When your partner is ovulating?

[Harry Haversackers]

I just read an interesting article - http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/22/scien ... ml?_r=1&hp - the gist of which is that men in committed relationships suppress their primal instinct to pursue an ovulating woman (other than their partners) in order to protect the sanctity of their own relationship.

The more interesting part to me was when it went on to discuss the subtle outward changes in a woman's physiology (body odour, pitch of her voice, etc.) when she's fertile, intended to prompt males to mate with her by causing their level of testosterone to increase.

My wife is past her childbearing years, but I'm wondering if any younger husbands can comment on its impact on their resolve to remain chaste when their wives are "in heat". It's gotta be more be much more difficult, isn't it??

[davidphd1866]

Harry,,

I have most certainly noticed impacts around my house when my wife is fertile. It makes my horniness much worse. And she seems to get much more attention from men around that time. I have been chaste for almost four months now, and I have seen this pattern repeat itself.

Mother Nature seems to want to get the ladies pregnant and She plays some pretty compelling tricks to get it to happen.

Good post...thanks.

David

[kpb57]

Since I'm paying much more attention to it, I have noticed two things:

My wife's desire (although "there" most of the time, and only diminished by the usual reasons - problems at work, sick kids, etc) peaks twice during her period, once when ovulating and once right before her menstruation. The midcycle peak seems to be more "loving" or "bonding", the pre-menstruation peak is more "hot" or "frantic".

And I am responding. I am easier aroused when she has her peaks, either because I react to things like smell and behaviour, or because my personal cycle has synchronized with hers. And I seem to have more "staying power" during her peaks.


The fact that women have a peak in sexual desire when being fertile is one of the reasons I don't buy into "natural" contraception methods aka Vatican Roulette. To deny them sex when they want it most can only come from men who have a high disregard for women.

[Dev]

The fact that women have a peak in sexual desire when being fertile is one of the reasons I don't buy into "natural" contraception methods aka Vatican Roulette. To deny them sex when they want it most can only come from men who have a high disregard for women.

That's a very interesting point.

I find I have that hot or frantic feeling right before my period. Last week, I was feeling it on Wednesday evening--and Ab absolutely wasn't in the mood. Then, Thursday morning my period started, 10 days early (so I wasn't expecting it). That was interesting to me.

D

[prthomas]

The fact that women have a peak in sexual desire when being fertile is one of the reasons I don't buy into "natural" contraception methods aka Vatican Roulette.

Natural Family Planning, of which there are many models that can be practiced, is not only one of the most effective means of planning births, but has tremendous benefits due to the fact that nothing artificial is ever introduced into the relationship. Calling it "Vatican Roulette" carries some offensive connotations that I will ignore - and perhaps you did not even mean to imply, but otherwise is a gross mischaracterization of what it is.

Those who practice NFP with the proper spirit and methodology it was developed for, do so because of a desire to follow a religious doctrine based upon faith and reasoning through their own personal discernment. That, of course, is not what this forum is about and I am not trying to take it there.

I did, however, take exception to the broad-brush statement:

To deny them sex when they want it most can only come from men who have a high disregard for women.

Yes, NFP calls for abstinence - complete abstinence from any genital contact - during times of the woman's fertility. But, again, that also has religious doctrinal and theological reasons that we need not delve into here. I do, however, quite emphatically, assert that your statement is wrong.

So, for the 10 to 12 days each month my wife is considered fertile, we abstain. Yes, she desires sex the most during this time, as do I. What do we do? More to the point: what do I do? I bring her flowers. I write little notes. I make her a cup of tea in the evening. I rub her feet. We talk. We take walks. We meet for lunch...

... and I do all of those things with a complete focus on her that I never had before I got serious about chastity.

There are approximately 18 days (collectively) out of the month where we have the opportunity to have intercourse without concern of getting pregnant. The heightened arousal time where we also abstain feeds our desire for each other. So much so, that it makes the lovemaking - and the waiting for it - all the more worth it.

[davidphd1866]

Very well said Thomas!

I find it interesting that various internet groups that have "alternative sex practice" themes often exhibit some of the worst close-mindedness. I admit I grow weary of the dismissal of the religious as "close-minded extremists". Think of the absurdity of the statement made that somehow "Vatican Roulette" equates to disregarding women. Yet this same person I am sure would argue what women denying men sex is ......sexy!

I'd swear the real theme of most groups and forums should be: Be open-minded like me--as long as you follow my kink, and follow it my way!

Thank you Thomas for your contributions. They have been very much appreciated by me.

David

[Kiki]

"Natural Family Planning" is indeed a "great way of planning births" but it doesn't work so well for those desiring not to conceive. It is playing with fire.

Pregnancy is serious, and nothing to mess with. The temptation to play during those peak hormonal times can lead to accidents. And accidents in this context have the most serious of consequences.

As a woman, there is *no way* I would agree to chastity play as a form of birth control. NO WAY. As Dev has mentioned, the period doesn't always come when you think it will.

[prthomas]

"Natural Family Planning" is indeed a "great way of planning births" but it doesn't work so well for those desiring not to conceive. It is playing with fire.

Absolutely incorrect statement. The Creighton Model has a plan-effectiveness of 99.5% with a user-effectiveness ranging 95% to 97% in the first year. This is in relation to whether the couple wishes to conceive or not.

Pregnancy is serious, and nothing to mess with. The temptation to play during those peak hormonal times can lead to accidents. And accidents in this context have the most serious of consequences.

Agreed. Which is why my wife and I exercise complete abstinence during the time she is fertile and focus on the cranial aspects of our sexuality.

[Kiki]

You have ignored my third point, which is that the cycle is an organic thing and not necessarily entirely predictable.

For you - in a marriage, desiring children in general and with your religious beliefs, it does make sense - for you.

However, it is not a good idea to rely upon when children are not desired. And on a personal level, what if you were among the 3-5% of people who did accidentally conceive?

Unacceptable risk. At least, for me. That would put me in a terrible position, and, as I do not share your religious ideals, for no good reason. You cannot prescribe for others any more than anyone can prescribe for you.

[prthomas]

I'm sorry. I did not mean to ignore your third point. I'm not prescribing... just making sure the facts are straight. For those who understand and use NFP properly, the erratic nuances in a woman's cycle is managed exceptionally well. NFP doesn't predict anything. You make daily observations, use a chart (not always necessary), and act in accordance to those observations as to whether or not you want to have a baby. If not, then don't do anything.

How does that all fit into chastity? For us, the abstinence period can get difficult to deal with. So, knowing with certainty when it is okay to play and not to play is a big deal since we do not wish to get pregnant.

You do not have to be religious use understand the benefits of using NFP. It's all natural and greatly enhances the sex life. To each his own, of course. All I was doing was responding to inaccurate statements. Good information is always best to have in making responsible decisions.