[CigarBearcub] Practice and Exploration

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CigarBearcub
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[CigarBearcub] Practice and Exploration

Post by CigarBearcub »

Was thinking that I ought to be taking notes for my assorted thoughts during locked and unlocked periods, noting orgasms, goals, failures along the way. I would start just be reiterating my Hello World post:
Have been exploring denial play personally for a year or so, getting more into it and attempting longer lockups. I have someone acting as a KH/instigator, and have even talked my husband into holding a copy of the key. Recently discovered CF and wanted to sign up for an account so I could better research PA specific devices to take the next step into a more serious (and seriously secure) device. Plus I love to hear stories from other people's journeys.
To expand, I am a gay male in my mid- to late-30s. Around two years ago I started collecting chastity devices. The first I purchased on a whim from a local sex store - I'm not sure of the model, but it would never really be used. Simply too big for me, and my anatomy never wanted to curve through the rings like the device wanted - I think it was best "for show" but little else. Soon after I picked up a CB-6000, but grew annoyed by the constant ball burn and the little posts that would push themselves free of the ring. Moved onto a Holy Trainer, which was certain the best working device for me, eliminated a lot of the pain and burn, but became unusable after I got a PA (February 2020).

I had wanted a PA for years at that point, but was always afraid (I think most guys are at that thought). All I can tell you is that it is an easy piercing, doesn't hurt much (for me, it was like an extreme pinch), and the aftercare is pretty simple. If you've been on the fence, reach out to me, but I will just tell you to go for it. I was pierced at an 8G, moved up to a 6G in September 2020, and then 4G in April 2021. Hoping to keep going with it at least until 0G and then we'll see. While the piercing wasn't originally chastity related, it certainly was on my mind at the time given I had been practicing denial at that point.

In March 2021, I bit the bullet and ordered a new device. Kink3D Cobra. Yes, they're everywhere. But it's also the most comfortable device I have ever worn. The popularity is well deserved as far as I'm concerned. I had seem a lot of pics of other guys wrapping their PAs around the bottom post of the device as added security. Sadly I was unable to do this without constant pinching. The device sat unused for nearly a month until I had the idea/gumption to break out my modelling shears and cut away at those posts - my PA could simply fit through the front of the device through a larger, open slot that I created. It made the device usable, and so I began longer lockups at the bequest of an online Keyholder/instigator (a guy I had met at a leather event in early 2020, pre-pandemic).

My first lockups were just a few days long, working around my husband's night shifts so he didn't even know I was making more serious attempts. Eventually, both my KH and I wanted a much longer lockup, and I had to loop my husband into this kink of mine. He took it well, and I gave him the keys, but he is much less kinky than I am and I am sure he is a bit out of his element. We've had an open relationship for years, and he does accept the kinks that I pursue, so I am not sure why I was worried about sharing this with him for so long.

I think the part that I am still figuring out is purpose. Why? I couldn't tell you. I started this on my own and have very slowly gotten to the point where I'm open enough to share about it. Originally, I wanted to learn to bottom better. I would get excited and finish too quickly to ever really practice that skill, and so the device became a way to slow myself down during self-pleasure. Then it became a kink in itself - in beating the cage over long edging sessions with sounds and vibrators. Then I had the chance to wear it with a buddy I played with - a Cigar Dad - and it turned him into an even more selfish top and added an extra layer of submission to that service.

I think that last bit - submission in play - might be the driving force now. Or at least it would have been except for the pandemic. But the idea does scare me, and plays with insecurities and the poor self-image that I've got, so it's been slow going to explore.

One other idea I had was to use the device as a denial tool to force me to work on personal projects that I've been ignoring. Perhaps using completion (with proof) of a project as the key to release for a little while. Just an idea I'm toying with - it has not been put into practice.

I think I'll end this initial post here, and use updates to document other thoughts, lockup periods, struggles. Thanks for reading, feel free to reach out.
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CigarBearcub
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Re: [CigarBearcub] Practice and Exploration

Post by CigarBearcub »

To document my recent lockup experiences from the end of April 2021 through the present:

I decided to attempt a four day lockup from April 28 to May 2. I received my second dose on the 2nd, so it felt like a nice event to aim for (and I didn't want to deal with the cage if I were to experience ill effects, which I did not). I remember not sleeping well for those couple of days, and I was incredibly horny the whole time with no outlet (husband was working his night shifts, I had not finished my vaccine course). I remember masturbating the morning I took off the device, but my heart wasn't really in it and it was somewhat disappointing.

