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[felere] The beginning 1

Posted: Tue May 26, 2020 5:28 pm
by Felere
The beginning

My desire to be dominated originates way back to my childhood. I remember playing with some neighbor kids. We had constructed some huts from storage racks. And we made stories around it. I tried to convince the others to lock me up in a small box. Was it sexual? Not in the adult way. It was driven by desire. It definitely was a desire to be dominated.
As a young teenager I fantasized about being imprisoned by a woman who locked me to her vagina with my tongue. I still love to go oral on my wife. It’s a fulfillment of my dreams.
In my marriage everything went vanilla. We have had a relationship with up and downs for over 20 years. And I am happy to say that for the most part we had a good sexual relationship too.
Still, I always had my fantasies and my desires. I remember very clearly one occasion with my wife. We were standing in the bedroom and one way or another we talked about submission and she said that I should kneel for her in de laundry-basket. I have forgotten how it ended. But the remembrance made quite an impression on me.
Several years later I wrote two letters to her in which I expressed my desire for submission. The only thing I know is that she read them and laid them aside.
I reached the age of 50. I decided I did not want to continue in the same way. I decided I did not want to get old with my lady in this way. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good enough. I wanted more love, more passion, more life in our relationship.
One important step was reading the book of Sue Johnson, Hold me tight. Finally I could admit that it was o.k. not to be fully independent. It’s a myth. Everyone needs some sort of attachment to a loving person. My defenses could be lowered. When we started our relation we had severe up and downs. Breaking up and starting again. I remember that one day, we had broken up, I kneeled for her to kiss her. I surrendered to my inability to be on my own alone. I took that as a burden for many years. I had failed in being independent. The book of Sue Johnson learned me that I had not failed, but that I had surrendered to a basic need which opens the way to a mutual vulnerable relationship.
So I opened up to my wife, my dreams, my wishes, my love.
One of the things I revealed was my desire to be under her spell., I wanted to wear a cockring. I never wear a wedding ring, it irritates my fingers, I think it’s dangerous while doing hand jobs. I wanted a ring around my cock. So I told her I had ordered one and asked her if it would be all right for her to keep the key. We had some time before it arrived to adjust to the idea. I was allowed to wear it and hand over the key to her on our wedding day. It felt like heaven. I was in high spirits. Of course I had told her that she would be in charge. She wanted to go to a fashion show. She wouldn’t dare to ask me, but now she did.

[felere] Bumps, crashes and trash 2

Posted: Thu May 28, 2020 3:32 pm
by Felere
If you want to introduce chastity to your wife, a cockring might be a good alternative to a cockcage. It’s a ring…. It’s smaller and your private parts still show up. And in comparison with a cage you look like mister wonderful. My wife is very compliant. So when I suggested to wear a ring it wasn’t a too big step for her. The first day I felt like walking in heaven. The chemicals in your brains make you float all day long.
But quite some bumps came in our way. The first one was a great disappointment. Walking and being busy outside, the ring suddenly dropped out of my trousers. My illusion of being locked up was shattered. Of coarse I ordered a smaller one. Which had less inclination to fall down, but still it could happen.
Far more difficult were the clashes we had in our relationship. Following my fantasies and reading the stuff on the internet I had to discover that fantasy and reality do not match. Most of the stuff you find on the internet is fantasy and not reality-proof. For a chastity live-style it’s trash. Having no other information I dreamed that my wife – my always compliant wife – would take over control. Well she didn’t . I asked her to say what she wanted, I told her I would listen and comply to her wishes. It wasn’t suitable for her. So most of the time nothing happened. And when it happened I wasn’t prepared to it or it didn’t work out. My wife wanted me to go to bed with her at the same time. So I did. The only problem is, I need at least two hours less sleep than she does. She went to sleep, I was laying awake for hours. No fun, no interaction what so ever. We had to drop it after a while. Far more difficult were the crashes we had over topics in which I felt completely neglected. There Is a small snake in my whish to comply to her. It is that in the same time I want attention from her for what’s for me important. It’s the simple fact that I am not a slave and that we live a normal life together all day long. The clashes did hurt a lot. Several times I walked out of the house and wanted to throw away the ring. I didn’t. Each time again there was the desire inside me to go on, to find a way.
We had very positive experiences too. First of all for me the feeling to walk in heaven. The idea of enclosure and surrendering to my wife is a very sexy and very cozy feeling. On the other hand, when I was wearing the ring my wife felt more inner space to feel free to suggest things she wanted to do. That was a great gain for her. We went to a fashion show, we went shopping…., and we had a holiday and trips organized completely around places she wanted to visit.
We had hard times, we had good times. I wanted to continue into more. So one day, while she was lying in the bathtub I suggested to buy a complete chastity device, a cage. Being used to the ring and a little bit being used to my kinks she complied

Re: [felere] The beginning 1

Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2020 5:40 am
by Excited+Scared1
Where did you go Felere? I was enjoying reading about your journey!

