Rewards and punishments

[spectre]

As someone who experiences orgasm denial as part of role play, I am sometimes exposed to the concept of "reward and punishment". I do recognize that chastity has many different flavors and in many if not most of them there is no place for rewards and punishments.

However, if you are into some type of power exchange role play, there are still a million different ways of going about it and the rewards and punishments will reflect the way you play. In my relationship, we never use punishments to deal with real world issues. Not that it happens often, but if we are upset with each other for some reason, a "punishment" is not the way to deal with it, talking is.

In the world of role play, there are punishments that I would consider fun and ones that are a bit less so. I can get punishments for real infractions, such as not washing the dishes, or just at her whim. Same thing goes for rewards. Some things seem like punishments and rewards at the same time. Discussing general likes and dislikes, as you do, can help outline what you want done to you, but it is more important to discuss what she is getting out of the role play and if there is anything she desires and not to only talk about your fantasies.

Having said that, punishments that I have had inflicted on me include:

- extra chores, specifically tedious detail oriented things or dirty tasks like cleaning the oven by hand
- having the chastity device taken off and forced edging every x minutes
- spanking, an oldie but a goodie
- embarrassing photos - having to take scandalous pics of myself outside of the house
- putting together a powerpoint presentation on anime porn (I know this is a strange one - what can I say, she likes anime)
- ruined orgasms or more deviously what she calls stamina tests - I am unlocked and she can do whatever she wants to me for 7 minutes, but I am not allowed to cum. If I start, she will ruin it and I am locked back up for a number of additional days depending on how long I lasted. If I last 7 minutes I can cum any way I want to. I have never made it to 7 minutes. grrr.

Rewards - Most of my rewards include me making her cum, though it is a bit of a punishment also.

The main thing is that we do not overdo any of the above; most of our fun time together is doing things like eating out, going to the corner bar, and watching movies.

As far as jail goes, I mostly agree with Sarah's prison as a last resort point of view. However, I disagree about the paying of reparations as a way to avoid jail. Then poor people who cannot afford reparations are punished more than rich people.

[practicinghetero]

We mostly do some rewards, but it's never exactly tit for tat. The Princess will ask about what I'd like, and give me a chance to steer some of our play together if I've been doing well. But that's when she takes stock of things...not predetermined by a triggering event.

I often choose giving her an orgasm...which is a little pleasure/punishment for me. I really enjoy the process, and take pride in my work, but the added tease/frustration factor is significant.

[celticqueens_sub]

CQ uses punishment as a last resort. It is never done as part of play. Corporal punishment is not erotic in anyway. It is very painful. Get a wooden hair brush across your arse and thighs very hard has the desired effect of ensuring a better effort is made. It has been sometime since I have been punished for not meeting her standards.

We use whipping and canning in play and that is erotic. There is a fine line between the two, but it easily defined and crossed in our relationship. We both know where that line is and I guess that takes time and development in a relationship.

Bottom line (ha ha) is that each relationship will find its own route and methods but I think that sadistic punishment does not have as much effect on behaviour modification as rewards do. People doing things out of fear creates resentment, people doing things out of a positive motivation are doing things in a much more willing manner.

[celticqueens_sub]

On the paying reparations.. I wonder what sort of reparation you can pay to a family whose kid you just killed because you drove your car pissed out of your head? That is a really difficult area indeed.

[Aarkey]

Blaeu, as I'm sure you already noticed from the responses - not everyone has a D/s dynamic, nor do they use "rewards and punishments" in their chastity lifestyle.

With that said, there's nothing wrong with wanting that or incorporating that in your relationship. To each their own, and I would feel out of line if I were to imply that whatever you do in a consensual adult relationship is somehow wrong.

As voiced by Sarah, the ultimate and perhaps final punishment is dismissal.

But that doesn't mean that there can't be many shades of grey between a keyholder and a person in chastity.

In the past, the only punishments I've dealt with are extended chastity time, or just the general disappointment I've had in my heart about displeasing my keyholder. Though my life has changed recently, and I am now in a new relationship. My new keyholder is much more assertive and interested in traditional BDSM, so I suspect things will change in time as we get to know each other more. I do like the idea of being taught (or trained) to please her, and I suspect things like reward and punishments will be included in both our play, and our lifestyle.

[Tom Allen]

[...] I am now in a new relationship. My new keyholder is much more assertive and interested in traditional BDSM, so I suspect things will change in time as we get to know each other more.

Best wishes for you, bro!

[Aarkey]

Thanks my friend. I'm surprised that I'm this comfortable, this fast. I'm really impressed by this woman, the honest and open communication, the mutual respect, the sanity - its a whole different world compared to what the last couple of years have been like. I'm trying to take it slow and let it happen, and so far, so good

[ptharv]

Sounds like we are doing things differently than most. We have a list of punishments. Actually developed by me with a lot of my wife's input and of course her approval. The list changes as some things work and others don't, or we acquire new toys. Most punishments are bondage sessions. Some are very easy, such as a posture collar or fist mitts locked on for the nite; to the more extreme, such as spending 3 hours in a leather sleepsack and full leather hood. Plus some non bondage stuff, such cleaning the house for a week or detailing her car. The worst for me is being blindfolded all night, usually with a hood of some sort. The reason I hate it is because I won't sleep very well, and I can't see the time. This leads to a lot frustration, because I get very horney because my wife has taken control, I have no way out (waking her would just cause another punishment), then I want to jerk off, but can't because my cock is locked in steel. It makes for a long nite. Needless to say, I try to avoid serious infractions to avoid the serious punishments.

[locked4her55]

I have to admit I would find it extremely frustrating to have my wife lock my hands in fist mitts at bedtime and then take my cage off. Maybe I need to re-think this punishment thing.

[all41]

The worst punishment for me is when my KH wife makes me sleep in the spare bedroom alone and locked of course