Extended Orgasm Denial

[katieandchaste]

Thank you Tom and Lady M, what you said helps.
It was a real concern of mine when we started that I would become somebody else because of this.
Self deception is so deceiving because, well it involves self.
Thank you for having a place like this that we can engage a community and get some insight.
I can't honestly say I have put this issue to rest but I am closer.

Thanks again,
Katie

[lockedsteve]

I am real but wish I wasn't. My wife started off with lots of guilt. To her sex was making me cum even if she was not in the mood. She saw it as her marital duty just as her mother did. So we had to take it slow and she eventually got us to 3 months of no orgasms and stopped feeling guilty. However, I bought her a new car that she wanted and a bunch of other things she liked and she lost the urge to make me go that long anymore. We went to one orgasm a month and that is where we are at now but talking about making it 3 months again. Today I have some sex options to choose from and some of them extend my orgasm denial time.

I get desperate during weeks 2-3. I get anxiety attacks and question why do I want to do this anymore. If my wife stays firm and I get over the first 6 weeks, I even out and it is not as hard as it is now. However, when someone loves you and sees you are in discomfort, it it difficult for them to not want to release you. I just told my wife that this is not about how long you deny me anymore because I can see she is still struggling and I want it to be fun for both of us. I explained that it is more about her having control over when we have sex, how and if I get a full release of not. When she makes me cum earlier than she said she would, she felt that she was guilted into it or did it because I was irritable without an orgasm.

I reassured her that whether it be one week or one year of orgasm denial was not the issue. What she needed to simple do is just let me cum when SHE wants me to and not when I want to. If that is in a week that is fine if that is what she wants. If she wants it to be a few months that is also fine if that is what she wants. I am trying to erase areas that would cause her to feel guilt. We are not focusing on the control aspect of chastity and her sexually ignoring me which I now suspect have to do more with not wanting to feel like she is giving in to me by making me cum during sex when I am begging for release. I thought she just did not want to have sex with me but that was not it all. She just wanted to limit the number of temptations for her to feel sorry for me and let me cum because I want to.

We are almost done with our second year and still sorting things out. The only two things we firmly believe in and never change are that I like wearing my Jailbird which is very comfy and my wife likes me better when i do not cum as often as I used to. In between those two likes, there has to be common ground and we will find it. She still would like another female around to help her tease me and also provide her with a play partner that has no restrictions. I think it would be great to be used by two woman. I had done that when we were into BDSM and two heads are better than one. I would have to think just watching them together would be a major turn on. As I said, be creative and do whatever you can to keep it fresh and interesting. Some couples add cuckolding, D/s or Humiliation. Whatever floats your boat because I have done all that stuff so I am in no position to judge others.

[Tom Allen]

It was a real concern of mine when we started that I would become somebody else because of this.

You know, every time we have a new experience, we become somebody else. That's what growth is - none of us get to stay 14 years old forever.

When we first tried this, it was out of curiosity; we decided to try it for a couple of weeks. At the end of a couple of weeks, we went for a couple more weeks. At the end of four weeks, we decided to try for another month. And then a third month. Neat the end of that period, I'd mentioned that I had been locked 24/7 for 90 days, and Mrs. Edge responded "You mean the *first* 90 days." And then we were off on an adventure.

She didn't turn into a leather-clad dominatrix (not that I would have minded), and there really wasn't any personality change. We did find that we had to spend some time checking in with each other to make sure that we were both doing okay.

As other people have mentioned, the key to long term denial (for whatever you decide is "long term") is keeping him interested - a little teasing, frequent reminders that you own him (or hasn't earned it, etc.), and regular affection. None of which are bad things, evenin a vanilla relationship.

[wishful4]

You know, every time we have a new experience, we become somebody else. That's what growth is - none of us get to stay 14 years old forever.

When we first tried this, it was out of curiosity; we decided to try it for a couple of weeks. At the end of a couple of weeks, we went for a couple more weeks. At the end of four weeks, we decided to try for another month. And then a third month. Neat the end of that period, I'd mentioned that I had been locked 24/7 for 90 days, and Mrs. Edge responded "You mean the *first* 90 days." And then we were off on an adventure.

She didn't turn into a leather-clad dominatrix (not that I would have minded), and there really wasn't any personality change. We did find that we had to spend some time checking in with each other to make sure that we were both doing okay.

As other people have mentioned, the key to long term denial (for whatever you decide is "long term") is keeping him interested - a little teasing, frequent reminders that you own him (or hasn't earned it, etc.), and regular affection. None of which are bad things, evenin a vanilla relationship.

Great post, Tom! This is, indeed, a good description of "real life" male chastity.

[VampireElf]

I also noticed that many women like their partner to have an orgasm. And with chastity, their need for him to orgasm got less and less. I think its all in the brain Usually you combine pleasure with his orgasm. But when you play with chastity and have soo much pleasure without his orgasms, your need for it just get lower. And at one point, you get even less pleasure when he orgasms (just like you said that he acts weird after cumming). Thats when you start to have more pleasure when he doesnt cum anymore. And I think thats totally fine and the goal of chastity

My girlfriend doesnt want children yet or anytime soon. So she see no reason for me to squirt. She never allowes me to ever cum, and I never had an orgasm since I know her. She has totally no desire for my orgasm. and I love her for that

[Tom Allen]

Great post, Tom! This is, indeed, a good description of "real life" male chastity.

Everybody will approach it differently, and that's fine. We really did jump right into long term, but I'm not sure if I would recommend that to anyone else. For us, we didn't start off with a long term plan, we just went week to week and just sort of ended up there.

Even now, we don't use the devices much, so it's an honor system, and I don't get to come unless I've been given permission. But we couldn't be doing this without a lot of talking about it - both during sex, and at non-sexual times.

[katieandchaste]

Lockedsteve, thank you so much for sharing. Ken has said some very similar things, and it's not that I didn't believe him because he is the most honest man I know. It's just that I know we humans are a funny creation and we can say and believe something and later regret it. I wish we were all in a room together and I could get a show of hands, how many men in chastity really do want their wife to decide when/if you have an orgasm?
I know that is the point of chastity, but do you really, really deep down feel that way? Ken knows how much I enjoy our sex life now compared to BC (before chastity). How can I know he isn't just saying what he thinks I want to hear? Am I making sense? When we have been intimate, I am satisfied, and it is time to cuddle, I usually help him calm down and get his mind off the orgasm he won't be having. In that moment I sense regret on his part, but maybe that's just me. He says the feelings he has are what he wants and thanks me for being strong. But am I hurting him deep down by NOT wanting him to orgasm? Am I feeling guilt because that was how I knew I had done a good job, (he came) and now I don't have that evidence? At times I am ok with it and at other times I struggle. Didn't think I would still be here this long into chastity. Sorry if my feelings resemble spaghetti, that's just the way it is with me.

[katieandchaste]

It was a real concern of mine when we started that I would become somebody else because of this.

You know, every time we have a new experience, we become somebody else. That's what growth is - none of us get to stay 14 years old forever.

Wow, Tom, that is pretty deep!

p.s. Are you the same Tom that has commented on one of my blog posts?

[Tom Allen]

p.s. Are you the same Tom that has commented on one of my blog posts?

Well, this is pretty humbling. There's somebody in the chastity blogging world that doesn't know who I am.

[katieandchaste]

I am so so sorry Tom. I meant no offense. I said we were kind of new engaging others about this.
We have just been quietly going about it in our little piece of the world.
Please forgive me. It is I who am now humbled.