[felere] The beginning 1
Posted: Tue May 26, 2020 5:28 pm
The beginning
My desire to be dominated originates way back to my childhood. I remember playing with some neighbor kids. We had constructed some huts from storage racks. And we made stories around it. I tried to convince the others to lock me up in a small box. Was it sexual? Not in the adult way. It was driven by desire. It definitely was a desire to be dominated.
As a young teenager I fantasized about being imprisoned by a woman who locked me to her vagina with my tongue. I still love to go oral on my wife. It’s a fulfillment of my dreams.
In my marriage everything went vanilla. We have had a relationship with up and downs for over 20 years. And I am happy to say that for the most part we had a good sexual relationship too.
Still, I always had my fantasies and my desires. I remember very clearly one occasion with my wife. We were standing in the bedroom and one way or another we talked about submission and she said that I should kneel for her in de laundry-basket. I have forgotten how it ended. But the remembrance made quite an impression on me.
Several years later I wrote two letters to her in which I expressed my desire for submission. The only thing I know is that she read them and laid them aside.
I reached the age of 50. I decided I did not want to continue in the same way. I decided I did not want to get old with my lady in this way. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good enough. I wanted more love, more passion, more life in our relationship.
One important step was reading the book of Sue Johnson, Hold me tight. Finally I could admit that it was o.k. not to be fully independent. It’s a myth. Everyone needs some sort of attachment to a loving person. My defenses could be lowered. When we started our relation we had severe up and downs. Breaking up and starting again. I remember that one day, we had broken up, I kneeled for her to kiss her. I surrendered to my inability to be on my own alone. I took that as a burden for many years. I had failed in being independent. The book of Sue Johnson learned me that I had not failed, but that I had surrendered to a basic need which opens the way to a mutual vulnerable relationship.
So I opened up to my wife, my dreams, my wishes, my love.
One of the things I revealed was my desire to be under her spell., I wanted to wear a cockring. I never wear a wedding ring, it irritates my fingers, I think it’s dangerous while doing hand jobs. I wanted a ring around my cock. So I told her I had ordered one and asked her if it would be all right for her to keep the key. We had some time before it arrived to adjust to the idea. I was allowed to wear it and hand over the key to her on our wedding day. It felt like heaven. I was in high spirits. Of course I had told her that she would be in charge. She wanted to go to a fashion show. She wouldn’t dare to ask me, but now she did.
My desire to be dominated originates way back to my childhood. I remember playing with some neighbor kids. We had constructed some huts from storage racks. And we made stories around it. I tried to convince the others to lock me up in a small box. Was it sexual? Not in the adult way. It was driven by desire. It definitely was a desire to be dominated.
As a young teenager I fantasized about being imprisoned by a woman who locked me to her vagina with my tongue. I still love to go oral on my wife. It’s a fulfillment of my dreams.
In my marriage everything went vanilla. We have had a relationship with up and downs for over 20 years. And I am happy to say that for the most part we had a good sexual relationship too.
Still, I always had my fantasies and my desires. I remember very clearly one occasion with my wife. We were standing in the bedroom and one way or another we talked about submission and she said that I should kneel for her in de laundry-basket. I have forgotten how it ended. But the remembrance made quite an impression on me.
Several years later I wrote two letters to her in which I expressed my desire for submission. The only thing I know is that she read them and laid them aside.
I reached the age of 50. I decided I did not want to continue in the same way. I decided I did not want to get old with my lady in this way. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good enough. I wanted more love, more passion, more life in our relationship.
One important step was reading the book of Sue Johnson, Hold me tight. Finally I could admit that it was o.k. not to be fully independent. It’s a myth. Everyone needs some sort of attachment to a loving person. My defenses could be lowered. When we started our relation we had severe up and downs. Breaking up and starting again. I remember that one day, we had broken up, I kneeled for her to kiss her. I surrendered to my inability to be on my own alone. I took that as a burden for many years. I had failed in being independent. The book of Sue Johnson learned me that I had not failed, but that I had surrendered to a basic need which opens the way to a mutual vulnerable relationship.
So I opened up to my wife, my dreams, my wishes, my love.
One of the things I revealed was my desire to be under her spell., I wanted to wear a cockring. I never wear a wedding ring, it irritates my fingers, I think it’s dangerous while doing hand jobs. I wanted a ring around my cock. So I told her I had ordered one and asked her if it would be all right for her to keep the key. We had some time before it arrived to adjust to the idea. I was allowed to wear it and hand over the key to her on our wedding day. It felt like heaven. I was in high spirits. Of course I had told her that she would be in charge. She wanted to go to a fashion show. She wouldn’t dare to ask me, but now she did.