Pitfalls of desire (3)

Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2020 4:09 pm
by Felere
One of the most regular experiences I have discovered is that wearing a chastity device makes my brain lunatic.
For example, in the beginning I was always waiting for my wife to give me orders what to do. She didn’t. I kept on waiting. When the device was off I was waiting for her to tell me to put it on again. She didn’t. Unless I began to pressure a little so that she knew where I was aiming at. In short, my expectations were always focused on her making the decisions I wanted. The reality was that she wasn’t that much interested and certainly not so much possessed by the idea of chastising her husband. She came along as much as I demanded from her. Which was a piece of good luck I had to appreciate. And I did. It took me quite some time to accept it as a fact and stop waiting for her to decide.
The forum helped me to realize that an inescapable device is hardly possible. My private parts shrink and grow in such measures that there is always a possibility to sneak out of the device. I tried different models to find out. But every model has it’s failures. Having a sensible skin I couldn’t stand a cb6000 for a long time. Or any other device which is to closed. Besides I don’t like to smell. So I have accommodated to the facts. It’s not my fantasy, but it’s practical. Besides I choose to be in the device, so why should it be inescapable? I like the feeling I like my wife to hold the key and to be restrained. For the rest it’s the honor system, because I am the one who wanted this from the beginning.
Especially when I have been without for a while, and when de device is on again. My brain goes wild. All sort of wishes and dreams which after a few days appear to be unrealistic run around my head. I am convinced to bring the most extraordinary sacrifices to my beloved wife. So when we started orgasm denial I was ready to accept any period less than three months. I thought four or five weeks would be great. From day 12 on I knew I couldn’t stand that long. Thankfully my wife was a bit more realistic to my needs.

The journey (4)

Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2020 4:31 am
by Felere
I am always challenging my wife to go one step further in taking control. In time she did. But only small steps. I serve her breakfast on bed. She tells when she wants me to come with her shopping or whatever. And she likes to be served oral. I keep on challenging her.
One time I was standing at the bottom of the stairs she was standing upstairs. While I challenged her she suddenly said ‘Oké then come upstairs on your knees and serve me my coffee. I did without hesitation. Climbing up the stairs on my knees into the bedroom. It didn’t give me a special feeling. She found it interesting. When we talked about it she thought it would be a good idea if I served her breakfast on my knees.
So that was one next step in submission. The first day it didn’t feel special. And I challenged her again that she could ask me anytime to go on my knees. Even while she was doing something completely different.
I don’t know which came first. I suppose it was one of the next times I served her breakfast on my knees. While I was on my knees, we watched each other in the eyes. I felt moved. It was not the sex which moved me, it was the submission. It was an intense moment of intimacy.
That’s what’s happening now every morning: while she is still asleep or drowsy I make her breakfast and serve her on my knees. Every morning our first contact is me submitting to her. While she awakes and sees me just on my knees waiting for her. Sometimes it’s just 5 minutes, when she is still sleeping it’s up to half an hour.
I have suggested that she could have me on my knees whenever she wanted. When she is out for a walk, watching t.v. or while having a zoom-meeting. I am soliciting.
In the beginning she felt guilty. She was having a zoom-meeting and supposed it to be for about 45 minutes. It appeared to be over an hour. So she hurried upstairs when she finished the meeting. I was still on my knees. Now she has changed her inner attitude. The first time I noticed was confronting. She wanted me to kneel beside the bath. So I came in, went on my knees. She gave me a short look, closed her eyes and dozed away. There was I. Wondering why for heaven’s sake I wanted did. Why? When I am on my knees (it’s ‘standing on my knees’) I can feel my chastity device. That’s exciting. But most of the time I have my hands on my back. Then it doesn’t feel exciting, it’s just what it is. And one way or the other I want to kneel on her command. And I love it when she takes it as granted. Like when she dozes away. I suppose the feeling of submission gives me rest. It’s a sort of homecoming for my always wandering sexual desire. I love it to start the day like this, it’s becoming even better If I may serve her oral. And it’s even more better if she teases me afterwards. Meanwhile I am chastised, she decides when I can have an orgasm and I love it to kneel for her. It’s a gain for both of us in intimacy and pleasure.