Even though I am new to chastity (just a few weeks into it) I'd like to share a little background and some of the events that lead to this exploration and then continue with the journey together moving forward.
Wife and I are both in out mid 40s and have been married for 20 years. Both with professional careers and two kids getting into the teenager years.
When we got married we were very inexperienced sexually. I have always been pretty kinky but wife has always been very vanilla.
In the early years, we had sex pretty often...could had been more but it was often enough., As the years passed our sexy time became further apart and always under my initiative. I always tried to introduce kinky aspects but she never really got into them. Did not get mad or seemed particularly shocked when I would suggest things, but wouldn't really try them either.
Over the years I suggested thing like her being more dominant, golden showers on me, hotwife, pegging, sex more often,etc. but we never tried any of those.I also always made a point to ask if there was anything she would like to try, explore or even just talk about but she never suggested anything. Her answer was always along the lines "I don't think about sex as you do" "not something I spend my energy on". Me suggesting these things was not something that happened all the time, it was more just like a few conversations here and there spread out over 20 years together. I always tried not to put too much pressure on her. I would suggest something...get refused, then drop it for months or years and then bring it up slowly again.
In the last three or so years our sex became more rare..to the point that I think we had sex 3 or 4 times last year.
I have always masturbated regularly. Pretty much every day. At the beginning of our marriage I did it in secret from my wife but after just a few years I started being more open about it, to the point it became something pretty routine for us to discuss or her being a part of. It started with jokes like "let's have sex... come upstairs... if you don't hurry up, I'll start without you" and slowly evolved to situations like me making a move to try to initiate sex while we were both in bed, she saying she did not feel like it and then me saying "that's OK.. I'll take care of things by myself" to her replying "OK, have fun...maybe tomorrow I won't be as tired.." and then me proceeding to masturbate next to her, in bed as she would fall to sleep.
Here is a section that I wrote on another post that explains our situation now:
"
She sometimes lets me have her used panties as I masturbate in bed next to her(I love the smell) but she does not like to interact with me very often.
Her participation while I masturbate is less and less, specially in the last couple of years. She used to give me handjobs when I wanted sex but she did not feel like it, then it turned to she playing with my nipples while I masturbated (I love having my nipples pinched) but she has not done so in a while. Recently her participation is less... I ask for her panties as she is putting her PJs on, she says ok, takes them off and gives them to me. Not in a strip tease kind of way but just in a very practical kind of way... usually while she is talking about her day or my day and what we have to do next .etc. I proceed to masturbate while she continues doing what she is doing (reading a book, watching a show, falling sleep)."
This is enough of a background for now. I know I haven't discussed how we got started in out chastity journey! I promise to get to it in my next post but in the mean time I would love to hear your thoughts
[Byron2002]My story.. past, present and moving forward
Re: [Byron2002]My story.. past, present and moving forward
At the beginning of 2020 I set a goal to lose some weight. I was very heavy at the time (241lbs 5'7'' ) and wanted to get healthier.
I decided to combine my goal of losing weight and my kinks. I figured that I could set some goals and as I achieved them I would get "rewards" that way I could keep motivated.
I had a quick conversation with my wife about it and she was supportive but neutral. I could tell that she was happy for me and wanted to encourage me to meet my health goals even if that meant being involved in my kinks. I did not want to push too hard, so I decided to set the rewards in a way that required little involvement from her at the beginning and hoped to slowly progress from there.
My plan was to include a bit of orgasm denial, my panty fetish (both smelling her used panties and me buying and wearing panties), pegging and cum clean up.... I know what everyone is thinking...!!! Is that starting SLOW!!!!
After our conversation I sent her an email with my plan:
Hi sweetie,
This is what I am thinking for my fitness encouragement plan.
I believe it to be fairly easy for you to go through but interesting enough for me to keep me working hard.
Once we start there would be no playtime (including by myself) until I reach a goal.
I have three categories
Category 1 Weight loss next 10 lbs
For every 1 lbs lost Borrow your used panties ( no playtime)
For every 5 lbs lost Netfilx/Book Oral Sex
Reach 10 lbs lost Handjob with licking you fingers
Category 2 measurements (currently at 46.7")
44" hip and waist Go panty shopping with me (no change room)
Category 3 jogging - workout ( currently I can jog for 4 minutes nonstop)
jogging 25 minutes non-stop i get to buy you the strap-on panties (no dildo)
What do you think?
If you are good with it, then we could start tonight by doing the official weigh in and measurements.
Love you.
I followed up after the email with a conversation (a few days later). He response was the same.. encouraging but neutral... "What ever you want to keep you motivated"
Let me explain some of the items in plan that may need some extra clarification:
* Netflix/Book oral sex: One of her reasons for not feeling like having sex was that she wanted to watch a show or a movie or read a book so I used to offer to go down on her as she was doing those things. I would tell her that she did not need to reciprocate in any way. When she would agree to it, I would go very slow, she would read her book or watch her movie as I gave her kissed and licked her down there. After a while, she would get into it and it typically would finish in an orgasm for her. Sometimes she would ask if I wanted help to finishing off but in most cases we would just cuddle as we went to sleep.
* Handjob with licking your fingers: I have always had a cum fetish. I would love to be able to clean her up after coming in her or for her to feed me my cum after a handjob. In the other hand, she hates cum! She has never giving me a blowjob and one of the main reason she does not like sex is the mess and having to clean up after (I did not know this at the time). I was thinking that if she would give me a handjob, then after I finished, some cum would be probably in her fingers and I could lick it off.
