[bikelock] Not entirely sure where this is going
Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2021 9:20 am
Bit of background first, I'm in my late 50's and my wife just turned 60. We have been married almost 30 years and I love her to bits. After menopause her libido plummeted and mine hasn't. This has led to some frustration on my part and guilt/anxiety on hers. As sex became less and less frequent I spent more time watching porn and wanking for relief. There aren't really any arguments or shouting matches , more of a drifting apart spending less time together. She has had to care for her mum with dementia and was spending most weekends away which added to my sense that we were becoming less emotionally attached. That is now not an issue.
We drifted into a pattern of no sex for weeks and occasionally months. My frustration would build, I would get grumpy and resentful and eventually plead for a date night. She would reluctantly agree and the pattern would begin again. We tried talking things out like having a set date night but it never lasted that long. She says she is too ticklish and or PIV hurts. In my own defense PIV has not been my main goal even from the start. I love giving oral and always was more focused on her coming than me. In one sense that is part of the problem. I often sense that she is just going along with sex but doesn't really desire it and that is a total buzz kill. More than anything else I want to be desired (but don't we all)
She has always earned more money than me and I have had the fun jobs. I get paid to teach kids to ride bikes or sometimes to watch monkeys in the rainforest or help the botanist look for rare plants in the Falklands (you get the idea fun but low paid) I am also a massage therapist but it never really took off in a big way. Women often felt uneasy about letting a bloke massage them even though there was nothing sexual about it and blokes all want a big breasted Swedish masseuse or ask for special thigh massages. No thanks there is the door. I was a house husband and raised the two kids
I have always had more of a kinky streak than my wife for example I introduced pegging way before it became cool and trendy. She got into it at first but the desire faded like the others. I also like a bit of crossdressing but I am not into sissy/bimbo play and I a definitely not Bi or Trans. In a lot of ways I have led a feminine life house husband look after kids be supportive of the breadwinner and crossdressing just feels like getting in touch with that. Before anyone comments I have exactly zero issues with anyone who is Bi Gay Trans etc. and fully support people's right to try and be who or what they feel they are it just isn't me. My wife started accusing me of being Bi or trans because I like pegging and wearing a skirt. Honestly guys when it is really hot a light skirt beats shorts or trousers any day. IMHO men were stupid to give up skirts after the middle ages.
I started thinking about chastity and researched a bit. I wanted to stop the porn and the wanking. It had gotten to the point that I wasn't coming with PIV because I had become habituated to my own hand. I also desperately wanted to try and put some intimacy back into the relationship. Several posts mentioned this as a side effect of chastity. I finally plucked up the courage to discuss this with the wife and her reaction was mixed to say the least. She didn't understand why I would want to do this. She thought it was okay to masturbate and it meant I wasn't pestering her. She also thought I was just trying to get her to be a dominatrix and she doesn't want to. I explained why I wanted this and she said basically ok we can try it but I don't want to be in control.
I got a HT nano (turns out to be a knockoff which I thought it might be) and away we went. There have been quite a few issues. The 50 mm ring lets houdini (left ball) slip out occasionally without me pulling or trying to get out. The 45 mm ring induces ball burn and very slow discoloration. Sticking to the 50mm for now as I have no desire to try and cheat but it is annoying when the little bugger retreats past the ring.
Relationship wise things are much improved and I really like the changed dynamic. I want to be with her , cuddle rub her feet etc. I am horny for her all of the time but she doesn't feel like I am trying to wheedle sex from her. We had an interesting conversation this morning. I have decided the HT is just not the right device for me. I suggested that maybe we don't really need a device and that I can just keep things as they are without. To my utter surprise she said no she thinks I should have one. We talked about just wearing it at home/weekends which sounds OK she also mentioned that I shouldn't be able to unlock without permission but she also doesn't want total control?????? Really a bit confused here. Anyone else gone through something similar? I am now trying to decide what device is next. Main options seem to be a cherry keeper (48 mm ring) or Blackout Evo custom build. I am definitely high and tight and a grower not shower but average when erect I don't really fancy going for steel both for travel and the weight. Security isn't a huge issue as I don't want to cheat but hygiene is.
