[sklavenAJ] a new year and a new hope

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sklavenAJ
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[sklavenAJ] a new year and a new hope

Post by sklavenAJ »

I thought 2019 was the best year of my life. I didn't think it could get any better. I got a great job and I finally made full time. I am doing something I enjoy with people who are easy to work with. I got a cool girlfriend who's super smart and super sexy. I discovered this really amazing medication called Testosterone, which has set the real me, free. I don't have as much anxiety, or stress, or tears. I don't freak out as much, and not as neurotic. one thing that's been a huge benefit besides the growing muscles, is the growing libido! So, all in all, I was really depressed to see 2019 go.

I knew I was going to see Master on the 3rd of Jan. I wanted to start the new year off right, so I asked if I could be permitted to refrain from masturbation. I'm usually so horney, that I have to orgasm once, sometimes twice a day! He agreed, so I committed to three days. I had done short sprints before, and before testosterone, I could go months. btw, I hadn't had penile penetration in about two years. (PIV is fraught with anxiety, trauma, and sometimes PTSD.)

on the night I arrived, we played hard. I was given more orgasms than I ever remember Him giving [email protected] I was rocked to my core. Master and I don't have piv sex. it was a hard limit for him from the start, for his own personal reasons. Since I ahd my own for not wanting it, it's NEVER been a problem. In fact it's led me to trust Him implicitly.

after we played, we talked. somehow the mention of chastity was brought up. mostly because I want piercings. I want them so I can have my cunt spread wide open, or locked closed tightly. I want my nipples repeirced for the same reason, so that Master has beter anchors for His enjoyment. So we talkerd about chastity. the last time we tried it, I went over the top. I was insecure, andxious, and I almost pulled away from Him for perminant. I wasni prepared for the mental onslaught, and He was out of the country for three [email protected]

He mentioned this, and I understood. I practically begged Him to give me anouther chance, so He did.

This time, it wasn't just a few weeks, this time it was a MONTH!! And it's ALL on the honor system. So My directive is, no masturbation, no cummin, no orgasms of any kind. nothing happening down there for pleasure. I have asked Him for a reprieve though. I need to tug on my cock on occastion (I have a micro penis, which is what I call my clit cause it doesn't act like a clit anymore. and it does half the thinking for me nowdays) cause it throbs and spasms uncomfortably.

HE's allowed me to tug on it to releive pressure and tension. Now, two weeks go by, and I'm at His house again for a playdate. I have never had anyone deny me and edge me before unless I have an orgasm at the end. Until Master' He wasn't joking. I didn't cum.

Now, I thought I would be able to sneak one by Him. Maybe He'd cause me the right amount of pain, that i could get off from the perception of it before anything could happen. NOPE!!! He had that shit locked down tight. He hooked me up to the tens unit He designed. He has a suction tube thing for my clit to fit into, and He has a electrode wired inside of it! So my clit gets sucked into this thing, which is really hot and makes it so sensitive...then the electricity starts! feels like someone sucking on it, amazing!!! But, not enough to ACTUALLY get off, Then He turnsp a tad, but this time He turns down the requency, so it feels like really rapid zaps, not one smooth pull. If that weren't bad enough, it is set to random, random frequencies and intensities..AND the algorythem is designed o keep the edge without gpoing over. Just as I thought I was building up to a really great orgasm within seconds, it abruptly stopped! I 'n no way making this up. Master is devious. It's why I chose to dedicate myself to Him.

So He's doing this to me, and at the same time He has my hands ziptied together in prayer form in front of me. My breasts are cinched in metal bands, and He's caning my NIPS!! forget the breast tissue, my freaking NIPPLES are getting caned! It hurt SO bad, so He distracted me by increasing the intensity of the damn tens unit. Did I mention I love Master as much as I love His mind?

Finally, He cums...making me lick His nipples as He's turning up the unit, shocking the hell out of my clit so I'm putting all that pain into energy for His pleasure, while He giggles, cumming HARD!!! I didn't even get the pleasure of tasting Him.

No cumming. No orgasm. Just edging for His pleasure and enjoyment. The way it SHOULD be. The way I always wanted it.
But the experience is nothing like the fantasy,. ITS BETTER.

So here I am, two days later. about to go to my sexy girlfriends house for dinner. I'm cooking. WE're on an even basis, but I'm much more dominant and aggressive than she is. We're secondary partners to each other, but our primaries are so busy with life, that we see each other more often than we see them sometimes, lol

I was so wet after seeing Master, that Ihad to buy underwear for the first time in fucking 20 years! So I'm at her house, wearing boxer briefs under my jeans. She knows I'm under restriction, and she can't believe I've lasted two weeks at this point. I get her off soon as I come in the door. It's kinda my sandard greeting whenever she and I get together and I'm in her ruck. I think that's why she likes picking me up! anyways...lol

So I get her off, and we eat. WE go back to her room, and start to fool around. I make her cum a few more times, and she starts touching me ALL over! I didn't cum, and I didn't orgasm. Iw as really surprised at the level of self control. Mostly cause I promised MAster I wouldn't do any of those things.

