A Feeling I Never Expected

[michaelnmelissa]

I never thought I would feel indifferent to my chastity device.

We had a hot night last Friday and a fun afternoon on Tuesday, but now I'm at a low ebb in my sexual desire. I have almost zero interest in any kind of intimacy or playing right now. Everything between my wife and I is okay, so this is strange for me.

I've even wondered why I'm wearing the device if I feel this way right now. I haven't asked to take off the device because (1) it's what we do in our marriage (2) Melissa would be upset and worry that I've changed my mind (3) I'm hopeful the desire comes back and (4) it's comfortable enough that leaving it on is no big deal. But I know if it was off I wouldn't miss it (at least right now).

There's even been a moment or two where I became irritated with Melissa about something and the first thought I had was "okay, take it off!" But I didn't say it and the feeling passed.

I always knew the initial excitement of being locked up would pass and the reality of day to day chastity would take over. I never thought it would feel like this though.

Michael

[Tom Allen]

I always knew the initial excitement of being locked up would pass and the reality of day to day chastity would take over. I never thought it would feel like this though.

A Zen student went to his teacher and complained about his meditations.

"I can't focus, nothing makes sense anymore, and I'm all confused."

"It will pass," assured the teacher.

A week later, the student came by, all excited.

"My mind is clear, I understand everything, and my studies are going well," he exclaimed.

"It will pass," replied his teacher.

[Locked by LRC]

I would think you are comfortable with chastity. Think about it the other way. Before chastity were you always 100% of the time thinking about intimacy or playing? When you were at this point did you think that all the penis was good for was peeing so why don’t I just get rid of it? If it was off you wouldn’t miss it (at least right then).

[Harry Haversackers]

There is an ebb and flow to our emotions and desires, governed by the moon/hormones/biorhythms/who-the-hell-knows-what (sort of what Tom said). I wonder if, for you, it's amplified by having the device on?
Harry

[celticqueens_sub]

I always knew the initial excitement of being locked up would pass and the reality of day to day chastity would take over. I never thought it would feel like this though.

Michael

We have had times like that too. Not knowing specifics of your relationship it is hard to really advise.... Tom's post is probably as good as any but only if you are committed to the long term benefits. We use MC manily as a statement of CQ's authority and to ensure orgasm control (all the good benefits that stem from these is a bonus in behavioural terms), the main aim is the control aspect. There are often times when I am out of the device for days on end, but my submission (perhaps devotion is a better word) to CQ remains unchanged. The excitement is still very real even after more than a year has gone past since we introduced MC into our lives. I am 100% sure we will never go back to the way we were before, there will almost certainly be ups and downs and sometimes I wish I could cum whenever I wanted, but the massive benefits and huge increase in our stability just so out weighs my need to cum when I sit and think about it for a few minutes.

I hope this is a little bump in the road and that you are back up and running asap!

[Tom Allen]

I'm not on my phone, so I can type a longer reply.

You probably realize that you have a chastity/OD kink, and that over the long run you probably would prefer to be "forced" to remain locked up; that is, feeling compelled to wear a device feeds into a script that's playing in your head.

Unfortunately, our short-term vision, day-to-day realities, and other relationship considerations get in the way of the long-term. That's okay - the real reality is that you don't actually have to wear a device, and you can certainly negotiate the terms. And it's perfectly okay if you do.

But later on, if you go back to that script in your head, you might find that you then appreciate those times when you stuck to the script, and compelled yourself to continue in the device.

Personally, I can tell you that I've been there - either wanted it off, or have been very ambivalent about wearing it. But as in the Zen story, those feelings come and go. Wearing the device ramps up your horny meter, and unless you're 22, you can't stay revved up all the time.

And again, talking about it with your partner helps.

[steph17]

Everyone gets a little p----- off wearing a chastity belt/device at some stage and more so when there is little attention from your k/h as you tend to start to think why the heck am I doing this.
The person wearing the belt/device is always very aware of his situation but the k/h will from time to time forget all about it, EG-we can be out for a meal or shopping and there is no talk or thought of chastity, But as I am the one wearing the thing I generally never forget about it and you just have to accept that.
I myself think why a heck of an amount of time but end up realising that the good times out weigh the bad.

[michaelnmelissa]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

Talking about it with Melissa definitely helped yesterday. (I am in a much better place mentally this morning). What we did was trace my line of thinking and I realized what was really troubling me is my frustrations with things I cannot (immediately) change or have little control over, especially my career. And this will sound juvenile, but what I used to do when frustrated like this, and Melissa was not in the mood, was to masturbate. Obviously, with the device on that was not an option. But that is an easy fix, unlike my work. So what I did was tell her how I was ambivalent about it and maybe it wasn't going so well for me.

Thankfully, she wasn't having any of that. She knows my moods too well. And just last week I told her how happy I was. So we talked. And that alone helped much. And then, seeing I needed to be intimate, she took me out and gave me an amazing tease and denial session while she verbally reaffirmed her authority and our contract to me. She then left me free and slept naked next to me and did not allow me to touch her. It fixed a lot.

Michael

[Tom Allen]

The person wearing the belt/device is always very aware of his situation but the k/h will from time to time forget all about it, EG-we can be out for a meal or shopping and there is no talk or thought of chastity, But as I am the one wearing the thing I generally never forget about it and you just have to accept that.

And this is something for the keyholders to keep in mind on those days when your partner is either too grabby, or too sullen. Your day-to-day lives haven't changed in any appreciable way, but ours have, and even we veterans have off-periods.

[Celtic Queen]

Ahh, reality bites.

Yes, as my hub says, we've been through the disappointment curves too and I imagine it's just a normal state of affairs for any joint adventure that starts with such excitement and anticipation.

Look at it from Melissa's side too though. You start with all this enthusiasm and excellent behaviour and that gets her enthused in turn and then youre both riding on the curve of this fabulous discovery which you should have done years ago.

And then, real life gets in the way. Your mood is gradually not elevated by chastity and your service to Melissa starts to tail off. She has done exactly the right thing in kicking you up the backside. At the risk of sounding harsh, it is good that she took control again. Many couples slide back to where they started as it seems like too much effort to maintain something that is rather cyclical in nature. It's absolutely about communicating and working as a team - I believe that the power balance stuff is rather illusionary here. Mind you, when you both feel the slump at the same time, that's kinda hard to crack out of