* Go panty shopping: I had told her that I liked wearing panties. I even went out and bought a pair, put it on and showed her. Again, she was very neutral about... as in "OK.. whatever" . I did tell her that I would find it very exciting if she would come to the lingerie store with me and help me pick some. She said that she would do that but she did not want the attendant to know that they were for me,... so no trying them on, nor suggesting they are for me. I found the idea of the attendant knowing and me asking if I could try them on would be very arousing but happy to take what I could get so I agreed to her terms.
* Buy strap-on panties: Whenever I brought up pegging, she was always a bit reluctant but never said no. She would say.... "I don't know... maybe". She does not like the idea of a leather harness or being a Dom so I thought that maybe getting a harness that it is less threatening like the Rodeoh harness panties would be better and then I would split the whole pegging process in several goals/rewards. Buy the panty harness, buy the dildo, she trying on the panties without a dildo, add the dildo...etc and eventually ending in full pegging after a lot of little steps.
My weight loss went well, I started losing weight and reaching goals. She would participate in the rewards but being very neutral. She wouldn't be monitoring my weight or progress, nor she would know what the rewards was. It was more up to me, a typical conversation would go like this:
Me: I lost another pound! I reached the next goal.
Her: Great!. Good for you. What's the goal again?
Me: I lose weight and I get your used panties.
Her. OK. (she proceeds to take her panties of and put her PJs back on).. Here. (as she passes them to me and proceeds to read her book)
Or
Me: I got the Oral sex and Netfilx goal.
Her: oh..OK. Not today.. don't feel like it but great you are keeping it up.
Me: ok.
(next day)
Me: how about Netflix and oral sex today?
her: ..fine.. (as she roles her eyes and continues to watch her show)
me: (I make my way under the covers and start kissing her as she continues to what her show)
There were a few things that derailed the plan: I was losing weight fast at the beginning so I would reach goals quickly and often (which is great for me weight loss goal but took away a bit on the reward system). COVID hit and going panty shopping or to the sex store was out of the question when we were all in lockdown (this is happening right at the height of it, so no panty shopping and no harness buying). Lastly, I did not want to push rewards when I felt my wife was not into it...IE Licking cum off her fingers never happened.
In my next post I'll share another email that I sent her, with more progress and when I first bring up the Cage conversation.
Would love some comments.
I decided to combine my goal of losing weight and my kinks. I figured that I could set some goals and as I achieved them I would get "rewards" that way I could keep motivated.
I had a quick conversation with my wife about it and she was supportive but neutral. I could tell that she was happy for me and wanted to encourage me to meet my health goals even if that meant being involved in my kinks. I did not want to push too hard, so I decided to set the rewards in a way that required little involvement from her at the beginning and hoped to slowly progress from there.
My plan was to include a bit of orgasm denial, my panty fetish (both smelling her used panties and me buying and wearing panties), pegging and cum clean up.... I know what everyone is thinking...!!! Is that starting SLOW!!!!
After our conversation I sent her an email with my plan:
Hi sweetie,
This is what I am thinking for my fitness encouragement plan.
I believe it to be fairly easy for you to go through but interesting enough for me to keep me working hard.
Once we start there would be no playtime (including by myself) until I reach a goal.
I have three categories
Category 1 Weight loss next 10 lbs
For every 1 lbs lost Borrow your used panties ( no playtime)
For every 5 lbs lost Netfilx/Book Oral Sex
Reach 10 lbs lost Handjob with licking you fingers
Category 2 measurements (currently at 46.7")
44" hip and waist Go panty shopping with me (no change room)
Category 3 jogging - workout ( currently I can jog for 4 minutes nonstop)
jogging 25 minutes non-stop i get to buy you the strap-on panties (no dildo)
What do you think?
If you are good with it, then we could start tonight by doing the official weigh in and measurements.
Love you.
I followed up after the email with a conversation (a few days later). He response was the same.. encouraging but neutral... "What ever you want to keep you motivated"
Let me explain some of the items in plan that may need some extra clarification:
* Netflix/Book oral sex: One of her reasons for not feeling like having sex was that she wanted to watch a show or a movie or read a book so I used to offer to go down on her as she was doing those things. I would tell her that she did not need to reciprocate in any way. When she would agree to it, I would go very slow, she would read her book or watch her movie as I gave her kissed and licked her down there. After a while, she would get into it and it typically would finish in an orgasm for her. Sometimes she would ask if I wanted help to finishing off but in most cases we would just cuddle as we went to sleep.
* Handjob with licking your fingers: I have always had a cum fetish. I would love to be able to clean her up after coming in her or for her to feed me my cum after a handjob. In the other hand, she hates cum! She has never giving me a blowjob and one of the main reason she does not like sex is the mess and having to clean up after (I did not know this at the time). I was thinking that if she would give me a handjob, then after I finished, some cum would be probably in her fingers and I could lick it off.
* Go panty shopping: I had told her that I liked wearing panties. I even went out and bought a pair, put it on and showed her. Again, she was very neutral about... as in "OK.. whatever" . I did tell her that I would find it very exciting if she would come to the lingerie store with me and help me pick some. She said that she would do that but she did not want the attendant to know that they were for me,... so no trying them on, nor suggesting they are for me. I found the idea of the attendant knowing and me asking if I could try them on would be very arousing but happy to take what I could get so I agreed to her terms.
* Buy strap-on panties: Whenever I brought up pegging, she was always a bit reluctant but never said no. She would say.... "I don't know... maybe". She does not like the idea of a leather harness or being a Dom so I thought that maybe getting a harness that it is less threatening like the Rodeoh harness panties would be better and then I would split the whole pegging process in several goals/rewards. Buy the panty harness, buy the dildo, she trying on the panties without a dildo, add the dildo...etc and eventually ending in full pegging after a lot of little steps.
