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[trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Posted: Wed May 04, 2022 7:44 am
by trijack3
The Frog who slowly boils to death

I've been happily married for 40+ to an incredible, beautiful woman. Everything about our marriage has been great but our physical intimacy which affected our emotional & personal intimacy as well. I had declining libido and increasing erectile dysfunction that little blue pills couldn't solve. A masturbation habit from childhood that wasn't out of control especially with limited libido didn't help matters.

I also had resorted to sleeping on the sofa 95% of the time because of sleep disruptions in a standard bed. I'm a back sleeper but when in bed, I would roll over on my stomach and wake myself up repeatedly. I tried multiple things with no success. But sleeping on the sofa prevented me from rolling over and I slept thru the night most of the time. Of course, my wife was very unhappy with this arrangement but after years began to accept it.

My ED had become embarassing and was upsetting to my wife. As a result, I went longer and longer without initiating sex. I began to turn to porn in the wee hours of the morn to stimulate myself and satisfy the morning erections I still had at 3 or 4 am. I also found that I would resort to masturbation fueled by porn on days when I was feeling depressed because of guilt, frustration or fatigue. This was a means to make myself feel better.... like a shot of some feel-good drug.

What I didn't realize until January of this year was that high cholesterol, though treated with medication for years, had caused a build up of calcium deposits in my arteries. A CAC scan revealed extremely high amounts of calcium deposits even though I appeared to be perfectly healthy with no heart issues or symptoms of heart disease. This was the cause of my low libido and ED. I've apparently had low testosterone levels which was the source of my hair loss and slow hair growth.

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Posted: Thu May 05, 2022 8:12 am
by trijack3
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups - how Tease & Denial came together accidentally

About 6-7 years ago, I had to have surgery on my left knee for a torn meniscus. I determined afterwards that I needed to lose about 20 lbs to get to an optimal, healthy weight and reduce strain on my joints from my feet up to my back. I was successful, but gained the weight back within about a year. But I fought to lose it again during the summer. I then had to have surgery on the other knee. I repeated the cycle of losing and gaining weight.

My forays into porn to get me stimulated introduced me to male chastity. After reading a blog about one couple using it to get the husband to lose weight, I got the idea to use that as a tool to lose weight and then keep it off. So I bought my first chastity device about 2 years ago. Each week, I would weigh myself and if I exceeded my weight goal, on would go the cage until I got back down to my desired weight. This worked very well and has helped me reach the point where I don’t need the cage for that purpose since it’s ingrained in me now.

During that time, I learned a lot about cages - sizing, fit, comfort, and security - and tried multiple devices. All without my wife’s knowledge.

Last fall while awake during the early morning hours, I unconsciously reached up and rubbed one of my nipples for some reason and discovered some level of sensitivity that triggered an electrical response in my penis and woke him up. I tried playing some more with my nipples and noticed there was a direct connection. I began to read about nipple stimulation as an arousal tool. I discovered that there were ways to increase the sensitivity of your nipples. So I began to experiment. I played with them frequently… rubbing, tickling, pinching, flicking, wearing clamps and clothespins, twisting, rubbing toothpaste and ben gay on them, using suction cups, etc. I also began to experiment with the timing of each of these stimuli.

Finally, I decided to test out my nipple teasing in the bedroom during sex with my wife. Because of flexibility issues that my wife has (possibly because of lack of use?), PIV sex hasn’t been something that she finds comfortable so when we occasionally did get physically intimate, we resorted to stimulating each other by hand. On an overnight away from home, I initiated sex with her and she responded favorably. Once I had pleasured her, she turned to me and, while she was working my little guy over, I was rubbing and teasing my nipples. This resulted in a successful orgasm and my wife was pleased that I was able to stay erect and achieve an orgasm without the benefit of the pills. Because she makes love with her eyes closed, it didn’t appear that she was aware that I was teasing my nipples.

This gave me encouragement to perfect the sensitivity of my nipples and I continued to experiment. I noticed some stimuli would leave them insensitive for a time and that I would need to wait for the benefit to show up. I’ve settled on the following formula:

Keep my torso free from hair. I wax & shave myself about every 3 weeks. It was less frequent before that but my hair is growing faster now that my testosterone levels are higher.
Use small suction cups also called “snake bite nipple suckers” about 4x per week for 20 minutes. I had to build up to 20 min gradually.
Use clothespins on my nipples (I’ve bought some that are sand-tipped to increase the effect) for 20 min once per week. I rotate them 90 degrees every 5 min.

