Just got locked up yesterday, looking for advice

[chinwan]

I'm new to this. and looking for advice.

Let me give a little background:

I am a male that has dominant traits in the way I work with my wife. However, I realized that things would probably be better off if I were to have her be more dominant.

I am trying this for a few reasons:

1) It turns me on a bit, knowing that she could have full control (scares me a bit that might be no turning back)
2) Im trying to reignite our sex life.

The problem is that she is not as enthusiastic about this as I am. She has a much more reduced sex drive then, me. That is part of what I am trying to reignite.

So I convinced her to try it. We started yesterday with a cb-6000 she put it on me, then had fun with me, and left it on so far so good. I told her that it has to be completely up to her about when she will take it off. No matter how much I beg she has to go based off of what she wants. But was first saying "but I dont want to hurt you", etc... but I think I convinced her.

However, what I am worried about that it will be a lock-and-forget. She wont be doing it on purpose, but she just doesnt really have the drive.

So I am looking for suggestions that things she can do (to me) during the day, that will keep things going strong.

I work the entire day visiting customers while my wife stays at home with the kids. I do stop by the house often during the day.

Any advice will be most helpful. I am trying to get her imagination running and going.

[Chuck]

Just my opinion here but I think you're looking at it backwards. You should be thinking about what you can do for her. Unexpected kisses, hugs for no reason, small favors and gentle sensuality can get her on fire more than trying to get her to do things for you. Do the little things for her that got her interested in you in the first place. Being a key holder is ultimately a big responsibility, but if you want her passion to ignite, you have to put in the time and effort to make it worth her while.

You may read things on blogs that seem one sided and focus only on the fun sexy things but it really is up to the man in chastity to make it sexy and amazing for his partner so they will want to play and make it fun for him.

Read all you can here on the forum and here http://www.malechastityblog.com/male-chastity-faq/ and the rest of Sarah's blog.

Just locking your dick up in a cage and expecting her to keep you on edge by doing things for or to you is a bit self centered and selfish.

Locking your dick in a cage so you can focus on the more sensual and existential aspects of your love life is loving and giving in the most selfless sense.

Most of us aren't quite so zen and expect a little give and take, but if you want to get to the taking you must first commence with the giving.

[Edgewood]

Well... you should get used to the idea that things won't change over night. Just because you have bought a device and talked with your wife about it doesn't mean that things are going to take off from there.

Patience will be your biggest asset. I have been working with my wife since Labor day weekend on this and we have made some real progress but things are no where near what my fantasy is. I am learning though that there is a dimension to this that says it should be more about what she wants than what I want. However, I think in the end those two things will be very close.

Keep in mind that generally a woman who is kind and caring enough to accept your kink is not necessarily the kind of woman that naturally wants to dominate a man. Over time you need to convince her that you are serious and passionate about chastity. Recognize that there may be times when she is too busy to want to participate. During those times you will definitely feel locked and left. Even those who have been at it for years have to deal with this feeling.

Go slow. First convince your KH that you are not in pain. Second convince her that you actually enjoy wearing the device. Then try to get her to at least recognize your condition (predicament) once a day. This could be a casual comment from you or a simple thing like asking to be unlocked so you can take a shower. Then, when the chance comes, and you find yourselves in the bedroom, convince her that you only want to do what SHE wants. Slowly over time she will realize the advantages of keeping you in chastity.

[poor]

I think that the advice you are seeking is contained in this thread: http://chastityforums.com/viewtopic.php ... mes#p22645

The advice in the 2 previous posts are more pertinent to making a full blown MC relationship; at this early stage I'd say that you only know what you'd like it to be and not what you'll get - which is an excellent place to start!

You've done the hardest part, telling her (so many never do!) and the sensible thing (putting control in her hands from the start) now run slow and listen for chances to impress her at every opportunity - when you get that right the good stuff will flow in your direction

[kpb57]

Make it very clear to her that (and you wearing the device underscores this) "being sexual" does not automatically mean that things will or should end up with intercourse. She wants to kiss, fine. She wants to hug and cuddle, fine. She wants to watch a chick flick with you, fine. Anything she wants is OK.

It may take time, but when she starts to feel that you mean it, her newly gained sexual freedom may ignite a fire that might even take you by surprise.

It worked for us like that, more or less. I'm usually not locked up for long, because she can't keep her hands off me.

And it's very natural that you feel "somehow scared". It happened to me early on, but with a little leniency from her side we managed to continue the game on an easier note; now I am so confident in her and in myself that the prospect of hearing "I think I will keep it there for some days" during the morning lock-up is not scary, but hot.

K

[Cagieboy]

Welcome to the game.
Getting started is always hard. Your description of your situation sounds exactly like my own situation early on. You must take things slow!!!! I know you want her to tease you about being caged and you will be dropping lots of hints but DONT. She will say something in one or two days to the effect of 'Are you comfortable or does it hurt' ( and you probably will be a little sore under your balls if you are just starting out with the CB-6000) and thats when you can say "I like being caged" or what ever your phrase is and leave it at that. Start off slowly!!!! Provide her back rubs and foot massage while watching TV but don't get excessive. Start off slow.