My weight loss went well, I started losing weight and reaching goals. She would participate in the rewards but being very neutral. She wouldn't be monitoring my weight or progress, nor she would know what the rewards was. It was more up to me, a typical conversation would go like this:
Me: I lost another pound! I reached the next goal.
Her: Great!. Good for you. What's the goal again?
Me: I lose weight and I get your used panties.
Her. OK. (she proceeds to take her panties of and put her PJs back on).. Here. (as she passes them to me and proceeds to read her book)
Or
Me: I got the Oral sex and Netfilx goal.
Her: oh..OK. Not today.. don't feel like it but great you are keeping it up.
Me: ok.
(next day)
Me: how about Netflix and oral sex today?
her: ..fine.. (as she roles her eyes and continues to watch her show)
me: (I make my way under the covers and start kissing her as she continues to what her show)
There were a few things that derailed the plan: I was losing weight fast at the beginning so I would reach goals quickly and often (which is great for me weight loss goal but took away a bit on the reward system). COVID hit and going panty shopping or to the sex store was out of the question when we were all in lockdown (this is happening right at the height of it, so no panty shopping and no harness buying). Lastly, I did not want to push rewards when I felt my wife was not into it...IE Licking cum off her fingers never happened.
In my next post I'll share another email that I sent her, with more progress and when I first bring up the Cage conversation.
Would love some comments.
0 x
Re: [Byron2002]My story.. past, present and moving forward
I am in a very similar situation to yours. I find your approach to the matter very interesting and I follow your evolution with great interest...Thanks for your postes
1 x
Re: [Byron2002]My story.. past, present and moving forward
After my initial goals email, I followed up with other emails as I progressed.
I felt like controling my orgasms help me to be focus and kept me aroused and I let her know that in my emails. Here are a couple of examples:
The email below was after I had gone down on her and gave her an orgasm and she did not ask nor try to reciprocate. It was one of the first times that she had done that.
"Hi sweetie
I had a lot fun this morning. It totally felt like a treat for me. I really enjoyed your trimmed pubic hair and specially liked that there was no expectation for me to cum as well.
I weigh myself this morning. I am at 227.6 lbs...just one more than my pre-trip weight.
I'd like to hold off from cumming until I reach 220lbs.
Maybe I'll get to borrow your panties when i reach 224lbs.
I am still working on running 25 minutes non stop before I buy the strap-on panties. It is a long way away.
I have lost some inches in my waist but still a bit to go before we go panty shopping together.
Thank you so much for coming in this journey with me."
A few days later I sent her another email. This is the first time I suggested a chastity cage to her. I was very nervous when I sent the email and was not sure how she was going to react. I tried wording everything as vanilla as I could.
"It seems like last night I got aroused and started playing with myself while I was half asleep.
For my play time, I really would like to stick to the schedule and goals that are set. I feel it develops intimacy between us, It is so much more rewarding and keeps me focused on the things I want to accomplish.
I found a fairly inexpensive plastic cover that is used to prevent erections and prevents me from playing with myself.
Would you mind if get one give it a try during the night?
Love you"
I was freaking out waiting for her reply but to my surprise she was not shocked or upset... Looking back I guess I did not give her enough credit.
See her response below
" Sure. Or we could tie your hands together!
Love "
What??!! She is giving me a green light on this? I did not see it like that at the time. Also... I find it funny now how I worded it =.. "seems like...." LOL Like if it was something that happened to me... when in reality I just got horny in the middle of the night and masturbated...
more in the next post...
I felt like controling my orgasms help me to be focus and kept me aroused and I let her know that in my emails. Here are a couple of examples:
The email below was after I had gone down on her and gave her an orgasm and she did not ask nor try to reciprocate. It was one of the first times that she had done that.
"Hi sweetie
I had a lot fun this morning. It totally felt like a treat for me. I really enjoyed your trimmed pubic hair and specially liked that there was no expectation for me to cum as well.
I weigh myself this morning. I am at 227.6 lbs...just one more than my pre-trip weight.
I'd like to hold off from cumming until I reach 220lbs.
Maybe I'll get to borrow your panties when i reach 224lbs.
I am still working on running 25 minutes non stop before I buy the strap-on panties. It is a long way away.
I have lost some inches in my waist but still a bit to go before we go panty shopping together.
Thank you so much for coming in this journey with me."
A few days later I sent her another email. This is the first time I suggested a chastity cage to her. I was very nervous when I sent the email and was not sure how she was going to react. I tried wording everything as vanilla as I could.
"It seems like last night I got aroused and started playing with myself while I was half asleep.
For my play time, I really would like to stick to the schedule and goals that are set. I feel it develops intimacy between us, It is so much more rewarding and keeps me focused on the things I want to accomplish.
I found a fairly inexpensive plastic cover that is used to prevent erections and prevents me from playing with myself.
Would you mind if get one give it a try during the night?
Love you"
I was freaking out waiting for her reply but to my surprise she was not shocked or upset... Looking back I guess I did not give her enough credit.
See her response below
" Sure. Or we could tie your hands together!
Love "
What??!! She is giving me a green light on this? I did not see it like that at the time. Also... I find it funny now how I worded it =.. "seems like...." LOL Like if it was something that happened to me... when in reality I just got horny in the middle of the night and masturbated...
more in the next post...
0 x
Re: [Byron2002]My story.. past, present and moving forward
My journey continued.. emails posted so far were from early 2020. Email below is one of the last emails before COIVD hit.
Also, the link of the App does no longer work. I sent the email the day after we had oral sex (me giving) while she read a book. I loved it.