The effectiveness of my sensitivity training was so successful that I was having a hard time keeping myself from playing with my nipples during the day. One of the T-shirts I wore at night or when I get up in the morning was beginning to show noticeable signs of wear in the nipple area. And I was wanting to masturbate much more often because I was making myself horny as hell.

I was reaching the point that I wanted to resume more frequent physical intimacy with my wife and stop masturbating so often. The timing was bad because we were about to have house guests which always has shut down bedroom activities and then I was leaving on a 3 week road trip to go skiing without my wife. Before I left on my trip, I decided to put on my chastity cage to help control myself and started shopping for a more secure cage that I couldn’t pull out of. I ordered a Vice Mini (I have a little guy) and had it delivered to my hotel on the road. After wearing it for a couple of days, getting the fit worked out with the various sizing rings, etc, and finding it very comfortable, I decided to buy a combination lock box for the keys and use the Chaster online app to keep the combination hidden from me for a couple of days before getting a hygiene release. Locking those keys away for the first time was one of the scariest moments of my life.

The security of the device also proved to be effective for me. After my first week in the cage without removal, I tried to pull out and had to stop when the pain became too much and I started to bleed. I made sure it was right before a scheduled release so I could address the medical issues. But I was able to put the cage back on after cleaning and a little care. The security question had been answered… I was never going to try to repeat my escape attempt.

So now I was teasing myself daily or more frequently, and locked in chastity for a 3-4 week stretch. I was starting to notice changes in how I felt. And I was starting to miss my wife. And at this point, I hadn’t read anything about Tease & Denial.

And I noticed something else that was profound as well. Either because of the cage or because I had trained myself over time, I was no longer rolling over when sleeping in a bed at night. Being away for 3 weeks and having to sleep in a variety of hotel / VRBO beds, I didn’t have a single night where I rolled over in bed. Did this mean I could come back to bed with my wife?

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Posted: Sat May 07, 2022 11:19 am
by trijack3
How Chastity worked for me

As I mentioned in a previous post, I started using chastity to help me manage my weight. Previously, I would lose weight only to gain it back again. I bought a chastity device and then would punish myself if I didn't meet a weight loss target each week. This proved effective in reaching an ultimate weight loss target. Then I continued to use that as an incentive to keep me at that target weight.

Last fall, frustrated that I had not met my weight one week, I decided to up the ante. Previously, I weighed in each week and, if I failed to make weight, I put on the cage until I dropped back down which could be only a matter of a day or two. I found a chastity roulette on that determined the length of lockup based on a roll of a random number i.e. 1-7 was 1-7 days, 8 = 2 weeks, 9 = 3 weeks, 10 = 1 month. Of course, on my first roll, my punishmet was 1 month!!! I couldn't believe my luck! A whole month locked up! How was I going to manage that? There were also daily rolls that could add additional days to the lockup and penalties for not completing daily tasks. My lockup, which started mid to late Sept, lasted more than 40+ days which included all of Locktober. I had one vibrator assisted orgasm which was amazing. One of the daily tasks that I could encounter via a random roll was to vibe my cage for a random number of minutes. I had several vibe sessions but only one that resulted in an orgasm sadly.

After two years of using chastity to manage my weight, I've reached a point now where I'm not having ANY weight fluctuations where I'm worried about gaining 20 lbs again! This is huge!!! And now I need to turn to using it to tackle another problem area in my life.

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Posted: Mon May 09, 2022 7:18 am
by trijack3
The decision to come out of the closet

I had another 1-2 week lockup later that year which were the longest until mid-January when I left for a long ski trip out west. At that point, I was ready to resume sexual relations with my wife but wanted to save myself and started my previous mentioned lockup that lasted a little over 3 weeks. I had one ruined orgasm during that time while teasing my nipples, dry humping a pillow and hitting my cage with 10-15 seconds of vibe a couple of times.

I came home from that ski trip with plans to reintroduce intimacy to my marriage on my wife's birthday over Valentine's weekend. I timed my next lock release with her birthday and planned a really romantic evening... flowers, her favorite steak dinner, chocolates, birthday present, romantic movie on Netfilx, etc. She said it was her best birthday ever! As the movie, I got up to prepare for bed and realized I was getting sick.... it felt like a bad cold coming on... it turned out to be Covid despite being vaccinated & boosted, but the symptoms were pretty mild. Despite having gone thru that 3 weeks prior while I was away on my ski trip, my wife decided I needed to quarantine so we slept apart as was our norm.

I had planned to reintiate intimacy with my wife but I had no plans to tell her about my chastity cage. I was just hoping to restore intimacy with my best efforts.

