Teasing Or No Teasing?

Living the real life under lock and key
User avatar
celticqueens_sub
Posts: 1234
Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 3:31 pm
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by celticqueens_sub » Mon Dec 13, 2010 4:07 pm

michaelnmelissa wrote:
That is not what I thought would be, but it is what she wants. And what she wants makes me hot.

Do you guys stay locked more than you're teased?

Michael
You raise some interesting thoughts here. Bizarrely , to the specific point above about what she wants, I have just written a blog entry that touches on that point. To the final question, locked or teased... Being locked is a sort of permanent tease for me, when caged I'm horny, when not, less so. More teasing comes from CQ using me for pleasure too. I agree with Dev's point, tease is perhaps the wrong word... not sure I can think of a better term though, anticipation? dunno...
0 x
Owned and loved by Celtic Queen. Her perception is my reality.

Http://www.celticqueen.co.uk

Checkout http://keyheld.blogspot.com/ for lots of good blogs with great advice

User avatar
wishful4
Posts: 896
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 7:15 pm
Location: SE USA

Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by wishful4 » Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:41 am

The teasing & denial is a major part of the chastity experience for me. I really like a little teasing each day or so, even if it is just verbal. I think being in chastity would get to be a drag if one were locked up and totally neglected day after day. I often find myself thinking about chastity scenarios when my KH/spouse is sleeping at night and I am awake. I really appreciate it when she is engaged in the process.
0 x
Wishful4
Current Device: MM Jailbird
Previous devices: CB 6000s, CB 6000, MM Queen's Keep (2)

User avatar
Atone
Posts: 2508
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:24 pm

Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by Atone » Tue Dec 14, 2010 9:52 pm

wishful4 wrote:I really like a little teasing each day or so, even if it is just verbal.
I really appreciate it when she is engaged in the process.
We decided (mutually) that we wouldn't do any physical stimulation during this lockup. It has been very interesting. I actually like it but wonder how it affects the other aspects of our physical interaction. I think we may have to try a cycle with frequent physical stimulation so we can compare :)

I agree with your statement above though. I like a little verbal teasing because I appreciate that she is engaged in the process.

-A
0 x
Celtic Queen wrote: Some stuff works for some people, other stuff doesn't and you just have to adapt the lifestyle to what works for you both.

Belle
Posts: 507
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 11:29 am

Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by Belle » Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:04 pm

wishful4 wrote:The teasing & denial is a major part of the chastity experience for me. I really like a little teasing each day or so, even if it is just verbal. I think being in chastity would get to be a drag if one were locked up and totally neglected day after day. I often find myself thinking about chastity scenarios when my KH/spouse is sleeping at night and I am awake. I really appreciate it when she is engaged in the process.
This is the same for Jnuts and I. Our last cycle was a disaster because the teasing wasn't there. He felt neglected and therefore I did not have the more helpful, attentive husband that I get with MC. This gave me no desire to tease. It was a vicious circle.
0 x
~Belle
Jnuts wife & keyholder
http://nuts4belle.wordpress.com/

User avatar
Celtic Queen
Posts: 245
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 7:08 am
Location: Wales, UK

Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by Celtic Queen » Wed Dec 15, 2010 4:46 am

I dont think it works without interaction - of whatever sort. My take is that male chastity is a gift on many levels so to routinely ignore your locked up male is going to sour things very quickly. It is definately a circle. Hub's submission (or good behaviour!) increases my interest in the game as it were. When he reverts to previous controlling, bossy behaviours it causes me to withdraw and before now I have asked him to remain out of his device. That sounds a bit counter intuitive I know as you would assume that time out of the device means a reversion to pre chastity behaviour but actually what it does do is make him miss my control - and gets him back where he needs to be in order to get it again.

Extended out into more D/s practices, the greatest punishment is not whips, spanking etc - it's coldly ignoring your sub and removing your control from them.

All that said, the KeyHolder needs to be an ACTIVE participant in the cycle otherwise it starts to fall to bits - hence, teasing or other forms of acknowledgement are absolutely necessary. Call it maintenance if you will.
0 x
"Only the man whose neck is bent may bear the oppressor's heel"
www.celticqueen.co.uk/blogs

LAKH
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 9:17 am
Location: South West England

Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by LAKH » Wed Dec 15, 2010 5:14 am

I'm still on a huge learning curve here, I don't want him to think the device is an excuse for me to just ignore him or just a means of stopping him enjoying himself elsewhere although that is a large part of our reason

I do try to offer attention when he's wearing his device and he does wear it pretty much 24/7 or maybe 24/5 because he's often free at the weekends.

I do find though that I sometimes feel guilty teasing him and so any teasing has to result in his release. I don't want it to be like that, I want to be able to tease him for my pleasure not his but also not to result in his discomfort if you understand what I mean.

Last night I seemed to get it wrong, I was enjoying the tease and looking forward to enjoying it even more but it seemed suddenly obvious that he was a little cross and grumpy - so I stopped and ignored him instead!

So much to learn - I'm just wondering if you can teach old dogs new tricks

:?:
0 x

User avatar
Dev
Posts: 1192
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 6:10 am
Location: New England, USA
Contact:

Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by Dev » Wed Dec 15, 2010 8:56 am

I am trying to think this through...this is my rough idea at the moment:

Anticipation/Attention: what the KH does to let the locked man know he's not being ignored. Sexy text messages, little comments, quick ball massages. If folks remember the thread with Wendy Wicke's games, I think a lot of her games fell into this category. I think lots of A/A is required--daily, if not multiple times a day.