I let GF touch me south of the border, buit not enough to ge me off or even creamy. I made her stopevery few seconds,. It was HOOOOOTTTTT!!! I NEVER experinced sex like that without anxiety, nerves, distrust and discomfort. All the above, made me disengage in my prior life, and I'd lose the mood, so it ended up feeling mroe like rape or a duty than anything enjoyable. It'll

Biut this? without cummibng, I was in heavin! I loved everyhting and still, three days late,r have NO regrets.

Yesterday, I was talking about another fantasy I have about being loaned out. Master said He doesn't want to loan me to anyone! o hbe still my beating heart!!! I love posessive when it's done right.

I see Master again on the first of Feb. It'll have been the whole first month of the new decade and new year since I came. I asked if I will cum that day, He said He'd have to think about it. I'm SO glad that I can control myself well enough to give Maser the control! I asked Him why can't I just have a chastity device, or piercings> Not only would they take too long, but I like His answer the best. If I can't control it, how can I expect Him to?> In other words, if I can't handle the emotional aspect, how can I expect Him to be able to do it too>
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slave d
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Re: [sklavenAJ] a new year and a new hope

Post by slave d »

Please be extremely careful around Testosterone, it is NOT a medication and the side effects when used incorrectly can be deadly.

MsM’s ld
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sklavenAJ
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Re: [sklavenAJ] a new year and a new hope

Post by sklavenAJ »

slave d wrote:
Thu Jan 23, 2020 1:38 am
Please be extremely careful around Testosterone, it is NOT a medication and the side effects when used incorrectly can be deadly.

MsM’s ld
I am transgender MtF. I aaan showing it every week under doctor's orders. Thank you for the concern you show!! I call it medication, because it iits. Ther male characteristics line a deeper voice and hair are secondary for me. Ther main reason I med out is it's the only thing that makes my mind and body work normally.
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Schnoff
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Re: [sklavenAJ] a new year and a new hope

Post by Schnoff »

Thank you for that, @sklavenAJ ! That was a hot read.

I have wondered, idly at times, how T interacts with orgasm denial. For the most part, this seems to be true: People with female genitals are better off with more orgasms; people with male genitals are better off with fewer orgasms, particularly if they have a submissive streak. "By and large" that is, always listen to the individual to see what's true for them, of course.

And I was wondering how that would be for trans people. Would it change? Is this related to mindset, is it related to T, is it related to the neural pathways themselves?

I still don't have any answers to that and likely never will, but I do now have two anecdotal examples of FtM people who thrive on denial, which to me means: Always find out how a specific person reacts, assume nothing - and where that's true for cis folk, it's doubly true for trans folk.
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sklavenAJ
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Re: [sklavenAJ] a new year and a new hope

Post by sklavenAJ »

I used to need multiple orgasms in a session, one that lasted several hours at a time but I rarely masturbated. I suffered from a lot of relationship anxiety, feeling like I was hiding something (even though I never was) and sex was very complicated for me.

As a female, I would get turned on as I was fondled. Then something would *snap* in my head and I would emotionally disengage and dissociate. But it was ingrained in me that if I was to hold onto my integrity, I needed to follow through with the act I started. Eventually I learned to just say no in the first place. That led to not having sex with anyone. Not even my husband (we were in an open relationship)

I was taught out of that eventually by a Dominant, but never tried to have sex again after that Dom abandon me 2 years ago.

So now on T, I watch porn, I never did before T. I notice hot guys and have random thoughts about sucking cock. Never in my life have I ever enjoyed that act but now I find I want to, badly. I also had to masturbate frequently in ther first year. Sometimes 3x/day! I was barely sleeping.

My work and relationships suffered due to lack of sleep and acting "aggressively", though I never saw that.

Now, this second tone of chastity play, I'm a yeart in ti taking T. And actually though I'm desperate for Masters time and attention (we text for a little while once a day as well as good morning and goodnight, but only see each other every other week), I feel calm, submissive and focused. I do want to masturbate, but at 3 weeks in, and now 3 days into no touching (underclothes deter tugging, and take a conscious effort, which increases a guilt response... so im decreasing the amount of pulling I do to decrease the feelings of nagging guilt).

So, no touching and no cumming... I'm ALMOST purely chaste. I don't even play with my nipples. I feel great, whereas sometimes, on T, masturbation made me feel empty and lost. Especially when feeling alone to begin with. Now I don't have that feeling, aaand I'm very happy if I never feel empty and alone again!!
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sklavenAJ
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Re: [sklavenAJ] a new year and a new hope

Post by sklavenAJ »

Texting with Master last night, I asked Him if I'll be allowed to cum on the 1st, when isee Him next. He said not until the 3rd! I explained I don't want to break this stretch on my own. I think it would be detrimental. frankly I'm afraid to cause at this point, having an orgasm alone seems intimidating.

He said it might be another month. I was worried that if I fail Him, I'd lose His respect, He'd be disappointed in me and I just can't handle that. He reminded me that being allowed ti break chastity would depends on how I was feeling at the time.