My HK goaded me into another short lockup from May 6 to 8. My husband was returning from a trip on the 8th, and I had yet to tell him about chastity, so I needed to be free by that point. I dropped my keys and vibrator into an envelope, sealed it, signed it, and sent daily proof to my KH. Didn't experience as much horniness this time around, but still had trouble sleeping. I unlocked a few hours before my husband came home, but did not seek an orgasm.

Had the chastity talk with my husband the next day on the 9th. As I explained in my intro post, he knows about my various kinks and that I am pushing to explore them more this year, so chastity was not so far out there for him to accept. The cage remained off, and I remained chaste.

I started a longer lockup on May 12. It was my husband's first night back to work, and I fitted on the device and handed him the keys as he walked out the door. This was my first real lockup "without a safety net" as it were. But given that I had documented the cage going on back on the 6th (and I also know that I did not orgasm in the few days I was free), I am counting this chaste period as having begun on the 6th.

For the most part, this first long lockup has not been so bad. I had been growing accustomed to sleeping better. Learning to deal with cleanliness issues. Horniness has been manageable for the most part, and I've been practicing with plugs more often as a side-effect. The cage hasn't been on 100% of the time - post vaccine effectiveness I had to catch up on some doctor's visits, and I also had cleaned without it once or twice - but I remained chaste through it all.

Despite being well sized for the device I have, I have grower issues. At times I can get two fingers under the ring, or a finger deep into the cage, and at others I am oversized and pushing the device down. Due to this, I have been researching PA devices but am continuing to make due. I've been using a string to tie it around myself at night to help prevent pullout, and even ordered a leather strap with snaps to replace said string.

My KH recently decided that I would be unlocked on Memorial Day (May 31 for those outside the US). That makes this a 25 day lockup, which is quite a jump from my two to four day trials.

One set back that I have had today (day 18 of 25) is that I was woken up two hours early by some intense ball burn. Despite urinating, applying vitamin E oil, and a long hot shower - I was unable to get over this pain. I told my husband and he gave me the keys to unlock for the day, which I did. It was too distracting to try and work through. Told the KH, he understood. I don't see any skin issues, and while I am hoping to be back in the cage, I'm also a little hesitent. My husband things I should leave it off overnight, and just wear it during the day. Might be the reality if I have a repeat situation.

(Note, at least as the time of this post, I have still remained chaste. It's been tough though - it knows it's out...)
Last edited by CigarBearcub on Mon May 24, 2021 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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CigarBearcub
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Re: [CigarBearcub] Practice and Exploration

Post by CigarBearcub »

The good news is that the under-sack issues are slowly resolving themselves with regular cleanings, cold water compresses, and wearing looser/no clothing. The bad news is that I still remain unlocked with five days left to goal. I had a minor setback yesterday that I'd like to document.

Given that I was unlocked and it appeared that I would not be able to wear the device for the rest of the chaste period, I made the decision that I wanted to be intimate with my husband. This is a bit tough at times - he works night shifts so our schedules are opposed. But he had gotten up early and I had some time before dinner and I thought, "It's been 19 days - how long could it take?"

Suffice to say, after normal masturbation, then using Albolene to lube, and then moving to a vibrator - I simply refused to come.

I keep chalking it up to time constraints, the impromptu-ness of it all, nursing the skin condition, the wanting to force an orgasm to be done and reset my chastity timer... But I don't know for sure. I was certainly in my head about it for a few hours that evening, as performance issues have become more common in the last few years, especially when others are involved.

At the worst of it, I wondered if that wasn't the core of the issue of chastity for me. That it didn't come down to wanting to expand myself. It wasn't to practice submission. It wasn't a kink or to be cucked.

Simply: if my dick is locked, I don't have to worry about performance anxiety. You avoid the whole fucking issue, because you'd never be expected to come if you're locked.

