Keyholders with no libedo

[wettie]

So we have been at chastity again for the last three weeks since receiving our Jail Bird. We have done long term chastity in the past a few times, with a max of 4 months. That time was basically an experiment on my part to see how long my wife would go without requesting sex. I finally broke down at 4 months because I didn't see her ever asking me for sex.

Don't get me wrong, she will have sex with me when I ask, but if I didn't ask, I'm pretty sure she would be happy to never have sex again.

Several months ago I complained about wanting much more sex, or as an alternative, for her to lock me up and I would accept much less sex. She agreed to much less sex, and now I am in a Jail Bird, and we have had sex once a week. At this point we don't really have any set rules, just that I'm trying to do everything for her that she will allow.

The question is, is anyone else in this situation, and how has it worked out? She is willing to be my keyholder, but not much more than that. I assume this is common, but I'd love to hear from someone who had a similar situation, specifically with a keyholder with no sexual desire (not a little, none) who is accommodating but not actually interested, and if you've had any success in bringing her around through chastity.

Thanks

[Michele]

I just want to say that it took us fixing our marriage to boost my libido... My hubby started dating me again and I did the same, we got to know each other... after that chastity just intensified everything and our sex life.

I wish you luck because I'm a very active keyholder, a very intense keyholder.

I know there are others in a similar situation as yours or they have been.

[wettie]

Forgot to add, our relationship is really good in every way, and even the sex part is acceptable, like I said, she'll usually accommodate me, but never enjoys it. She's taken to enjoying a vibrator, but again, will never initiate it.

She also doesn't like to talk about sex, so another question is, what are your collective thoughts on writing an email to initiate a conversation about sex and chastity? I feel like there is so much topping from the bottom goingon that a letter could really look like a list of demands, but could also get everything out at once for discussion...

[coffee2sugars]

I have been in that situation but for me it was a long time before we started playing with chastity.

For us everything else was 100% fine with the only issue being that she litterally would not initiate sex at any time no matter what the circumstances or want to have sex. At 1 point we went 3 months without anykind of sex due in part to my own little experiment. I too gave up and we had a big argument.

I felt a host of emotions go through me and constantly asked questions like what is wrong with me?, why doesnt she want to know? What have I done?

Discusions often felt one sided and like I was putting alot of pressure on her and although she often told me that it wasnt me or it wasnt my fault she just didn't have a high sex sex drive it still felt very personal and painful.

Chastity won't solve these kind of issues and If anything it has the pottential in my oppinion to inflame the situation due in most part to the hightend state of arrousal you will be in.

My advice is bin the chastity until your other issues are resolved and then maybe slowly get back into it.

What changed for us, well it was simple really. I met someone at work who took a massive shine to me and shared alot of comon intrest's. I felt so good in myself that someone wanted to be close to me that I started lying about where I was and spending time with her behind my wifes back. Nothing ever happened but it was so obvious that she wanted it too I couldnt help but lie to my wife in order to spend time with her because she made me feel wanted as a lover and not Just a friend.

As usually happens in these kind of situations eventually the wife caught me out and things blew up. You never truely know what you have got until your about to loose it all but for once she realised how important it was to me that she made me feel wanted as a lover and not just as a live in friend. she decided herself she was going to change. She has too if anything nowadays she is the one who is often wanting to play more than I am.

For my part I feel ashamed that I lied and nearly cheated. There is no justification for my actions but it has had a possitive impact on our relationship. The way things were I deffinatly would have left just because I felt so alone in the physical side of our relationship.

I wish you well mate and hope you find a way to improve things.

[Michele]

We started a "communication notebook" when all this started. It was much easier to write things then talk about them... we do still use it a year later but not as often because our communication has grown immensely! We used to both write everyday but now it's a couple times a week but we also write on the blog too so there's more communication.

Anyway, sometimes writing our feelings and fantasies is much easier and then it becomes easier to have the actual conversations too.

Hope that helps

[Tame Lion]

We've been in the same position. Mrs. Lion and I have a great relationship and love each other more than anything. We always have. Yesterday was our ninth anniversary. However, she has very little interest in sex. This has been true for most of the time we have been together. Over the years I just masturbated now and then. But it wasn't anything like what I want. I December I ordered some of the cheap Chinese chastity devices out of curiosity. I liked one or two. I asked Mrs. Lion about locking me up. She agreed. Over the last six months or so I have been locked up. She has been more attentive to my sexual needs. She has wanted some sex, but not very much. Like Lady M, we communicate in writing as well as talking. We use our blog as one way to communicate with each other as well as our readers. It's worked very well.

Unlike Lady M, Mrs. Lion's libido isn't growing. But I have high hopes that it will. In the meantime, my lockup has given us a great sexual opportunity that we can both enjoy even if Mrs. Lion's interest in her own orgasms is very low.

[locked4now]

Lady M wrote "I'm a very active keyholder, a very intense keyholder."

I hope more than anything I will hear these words from my keyholder someday. She is getting better every week.

I hope you know how good you have it cagedmonkey!!!!

[Michele]

Lady M wrote "I'm a very active keyholder, a very intense keyholder."

I hope more than anything I will hear these words from my keyholder someday. She is getting better every week.

I hope you know how good you have it cagedmonkey!!!!

*blush*

[slave d]

FWIW i am expected to write a weekly report (every Tuesday) to MsM detailing the past week and my thoughts and observations. This was a part if our chastity agreement and is still (6 months later) the outlet i use to discuss my sexual fantasies and feelings. What MsM then does with that is up to Her.

d

[cagedmonkey]

Lady M wrote "I'm a very active keyholder, a very intense keyholder."

I hope more than anything I will hear these words from my keyholder someday. She is getting better every week.

I hope you know how good you have it cagedmonkey!!!!

Oh, trust me, I do... My Lady is 100% the perfect keyholder for me, I couldn't ask for anything different!

@OP: as My Lady mentioned before, the communication notebook was huge. ML's libido did increase at the beginning of our chastity play, but it's skyrocketed over the last little while because of one thing we have done - we agreed that both of us could share any fantasy that we have with each other without fear of ridicule or weirding the other out. At first, I was the one with all the fantasies while ML didn't have many to bring up. Either she was holding back fantasies, or (more likely) she felt free to expand her mind and her curiousity, but eventually ML started to have some pretty interesting sexual thoughts... and some of the things we've tried out have surprised us by turning us on immensely!

Without our agreement to communicate openly and honestly, and more importantly to listen to each other without prejudice, I don't think we'd be where we are today.