However, what I am worried about that it will be a lock-and-forget. She wont be doing it on purpose, but she just doesnt really have the drive.

She will lock-and forget to start with (my wife did). Stay the course! Provide foot message or back rubs but don't over do it. Do the dishes, make the dinner. You want to play a wonderful game with her and she is not ready yet. Yes yet. My wife came around and so will yours. Now I find that I'm locked 24/7 at her active assistance. It took my wife 4 month to come to absolutly love this game and now she will never go back.

[Belle]

She will lock-and forget to start with (my wife did). Stay the course! Provide foot message or back rubs but don't over do it. Do the dishes, make the dinner. You want to play a wonderful game with her and she is not ready yet. Yes yet. My wife came around and so will yours. Now I find that I'm locked 24/7 at her active assistance. It took my wife 4 month to come to absolutly love this game and now she will never go back.

She may or may not lock and forget. Everyone is different. I have a very low sex drive, and MC was started over a year ago to try to balance our relationship out. When we first started, I was much more aware of his needs. For me the "locking and forgetting" came as MC became a regular part of our life and not just a novelty game that we were playing. After a year I find myself having to give him a MC break so that I can have one too. It does not work for us if I am not invested, so we both have to keep that in mind. We have an agreement that if he starts to feel overly neglected, he needs to tell me ASAP. I don't want to force him into something that is not fun for either one of us.

As for Sarah J., we owe her our start in MC. Jnuts read part of her blog and discussed it with me. After starting MC I tried reading her posts, and they immediatly turned me off. I do not care for her abrupt style and the way she speaks about her husband. What I am trying to say is screen EVERYTHING you read before you present it to your wife. You know her, and you should know how she will perceive things. Different people take very different things from the same articles. Had I read them before starting MC, I would have said no way.

[celticqueens_sub]

everything Belle said..

[rmcingle]

I agree with Chuck: She shouldn't need to do things for you. You need to do things for her.

A lot of good advice here along those lines.

If you are NOT willing to submit totally to this, then ask for the key back and quit now. If you are willing to give up all control, for real, totally, then start working on making her feel better about this.

I was in a similar situation. I convinced my wife to give chastity control a try, and we got off to a rocky start. But after a few weeks, there were some changes. Mostly in me, but a little in her.

The biggest change was how she responded to my attention. My belief is that before the chastity control she considered any affection I showed her was an attempt to have sex. The primary problem we were having is that she frequently failed to produce the arousal and lubrication that normally comes from foreplay. If we started down this path, she would feel bad if she ended up not wanted intercourse, as it would leave me frustrated and her feeling inadequate.

Once we started the chastity control things changed. We would be lying in bed and cuddling and I would kiss her neck, fondle her breasts (leave the nipples alone!) and generally starting foreplay. Since I was wearing the chastity device it was clear this wasn't going anywhere, or at least it wasn't likely. If nothing else, being the key holder gave her the right to say no. But she was much more willing to see if anything might develop. Basically, having full control of the brakes gave her more confidence to let things start.

Before chastity control, most advances would have been shut down almost immediatly. With chastity control, it was allowed to continue a ways. Nine out of ten times it never developed into anything. But that 1 out of 10 it would, and that was worth every bit of the suffering I had submitted myself to.

There were a few times that she would get in the mood, get the lubrication and then have me please her orally, leaving me locked up. I actually really enjoyed this but it always left her a little apprehensive. Most of the time she would get to the point where she wanted intercourse and then unlock me, send me to the bathroom to clean up (when the chastity device was removed my cock always needed a proper cleaning) and then we would have sex.

The bottom line is that if you want this to work, you have to make it work for her. You have to submit, and let her have control. If that means lock and forget, then you have to go with that. I would typically go three or four weeks without an orgasm, are you ready for that? But keep in mind that those orgasms were from intercourse (rather than masturbation) which was probably 4 times more often that I was getting it before.

If it is going to always be all about you it will never work. Make it about her, give it time, and see how it goes.


Ron

[Tom Allen]

The biggest change was how she responded to my attention. My belief is that before the chastity control she considered any affection I showed her was an attempt to have sex. The primary problem we were having is that she frequently failed to produce the arousal and lubrication that normally comes from foreplay. If we started down this path, she would feel bad if she ended up not wanted intercourse, as it would leave me frustrated and her feeling inadequate.

Once we started the chastity control things changed. We would be lying in bed and cuddling and I would kiss her neck, fondle her breasts (leave the nipples alone!) and generally starting foreplay. Since I was wearing the chastity device it was clear this wasn't going anywhere, or at least it wasn't likely. If nothing else, being the key holder gave her the right to say no. But she was much more willing to see if anything might develop. Basically, having full control of the brakes gave her more confidence to let things start.

Before chastity control, most advances would have been shut down almost immediatly. With chastity control, it was allowed to continue a ways. Nine out of ten times it never developed into anything. But that 1 out of 10 it would, and that was worth every bit of the suffering I had submitted myself to.

Wow. Yeah, this. This right here.

More interestingly, is that in my case, it eventually led to her being more of an initiator.

No guarantee that it would happen with everyone, but you might want to consider this for a bit before throwing in the towel (or key).