"I am at 221 lbs right now, that's 30 lbs off from the beginning of the year. I also reached the first 10% weight drop milestone. I am also no longer category 2 obese. Yay!
I am almost at 220 which is the goal that I had set to let my self cum. Looking forward to that some time this week. We'll have to figure out what's the best way to do it (sex, hand job, play by myself,..etc) your choice... any ideas?
Next set of goals:
The original goal for panty shopping together was 44" of hip/waist measurements. I am almost there (I am at 44.5) but I'd like to move it back a bit (I am sure you do not mind
) New goal is 42" so I can get to the next panty size down (Large instead of XL).
Still working on the 25 minutes jogging straight to get you the strap on panties... long way away.
As for next weight goals:
For 217lbs
I'd like us to use this phone app where it shows some sex scenarios and you swipe left or right if it sounds interesting or not (you can dismiss all of them if they all do not sound interesting). Take a look.
https://erikalust.com/xconfessions-app- ... tasy-game/
For 215 lbs
I get your panties.
For 212 lbs
I'd like us to watch a short (about 20 minutes) erotic film together (in one of our phones, in bed, at night). We'll pick something that appeals to both of us. What do you think?
For 210 lbs.
I get to cum again.
Last night's play time was very rewarding for me and I hope it was good for you too. I like when you're doing something else at the same time, like reading. It forces me to start slow so I don't distract you too much but find a way to progress as you get more into it. Sorry for the cold hands.
I liked that after you orgasm there is no effort or obligation of making me finish too. I see it as you taking ownership of your sexuality and recognizing that your pleasure is important on it's own right. Not necessarily linked to mine. I do enjoy the process very much, even when I don't get to finish.
Did you enjoy it as much as I did? I tried a couple of different moves..not sure if you noticed..
Love you very much"
As I mentioned before, COVID changed the plans for going shopping, so that never happened., also the reward system was too complicated, too many little goals. She could not keep track of which goal was linked to which reward, she lost interest and honestly so did I.
I continued to lose weight, I went from 250 lbs to 180 lbs at my lowest. Our sex life wasn't the greatest, it consisted in me asking her to have sex, but usually she would say no, then I would ask for her panties and masturbate. 2020 and 2021 was stressful for everyone and that affected our sex life too.
In the summer of 2021, my wife and I had a good conversation. I asked her why she wasn't into sex and she mentioned stress but also brought up, for the first time, that she did not like the mess. I guess in particular when we did PIV and I finished inside. It was a bit of an eye opener for me.
Later that year.. closer to my bday (late fall) I sent her this email: I titled it "Birthday sex? Maybe - Maybe Not...your choice"
" Hi Sweetie,
I love you and wanted to share my thoughts with you.
My birthday is approaching and in past years you’ve always felt obligated to have sex with me that day. I don’t want you to feel like that this year.
Since we had that quick conversation this summer when you explained that you don’t like sex due to the mess and how it makes you feel I have been trying to not ask for sex or put pressure on you about it. We’ve only had penetrative sex a couple of times this year and oral sex maybe a couple of other times. I’ve also noticed that the handjobs or you playing with my nipples have gone away.
All of this is only fun when you are into it too. I am starting to understand that
I would love to have sex with you several times a week, but I don’t like the feeling of asking for it all the time and being rejected or when you comply because you feel obligated to do so.
As you know, I have a very high sexual drive. I constantly crave intimacy from you. I love the smell of your panties and I have a very active imagination and a ton of sexual fantasies which is enough for me to “take care of business” when you share your used panties with me. Thank you for doing that!
So….. this year for my birthday a have a few ideas that I’d like to share with you and some quick comments about the likelihood of happening
• Ideally, you wake up extremely horny that day and we have hours of passionate steamy sex……. Most probably won’t happen.
• You wake up horny, decide to fulfill my fantasy of you having sex with someone else and telling me all about it………Definitely NOT going to happen but I thought I would put it on the list anyways haha
• You decide to give me a blowjob for the first time …..…… Again.. don’t think is ever happening
• You let me watch you pee and let me give you oral sex afterwards……………….Maybe?
• We go online together and order the strap on. You don’t have to do anything else that day but gives me hope for the future
• You sexily strip for me and share your panties and hang around while I “take care of business”
• You ask me to put my penis lock (remember I bought one a while back?) and you share your panties with me but I can’t do anything else because I am locked…………..A little teasing would be fun.
• If letting me watch you pee is too self-conscious for now, then maybe you can pee in a cup by yourself and leave it for me in the washroom as a “present”
• Or you can always just share your panties with me and go watch TV downstairs…. an oldie but goodie.
Let me know what you think. Having these conversations are part of the fun for me and makes me feel more intimate with you.
I love you"
There was not a lot of feedback after my email. I sent it a couple of weeks before my bday so I decided not to push and just wait to my bday and see what would happen.
On my bday I got a hand job in the morning as we woke up and we were still in bed.
In the evening she let me smell her used panties while I masturbated as we were going to sleep. No PIV.
Also, the link of the App does no longer work. I sent the email the day after we had oral sex (me giving) while she read a book. I loved it.
"I am at 221 lbs right now, that's 30 lbs off from the beginning of the year. I also reached the first 10% weight drop milestone. I am also no longer category 2 obese. Yay!
I am almost at 220 which is the goal that I had set to let my self cum. Looking forward to that some time this week. We'll have to figure out what's the best way to do it (sex, hand job, play by myself,..etc) your choice... any ideas?