I quickly started to feel better but was TOTALLY out of sorts without the cage on. I felt naked. On the morning after Valentine's day, I awoke with "morning wood" at around 4 am and decided to watch some porn which led to the eventual wank job. It wasn't exceptionally gratifying and not long after I began to feel really guilty! I put the cage back on and locked up my keys again.

My quarantine ended the day I departed for our next ski trip... this time my wife and family were planning to join me 6 days later. As I made the day long drive up north, still feeling guilt from my moral failure, I felt compelled to fess up with my wife about my porn & masturbation habit and to give her the keys to my cage and ask her to take control of my body & sex. I went and bought her a sterling silver necklace and a ring as a sign of my commitment knowing that wearing a key on a necklace would not appeal to her.

During those 6 days before my wife and family arrived to meet me, I began to try to figure out how to bring up the discussion of chastity with my wife.
I found content on enforced male chastity on, specifically tips for a reluctant wife. As I began reading the content, I discovered that the author was suggesting to the wife/partner that she keep her mate chaste for at least 3-4 weeks at a time. Really? Really??? But as I read about the benefits that the wife would receive i.e. that their husband would be more attentive, kind, considerate, loving, eager to meet her needs, etc, I realized that was my deep desire; to be the man of her dreams. I knew this would be a huge part of my message to her.

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Posted: Mon May 09, 2022 8:55 am
by trijack3
The Conversation

I continued to read other websites that recommended weeks of denial supported by frequent teasing as I prepared to see my wife again and have the conversation. I didn’t think the time together with family sharing a rental house would be the best time for the discussion so I was prepared to wait. However, my wife got off the airplane at our destination with a developing cough that only worsened within a few days. This further restricted the interactions we could have but she later told me she was beginning to notice a difference in my behavior. After a week in the ski town, she was still sick but finally felt 90% better after getting home and having a night to sleep in her own bed.

I decided to initiate the discussion after preparing a nice meal and sharing a couple of glasses of wine. When she got up to take her dishes to the kitchen for clean up, I called her back to the table because we needed to talk and her antennae went up.

I don’t remember the exact order of the discussion but the flow went something like this:
I had become discouraged & frustrated with our lack of intimacy and had started searching for ways to overcome my physical issues
I blamed our lack of intimacy on:
My low libido, erectile dysfunction and low testosterone due to my cholesterol and cardiovascular issues
My masturbation and use of visually stimulating images (porn, etc)
My sleeping apart from her
I wept multiple times as I admitted my moral failures
I explained my journey to re-establish my sex drive and my success with nipple sensitivity training and stimulation
I explained the stress that my increased sex drive put on my masturbation habits and my decision to turn to chastity to maintain my purity while away from her on multiple trips
I presented her with the silver ring on a silver necklace as a symbol of my love and commitment
I gave her the keys to my chastity device and asked her to take control of my body and help me to learn self-control
I explained my need for stimulation to sustain my sex drive
I explained my need / desire for denial in order to love her sacrificially and treat her as she has always wanted to be treated
I told her of my desire to return to sleeping with her exclusively except if/when she needed space in order to rest

All of this was a bit overwhelming, but I took the time to carefully explain my motivations. Between that and my confessions and obvious remorse, she accepted me with open arms and we hugged & cuddled in bed that night before falling to sleep together. Her only somewhat negative remark was in referring to my chastity cage: “We need to get that thing off of you!” I took that to mean at some point in the not too distant future. I didn’t say anything at the time, but I knew it probably take months before I was ready for that. My Guardian, as we’ve come to call it, had become a safety net for me making me feel secure and protected. She could tell I was very emotionally raw.

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Posted: Thu May 12, 2022 3:19 am
by Mr Pickle
Wow that's quite a leap. A lot to take on board.
Good luck, be patient. I hope it all works out eventually.

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Posted: Fri May 13, 2022 10:01 pm
by trijack3
The Honeymoon

The night after having the conversation, we had the hottest sex of our lives up to that point. All without removing the cage and without an orgasm for me. It was amazing! We spent the night exploring each other’s bodies turned on by the slightest touch. This began a week long honeymoon that only gradually lessened in intensity in the weeks that followed. We hardly slept that first week and finally had to start temporing our passion so we could get some rest.

