[Vanillaish] Going from play to lifestyle

[vanillaish]

This will be a journal to help me work through moving from chastity play to lifestyle, which has been a desire for a long time.

A bit of background..... I am based in the UK, married for 20+ years and we have incorporated male chastity play into our marriage, on and off, for the last 7 years.

I have been aware of chastity since 2016 when I saw (scrolling through cuckold porn) a picture of a bald middle-aged bloke only wearing a t-shirt with a locked cock logo and (what I now know is) a mature metal jailbird. My reaction was initially one of horror, which turned to fascinated horror, which turned to fascination.

After a month or two I brought it up with my wife, who has been quite open minded in other aspects of our personal life. She was hesitant at first but also knows I am like a dog with a bone (no pun intended) and so cautiously gave the thumbs up to give it a try. She quickly found she enjoyed a softer more attentive side to her otherwise fairly alpha and occasionally grumpy hubby.

We've been playing on and off ever since then. Frustrations with ill-fitting cages, communication challenges, getting a frenum piercing, said piercing bursting, life in general etc etc has meant its been quite a rocky road. I am now in a kind3d cage and I am hoping this will now settle down into a permanent 24/7 thing.

The challenge I have is that in the past my wife has been on board but through poor communication or me just being a plain idiot, we've (and mostly I've) not followed through. For example, initially I communicated that I wanted her to be quite strict and harsh with the denial aspects. no doubt still a bit caught up in pornoland. She complied and then I used my safe word after about 10 days out of frustration and thinking she didn't care. When in fact she did and was only doing what I'd asked.

So whilst she is still up for me being caged, due to the up sides for her, she has definitely put walls up a little bit. I think this is because she is expecting me to cave in and so doesn't want to get too excited only to be disappointed again. She does hold the key (a nice pice of jewellery purchased from the chastityshop.com) and wears it everyday. She has said it makes her smile at some point most days.

However, chastity play/lifestyle for me is about the tease AND denial. The cage and her holding the key sorts out the denial but the tease is lacking due to her guardedness from the let downs of the past. My challenge of the coming months is to make sure I put the work in to follow through on not backing out of the denial and work on our communication so that she feels empowered, encouraged and secure enough to provide the teases in a way that it is fun for both of us.

All provoking thoughts welcome!

[Tom Allen]

My reaction was initially one of horror, which turned to fascinated horror, which turned to fascination.

Yes, that's how it starts...

[vanillaish]

My reaction was initially one of horror, which turned to fascinated horror, which turned to fascination.

Yes, that's how it starts...

[Tom Allen]

I was surfing porn late at night on AOHell dial up back in the Paleolithic Era, and I ended up on Altairboy's chastity page. I was all "Dang, I've spent my adult life trying to put my junk into women. Why are these guys trying to keep themselves from that?"

A month or two later I stumbled across the site again. And then a few weeks later. And then I became a regular reader.

And then one day I'm making a cage in my garage.