Next set of goals:
The original goal for panty shopping together was 44" of hip/waist measurements. I am almost there (I am at 44.5) but I'd like to move it back a bit (I am sure you do not mind
) New goal is 42" so I can get to the next panty size down (Large instead of XL).Still working on the 25 minutes jogging straight to get you the strap on panties... long way away.
As for next weight goals:
For 217lbs
I'd like us to use this phone app where it shows some sex scenarios and you swipe left or right if it sounds interesting or not (you can dismiss all of them if they all do not sound interesting). Take a look.
https://erikalust.com/xconfessions-app- ... tasy-game/
For 215 lbs
I get your panties.
For 212 lbs
I'd like us to watch a short (about 20 minutes) erotic film together (in one of our phones, in bed, at night). We'll pick something that appeals to both of us. What do you think?
For 210 lbs.
I get to cum again.
Last night's play time was very rewarding for me and I hope it was good for you too. I like when you're doing something else at the same time, like reading. It forces me to start slow so I don't distract you too much but find a way to progress as you get more into it. Sorry for the cold hands.
I liked that after you orgasm there is no effort or obligation of making me finish too. I see it as you taking ownership of your sexuality and recognizing that your pleasure is important on it's own right. Not necessarily linked to mine. I do enjoy the process very much, even when I don't get to finish.
Did you enjoy it as much as I did? I tried a couple of different moves..not sure if you noticed..
Love you very much"
As I mentioned before, COVID changed the plans for going shopping, so that never happened., also the reward system was too complicated, too many little goals. She could not keep track of which goal was linked to which reward, she lost interest and honestly so did I.
I continued to lose weight, I went from 250 lbs to 180 lbs at my lowest. Our sex life wasn't the greatest, it consisted in me asking her to have sex, but usually she would say no, then I would ask for her panties and masturbate. 2020 and 2021 was stressful for everyone and that affected our sex life too.
In the summer of 2021, my wife and I had a good conversation. I asked her why she wasn't into sex and she mentioned stress but also brought up, for the first time, that she did not like the mess. I guess in particular when we did PIV and I finished inside. It was a bit of an eye opener for me.
Later that year.. closer to my bday (late fall) I sent her this email: I titled it "Birthday sex? Maybe - Maybe Not...your choice"
" Hi Sweetie,
I love you and wanted to share my thoughts with you.
My birthday is approaching and in past years you’ve always felt obligated to have sex with me that day. I don’t want you to feel like that this year.
Since we had that quick conversation this summer when you explained that you don’t like sex due to the mess and how it makes you feel I have been trying to not ask for sex or put pressure on you about it. We’ve only had penetrative sex a couple of times this year and oral sex maybe a couple of other times. I’ve also noticed that the handjobs or you playing with my nipples have gone away.
All of this is only fun when you are into it too. I am starting to understand that
I would love to have sex with you several times a week, but I don’t like the feeling of asking for it all the time and being rejected or when you comply because you feel obligated to do so.
As you know, I have a very high sexual drive. I constantly crave intimacy from you. I love the smell of your panties and I have a very active imagination and a ton of sexual fantasies which is enough for me to “take care of business” when you share your used panties with me.
Thank you for doing that! So….. this year for my birthday a have a few ideas that I’d like to share with you and some quick comments about the likelihood of happening
• Ideally, you wake up extremely horny that day and we have hours of passionate steamy sex……. Most probably won’t happen.
• You wake up horny, decide to fulfill my fantasy of you having sex with someone else and telling me all about it………Definitely NOT going to happen but I thought I would put it on the list anyways
haha• You decide to give me a blowjob for the first time …..…… Again.. don’t think is ever happening
• You let me watch you pee and let me give you oral sex afterwards……………….Maybe?
• We go online together and order the strap on. You don’t have to do anything else that day but gives me hope for the future
• You sexily strip for me and share your panties and hang around while I “take care of business”
• You ask me to put my penis lock (remember I bought one a while back?) and you share your panties with me but I can’t do anything else because I am locked…………..A little teasing would be fun.
• If letting me watch you pee is too self-conscious for now, then maybe you can pee in a cup by yourself and leave it for me in the washroom as a “present”
• Or you can always just share your panties with me and go watch TV downstairs…. an oldie but goodie.
Let me know what you think. Having these conversations are part of the fun for me and makes me feel more intimate with you.
I love you"
There was not a lot of feedback after my email. I sent it a couple of weeks before my bday so I decided not to push and just wait to my bday and see what would happen.
On my bday I got a hand job in the morning as we woke up and we were still in bed.
In the evening she let me smell her used panties while I masturbated as we were going to sleep. No PIV.
0 x
Re: [Byron2002]My story.. past, present and moving forward
The day after my bday, I sent her another email. I had recently found the Pussy-Free-Marriage subreddit and wanted to share it with her and asked for her opinion.
" Hi sweetie,
I found this description online and I thought it was very interesting and it resonated with me and where our sex life seems to be heading. Not everything applies to us but I found it reassuring that more people are on similar situations.
It could be fun to add some of the elements described.
I have put in bold some of the items that piqued my interest.
Have a read and let me know what you think.
Love
--------------------
About Pussy-Free Marriages
A PFM (pussy-free marriage) describes a heterosexual relationship in which both partners voluntarily agree to not engage in vaginal intercourse for extended periods of time. The goal is usually to heighten intimacy and arousal, minimize the pressures and anxieties associated with PIV (penis-in-vagina sex), and continue other forms of sex as much as possible. This can lasts for several months or years at a time, though many couples choose to make this lifestyle permanent.