I was 2 ½ weeks into my chastity denial but my wife was eager to allow me to have an orgasm. I had been sharing with her the information on and other sites about a 4 week denial cycle and convinced her that since we only had about 10 more days to go to reach 4 weeks that we should see it through. Who knows if we could abstain that long again. But I continued to emphasize that she is in control and it is / was her decision. I think she appreciated that, but she was dependent on me for the information on how to make these decisions since she has no knowledge of chastity and is not going to be the one to research it… she’s never researched anything on the internet like this herself.

I still can’t believe how amazing our lovemaking has been without having an orgasm myself. My wife had 6 orgasms the first week which was definitely a record for her and one which she never thought she would reach at her age or at any age in her life. She has seemed to accept the fact that I can be incredibly turned on by sex without an orgasm and has taken to teasing me almost daily. It has been exclusively without direct stimulation of my penis… mostly my nipples and sometimes my ears and armpits. I usually try to lay completely still until I begin to twitch and jerk involuntarily.

For the first two months, the change that overcame us was life changing. We never felt more in love with each other even during our dating, courting and early married years. We both have part time jobs watching grandchildren and other odd jobs and we couldn’t wait to get home to one another, spend time talking over dinner, cuddling on the sofa watching a little TV, etc.

The change in our relationship has been so dramatic, pleasurable and life transforming that I don’t ever want to go back to the way life was before. Chastity has been such a significant part of that, I don’t know if I ever want to live without a cage again. Additionally, I am so horny all the time that I need the cage to help me control myself when we are making love and when I’m alone

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Posted: Sat May 14, 2022 6:21 am
by trijack3
The Agreement

I came up with the following during the first week of our restored life of intimacy and presented to my wife (D). She loved it. I should make a few comments for clarity:
- I had been sleeping most nights on a sofa because of sleeping difficulties in a traditional bed but these had resolved themselves as I discovered while away on vacation when forced to sleep in hotel beds. So I was more than ready to return to bed.
- I wrote this in jest but also with a deep sense of guilt and remorse; we were having such great sex and experiencing such deep intimacy that I was also feeling awful about all the lost years. I was experiencing a mountain top high but was finding myself weeping daily or more often while in conversation with D or while lying awake in bed during the middle of the night. It was deeply emotional. So there was a lot of deep, underlying feelings as I wrote this even though it was originally intended as a joke.

Sentencing Agreement - D...... ... ............. v. J... ....... .............

The honorable Judge D.....:

I, J... ............, the defendant & guilty party, am here before you today at my sentencing hearing having been found guilty of neglecting my marital duties for at least the past 5 years, sleeping apart from my wife, the plaintiff, D...... ... ............, and denying her the pleasures of marriage that are rightfully hers by the vows taken in marriage 42 years ago. The law dictates that my wife should be recompensed for an equal amount of that which was lost and stolen from her. An appropriate sentence requires the following as re-payment:

That I will sleep with my wife every night for the next 5 years without the freedom to leave during the night even if I am unable to sleep. The only exceptions permitted are for illness and/or the plaintiff dismisses me from the bed as she sees fit.
That I owe the plaintiff 3 orgasms per week for each week she was denied my marital duties. These are to be in addition to the 3 per week she is entitled to going forward, so the court allows that these additional orgasms may be repaid over the next 10 years so as not to place too great a burden on the plaintiff. The total repayment is 702 orgasms which equals 5 years x 52 weeks x 3 per week less 10% for periods of illness and separation for travel, etc. If she so wishes, the Plaintiff is free to negotiate an exchange of orgasms for other desired favors at her own discretion.
Normally, the court would restrict me, the guilty party, from being permitted my own orgasms until I have fully repaid my debt since I took the opportunity to pleasure myself during the period in question. But since the court recognizes this would be cruel and unusual punishment, the court allows me, the guilty party, one orgasm per month or as permitted by the plaintiff and only to be administered by the plaintiff. I, the guilty party, am never permitted to take matters into my own hands.
Since the court recognizes that the accused’s misdeeds have likely negatively impacted his marriage for more than the 5 year period in question, a lesser sentence is not recommended at this time.

Your honor. I agree that the severity of the crimes warrant a fair and equitable re-payment and that, if the totality of the misdeeds over the course of my marriage were taken into account, the penalty could not likely ever be fully repaid. Therefore, I submit to your authority and yield my body to the accused to be hers for the rest of our days together.

Agreed upon and attested to on this date: ________________

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Posted: Mon May 16, 2022 11:19 am
by trijack3
The Classroom

The concepts of chastity, being a keyholder, tease & denial, and the affects these have on the dynamics of a marriage were all so new to both of us during these first couple of weeks. I hadn’t researched any of this prior to starting to experiment with chastity. It all evolved for us as my / our needs arose and a life change began to happen I don’t think it happened totally by chance; Einstein’s observation is that things naturally progress from order to chaos; it seemed that a divine presence guided us to pick up the pieces and, not just restore the intimacy of our marriage, but take us to a new level we had never experienced before. We both marveled at how this possibly could be.