Which is obviously the wrong way to think about sex at all, and something that I have to continue to unlearn and work on personally. For a while I had been getting better about enjoying sex with others just for what it is: fun times. Placing less an emphasis on the outcome, focusing more on the moments themselves. I think between the pandemic having put a large hold on things, and the combination of 19 days of chastity, I was placing too much emphasis on the wrong outcome.

Afterwards, I had the chance to meet up with a cigar buddy, and we had a good evening of smoking and conversation. To be honest, that in itself is one of the more important activities that I missed terribly these last 16 months. But near the end of our meeting, things moved towards the sexual, and he made the sweetest comment:
"I know you are unlocked, but I am still going to respect your chaste period."
Of course, my heart dropped a little bit - I just want relief at this point! - but I greatly appreciated his sentiment, and it did allow to us to focus on the shared moments and intimacy rather than an outcome. It absolutely turned my night around.
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CigarBearcub
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Re: [CigarBearcub] Practice and Exploration

Post by CigarBearcub »

25 days of chastity goal met
25 days of chastity goal met
25DayComplete.png (3.81 KiB) Viewed 139 times
Here I am, 25 days into chastity. Met my goal, which didn't even exist when I first locked up on the 6th. I've been feeling down the past few days, so I am still processing all of this. Wondering how much it counts given that I had to go without the device (IE, "hard mode" - pun intended) due to skin irritation issues. I've locked back up for the final day, just to be able to unlock and cross the finish appropriately later. My KH is releasing me to my own will tomorrow.

Now here's hoping I find myself in a good enough mood to want to cum.

I've found that I can deal with the horniness. Even when it just switches me on for days on end. We've all had to deal with this in part over the course of the last 15 months, so what's a few days or weeks for chastity's sake? And it's gotten me back into plugs and stretching, working towards those anal-oriented kink goals that I want to explore.

There were a few tough parts though. First was my panic when seeing my best friend a few weeks back. It was my first outing after having reached vaccine efficacy, and as we were hanging out, things moved towards the sexual. I hadn't told him about my device yet, but I had been given the emergency key by my husband for the visit - he knew what was likely to happen. Long story short, I panicked about it, ran to the bathroom to remove the cage, then proceeded as per normal. The "good" thing is that my dick didn't come into play at all and I did not cum. Play happened, but chastity persisted. It was a personal failure, especially as I talked with my friend afterwards and he assured me that "it wasn't outside of his mental conception for me, and he wouldn't have been bothered." I panicked and failed for absolutely no reason.

The second letdown came from other play experiences with a pipe buddy. We've had a physical connection since before the pandemic, but it had to be left to simmer as we all locked down. But again, getting out and about, and most importantly smoking with other guys - I've missed it so much... lead us to confront this attraction again. The first hangout ended with him asking about the cage and giving it a once-over. The second hangout I described in my last post, and with him respecting my chastity despite being without the device. I can only describe these experiences as a bit heart-wringing. I really am of service at heart, and it was painful to not to be able to follow through in the manner that I'm certain he wanted. But we still have more fun to look forward to, so I am not too down about it.

As for the future, I am uncertain how long I will remain unlocked, but I have ordered a PA device to try. It is a knockoff of Steelwerxx's Securo-Cage 1. I don't think it will work for long-term lockup, I'm already anticipating issues with the weight pulling on the PA piercing, but I'm willing to give it a try. On the positive side, I'll have the PA-lock jewelry, which I've wanted for a while and I think is incredibly hot. I do think that I will need to custom order a device like the Evotion Bijou, it's just difficult to stomach the cost when I'm still not sure of my chastity goals overall. I think if my husband had gotten more into it, then I'd be more willing, but I'm still not sold on the idea that long-term, goal-oriented chastity is for me. I can "deal" with it too easily (other than my personal hurt feelings thinking that I'm letting people down during hookups...) Maybe it would take the right Dom or a local KH to goad me on? I think I still enjoy it most as a means to put myself in a subby mindset with more dominant men.

To wrap up, I'm still going to be thinking on this over the course of the coming days, and will certain write once new details emerge for the next lockup. The KH has said each lockup "needs to be longer than the last" but I still don't know if that's something that I want to consent to. At least not so soon post-lockdowns.
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