The term "pussy-free" is a status applied to the husband and enforced by his wife. This can be accompanied by various methods of Tease & Denial in which the wife regularly reminds her husband of what he does not have access to. More strict PFMs may involve the wife prohibiting her husband from other types of sex, views of her private areas, access to porn, etc...all in an effort to maximize his desire for her body. Among non-monogamous PFMs, the wife may be allowed PIV with other men while her husband remains faithful.
These characteristics often overlap with common aspects of Female-Led Relationships (FLRs) and cuckold marriages. However, the most basic PFMs do not necessarily include domination, submission, or humiliation. Reasons that couples enter a PFM may include...
• A desire for either or both partners to remain sexually abstinent
• To delay the marriage's consummation
• A form of birth control
• Erotic sexual denial which often includes the use of chastity devices
• A preference for or an exclusive commitment to oral, anal, or certain forms of non-penetrative sex
• Male sexual inadequacy (e.g., penis size, Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation)
I did not get a reply from the email so I brought it up in a conversation. She said she had seen it and that she was going to think about it. We never discussed it much after that.
I never really know what is she thinking when I send her the emails. I find them helpful for me because it forces me to think about what I am trying to say and clarify it. Her response is always very neutral. Never shocked nor disgusted but never excited. I wonder if she is a bit excited or aroused by them or is she just rolling her eye in her head or maybe even worse.
Writing the emails, waiting for her to read it and asking her about is very exciting for me. It is almost like foreplay... well...foreplay, that more often than not, does not lead to anything. I guess in that sense it is closer to Tease and Denial than it is to foreplay...which is OK with me. I do enjoy both.
I keep reading on these forum, stories of very vanilla wives that, all of the sudden, really get into it. I dream that it will be the case for me one day.
As these things are happening, It seems like there is no progress at all, but writing this journey out has made me realize that there has.. i guess I'm just the inpatient type.
My recollection so far has brought to about 4 months ago. There have been some emails and events that have happened since but I should be able to get through them in the next couple of posts. From then on, we'll go on this journey together in "real time".
Anybody else on a similar boat?
" Hi sweetie,
I found this description online and I thought it was very interesting and it resonated with me and where our sex life seems to be heading. Not everything applies to us but I found it reassuring that more people are on similar situations.
It could be fun to add some of the elements described.
I have put in bold some of the items that piqued my interest.
Have a read and let me know what you think.
Love
--------------------
About Pussy-Free Marriages
A PFM (pussy-free marriage) describes a heterosexual relationship in which both partners voluntarily agree to not engage in vaginal intercourse for extended periods of time. The goal is usually to heighten intimacy and arousal, minimize the pressures and anxieties associated with PIV (penis-in-vagina sex), and continue other forms of sex as much as possible. This can lasts for several months or years at a time, though many couples choose to make this lifestyle permanent.
The term "pussy-free" is a status applied to the husband and enforced by his wife. This can be accompanied by various methods of Tease & Denial in which the wife regularly reminds her husband of what he does not have access to. More strict PFMs may involve the wife prohibiting her husband from other types of sex, views of her private areas, access to porn, etc...all in an effort to maximize his desire for her body. Among non-monogamous PFMs, the wife may be allowed PIV with other men while her husband remains faithful.
These characteristics often overlap with common aspects of Female-Led Relationships (FLRs) and cuckold marriages. However, the most basic PFMs do not necessarily include domination, submission, or humiliation. Reasons that couples enter a PFM may include...
• A desire for either or both partners to remain sexually abstinent
• To delay the marriage's consummation
• A form of birth control
• Erotic sexual denial which often includes the use of chastity devices
• A preference for or an exclusive commitment to oral, anal, or certain forms of non-penetrative sex
• Male sexual inadequacy (e.g., penis size, Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation)
I did not get a reply from the email so I brought it up in a conversation. She said she had seen it and that she was going to think about it. We never discussed it much after that.
I never really know what is she thinking when I send her the emails. I find them helpful for me because it forces me to think about what I am trying to say and clarify it. Her response is always very neutral. Never shocked nor disgusted but never excited. I wonder if she is a bit excited or aroused by them or is she just rolling her eye in her head or maybe even worse.
Writing the emails, waiting for her to read it and asking her about is very exciting for me. It is almost like foreplay... well...foreplay, that more often than not, does not lead to anything. I guess in that sense it is closer to Tease and Denial than it is to foreplay...which is OK with me. I do enjoy both.
I keep reading on these forum, stories of very vanilla wives that, all of the sudden, really get into it. I dream that it will be the case for me one day.
As these things are happening, It seems like there is no progress at all, but writing this journey out has made me realize that there has.. i guess I'm just the inpatient type.
My recollection so far has brought to about 4 months ago. There have been some emails and events that have happened since but I should be able to get through them in the next couple of posts. From then on, we'll go on this journey together in "real time".
Anybody else on a similar boat?
0 x
-
Fastredcar
- Posts: 84
- Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2020 11:49 pm
Re: [Byron2002]My story.. past, present and moving forward
I've written a couple letters to my vanilla and no longer horny wife but they never did any good. I may try again using some of your verbiage. Nothing ventured nothing gained. One suggestion though, I'd use the word scent instead of smell. Smell can sound like she's nasty down there and be off putting while scent sounds more erotic and alluring. At least in my mind.
0 x
Re: [Byron2002]My story.. past, present and moving forward
Good idea. I think I will take you up on the suggestion moving forward.Fastredcar wrote: ↑Fri Mar 18, 2022 8:59 pm One suggestion though, I'd use the word scent instead of smell. Smell can sound like she's nasty down there and be off putting while scent sounds more erotic and alluring. At least in my mind.
0 x
Re: [Byron2002]My story.. past, present and moving forward
Things were pretty quiet from Dec 2021 to Feb 2022. More of the same... Not a lot of sex but lots of masturbation.
