I Can See Us Talking About It

Living the real life under lock and key
michaelnmelissa
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I Can See Us Talking About It

Post by michaelnmelissa » Sun Nov 07, 2010 8:08 am

Eight years ago a friend of ours came to us distraught. She and her husband, also our friend, were recently separated and it wasn't looking hopeful for their reconciling. She was just talking and talking and soon enough troubles with their sex life came up.

She told us how it always had to be one certain position or he couldn't perform. She was exasperated that he had her, yet he spent most of the time masturbating. I remember how - just for a moment - I thought about mentioning this thing I'd read about called male chastity might help. (Of course at that time it was just a fantasy I had; I had never tried it). In the next moment I discounted it and the conversation moved on in other directions.

But I wonder now what I - we - might say if a similar situation happened? I wonder if Melissa and I would or could be quiet about all the benefits MC has brought to our marriage already? I don't think I would want to be silent. I do think I would be okay with explaining it and how we do it for another couple's benefit.

What about you?

Michael
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Dev
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Re: I Can See Us Talking About It

Post by Dev » Sun Nov 07, 2010 9:10 am

I mused on that issue in this blog post:

http://devotedlvr.wordpress.com/2010/09 ... my-tongue/

As Tom Allen says in the comment, locking a bunch of metal onto someone's genitals isn't going to magically fix the problem. If a relationship is on the rocks and communication sucks, chastity isn't suddenly going to be the panacea that makes everything right.

Still, Michael, I tend to agree with you. It does seem to be an "intervention" that has surprising and far-reaching outcomes. My husband and I were dealing with a mild ED problem and I am cautiously optimistic that chastity has helped us in that regard. Communication between us has increased and improved dramatically (and I didn't think it was bad to begin with). We've become kinder to each other, more loving and more affectionate. With outcomes like that, of course you want to stand on the roof and shout out to the world, "You've got to try this!"

However, as I said in another post, while I am happy to discuss the most intimate details of my sex life with thousands of strangers on the Internet, bringing it up to friend is probably never going to happen. I had one friend (who sadly, died of breast cancer a few years ago) that I probably could have discussed chastity with. I don't think she would've freaked--she would understand it as a kinky, fun game. And her husband, would have probably been mystified by the whole idea, but he would have gone along with it because he would do absolutely anything she asked. But my other friends? Not a chance. Which is a shame because the work colleague I refer to in my blog post--I think if she and her husband knew about chastity, it might be a good thing for them. But alas, they probably won't be hearing about it from me...

D
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Jimi123
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Re: I Can See Us Talking About It

Post by Jimi123 » Sun Nov 07, 2010 9:33 am

I think that communications problems are just that "problems" and like all problems there are some solutions and while MC is not "magic" it seems like it can open up communications. If for no other reason the "What exactly are you asking me to do?!?!"
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likes2blocked
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Re: I Can See Us Talking About It

Post by likes2blocked » Sun Nov 07, 2010 4:52 pm

I can't see talking about it with anyone that I didn't already know was either kinky or at least very accepting of counter-culture sorts of things. At least with the male friends I've had, we just don't talk about sex at all. I think women are much more likely to discuss sex with their girlfriends, often at a level of detail that would freak their mates out.

Keyhldr went and let slip what we were doing to her girlfriend, who is very accepting, and it turned out she knew what it was (her BF is wanking too much and ignoring her - sound familiar?). I'd suppose that's one in a million.

This would seem to fit into the same sort of thing as S&M - everyone knows its out there, but almost no one admits to doing it.
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Dev
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Re: I Can See Us Talking About It

Post by Dev » Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:58 pm

likes2blocked wrote: At least with the male friends I've had, we just don't talk about sex at all. I think women are much more likely to discuss sex with their girlfriends, often at a level of detail that would freak their mates out.
It's funny, I would have said the opposite. I would have said guys have more tendency to talk about sex with their buddies that women do with their girlfriends.

Bottom line, I don't think any of us talk about sex with anybody (except those of us who discuss it with Internet strangers!!). The situation is the worst of all when husbands and wives don't talk to each other, which sadly, I think is far too common.

D
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a couple's explorations with a chaste life, from the wife's point of view
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Belle
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Re: I Can See Us Talking About It

Post by Belle » Sun Nov 07, 2010 9:33 pm

I agree, I can not imagine talking to a friend or family member about MC. Then again 3 months ago I could never have imagined ordering a MC device, joining a forum, and blogging about MC. So I guess I don't know what my reaction would be.
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likes2blocked
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Re: I Can See Us Talking About It

Post by likes2blocked » Mon Nov 08, 2010 2:08 am

I can't imagine talking to a family member - that would be an extreme case of TMI. I've _never_ talked about sex with any male friends, excepting a couple of "yay, got a date!". Maybe with women, it could be a generational thing - keyhldr says it is common for women to discuss intimate stuff.
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Celtic Queen
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Re: I Can See Us Talking About It

Post by Celtic Queen » Mon Nov 08, 2010 9:57 am

Hub and I are going to Erotica 2010 an "adult industry" show later this month. http://www.erotica-uk.com/

I'm really looking forward to it (we 've only been to one other) and he has a T shirt that boldly identifies him as my sub. There is no way on God's Earth he would wear that going in to our local pub ;-). If you haven't been to anything like that - do go, it's very liberating to be in amongst non judgemental people and the costumery is absolutely amazing.It's a bit nerve wracking the first time but you quickly realise that no one bats an eyelid - and there are some quite extreme sights out there.

Like you guys though, I cant imagine discussing any of what we do back home. Not that it's any of anyone's business ofcourse.
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Belle
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Re: I Can See Us Talking About It

Post by Belle » Mon Nov 08, 2010 12:34 pm

Celtic Queen wrote:
I'm really looking forward to it (we 've only been to one other) and he has a T shirt that boldly identifies him as my sub.
We have a hotel party for our costuming group, and I bought a shirt that says Little Miss Keyholder to wear. I am sure I will get questions, but they wouldn't believe me even if I explained it to them.
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Tom Allen
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Re: I Can See Us Talking About It

Post by Tom Allen » Mon Nov 08, 2010 4:46 pm

Celtic Queen wrote:it's very liberating to be in amongst non judgemental people and the costumery is absolutely amazing.
I've been to a local comic convention (ConnectiCon), and I can attest to that. :-)

In fact, this is one of the reasons that Mrs. Edge and I went to Provincetown for a short weekend away (that's where I spotted the Inn sign that I blogged a few weeks ago). Ptown is known to be an artsy, bohemian community, with a very large gay population. Nothing we do would have been in any way shocking up there.
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