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Re: She Won't Go Back

Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 8:33 pm
by likes2blocked
It could take a while. We played off and on for literally years before my wife just completely got into it. The good news is that now she has, so it was worth it.

Re: She Won't Go Back

Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 8:36 pm
by poinciana

Same here!

Be patient, it will be worth it.

Re: She Won't Go Back

Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 8:52 pm
by likes2blocked
The other bit of advice is that the only way that she'll figure out how to do what she wants is for you to quit running things. This implies a good bit of discussion to let her know that's what you're doing, and the hard part is that you need to do it.

Re: She Won't Go Back

Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:18 pm
by poinciana

When we started to do this for real, 24/7, my wife said OK, hung up the key, and left me alone for MONTHS! I thought I was clever, by using her pregnancy - I knew she wouldn't feel like sex with morning sickness - I thought she would get used to the idea of having me under control. Turned out that she wasn't even remotely thinking about sex, or me. So there I was. Locked and getting nothing. Zip. Nada. I almost completely lost interest in sex, too, but I was determined to show her that I could go for as long as she wished without complaint, so I said nothing.

In the end it turned out that she was pretty impressed with me not complaining about not having sex, because she knows how I can't ever get enough (of course, that now also means can't get enough of not getting enough!). But she only told me that much, much later. I had no idea that that's what she was thinking at the time; I was too busy on my own little chastity fantasy trip. The change was easy for me to make.

Between pregnancies, she was still not completely in control. Still needed prompting, but the dynamic between us had definitely shifted, but I felt I was still topping from the bottom. We talked about it, and she agreed that I was, but that she thought that was OK. I'm glad we talked about it, because she was afraid of taking control; she didn't think it was really what I would like, and wasn't sure she would like it, either.

She's come to like it. A lot. But it has taken us years.

This pregnancy, I knew what to expect. So did she, and she has no sympathy for me whatsoever. We are using the time of inactivity wisely, that's why I had my PA piercing done.

But the reason I'm boring you with all these details is because it takes time for two people to make major changes to their lives and get used to it. And it's not as if it's mainstream - so it's a change that's done in almost complete isolation (notwithstanding this website) - can't really talk about it with the women at playgroup, right?

Give her time, but talk about it, soon.

Re: She Won't Go Back

Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 10:12 pm
by Belle
Best advice I can offer is Talk, Talk, Talk.

I have issues taking control, and Jnuts at times needs to give me nudge in the direction of what he needs. He considers this topping from the bottom, I don't. He is not my slave/sub and I want and need his feedback, guidance. I know you said you were up with a teething child, so you have young ones at home. My experience is that I become so focused on their needs that I tend to ignore Jnuts and myself. It is not done on purpose, and I need him to pull me back.

Re: She Won't Go Back

Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 11:15 pm
by cb6000s
What poinciana said. And just how many pregnancies has she had? It sounds like you are trying to make a baseball team.

Re: She Won't Go Back

Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 11:29 pm
by poinciana

Where I'm from, that would be a rugby team! But it's only two so far: batter and pitcher, right?


Re: She Won't Go Back

Posted: Wed Dec 22, 2010 1:26 am
by Shane67
Thanks for the thoughtful comments, everyone. I really do need to be patient. I'm definitely my own worse enemy. Think too much.

Michael -- I'm sorry I hijacked your thread!

Re: She Won't Go Back

Posted: Wed Dec 22, 2010 8:23 am
by Dev
I certainly don't think it's a thread hijack! I think there are some great suggestions here.

As everyone knows, I am a big proponent of daily conversations. Now that our daughter is home from college we are finding our chastity chat is a little bit curtailed, but we manage something in the quiet moments when she is not in the room.

One change that I think is occurring, but I haven't asked--I don't think he's taking his WM off for his daily shower/nap break. Not sure but I have a feeling that the nuisance of unscrewing, cleaning, lubing up to put back on began to outweigh the benefit of having a break. Maybe that means he's getting to the point of preferring to be in his device rather than out? A girl can dream...


Re: She Won't Go Back

Posted: Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:16 am
by michaelnmelissa
I don't consider it hijacked. You never know what trails a conversation may take you down.

The truth is, I have been struggling with many of the same thoughts and feelings. Since my main reason to do MC was to no longer argue about sex though I've had to be careful about saying anything for fear it would become and argument. We do talk about MC, but if the time is not right the talking could devolve into fighting, so I have to be careful.

Another thought was that I was being unfair in thinking those thoughts and having those feelings. After all, she did allow me two orgasms just nine days ago. One fast one to relieve the pressure and another one later because Melissa loves to feel us orgasm together. And then on Thursday there was much teasing and denial. So, really, what do I have to complain about MC wise?

I think she could see I was quieter than usual and so she allowed me to watch her this morning as she applied her make-up in the nude. She even let me lotion her legs. So, that was nice!

I am also encouraged by the comments of those who have been doing this for years. That's my thinking too - be patient.

Dev - good to hear for you. Hope it's true.