Then in Feb this year I decided to send another email to my wife to try to rekindle the conversation.
"
Hi Sweetie,
I have been thinking …. I know.. surprising!
Since our discussion about your feelings about sex, (how you don’t like the messiness of it) I have tried to remove the pressure by not asking for it very often. Hope you know that me not asking for it does not mean that I desire you any less. On the contrary, I am constantly aroused by you and desire you even more.
As you know, I masturbate a lot, nearly every day and I do enjoy when you lend me your panties as an incentive.
I do miss having more sexual interaction with you and I have been thinking of ways of doing that with minimum effort from your part and without necessarily leading to sex.
I found this website that appealed to me. The Secret to a Happy Marriage (neocities.org) https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/ Take a look at it and we can discuss later.
Love you,"
At the time of this happening I wrote three posts on Reddit that went through my view of the events as they were happing. See below as a reference
My wife did not acknowledge my email and I did not bring it up again for a couple of days.
On Friday afternoon I locked myself and I don't think she noticed. My objective was to locked myself for the entire weekend. On Friday evening i went out for a long walk, something i do all the time, so nothing unusual. When i came back home my wife was already in bed but she had left her dirty panties on my pillow. I ask for her panties when i want to masturbate which she does share with me most of the time but it is very rare for her to do that without me asking for it, so it was a great surprise.
It was only my second overnight with the cage and first one with access to my wife panties. Needless to say I woke up a bunch of times during the night with a little discomfort but with the great smell of her panties on my face. Heaven
Saturday we left for a long weekend getaway to a cabin with our kids. I don't think she noticed i was locked on Saturday either.
This morning (Sunday) I was taking a shower when my wife came into the bathroom to take a pee. i was behind an opaque plastic curtain so she couldn't see anything. While she was peeing I told her that there was something I wanted to show her before she left the bathroom.
Once she finished peeing she open the curtain and I pointed to my caged penis. YIKES!! She just looked it at it for a several seconds... not a lot of reaction from her at all and not a word. She obviously did not know what to say !.After a few seconds I said "Do you want to talk about it later" and she said OK and left the bathroom and I finished my shower and got dressed.
Update1:
After about half an hour I went to talk to my wife. I asked her what were her thoughts... She said: "It's pink!" .. Really!? LOL I show my locked penis for the first time to my very vanilla wife and her initial comment is on the color of it?... that's so her. Funny.
We talked for a few minutes. It went a lot better that I thought. She asked why? I said is a mental game, I think it will help me reach goals and have a more active "sexual" relationship with her.( We are almost a pussy-free marriage. We probably have sex about 4 or 5 times a year.)
She asked what goal to I want to reach.. I said that I want to loose weight but that ideally we can find things she wants me to do for her.
She was very neutral in our conversation.
I asked if she had read the website that I had sent her. She said "no... but I will".
She said OK. I said I'll leave the keys of the padlock on the night table by her side (we are in a rental cabin for the weekend). She said OK.
Rest of the day was full of family activities.
Keys have not moved. We are going home tomorrow. I guess the keys will have to move then.
Update 2: As we were packing to go home from the rental cabin I noticed the keys were gone.
Later on, when we were all ready to go she asked me to do one last look around to make sure we did not leave anything... all good. As we were closing the door to leave the cabin we had this conversation Me: do you have the keys? Wife: they are in the door Me: do you have the "keys" (as I am pointing to my crotch) Wife: (with a smirk) I think so... I took them... not sure where I put them.. Me:
I remained locked for the entire week. We took a shower together a few of days after that and I noticed her checking it out and looking at it but did not reach for it.
No teasing but she does acknowledge it when I bring it up. IE. The other day we played tennis together (mixed Doubles, she was my partner) and we won a good match. At the end of it, on the way home, she mentioned how well I played. I said: " I played as if my orgasms depended on it" she said "they do"...
Another week after that I had a camping trip planned with the guys. I asked my wife to unlock me for the trip. She was happy to let me know where the keys were so I could do it myself.
When I came back from the camping trip she did not asked me to lock nor brought it up at all. I remained unlocked for a few days after that.
She saw that I was unlocked and I even masturbated next to her and she did not say anything. She is indifferent either way.
Then, I decided to lock myself once again but kept the keys in the bag where all the extra chastity rings and spacers are. She saw me with the cage on and again did not say anything either way.
Then in Feb this year I decided to send another email to my wife to try to rekindle the conversation.
"
Hi Sweetie,
I have been thinking …. I know.. surprising!
Since our discussion about your feelings about sex, (how you don’t like the messiness of it) I have tried to remove the pressure by not asking for it very often. Hope you know that me not asking for it does not mean that I desire you any less. On the contrary, I am constantly aroused by you and desire you even more.
As you know, I masturbate a lot, nearly every day and I do enjoy when you lend me your panties as an incentive
.I do miss having more sexual interaction with you and I have been thinking of ways of doing that with minimum effort from your part and without necessarily leading to sex.
I found this website that appealed to me. The Secret to a Happy Marriage (neocities.org) https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/ Take a look at it and we can discuss later.
Love you,"
At the time of this happening I wrote three posts on Reddit that went through my view of the events as they were happing. See below as a reference
My wife did not acknowledge my email and I did not bring it up again for a couple of days.
On Friday afternoon I locked myself and I don't think she noticed. My objective was to locked myself for the entire weekend. On Friday evening i went out for a long walk, something i do all the time, so nothing unusual. When i came back home my wife was already in bed but she had left her dirty panties on my pillow. I ask for her panties when i want to masturbate which she does share with me most of the time but it is very rare for her to do that without me asking for it, so it was a great surprise.
