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[littlesteve] A new kind of denial

Posted: Thu May 14, 2020 5:13 am
by littlesteve
Warning: ABDL content


Figured enough time has passed to reflect properly on my situation. I've been locked since Thursday May 7th, one week after my 28th birthday. I impulse bought a baby blue, short, silicone cage off eBay a few weeks into isolation and was overjoyed when it finally arrived.

I've been interested in trying chastity for a long time, years, having discovered it through ABDL. I'm a baby boy at heart, more into regressing and dressing up as a form of therapy; relaxing with a colouring book, snuggling with teddy in front of cartoons. Like many ABDL boys I found that jacking off would make the desires abate for a while, and while a padded orgasm is incredible there's something just as lovely in denying release and enjoying being little for days on end. The experience becomes a sort of extended foreplay, you really enter a different state of mind, like a trance state. It's a bit hard to explain... Diapers can definitely be a form of chastity, but when you don't have a caretaker/big/daddy/mummy in your area then what's stopping you from just sitting around watching porn and reading kinky stories all day til you can't hold back?

I used to run an ABDL Tumblr back before the adult content purge and would come across chastity every now and then. The idea of being controlled, or giving someone control, scared and excited in equal measures. I encountered my first chastity cage, a Chinese holy trainer knock-off, when an ex-boyfriend pulled down his pants to show me he'd locked himself up. He wanted me to hold the key, but even then I knew enough to know this wasn't how the relationship was meant to work. I didn't feel dominant with him, we'd never discussed it before, and it just felt a bit...selfish. Jump forward to 2018 when I was backpacking in Europe, and I managed to try my first HT at a German Tumblr friend's house. It was interesting, but didn't fit properly - ring was too tight, cage was too large. But the experience confirmed that I would definitely be trying it properly one day, with the right person.

I met my daddy that year and we had some wonderful experiences together - he loves disciplining boys and would give me a good spanking over a school boy uniform, then pad me up for a walk to the Old Town for a history tour and frites by a canal. It's more a dad-son relationship than anything really, mentoring, teaching, inspiring, listening. He's a wonderful man, and I wish I was still in Europe with him.

But Australia is my home, and Europe is only a Skype call away. He told me to message him the moment it arrived, and we spoke that night. We unpacked it together and he explained how it all fit. I was so excited I was leaking like crazy, squeezing each ring around my gooch, trying to wiggle my fella into the malleable silicone slot...I finally worked out which ring fit best - definitely on the large side, but the size smaller's a vice - and clicked the lock. It felt incredible. It was such a head rush! And such a pain haha. Papa explained that mornings would be particularly hard (lol) for the first little while. Luckily I only j/o as it is maybe once a week, if that. I don't have a wild libido, and to be honest the main reason I impulse-bought the cage was to give myself an unavoidable reminder that I needed to be more responsible, not to stop myself from compulsive masturbation, or touching. See since isolation hit I've been a potato. A total sack. My motivation level plummeted, and I have enough in my savings to sit back and slowly slip into a hole. Recognising my behaviour (I may be a child at heart, but I did just turn a mature ol' 28 ;P) I decided to jump on something that had been stewing for a while.

And I have zero regrets. My first day caged I smashed out more work than I'd done in the past month. That's not an exaggeration, it was almost excessive. Well, first I wriggled under the covers trying to find the perfect balance between throbbing pain and delightful tingles, but after a frustrating (yet exhilarating) struggle I jumped out of bed and got to it. That night was definitely tough, watching TV next to my housemate trying to keep my mind off my pulsing dicklet. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. It was honestly uncomfortable, the cage felt like it was sitting wrong, it was cutting in under my sack. Unfortunately I have a pretty low hanging sack, or so every guy has told me. Not huge balls, just hangers. That night I did a bit of research and noted three things: first, obviously you're gonna be uncomfortable, you've never had a bloody cage around your junk. This discomfort goes away as you get used to it. Second, most guys buy too large and have to go down a size. Makes perfect sense. And third, pretty much very other cage out there has rounded rings. This cheap-ish silicone cage had squared edges! There were two sharp edges cutting into my barely-touched-before perineum!

I removed my ring and sliced the edge down with a craft scalpel. I managed to get them rounded and smooth, and it made such a huge difference slipping it all back on. Papa wasn't too happy I did it without his permission, but he understood I was in unnecessary pain. (Sidebar, a couple nights ago I ended up slicing the largest (and thus unusable) silicone ring down to make one slightly smaller than what I'd been wearing, going down a size is definitely inevitable for a first-timer) While I had Papa on the screen I also explained the metal lock was knocking around, and he let me swap it for a plastic one. Much better. Now I just had to figure out what to do with my balls. The answer was simple enough - jocks. I have two of those silly aussiebum jocks a fella gave me once, never wear them. But slipping them on...they just felt so right. A little pouch to hold your cage and nads, then two thin straps giving a bit of pressure to your cheeks, and dat exposed booty. The straps have a light-bondage vibe, and the exposed bum just feels so naughty, like one less obstacle if papa decides to yank your pants down!

It really only took me another day and night before things started to balance out. I'd wake up with a morning...not wood, maybe a twig, but it seemed under control now, no pain, and it wouldn't stick around. I wouldn't think about the cage and start chubbing up as I sat on the loo for a morning splatter-pee. Oh man, I really wasn't a fan of how the cage and my foreskin were making me pee, splashing urine all inside the cage, soaking it and my junk. I'd poke on in there with a finger of toilet paper, trying to dry without rubbing, wriggling underneath my foreskin, inevitably getting so hard that I'd fully extend out the silicone slit and would have to hold it open til I softened again. It took me maybe a week before I realised I could slip my little guy out from underneath the silicone shaft and just go pee like normal, wipe my tip, and slip back in. I haven't told papa yet, he'd be very cross, but it makes peeing so much easier, plus washing under my foreskin in the shower, plus drying the inside of the cage out after a shower.

He'd probably say, Well, what's stopping you from just slipping yourself out and jerking off boy, hm??

Well, it's Thursday 14th May, one week since I clicked my first lock closed. In that week I've regained my focus, motivation and discipline, and I know it's because of my cage. I wouldn't consider myself no-fap, the excitement of chastity will always be there, I genuinely enjoy it and I can't wait for my first explosion. But I don't even feel like wearing diapers for the moment, this is like a new phase - I'm proud of how I'm growing into a 'big boy', trading one form of denial for another. I really am proud, like I graduated from kindergarten to the first grade! I slip my jocks or briefs over my cute blue cage with a smile, ready for another big day. I've already ordered two more, a small one and a tiny one, metal this time with rings to make cleaning and drying easier. I'm excited for a little cage that fits me, one I can't slip out of. I'm ready to go further, I don't want to go back to the beginning. Now that I'm up and moving I want to keep moving forward.

I can't promise I'll update often, but please, if you're reading, join me on this journey.