Sex/Making Love: (formerly known as foreplay). The way we do sex, both of us end up being satisfied, even though it doesn't involve Ab's cock in penetrative intercourse, nor does he have an orgasm. But it is definitely a two-person activity.

Teasing: One sided, and the way we operationalize it, Ab gets teased to the point of extreme frustration or maybe even a ruined orgasm. I get off on it in that I enjoy the experience but it is not orgasmic for me. For us, this type of teasing is fairly elaborate and requires time and energy, so it doesn't happen all that often.

In his blog, Thumper has described a different scenario--Belle Fille is satisfied and he is left horny and frustrated. Not sure what to call that since it doesn't really work that way for us in the DL household.

D
0 x
The Key is on my Nipple Ring
a couple's explorations with a chaste life, from the wife's point of view
Dev's Gallery
my stash of good looking men
Keyheld: Chastity Resources for Lovers

User avatar
jnuts
Posts: 334
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2010 8:01 pm
Contact:

Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by jnuts » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:45 am

Very much makes sense Dev. A/A is the key. The other stuff is secondary and can be as frequent as the Keyholder would like. What makes things tricky sometimes is that A/A can be achieved through denial.
0 x
A vanilla couple finding their way in the male chastity lifestyle:
http://nuts4belle.wordpress.com
That same couple reviewing the hell out of sex toys:
http://nuts4toys.net

User avatar
mikecb
Posts: 225
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 5:58 am
Contact:

Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by mikecb » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:51 am

Dev wrote:I am trying to think this through...this is my rough idea at the moment:

Sex/Making Love: (formerly known as foreplay). The way we do sex, both of us end up being satisfied, even though it doesn't involve Ab's cock in penetrative intercourse, nor does he have an orgasm. But it is definitely a two-person activity.

....

In his blog, Thumper has described a different scenario--Belle Fille is satisfied and he is left horny and frustrated. Not sure what to call that since it doesn't really work that way for us in the DL household.

D
Dev,

God it's funny how our minds are all spinning in similar orbits lately. This topic brings something to mind that popped into my head last night.

Thumper's version that you reference above has been cataloged as "non-reciprocal sex" in my mind for some time, now. My assumption (subject to change without notice, shipped by weight not volume, actual colors may vary) has been that non-reciprocal sex results in orgasm for the woman, and extreme frustration/delight for the man. There might be a whole separate conversation about whether "frustration equals delight" for the willing CB wearer.

I was just working on some fiction last night (I've been doing a lot of that lately), and blundered more into this "foreplay" notion that you mention. At least it might be the same thing. It was the notion of lovemaking that may not result in orgasm for either party, but that the woman found it extremely pleasurable and desirable. I likened it to teenaged makeout sessions, where the girls kiss, flirt and maybe let the boys have cop a feel, but then send them home with a tent in their pants. When many of us were young, and on the cusp of sexual activity, this protracted foreplay was VERY desirable, but as time moved on, the assumption became "sex == man has orgasm".

Anyway, I'm curious if your "Sex/Making Love: (formerly known as foreplay)" maps more to that notion I was thinking of the other night, which reminds me of teenaged make out sessions, or it's something more?

mikecb
0 x
I want Chastity, not Celibacy

http://mikecbwearer.blogspot.com/

User avatar
Celtic Queen
Posts: 245
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 7:08 am
Location: Wales, UK

Re: Teasing Or No Teasing?

Post by Celtic Queen » Wed Dec 15, 2010 12:09 pm

LAKH wrote: I do find though that I sometimes feel guilty teasing him and so any teasing has to result in his release. I don't want it to be like that, I want to be able to tease him for my pleasure not his but also not to result in his discomfort if you understand what I mean.

Last night I seemed to get it wrong, I was enjoying the tease and looking forward to enjoying it even more but it seemed suddenly obvious that he was a little cross and grumpy - so I stopped and ignored him instead!

:?:
LAKH - few points -

Why do you feel guilty? Is that a residue of the old "prick tease" accusations lingering on in your head? If so, dump them, this is a WHOLE new ball game. His discomfort is all part of the game - it shows that he is responding to your teasing. Worry when he is NOT in discomfort :-)
I know this involves unlearning a whole lot of expectations and behaviours and thats why people find MC such a life changing experience.

You are unsure if you are getting it right or wrong- that's a clear indication that you need to have a detailed exchange of views about this. I'm sorry, I cant recall your background into this but if he introduced MC and you are giving him what he wants, then he needs to pull his big boy pants on and accept that he has handed control over. If this continues to be a problem, simply step back and hand the keys back. Don't forget, there are a lot of men out there who are desperate for their wives to take the keys. Your hub is one of the very lucky ones.

It does sound like you need to be communicating more about what is happening to you both. Don't underestimate the changes you are both going through as you find your way. I'd also advise against reading advice too perscriptively - it is what works for you both. My hub isnt locked 247 as I release him every evening otherwise we both get a broken nights sleep if I dont. I often take the unlocking as an opportunity to pay him a little attention and tease him. He regularly goes to sleep hard and unlocked - my view being that if he wants to sneak off then I guess that's up to him, he could cheat but that isn't what he wants. Mental control is so much sexier than locked devices - although the symbolism is important too.
0 x
"Only the man whose neck is bent may bear the oppressor's heel"
www.celticqueen.co.uk/blogs

Post Reply