Starting KH information

[Locked by LRC]

I found a site that I thought might interest the new KH's. This site might also be useful for men who what something for their hopefully future KH to read. It's a little dated as far as the device recommendation, a CB2000, but the information is timeless.

To me it is well written trying to explain why the man wants chastity. It also tries to explain how the woman can comfortably get over her apprehension and a guide on how to start.

http://www.kinkyconsumer.com/info/woman ... astity.htm

[locked4her55]

A quote from www.kinkyconsumer.com

"The man convinces his partner to lock him up and hide the key so he can't find it. He then expects endless teasing and reminders that she controls his sex. He wants you to make up rules and extend his lockup time when he disobeys. Then, after some time, usually when you can't stand the whining, he expects you to unlock him and get him off in his favorite way. Getting the point? Male chastity is all about turning him on, not about providing any benefits to you."

Is there really a reason why I would want my KH/wife to read this!

Not the way I "Play the Game"

[Atone]

Is there really a reason why I would want my KH/wife to read this!

Not the way I "Play the Game"

agreed, that doesn't represent us either.

[Locked by LRC]

I never made a reference to everything that was ever written on this site. I made a mistate with my word of site and meant only the page I linked to. I didn’t make a link to the home page, as you did, and state that this was a site to use for beginners. I made the link to a page and stated it was something to consider.

I was making reference to the section on helping a person starting off as a Key Holder. If a person wanted to, they could say not to come to this Forum because of one section they disagreed with and quote that. Even if a person disagreed with 99.9% of things said on this Forum does this mean they couldn’t agree or see the value of one part?

I wish LRC could have read this when we first started. She felt uncomfortable leaving me locked. When I convinced her it was up to her, I complained about it after two weeks because I decided I wanted a shorter period. When she adjusted and unlocked me every week I told her she could make it longer. I wasn’t allowing her the control. Guess what, she was confused. After many discussions we realized what was going on.

If we had read this she would have understood what I wanted and how to begin. I would have known she had an understanding of what I wanted and she would have been making HER decisions not what I was telling her she wanted.

What I got from this was the way a man will try to convince the woman to be a KH and then try to direct it to what he wants from it. He has brought it up because it is something that he has thought about and has a preconceived idea what he wants. He has had a long time to work it out in his mind.

Now it’s sprung on the future KH. She is sometimes expected to understand and jump in fully. I have read numerous times in this Forum where the KH feels pressured into starting this and doesn’t understand what is expected.

I have also read numerous times where the men have stated the beginning KH would get upset because they were always bring up the chastity idea and the KH was starting to get upset. The advice in the Forum has often been to back off and let the KH inch along as they want. Isn't this what my linked page is recommending? Isn't my linked page giving an idea on how to start?

What I got from the article was a way for a new KH to get an idea on how to start. I never meant that this was the only way start.

It’s stated so often in this Forum sometimes I make an assumption that it’s understood. “What works for one may not work for another.” Each thing written is an opinion and not the statement; “This is the only way to do it”.

Each couple has their own way of doing things and they must try to find what works for them. The best we can try to do (as a Forum) is give numerous opinions on ways to do things so couples starting can try different things that they may not think of, and then try them to see if it's for them.

[locked4her55]

Each couple has their own way of doing things and they must try to find what works for them. The best we can try to do (as a Forum) is give numerous opinions on ways to do things so couples starting can try different things that they may not think of, and then try them to see if it's for them.

Locked by LRC,

Hey, I respect everyone's opinion and by the way that quote I pulled up was from the page you made reference too.

A site that was helpful for my wife to understand MC in the beginning was http://www.keptforher.com.

Everyone reacts differently. You know what would work best for your mate and I knew that if I had shown my wife the page you referenced, well let's just say I would have some explaining too do.

I'll quote a popular radio talk show host in my area "Let's agree to disagree"

[A-F]

As a brand new keyholder, I'm not wild about the tone of the column. I get an idea of all about him and I have to put in more eff-ing effort to make sure he gets off. Really?? I make sure the bills are paid, the kid is raised and most of the meals and groceries are bought. Oh, and he gets to sleep in. This is a terribly one sided article, that again, says its all about him. For us, in our home (a week in, and he agrees), it's finally about me....more. Again, ive been reading likea muskrat on a corpse, but isn't this a *little* about balance?

[Belle]

When I was a new keyholder, my best advice came from this forum. It was just starting out, and the likes of Atone, Thumper, CQ & Thumper were what I needed to see how everyone does it in their own way. I don't like people who claim to be able to tell people how to practice MC, or what you should get from it. We were pretty vanilla, and at the point were mainly using it as a way for me to find my sexual voice. We, as a couple, have chosen to add some kink into it as the year turned into two. I was so comfortable asking questions here and just reading how people were doing it in their day to day lives. The dynamics of this site have changed a little, but we still are trying to keep it to the motto Thumper started it under "Living the real life under lock & key".

[TwistedMister]

As a brand new keyholder, I'm not wild about the tone of the column. I get an idea of all about him and I have to put in more eff-ing effort to make sure he gets off. Really?? I make sure the bills are paid, the kid is raised and most of the meals and groceries are bought. Oh, and he gets to sleep in. This is a terribly one sided article, that again, says its all about him. For us, in our home (a week in, and he agrees), it's finally about me....more. Again, ive been reading likea muskrat on a corpse, but isn't this a *little* about balance?

I agree. That particular article does make it sound like it's "all about him", and while that may be true in a subset of cases, it in no way applies to everyone who becomes involved in chastity play.

Balance: both partners have to get something they want/need from this, else the wheels will fall off pretty quickly.

[CaptivatedCaveman]

The dynamics of this site have changed a little, but we still are trying to keep it to the motto Thumper started it under "Living the real life under lock & key".

Changed for the worse? In what way? I'm still very new here so I haven't experienced any shift myself.

[Belle]

The dynamics of this site have changed a little, but we still are trying to keep it to the motto Thumper started it under "Living the real life under lock & key".

Changed for the worse? In what way? I'm still very new here so I haven't experienced any shift myself.

I didn't say the changes were for the worse, just changes. If you look back to the very beginning of the forums, we had very few members (obviously). As the forums grew, new members brought their experiences and the dynamics shifted a little. Just like life, always evolving