The other thing I would love is trying to get my KH to be a bit more amorous /horny. I want her to enjoy the attention I long to lavish on her. A major issue is she is so darned ticklish. I haven't been allowed to touch her breasts in about 20 years because it tickles and EVERYTHING tickles. Any advice on how to get her to relax would be wonderful. I am not looking to be a slave, I am definitely not a pain slut or into humiliation. I would love for her to be a bit more assertive about what she wants and what feels good to her. Mostly when I ask I get very little response. I am hoping the answer isn't just leave me alone. I love her dearly but I am not ready for a platonic marriage and have never considered playing away even when we were living apart for months due to work. As I mentioned earlier I am a massage therapist so foot rubs back rubs etc got it nailed. Sorry for the epic novel and as the title says really not sure where this is headed just hope it is fun getting there. Any advice especially based on experience gratefully received
We drifted into a pattern of no sex for weeks and occasionally months. My frustration would build, I would get grumpy and resentful and eventually plead for a date night. She would reluctantly agree and the pattern would begin again. We tried talking things out like having a set date night but it never lasted that long. She says she is too ticklish and or PIV hurts. In my own defense PIV has not been my main goal even from the start. I love giving oral and always was more focused on her coming than me. In one sense that is part of the problem. I often sense that she is just going along with sex but doesn't really desire it and that is a total buzz kill. More than anything else I want to be desired (but don't we all)
She has always earned more money than me and I have had the fun jobs. I get paid to teach kids to ride bikes or sometimes to watch monkeys in the rainforest or help the botanist look for rare plants in the Falklands (you get the idea fun but low paid) I am also a massage therapist but it never really took off in a big way. Women often felt uneasy about letting a bloke massage them even though there was nothing sexual about it and blokes all want a big breasted Swedish masseuse or ask for special thigh massages. No thanks there is the door. I was a house husband and raised the two kids
I have always had more of a kinky streak than my wife for example I introduced pegging way before it became cool and trendy. She got into it at first but the desire faded like the others. I also like a bit of crossdressing but I am not into sissy/bimbo play and I a definitely not Bi or Trans. In a lot of ways I have led a feminine life house husband look after kids be supportive of the breadwinner and crossdressing just feels like getting in touch with that. Before anyone comments I have exactly zero issues with anyone who is Bi Gay Trans etc. and fully support people's right to try and be who or what they feel they are it just isn't me. My wife started accusing me of being Bi or trans because I like pegging and wearing a skirt. Honestly guys when it is really hot a light skirt beats shorts or trousers any day. IMHO men were stupid to give up skirts after the middle ages.
I started thinking about chastity and researched a bit. I wanted to stop the porn and the wanking. It had gotten to the point that I wasn't coming with PIV because I had become habituated to my own hand. I also desperately wanted to try and put some intimacy back into the relationship. Several posts mentioned this as a side effect of chastity. I finally plucked up the courage to discuss this with the wife and her reaction was mixed to say the least. She didn't understand why I would want to do this. She thought it was okay to masturbate and it meant I wasn't pestering her. She also thought I was just trying to get her to be a dominatrix and she doesn't want to. I explained why I wanted this and she said basically ok we can try it but I don't want to be in control.
I got a HT nano (turns out to be a knockoff which I thought it might be) and away we went. There have been quite a few issues. The 50 mm ring lets houdini (left ball) slip out occasionally without me pulling or trying to get out. The 45 mm ring induces ball burn and very slow discoloration. Sticking to the 50mm for now as I have no desire to try and cheat but it is annoying when the little bugger retreats past the ring.
Relationship wise things are much improved and I really like the changed dynamic. I want to be with her , cuddle rub her feet etc. I am horny for her all of the time but she doesn't feel like I am trying to wheedle sex from her. We had an interesting conversation this morning. I have decided the HT is just not the right device for me. I suggested that maybe we don't really need a device and that I can just keep things as they are without. To my utter surprise she said no she thinks I should have one. We talked about just wearing it at home/weekends which sounds OK she also mentioned that I shouldn't be able to unlock without permission but she also doesn't want total control?????? Really a bit confused here. Anyone else gone through something similar? I am now trying to decide what device is next. Main options seem to be a cherry keeper (48 mm ring) or Blackout Evo custom build. I am definitely high and tight and a grower not shower but average when erect I don't really fancy going for steel both for travel and the weight. Security isn't a huge issue as I don't want to cheat but hygiene is.
The other thing I would love is trying to get my KH to be a bit more amorous /horny. I want her to enjoy the attention I long to lavish on her. A major issue is she is so darned ticklish. I haven't been allowed to touch her breasts in about 20 years because it tickles and EVERYTHING tickles. Any advice on how to get her to relax would be wonderful. I am not looking to be a slave, I am definitely not a pain slut or into humiliation. I would love for her to be a bit more assertive about what she wants and what feels good to her. Mostly when I ask I get very little response. I am hoping the answer isn't just leave me alone. I love her dearly but I am not ready for a platonic marriage and have never considered playing away even when we were living apart for months due to work. As I mentioned earlier I am a massage therapist so foot rubs back rubs etc got it nailed. Sorry for the epic novel and as the title says really not sure where this is headed just hope it is fun getting there. Any advice especially based on experience gratefully received