I went back to the articles for wives I read on Cut to the Chaste and began to share them with D. I asked her to read one a day and then we discussed them over dinner each evening. The focus was on the process, the benefits each of us would and were experiencing, and the teasing that was necessary for the process to work and for me to be treated for my ED and testosterone deficiency. D really began to embrace it.

I also continued to research articles in the chastity community and among the medical community to try to understand the mental, emotional, and physical changes that we were experiencing. And, as I would discover something new and mind-opening, I would share it with D.

D is not the most confident person in the world. She needs a lot of encouragement; it can be too much at times that she realizes she’s being a bit self-centered. She also lacks confidence especially with technology and will have deep feelings of inadequacy. And while we had a very good marriage in most aspects, she felt the vacuum of emotional & relational connectedness that I never could figure out how to bridge.

As I became so much more attentive, caring, helpful and complimentary of her in all aspects including physical appearance, all of her struggles in life seemed to evaporate completely. She had new found confidence in herself; she stopped fishing for compliments; she relaxed when challenged by technology and began to embrace the things she had learned recently and revel in them. The things that used to frustrate me all the time suddenly disappeared… vanished. I was humbled to think that the change that had come over me could have such a profound impact on her.

I later came to find out that a lot of this was a result of the increase in hormones running thru both of us. Physical touch has become a significant component and driver of that. We hold hands, hug frequently, sit closely on the sofa together, sleep naked, and start and end each night snuggling & spooning. During those first few weeks, just the physical touch of a leg, foot or hand on me was enough to send electrical impulses thru me that kept me straining in my cage most of the night. That plus the near daily physical teasing was keeping my motor running throughout the day and then some.

The teasing and infrequency of orgasms has apparently elevated my testosterone level. I’ve noticed that my beard and the hair on my abdomen & pupic area is growing twice as fast as it was 6 months ago. I’m back to shaving daily and grooming twice as often. Also, I’m sleeping thru the night getting closer to 8 hours / night on average. Apparently, low testosterone leads to sleeping issues which I had been experiencing consistently.

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Posted: Wed May 18, 2022 7:38 am
by trijack3
My first release

My wife was initially averse to touching or even looking at my chastity cage. That has changed over time but she doesn't seem overly interested in it. We discussed waiting for my first release and orgasm until my birthday which would have been 4 weeks + 3 days. But I told her it was her decision and she decided it was time at the 4 week mark. She gave me a slow, deliberate hand job that had me moaning and groaning like I've NEVER done before while having sex. It was the most pleasurable feeling I've ever had; nothing compares! After I came, she told me she thought she was hurting me or I was dying. I'm sure I scared away any animals hiding out in the woods around our house.

I cleaned up and relocked myself right away and began the wait to see if there was going to be a post orgasm hormonal let down that I had read a lot about. We hadn't settled into a rythym of regular teasing yet and I was motivated to keep my hormone levels high during the next 2-4 days. I got my toys out that I used to stimulate myself before coming out to my wife. I hadn't been teasing myself since then because I could tell my wife wasn't comfortable with the idea. One afternoon when she was away, I turned my nipple stimulators on and buzzed my cage with a vibrator. Within less a minute or two, I could feel an orgasm coming on and quickly yanked the vibrator and stimulator cups off and teetered on the brink of orgasm. Nothing happened but I realized I came really, really close to failing my wife & KH. When she got home that evening, I confessed my transgression - teasing myself without her permission - and agreed that she would own not just my orgasms but also my arousals. We put the toys away in the closet. And my amazing wife began to tease me daily with only an occasional skip day.

I really didn't notice a drop in hormone levels and I don't think my wife noticed any change in my behavior. I think we were still on a high from the restoration of intimacy in our marriage and the initial 4 week orgasm denial.

During our first week, my wife had 6 orgasms which never happened before in our married life. The 2nd week it was 5. It has dropped off a good bit since then as she doesn't crave orgasms. I have to keep reminding myself that her sexual desires are driven by our emotional connectedness, frequent communication and sharing, and lots of genuine compliments. She marvels at the thought of having sex this often at our stage in life. But I've never been more in love with her in all of our 40+ years together. We both agree we never want to go back to life like it was before the cage. It's going to take us time to figure this new life out!