It was only my second overnight with the cage and first one with access to my wife panties. Needless to say I woke up a bunch of times during the night with a little discomfort but with the great smell of her panties on my face. Heaven
Saturday we left for a long weekend getaway to a cabin with our kids. I don't think she noticed i was locked on Saturday either.
This morning (Sunday) I was taking a shower when my wife came into the bathroom to take a pee. i was behind an opaque plastic curtain so she couldn't see anything. While she was peeing I told her that there was something I wanted to show her before she left the bathroom.
Once she finished peeing she open the curtain and I pointed to my caged penis. YIKES!! She just looked it at it for a several seconds... not a lot of reaction from her at all and not a word. She obviously did not know what to say !.After a few seconds I said "Do you want to talk about it later" and she said OK and left the bathroom and I finished my shower and got dressed.
Update1:
After about half an hour I went to talk to my wife. I asked her what were her thoughts... She said: "It's pink!" .. Really!? LOL I show my locked penis for the first time to my very vanilla wife and her initial comment is on the color of it?... that's so her. Funny.
We talked for a few minutes. It went a lot better that I thought. She asked why? I said is a mental game, I think it will help me reach goals and have a more active "sexual" relationship with her.( We are almost a pussy-free marriage. We probably have sex about 4 or 5 times a year.)
She asked what goal to I want to reach.. I said that I want to loose weight but that ideally we can find things she wants me to do for her.
She was very neutral in our conversation.
I asked if she had read the website that I had sent her. She said "no... but I will".
She said OK. I said I'll leave the keys of the padlock on the night table by her side (we are in a rental cabin for the weekend). She said OK.
Rest of the day was full of family activities.
Keys have not moved. We are going home tomorrow. I guess the keys will have to move then.
Update 2: As we were packing to go home from the rental cabin I noticed the keys were gone.
Later on, when we were all ready to go she asked me to do one last look around to make sure we did not leave anything... all good. As we were closing the door to leave the cabin we had this conversation Me: do you have the keys? Wife: they are in the door Me: do you have the "keys" (as I am pointing to my crotch) Wife: (with a smirk) I think so... I took them... not sure where I put them.. Me:
I remained locked for the entire week. We took a shower together a few of days after that and I noticed her checking it out and looking at it but did not reach for it.
No teasing but she does acknowledge it when I bring it up. IE. The other day we played tennis together (mixed Doubles, she was my partner) and we won a good match. At the end of it, on the way home, she mentioned how well I played. I said: " I played as if my orgasms depended on it" she said "they do"...
Another week after that I had a camping trip planned with the guys. I asked my wife to unlock me for the trip. She was happy to let me know where the keys were so I could do it myself.
When I came back from the camping trip she did not asked me to lock nor brought it up at all. I remained unlocked for a few days after that.
She saw that I was unlocked and I even masturbated next to her and she did not say anything. She is indifferent either way.
Then, I decided to lock myself once again but kept the keys in the bag where all the extra chastity rings and spacers are. She saw me with the cage on and again did not say anything either way.
0 x
Re: [Byron2002]My story.. past, present and moving forward
After a few days I sent my wife another email:
"Hi sweetie,
Thank you so much for going along with me wearing the cage. It means a lot to me.
I love the idea of our sex life to be all about YOUR pleasure so I'd like to make a commitment to only have an orgasm until after you've had at least 4.
I know life gets busy and you don't get horny as often as I do... so no pressure at all.. I am happy to wait. We'll let things evolve naturally and when you feel like you want to play around I'll be there for you and I will enjoy every second of it.
After a few times of that, it will be my turn!
I do enjoy being aroused around you, specially when I am wearing the cage..so a brief tap or rub down there, or a little pinch of my nipples, or a quick flash of your privates or you sharing your used panties would be greatly appreciated. Whatever you are comfortable with is good for me.
I also know you dislike the mess down there when we have penetrative sex, so we can avoid that if that's better for you. When my turn comes...I'd be happy to take care of things if that means less pressure for you.
Love you so much
PS. Wearing the cage really makes me crave cuddles from you, so be ware of the cuddle monster. "
I sent the email in the evening while I was in our room and she was watching TV in the family room.
She came upstairs to go to bed, we were cuddling when she notice the email and read it.
She gave me a hug and a kiss when she finished reading it. She said with a smile "Cuddle Monster?.... oh boy!"
"Hi sweetie,
Thank you so much for going along with me wearing the cage. It means a lot to me.
I love the idea of our sex life to be all about YOUR pleasure so I'd like to make a commitment to only have an orgasm until after you've had at least 4.
I know life gets busy and you don't get horny as often as I do... so no pressure at all.. I am happy to wait. We'll let things evolve naturally and when you feel like you want to play around I'll be there for you and I will enjoy every second of it.
After a few times of that, it will be my turn!
I do enjoy being aroused around you, specially when I am wearing the cage..so a brief tap or rub down there, or a little pinch of my nipples, or a quick flash of your privates or you sharing your used panties would be greatly appreciated. Whatever you are comfortable with is good for me.
I also know you dislike the mess down there when we have penetrative sex, so we can avoid that if that's better for you. When my turn comes...I'd be happy to take care of things if that means less pressure for you.
Love you so much
PS. Wearing the cage really makes me crave cuddles from you, so be ware of the cuddle monster. "
I sent the email in the evening while I was in our room and she was watching TV in the family room.
She came upstairs to go to bed, we were cuddling when she notice the email and read it.
She gave me a hug and a kiss when she finished reading it. She said with a smile "Cuddle Monster?.... oh boy!"
0 x