How to make husband realize that chastity is not just sex?

[Barons]

I'm probably on the extreme side of the bell.

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Notice they didn't say anything about the blow job ending in an orgasm.

[RegularJoe]

Barons...I think your sentiments fall exactly upon the peak of the curve...I just enjoy begging my wife for the sandwich AND the blowjob....but she'll just tell me to make my own damn sandwich (and make her one too). I MIGHT get the blowjob (only because I can't blow myself)!

[LisaCM323444]

I think it comes naturally. What I did was that I gave my hubby the device along with the lock and key, and told him to get used to it gradually over the next week to ten days. I encouraged him to wear it as much as possible during the day and at night, and to learn to pee with it on, and get used to it.

Then, after a week or so, I confronted him, and demanded the key. At that point, he realized that it was not as bad as he'd imagined, and gave up the key with very little argument.

Once I had the key, I automatically had and exhibited a much greater feeling of sexual confidence and power, and he sensed this immediately. Most men find sexual confidence in a woman to be very arousing, and so they will usually respond appropriately. Most women I've spoken to that use a chastity device have all agreed on this point.

I recommend that you always show a bit of compassion and sympathy, especially when he complains about the device, but remain firm with him. Say, "Oh. Poor baby. Is it uncomfortable? I'm sorry. Come here and sit down [or lay down]. Let me love you." You can console him, while at the same time letting him know that you simply will not back down.

Tell him you've been doing some reading on the use of the device, and let him know that you've decided that this will be the best thing for him in the long run. Tell him this is being done for his benefit, more than yours, and this will be SO good for him.

I used to say, "Honey, this is going to be so great for you. You wait and see. You'll be a lot happier in the long run." Then I would say, "Honey, I'm SO proud of you. You have been doing SO well. Look, you have worn your chastity device now for a whole week. So, I'm going to give you a BIG reward." Then, let him out of it for one night, and let him have an orgasm.

Then, the next morning, back in the device. It works! I can't believe I didn't do this years ago.

[mistress is god]

I think that this has kind of been covered however in summary my advise would be set up the rules ASAP in writing (Rule book / Chastity contract is good)

Generally ladies know what they want but have a tendency of letting us men know after the event when it is to late or hoping that we can read minds.
We dont!
We know what we want/ like and do that unless told other wise / given incentive.

1) Consider what you want
2) Write it down to be clear
3) Ask him what he wants in return (this helps with the Alpha Male as it feels at this stage that he has some control still)
4) Never bend on any of your wants yours must be mandatory (he just adds bits you like)
5) Agree to some of his wants (if you like the sound of it)
6) Write it all down
7) Agree consequences of non compliance (this takes the pressure off you as he decides his own fait)
8) Write that down
9) Both sign it

It now feels like you have jointly agreed it, you have everything you want, he bought into it as he got a little bit of what he wanted but you got everything you wanted and he decided his punishment when not done as agreed.

You win.... Job done

[mrsj]

This is an easy one. Sit down and talk about it. Find out what his expectations are and explain to him what yours are. This is not just about one person, it's about BOTH. Neither of you will know exactly what you want right now and things will evolve and change so keep the lines of communication open. It does not matter whether you end up playing this as a game to enhance your sex life or end up in a full time M/s relationship, both parties will have "needs" that will need to be met or it just won't work.

I actually signed up just to post on this thread...I thought my personal situation might help you...

I am very Alpha. I introduced this to my wife 6-7 years ago. This was primarily an extension of my bondage fantasies....about sex. I realized early on that the more I did for her when locked, the more time and willingness she would have to indulge in my fantasies. It's not that I didn't do anything before, I just made the extra effort. What I didn't realize at the time was that I really enjoyed doing things just to make her happy...i.e. "serve" her. We have gone from using a plastic device and playing a part time game to a Lori secured by piercing and basically a FLR. Funny things is, although adventurous, my wife was not dominant. She indulged in my fantasies basically to please me...now she's a freak, lol and loves it. I know I wouldn't have wanted to play at this level without the bdsm elements and kinky stuff and she understood this because we we talked about it. I know this got long...but my point is what I said initially...it needs to be fulfilling for both. My wife is certainly controls the when and how and her needs come first...but she puts plenty of effort into making sure I am content.

[kpb57]

...but she puts plenty of effort into making sure I am content.

One of the pitfalls we men should clearly avoid is to make our partners think it will all be for free. No, it won't. MC demands a lot of effort from the KH. Even if there is no FemDom involved, in part she has to take the same responsibility that a real master has vs his slave in a strict D/S relationship.

-K