Teasing Or No Teasing?

Living the real life under lock and key
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Atone
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Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by Atone » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:02 pm

Dev wrote:I think lots of A/A is required--daily, if not multiple times a day.
I have to disagree with this. I rather like that I have for the most part settled in on this just being the way it is. Yes, I do like the reminders but certainly not multiple times a day. That sounds like it would be a lot of work.

Maybe I am just getting the attention I need from all of the implicit reminders. That and the fact that my wife and I talk all the time, probably a couple of hours a day.

Ok, I'm starting to come around to your thinking (only took two paragraphs). I do need a lot of attention I just get it from our ordinary daily conversations. It is nothing too explicit, rather just part of our life. I like that, life is good.

-A
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Celtic Queen wrote: Some stuff works for some people, other stuff doesn't and you just have to adapt the lifestyle to what works for you both.

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Dev
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Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by Dev » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:10 pm

Clearly that talking you are doing is the A/A activity you need. Not sure what your work/home life situation is, the fact that you have several hours a day to talk and are not separated all day (and thus incommunicado) makes it different than what lots of folks are dealing with.

I hope that makes sense. Ab just put classic Dave Brubeck on and I am having a swooning moment. LOL. Doesn't take much...

D
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Atone
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Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by Atone » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:48 pm

Dev wrote: Not sure what your work/home life situation is, the fact that you have several hours a day to talk and are not separated all day (and thus incommunicado) makes it different than what lots of folks are dealing with.
I am gone most of the day but we make it a priority to spend about an hour together in the morning having coffee and discussing whatever might be on our minds. Then we usually spend an hour or more in the evening doing the same. It is definitely a cherished (and vigorously protected) part of my day.

-A
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Celtic Queen wrote: Some stuff works for some people, other stuff doesn't and you just have to adapt the lifestyle to what works for you both.

Belle
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Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by Belle » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:53 pm

Atone wrote: I am gone most of the day but we make it a priority to spend about an hour together in the morning having coffee and discussing whatever might be on our minds. Then we usually spend an hour or more in the evening doing the same. It is definitely a cherished (and vigorously protected) part of my day.

-A
I wish we could get to that point. Due to his schedule and the kids, most of our communication is cyber throughout the day. Sounds like a wonderful basis for a relationship.
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Atone
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Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by Atone » Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:16 pm

Belle wrote:Sounds like a wonderful basis for a relationship.
It is, and not just for the relationship with my wife.

I get up with the younger boys (Kindergarten and 2nd grade), fix them breakfast, make lunches for me, the 2nd grader and my oldest son (he is in high school), make sure they get dressed (mom usually helps the 5yo), and then take them to the bus stop. I spend this time talking to them and interacting with them, it is great. I get to be their caregiver. I never had that with my older kids.

I then have about an hour to spend with my wife. We usually spend that time talking about what might be going on that day. Sometimes one of us has something we really need to do but usually it is pretty laid back.

After that I get a quick shower and then drop my oldest son off at school on my way to the office. It is only about a 10 minute ride but for him this is actually a very long time time to spend talking. It doesn't make up for lost time when he was young (I worked too much) but it is making a difference.

Up to this point it sounds kind of rosey doesn't it? Unfortunately I don't spend much time talking with my oldest child. My wife says we are too much alike so we butt heads a lot. She is away at college most of the time now and that doesn't help. This is a relationship that could use some reconciliation. For those of you that believe in the power of prayer feel free to say one for healing in our relationship.

-A
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Celtic Queen wrote: Some stuff works for some people, other stuff doesn't and you just have to adapt the lifestyle to what works for you both.

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jnuts
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Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by jnuts » Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:41 pm

Yeah, very glad I at least have a job where keeping in touch with Belle throughout the day is possible.
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Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by LAKH » Thu Dec 16, 2010 8:56 am

Celtic Queen wrote: LAKH - few points -

Why do you feel guilty? Is that a residue of the old "prick tease" accusations lingering on in your head? If so, dump them, this is a WHOLE new ball game. His discomfort is all part of the game - it shows that he is responding to your teasing. Worry when he is NOT in discomfort :-)
I know this involves unlearning a whole lot of expectations and behaviours and thats why people find MC such a life changing experience.

You are unsure if you are getting it right or wrong- that's a clear indication that you need to have a detailed exchange of views about this. I'm sorry, I cant recall your background into this but if he introduced MC and you are giving him what he wants, then he needs to pull his big boy pants on and accept that he has handed control over. If this continues to be a problem, simply step back and hand the keys back. Don't forget, there are a lot of men out there who are desperate for their wives to take the keys. Your hub is one of the very lucky ones.

It does sound like you need to be communicating more about what is happening to you both. Don't underestimate the changes you are both going through as you find your way. I'd also advise against reading advice too perscriptively - it is what works for you both. My hub isnt locked 247 as I release him every evening otherwise we both get a broken nights sleep if I dont. I often take the unlocking as an opportunity to pay him a little attention and tease him. He regularly goes to sleep hard and unlocked - my view being that if he wants to sneak off then I guess that's up to him, he could cheat but that isn't what he wants. Mental control is so much sexier than locked devices - although the symbolism is important too.
Not really sure - maybe it's because the whole idea came from me and not from him. It was something I suggested partly as a throw away comment, never in a million years thinking he'd follow through. Plus I've always been one of those people who put themselves last on any needs list!

His sex drive and need for sex has always been greater than mine, which has caused huge problems in our relationship and MC was a solution of kinds. Having said that I think he's finding it far more enjoyable on the whole than either he or I could have imagined.

Communication is another area we have real problems with and although at the very beginning wearing a cage seemed to get him (and me) talking more about what was wanted that seems to have tailed off a little bit. Part of his problem was not having secure and interesting employment (gave him to much time for mischief) recently that problem has been solved and so perhaps his mind is more focussed on his new job and less on sex.
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mikecb
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Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by mikecb » Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:44 am

LAKH wrote: Part of his problem was not having secure and interesting employment (gave him to much time for mischief) recently that problem has been solved and so perhaps his mind is more focussed on his new job and less on sex.
Um. As a holder of Y chromosomes, I'd say "Don't bet on it!" lol

If you're using a CB for masturbation control, I'd strongly encourage some kind of tease/denial or attention to him. In my experience, unless he's an extremely submissive type, or interested in feminization/nullification of his male identity, chastity play is something that probably increases his sex drive, not the other way around.

mikecb
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