Teasing Or No Teasing?

[michaelnmelissa]

Last night I was a bit stressed. Too much thinking about too many things. Melissa and I talked about many of the things going through my mind and then I told her how, in the past, this is when I would have argued with her about sex.

I explained my thinking went something like this: I'm tired and stressed and horny. I was tempted to go back to my old stress reliever: fantasy and masturbation. (I'm still on the honor system until the Mistress gets here). It's been more than 2 weeks since I came and a week since we had any play at all. She's just doing this chastity thing to ignore me and sex. Yes, she's had me rub her feet a lot and caress her a lot and she's made a few sexy comments, but she's not into this. And then I would have gotten angry and fought about it and it would have gotten bad again...

So I explained all this and how tempted I was and she...did nothing. She reminded me of two of our rules (may not play with self and may not cum without permission) and then she went to sleep. It worked. I went to bed and behaved.

This morning I mentioned how some KH's would have felt a bit bad and gave in. Her toughness is what I needed right then. So I know I cannot wheedle it out of her.

I also asked her if she was more inclined to go light on the teasing and rather leave me locked up in between pleasing her. She said yes. She would, from time to time, just tease me, but overall I'd more likely just stay locked.

That is not what I thought would be, but it is what she wants. And what she wants makes me hot.

Do you guys stay locked more than you're teased?

Michael

[jnuts]

You can be teased while you are locked. That is the only teasing I have had so far this session.

[michaelnmelissa]

That's true Jnuts. Maybe she'll do some of that.

[jnuts]

I feel your pain with the ignoring thing. I saw some of that last cycle due to various reasons. Things are back to normal now though and better than ever. What helps is that I know Belle and I are on the same page with this. I know her motivations and she knows mine. I guess what I would ask myself if I were you is what does she want out of this? What does she get out of this? Are the answers to those questions enough for you? If not, it is only a game and can be stopped at any time.

[danj]

I'm not locked yet either. Waiting on our first device, which should be here early this week. I've been going through some of that too, though not quite as long. I also get frustrated when I get no attention or tease. I bring up the topic of my chastity, if for nothing else, so I can get that needed feedback that tells me I'm still doing this for her, too. It is so much easier when I know SHE doesn't want me touching her cock. Definitely need that to behave on the honor system.

[michaelnmelissa]

It's not a game for her either. We like the changes it's brought into each other and our marriage. It's just life, I figure. You know, holidays and kids and work and her period and stresses. It's been great, it will be great again. It's only been 60 days total. I've got every hope that as time goes on and we become settled in this it will be normal and hot and good.

[Dev]

I'm not a guy, but you knew I'd have an opinion, right?

I am beginning to think I don't like the word "teasing." I also think that with chastity, we need to completely re-think what sex or making love is. Ab and I had sex/made love four times this weekend. In every case, he was locked in his device and he didn't orgasm. But also, in every case, he seemed completely sated/satisfied at the end. We usually finish up a session with him suckling/nursing (as I blogged about here: http://devotedlvr.wordpress.com/2010/09 ... or-babies/) and that usually relaxes us both to sleep. I did have orgasms (every time) and I was also completely satisfied at the end. It was very nice sex; the only thing "missing" was penetrative intercourse (although I did have some dildo action one time).

I find that sometimes I am puzzled when, for example, I read Thumper's blog and he describes Belle Fille turning over and going to sleep and he (Thumper) has to grab his iPad and start surfing porn. That's not the way it is working for us. Yes, Ab does express frustration, ie, "Argh! I want to come!" but he knows he can't and thus uses other options to get to the point of being satisfied enough to be able to relax and sleep.

This is the way it usually is for us. The only time it has been completely one-sided was the scene in the kitchen last weekend (http://devotedlvr.wordpress.com/2010/12 ... e-morning/). That was all about him and probably that was the most severe teasing I've ever done. He was agitated afterwards and probably because of the time of day, he wasn't ready to go to sleep. So that was a unique, but good, experience for us. I don't think we have the energy to do that all that often, though. It is definitely a once-in-a-while event.

As I have said before, because chastity was my idea, I do feel a heightened level of keeping the interest up. I am the one who has to motivate him to want to be locked up. In that respect, I think I am doing a pretty good job.

D

[jnuts]

I understand both scenarios. The majority of our teasing is her rubbing me through my cage. Her sex drive isn't as high as mine and she does this to show me attention. I always offer my services but more often than not I'm turned down. When this is the case, and she rubs me for a while and tells me to go to sleep, then I'm not satisfied and dying to have more. That is fine because that is part of the appeal of this lifestyle. The constant wanting.

When I do get to pleasure her and make her cum, it is a different story. I can't say that it is the same as having an orgasm myself, but when she cums, I am satisfied. This isn't to say I couldn't go again. I totally would. Since I didn't get to have an orgasm (or since I've been in my cage, any of that kind of stimulation at all), I'm ready. However, at this point I could roll over and go to sleep with little problem. I definitely wouldn't have as much of an issue as I would if it would have just been her fondling me. It is almost like her orgasm brings me down a bit. I've found that I kind of feel her orgasm a bit. It is a stress reliever and it gives me a bit of a sense of accomplishment that I did my job.

Do I wish she wanted it more? Yes! But she doesn't. She is in control and I very much appreciate it when I do get to take care of her.

[danj]

When I do get to pleasure her and make her cum, it is a different story. I can't say that it is the same as having an orgasm myself, but when she cums, I am satisfied. This isn't to say I couldn't go again. I totally would. Since I didn't get to have an orgasm (or since I've been in my cage, any of that kind of stimulation at all), I'm ready. However, at this point I could roll over and go to sleep with little problem. I definitely wouldn't have as much of an issue as I would if it would have just been her fondling me. It is almost like her orgasm brings me down a bit. I've found that I kind of feel her orgasm a bit. It is a stress reliever and it gives me a bit of a sense of accomplishment that I did my job.

Do I wish she wanted it more? Yes! But she doesn't. She is in control and I very much appreciate it when I do get to take care of her.

Jnuts,

I have very much the same feeling when my wife orgasms, and I do not. No question about it, I do have a real sense of satisfaction that I do not get on evenings with maybe a quick tease, but no pleasuring of her. At this point she seems very content with her having only 2, maybe 3 orgasms most weeks, which isn't much different from what she's been allowing me. Must say I'd love to pleasure her everyday, but I'm guessing every husband here feels the same way, so not too shocking.

Dan

[Shane67]

Michael, I can totally relate to your feeling of being ignored. It's the old story about guys having a one-track mind, and this is even more the case when you have what feels like a firm hand gripping your genitals 24/7. She on the other hand probably doesn't obsess over chastity, and is just going about her life, much as she did before you relinquished control. I think you just have to accept that even though your desire for her is now off the charts, her desire for you hasn't changed at all. Sure, all the attention she's getting might make her more amenable to your advances, but on the whole, her sex drive is probably still the same.

We're not doing any teasing whatsoever, whether I'm locked up or not. It's been forever since she's even touched my penis; I honestly can't recall. When we have sex, she pretty much doesn't acknowledge that I have a penis, or any other erogenous zones, for that matter. She's limited her touching to hugs and kisses, and that's it. Would I like some teasing, especially verbal teasing? Sure, but I'm trying to give her the lead, as my nefarious plan is to get her comfortable with chastity first, and then make my unreasonable demands. Just kidding on the last part. What I mean is that eventually we'll play in other ways, but for now we are going with whatever she's most comfortable with.

"I get my pleasure from giving you pleasure." Yes, indeed... it leave me very hot, and deliciously frustrated. So yes, I'm locked up more than I'm teased.