Day to Day

Living the real life under lock and key
michaelnmelissa
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Day to Day

Post by michaelnmelissa » Fri Nov 05, 2010 5:07 am

Hi everyone,

I love the teasing and denial and giving more than I am receiving (physically). But I am wondering how often that will happen in our day to day lives once it's not so new anymore?

I mean, with jobs and kids and obligations to meet - how long might you go when nothing is mentioned about chastity? No teasing? No anything? Where it's a part of your life and you don't worry if it's been awhile since either of you did anything?

I know every couple is different. I don't expect heat every night. I don't want to have unrealistic expectations either. Is it normal - on average - to go for days or longer where chastity just is and that's that?

Maybe I can't explain this well. I hope you can understand my question.

Thanks,
Michael
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Shane67
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Re: Day to Day

Post by Shane67 » Fri Nov 05, 2010 6:35 am

We've only been doing mindful chastity play for three months, so we're still definitely in the novelty phase. There's no heat every night, but there's definitely a constant simmer. Lots of groping and making out. Lots. I don't see any reason why this should end, as my desire for her is pretty constant. And the best thing is that she acknowledges and responds to this desire -- this in itself is intensely satisfying.

The really weird thing is how I perceive being turned down, and I do get turned down a lot more than before we started playing, just because I'm after her that much more. I don't perceive it as rejection at all -- the slight anger and resentment just isn't there anymore -- if anything, I get little butterflies in my stomach when she says no. The internal dialogue goes something like this: "she controls my dick and she doesn't feel like romping tonight. That's kinda hot." Go figure.
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Atone
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Re: Day to Day

Post by Atone » Fri Nov 05, 2010 6:40 am

yeah, life goes on. Sometimes we go days without any mention of anything. Add busy schedules, kids not feeling well, adults not feeling well and it is really not much different than not having time for sex. You just need to communicate that with your spouse. I find it easier to reconnect though because there is no pressure for sex. All she has to do acknowledge in someway that she is in control and I am happy again. If she is in a good mood she will remind me that it will be a very long time before I am allowed out for release.

-A
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Celtic Queen wrote: Some stuff works for some people, other stuff doesn't and you just have to adapt the lifestyle to what works for you both.

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Dev
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Re: Day to Day

Post by Dev » Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:19 am

I locked my husband up on August 16th and for the first 6 or 7 weeks we were like a pair of horny teenagers...constantly grabbing at each other, playing, teasing, you name it. Things finally started to settle down in early-mid October. I also think the weather had a lot to do with it. It was very hot in August and it continued to be quite warm well into September so anytime we were home, we were usually half-naked. That also contributes to the grabby factor! LOL.

Things are starting to settle down a bit more but we're still at a higher level of sexual energy than we were pre-chastity (and this is a good thing). We talk about chastity daily. I think it is partly because of my blog. Even though my husband doesn't write for it, he reads it and likes to talk about it, especially the comments. He's also interested in the site statistics and so on.

D
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davidphd1866
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Re: Day to Day

Post by davidphd1866 » Fri Nov 05, 2010 10:59 am

We find it very common to go a few days or so between "sessions" of any kind. I think you summed it up well, "chastity is chastity" sometimes and nothing more. But it's all worth it to us.
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likes2blocked
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Re: Day to Day

Post by likes2blocked » Fri Nov 05, 2010 12:08 pm

If something else isn't interfering, we try to take Wendy's advice, and play a little, even just a few seconds, every day. At the moment, we're both getting over about 2 weeks of feeling icky when we didn't, so we're probably about to enter the pair of horny teenagers phase again.

Plus the Jailbird is making me (actually us) really hot, and it has been 2 weeks, so I'm really getting to a state.
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Dev
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Re: Day to Day

Post by Dev » Fri Nov 05, 2010 12:20 pm

If something else isn't interfering, we try to take Wendy's advice, and play a little, even just a few seconds, every day.
I think that is very good advice.

D
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Tom Allen
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Re: Day to Day

Post by Tom Allen » Fri Nov 05, 2010 12:27 pm

michaelnmelissa wrote: I love the teasing and denial and giving more than I am receiving (physically). But I am wondering how often that will happen in our day to day lives once it's not so new anymore?
Before Zen, chop wood, carry water.
After Zen, chop wood, carry water.

When Mrs. Edge and I started, back when we had to make our own devices from animal skins and mastodon bones, we had so much sex that she was having trouble walking. Actually, so was I, because the blue balls condition was becoming chronic.

Now, having worn ourselves out, the actual frequency isn't really any different than it used to be. We still have social and work responsibilities, holidays, family dinners, etc., that get in the way - just like we had before.

But there's always an undercurrent that makes the sex just a teeny bit hotter when we finally do get around to having some of it. So, don't fret. It's just like any other interest that you develop - you do it a lot more at first, then it tapers off - not from boredom, but because you've made it a part of your everyday routine.
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cb6000s
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Re: Day to Day

Post by cb6000s » Fri Nov 05, 2010 6:25 pm

The question of “Can chastity change behavior?” comes up occasionally and here is an example from us that also fits this Day to Day thread.
My KH goes to bed much earlier than me which means she was often asleep when I came to bed. Since she was not available, some nights a quick wank before bed seemed the best answer. After we started chastity I asked for some attention one day. Her reply was that if I wanted attention I should come to bed at 8:30 before she fell asleep. It came out that she was not happy that I was coming to bed late, taking care of my own business, and we weren’t having enough touching time. I had no idea there was even a problem.
Now, I come to bed every night at 8:30 and we have 20 to 30 minutes of mutual touching. After that, I get up because I am still not ready to go to bed and she is fine with that.
If it wasn’t for the chastity I never even would have known there was a problem that was just going to get bigger over time. So, my behavior was changed by male chastity but not in some devious way. The chastity device merely took the focus off my orgasm and enabled her to tell me what she needed.
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Celtic Queen
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Re: Day to Day

Post by Celtic Queen » Sat Nov 06, 2010 2:08 am

In chastity it does all find it's own level after a while, just as with your sex life when you first get together. My view is that as a KH, I do have some responsibility to maintain my side of the bargain too rather than just turn him down. I make an effort to acknowledge the gift of his submission too. I think that without us adopting a chastity lifestyle, our sex life would have dropped to the minimal as we have a young baby so a combination of general parental knackeredness and the post pregnancy devastation wrought on my body has meant that when we play- I really do mean it. It isn't a perfunctory duty to keep him from pestering me and I think perhaps that's at the heart of male chastity. It hands the control across and changes the landscape. My hub has a high sex drive and part of our agreement is that he does get to orgasm relatively frequently compared to some of the folks on here. That said, the manner of his orgasm is absolutely up to me . I have sent him off to masturbate before now and he has got a lot from that due to the fact that it STILL constitutes control by me.

Real life does get in the way of play- that's why when the first heat of chastity play calms down, it needs to be maintained by loving, comfortable practices and the occasional "time out" from routine. It's no different from vanilla in that respect. It's tough to feel like a sexy Domme vixen when you've changed your fifth nappy of the day and you feel like a slave to the bloody washing machine (THAT'S when you need a sissy, lol) but real life happens when you're making plans to do everything else...
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