

The Hitachi is indeed considered the 'gold standard' of vibrators...my wife can orgasm with it...but finds it extremely rough....even on the low setting. She prefers my tongue (or at least tells me that, anyway) and uses her many toys for her pleasure while denying me even the satisfaction of tasting and smelling her pussy. Being allowed to only orally cleanup her devices after she's orgasmed provides additional humiliation...increasingly, I only get to orally service her when she's got a cuntload of cum that needs cleanup.