No release

[steph17]

We,My wife/kh and I had a slight domestic this morning and all I could think about was getting out of the device so as not to feel like I was not in control. anyway the mood past and I asked for the key and it was refused. I dont know why I asked for the key after the incident , strange ?.
You get wierd thoughts at times when you are locked up.

[kpb57]

Although WE do trust our wives to stick with the guidelines, our subconscious doesn't. It takes some mental strength to keep in mind that she won't let a slight quarrel influence the erotic game. Unless your guidelines allow this to happen, of course.
If the situation got out of hands, you'd probably be reaching for the bolt-cutter by now.

We have found that since I am locked up, our arguments are done with arguments instead of childish behaviour. On both sides. Because we know what a real quarrel could cost us.

[John]

It happens - the minor ups and downs of a good relationship. It's normal to want to be unlocked after one of these little spats. I always feel the same and it is difficult not to ask for the key.
Just imagine how bad you would feel now if your wife had given it to you.
She was very sensible and you should be grateful she loves you enough to refuse - get back to loving and enjoyment. Buy some flowers for her and say thank you for not ending your chastity.

[michaelnmelissa]

I know that exact feeling. When Melissa and I have a difficult moment or two almost immediately I'll think about taking off the metal. Crazy, I know, because if I did I'd be terribly disappointed.

I wonder if I think about it because I know she'd be upset it was off? Once, after an argument, I shaved my beard off because I knew she liked it and would be upset it was gone.

Now I remind myself that arguments or no arguments the metal remains. Having that clear rule helps.

Michael

[mikecb]

It seems understandable that after an argument, you would not wish her to have that control. It's great that she stood her ground. If you wish it to be a lifestyle, it has to endure the little tiffs that happen when two people live under one roof.

Best of luck!
mikecb

[Tom Allen]

If you wish it to be a lifestyle, it has to endure the little tiffs that happen when two people live under one roof.

Why?

Or maybe a better question would be: What is a "lifestyle"?

[mikecb]

If you wish it to be a lifestyle, it has to endure the little tiffs that happen when two people live under one roof.

Why?

Or maybe a better question would be: What is a "lifestyle"?

Hmm, I envision a "lifestyle" as a way of being that the couple agrees to. For example, when I married my wife, we entered into a lifestyle in which we mutually agreed that we are monogamous. I don't view that agreement to be void when I argue with her.

Similarly, if I were in a "chaste lifestyle" with my wife, I would assume that the rules about me being belted wouldn't go away if we argued. I might sure-as-hell want the device off in the heat of the moment, but I would hope that the strength of the relationship would overwhelm the desire to be defiant.

I'm guessing your comment is questioning the assumption that they ARE in a "lifestyle" of some kind, regarding chastity. I'll agree that I made a leap there, which may have been incorrect.

However, I have trouble imagining someone who initiated chastity/orgasm-control who would want the agreement to be "You're in control of the keys, except when I have a mood swing and don't feel like it."

Certainly, if the entire relationship is on the rocks, then a chastity agreement is probably not prudent, but I think a lot of us can have an argument with our spouse, and still "honor and obey" the basic agreements of our relationship, even if we're mad at each other.

mikecb

mikecb

[Tom Allen]

Hmm, I envision a "lifestyle" as a way of being that the couple agrees to. For example, when I married my wife, we entered into a lifestyle in which we mutually agreed that we are monogamous. I don't view that agreement to be void when I argue with her.

Is that a lifestyle, or is that simply an agreement?

My wife would expect me to go with her to visit her family on vacation, but if we have an argument and I decide not to go, is that a lifestyle issue?

Similarly, if I were in a "chaste lifestyle" with my wife, I would assume that the rules about me being belted wouldn't go away if we argued.

Or, instead of trying to beat bad analogies into submission (hah!), let's just go back to the concept that "enforced" chastity is merely an ideal, and that we are locked up simply because it's an amusing sex game. Should we feel compelled to continue a game when we're pissed off?

I might sure-as-hell want the device off in the heat of the moment, but I would hope that the strength of the relationship would overwhelm the desire to be defiant.

And we're back to my original question: Why? What is it about locking up your junk that supersedes an issue within your relationship?

[mikecb]

And we're back to my original question: Why? What is it about locking up your junk that supersedes an issue within your relationship?

Tom, I guess I would distinguish an argument which is at the level of "issue within my relationship" vs an argument that is more about "one of us is cranky today". My Wife and I certainly have both kinds of arguments. However, the bulk of them are more of the "my blood sugar is low-the cat threw up in my shoe-I feel like yelling right now" kinds of spats.

I think a larger "issue with the relationship" should certainly override any "lock up my junk sex game" play. However, for a silly spat, I think I'd want the sex game to continue. Hell, in that circumstance, the sex game might be the thing that helps the hurt feelings after the spat.

I'm certainly taking your point that chastity play is not a "lifestyle" for everyone. Hell, my own blog champions that notion. I think this conversation is more about where the fine line is between an argument that stops the "sex play / lifestyle chastity", and one which does not. This actually reminds me a little of the "cooling off period" conversations that have been held in other threads. Some couples agree that if man "wants out now", the KH may wait 24 hours to see if the feeling was real, or just a passing mood. I think there are a lot of parallels between that issue and this one.

mikecb

[Tom Allen]

I'm certainly taking your point that chastity play is not a "lifestyle" for everyone. Hell, my own blog champions that notion. I think this conversation is more about where the fine line is between an argument that stops the "sex play / lifestyle chastity", and one which does not. This actually reminds me a little of the "cooling off period" conversations that have been held in other threads. Some couples agree that if man "wants out now", the KH may wait 24 hours to see if the feeling was real, or just a passing mood. I think there are a lot of parallels between that issue and this one.

:nods:

I'm not trying to be pedantic or even argumentative. But I see the "lifestyle" tag tossed around quite a bit, and I've been seeing a people cheering each other on for things that, in other contexts, would be a bit... odd (granted that chastity itself is a bit odd).

So, for the hell of it, let's flip this situation around for some perspective: A couple gets into a spat, and *she* tells him, "I want you to take that freaking thing off!"

Is that a lifestyle violation?

If he refuses, do we congratulate him for standing his ground? Would anyone say to her "Just think how bad you would have felt if he had given in to you" or tell her that she should buy him a nice cordless drill to thank him for not ending it?

Would it make a difference whether it was Steph17's wife saying this or Dev telling Abs (Keep in mind that Dev was the initiator)?