Any dominate men in chastity with a submissive partner?

[celticqueens_sub]

In short we are happy with how things are.

That's they key thing! Nuff said.

[Barons]

Barons: If you have been reading these Forums for any length of time, you have certainly found that the desired power relationship between the CD wearer and his KH is one in which the wearer strives to place the needs of his KH above his own.

This is very true even with me. I please her by being dominate and while doing many things that she likes. It's what turns her on the most in the bedroom and I also enjoy doing it. I enjoy it even more knowing how much it pleases her.

The wearer hopes that by pleasing his KH he will be eventually be rewarded, and that his own needs and desires will then be satisfied.

This is where things begin to deviate. I'm rewarded by her in many ways for being sexually dominate. In truth it's more of a disservice to her when I don't orgasm because she, for one enjoys giving me that sensation and two it plays into her fantasy more accurately when I use her body for my orgasm.

It boils down to one of the many give and takes that we each make to please one another.

However, you wrote that you have "recently pressed" your wife "to take part in more strict chastity" for you. You said that you want her to deny you "while at the same time not taking a controlling part" in your "sex life." By making your wife role play "that she has to earn" your seed, you have essentially placed a collar around her neck and turned her into a Gorian sex slave. Exactly who is wearing the locked CD and who is holding the keys in your marriage? She may be physically holding the keys, but if she is subject to your will, you might just as well be holding them yourself!

The whole purpose of CD play, tease and denial, and the MC lifestyle is that you demonstrate your love for your wife by voluntarily giving her the control over your sex life, and that you place your trust in your KH to make decisions that will improve your marriage and ultimately will benefit both of you.

This is close enough to the dilemma I'm trying to find solutions for. The details are mostly off but your point is correct. We are looking for new ways that will allow her to continue to embrace her sex slave role while at the same time taking on the control of when I orgasm.

For us the whole point of chastity play and tease and denial doesn't fit into the MC lifestyle box because my wife is the one demonstrating her love by making a sacrifice to take on that control. Out side of our sex life we are both on equal footing. We both work together to do things to improve our marriage with the ultimate goal of finding compromises that benefit us both.

My goal in presenting this to all of you is to collect ideas on how I can make this work in the most enjoyable way possible for her since I'll be gaining something I want from the exchange. Nothing is black and white and most thing are contradictions in life, at least in mine. I hope this gives an accurate description of our situation.

[Sir Chaste]

Barons: Thank you for explaining the dynamics of your marriage and your interest in chastity play in greater detail. Now it all begins to make sense! As long as your purpose is "all about" "making each other happy in the end," that is what should always be your ultimate goal. You wrote that your "main hope is to no longer be the one" who decides when you "get to orgasm." Your wife "is technically holding the keys, but" "she has never really played a direct role in keeping" you "locked up or extending" your "period of denial." You said that you want "to get way more serious about it than" you "have been in the past." Just as an experiment then, why not allow your wife to have greater freedom to make decisions as your KH regarding how long she wants to keep you "locked up" or extend your "period of denial." You may soon discover that the uncertainty of not always being in control can be a tremendous erotic stimulant, and that your wife may grow into her role as your KH and begin to surprise you as she learns new ways to tease and deny you. After all, you have nothing to lose by trying this, and you may both find greater happiness "in the end."

[poor]

Thanks for the further information.

How about introducing a third party to Dom both of you? A pro would lead your play whilst having sexual contact with neither of you if you so wished. Her punishments and your releases could be scheduled to coincide at the hand of another.

[finallyhappy]

Barons, I am definitely the dominant one and my gf is definitely the submissive one in our relationship both in and out of the bedroom.

With us, it is the context. Ours is about my orgasm. I brought up being locked because if not, I will take care of myself way too often. I feel this has a negative effect on my sex life and therefore on my relationship. In keeping me locked up she is helping me increase my pleasure and benefit our relationship.

Over time, she is enjoying it more and more. And enjoys knowing that I am locked, and is more into the teasing aspect of it. She has such a long way to go, lol. She does insist on me cumming far quicker than I would prefer but since she is accomodating me by going along with this, I do not push the issue. I know how she does like to feel those feelings of surrendering and pleasing her man.

The only advice that I have for you is two words: Patience and Communication.

[TwistedMister]

While checking profiles and posts of 'currently online' users, through a circuitous route I arrived at the website of DreamLover Labs where I discovered that they have another product (in addition to their 'Male Management Unit') which might be of interest to the OP...

http://www.dreamloverlabs.com/chronovault.php

Looks interesting but requires a fair amount of cash (500 clams)...though it's nowhere near as much as the MMU (new 'Lite' version available for only a $grand...also claiming that the MMU is now tested and compatible with steel CDs from Mature Metal).

[Blaeu]

My two cents:

I think it is hard to "force" a change in behavior with anything other than time. Teach her, guide her, and answer any questions she may have, but it could take time, maybe years. I've been trying to modify my wife's sexual behavior for a few years now (since before we were actually married) and it is working.

See, my wife is a very assertive and "type A" sort of gal, definitely an "alpha female." This description stops in the bedroom though as she was raised... with a strong religion context that ended up smushing her sexuality. Over the passed few years, I've just helped her break out of her shell and give her ideas of what things she could do when being assertive in the bedroom. As you may imagine, this is not a quick process, but over time it has started to work and she is enjoying herself much more while in a dominate role vs. just doing it since I enjoy it.

It is also important to note that I'm sort of passive-aggressive in life. I generally avoid confrontation (really don't like it) but want to control all aspects of my life around me. I am very much a "top from the bottom" as I only like to be tied down and "helpless" when I know the ballpark she is playing in. I often find myself wishing she could read my mind as I know what I want, rather than just doing what she wants.

I felt this could be helpful as a perspective from someone who is not really a "submissive" person while in chastity. I love being her "pet" or "naked slave boy" when there is a sexual part in it, but being told to wash the dishes in chastity sucks just as much as being told when free.

What has ended up working well for us is her acknowledgement that I am in chastity. Whether it is a sexual "reward" for doing something, or just verbal teasing randomly throughout the day. If we go a day or two without such acknowledgement, I start to find the ordeal pointless. During this time, sometimes she is in a dominate role, while other times a more equal role. Sometimes she even takes a submissive role as I tie her down, do whatever I want (while still being locked up) and usually end with an orgasm for her. We love our sex toys.

[Whynot]

Interesting stuff in this thread. I identify as a dominant, and I'm the dominant in my current ( but still evolving) relationship that includes DS elements as well as scene play. How chastity play fits in to this ... Well, it's pretty complex. Don't have the time for a write-up at the moment though.

I'll come back to the topic.

[Sir Chaste]

Whynot: When you have the time, please do inform us of your relationship dynamic. It certainly sounds like "interesting stuff" and it should make a fascinating post.

[Barons]

The part I have the most trouble with is being patient. I know I'm trying to rush her into chastity so I think the best option is to slowly work it into our play and give her time to figure out for herself how far she wants to take it.

Thanks so much for the great advice, now I just need to do it.