I had actually totally forgot (as I often do) that I can talk to Him about issues that arise.

So now im totally fine with going another month. Ir doesn't seem so intimidating now that I know I can come to Him! I do hope He "helps" me orgasm. He really gets off on watching me in pain and tears. I really get off on the sensory overload, fear and sensuality of it all. We're into heavy S&M, electricity, edge play, breath play... He's getting me into rubber too but my first love will always be leather. So who knows how this next visit will go!

Chastity doesn't mean orgasm in a cage a few times a week. I'm going through true chastity. No cumming, orgasm, playing. I had a night emission a few days ago, He said it was ok cause I didn't cause it consciously! LOL. I do admit to playing with my cock at night, but it only serves to frustrate me cause I can't come with manual stimulation. He knows this too... ugh. I wish I were pierced. But I need to be patient. If that happens at all, it'll be on His time. He may never do that. And that's hard to swallow but it's a true submissive that will surrender its will to Masters.

My desirres don't necessarily get fulfilled. Puttng aside ego is hard, but it feels SO good to be submissive. And it feels good to know im loved enough that He wants to do these things with me. And do them well. Cause it takes effort and investment.
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sklavenAJ
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Re: [sklavenAJ] a new year and a new hope

Post by sklavenAJ »

Exactly 7 days to go till I get to see Master! I went out with GF and FR last night, I got drunk and texted Master to ask to go home with GF. I decided to sober up to come back to my own home. I knew if I went with GF I'd orgasm. I woke up this morning and texted him. I started to ask about his evening, but he abruptly said he was goiing to breakfast. I didn't text hon the rest of the day. Tonight he texts mer goodnight, WAY earlier than normal. This morning he said he'd talk to me later. I guess he decided against that?

The hardest part about this, is that I can't see him. Ive been "with" him for a year, and he's shown me he lives me and truly cares. Bit im afraid, still, one wrong move, dau something he decides he had a big problem with, and it will lead to him letting me go. .

I get panicky. I feel a bit desperate for support. I am anxious that he will abandon me. I need reassurance that this isn't for nothing, that he's getting something out od iit too...I don't have that benefit of seeing hon every day. Hell, I haven't laid eyes on him in two weeks. I have also been told he prefers text over voice, though he has picked up the phone the two toned ive called him.

I want to masturbate to soothe myself, soothe the anxiety, fears, lonliness... I can't, my toys are locked up and any attempts at manual stimulation lead only to frustration that is so strong I end in tears. I have no one here tol please, so nowhere for the tension to go. I can cum on the 3rd. But im going to beg for the 1st. He may never let me be chaste again for him, saying it's too hard on me... and that will be devastating to know I let him down...
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sklavenAJ
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Re: [sklavenAJ] a new year and a new hope

Post by sklavenAJ »

I see Master on the 1st, 4 days, counting today. Buy my time in restriction isn't up until the 3rd. Im going to beg Him to let me cum till I have tearss in my eyes. Im desperate for relief but only with His control. I find that odd, but it's true.

Something went south over the weekend. I made a mistake Friday night and used an enema hose deep inside and filled myself with a pint. It's not much, but I wanted to feel *something*. It's self soothing. I had asked before I started my shower but He didn't respond and i had the equipment all ready, i had the (rate) moment od privacy too. So i did a tiny bit. As I was getting stressed, he responded with "no". Damn. So I confessed and immediately felt like shit.

I have carried that all weekend. Then there was a misunderstanding on Sunday night... not ro mention I haven't felt or laid eyes on Him in almost two weeks, and that for only a few hours.

So I have been in complete chastity for 25 days. In the past 24 hours, I have touched myself only 5 times. 4 were to pick superglue out of important places! Yes, SUPERGLUE. I tried to pull my skin over my sensitive bits. It lasted an hour, but urea and natural oils on the skin make the glue brittle. So it stops working and starts itching and getting hard. I tried though.

I haven't pulled on my cock in 48 hours. It's sensitive and twitching as I write this. Mornings afte tough, I get such a bad hard on!! I wish it were big enough for a locked cage..

I may just get the piercings myself! That's a lie.. I'l never get them for myself. That's a right only for a Master, and that's an outward expression of slavehood that's carried and ensured with pride. Ive been pierced a few times. Each time was symbolic but not for a Master. This tone is different.

So, 4 days... Saturday night.... aaand He said we'll have a talk, too. Im curious to know what about. In my lengthy past, that's always been a really bad thing. Master makes it slightly different in that it's never horrid, but it still means ive not done something quite right. Im grateful to Him that I don't have panic attacks anymore when that phrase is used! He conditions me well. I would love for, "we need to talk" to mean something positive for a charge. I have my own things to talk about. Namely, sexual maintenance if we continue this path! Lol
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sklavenAJ
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Re: [sklavenAJ] a new year and a new hope

Post by sklavenAJ »

It started out yeart today. I got the kids to school on time, had a great chat with the boss about the direction of a new big project, everything was great. Till I need to go ro the attic. The attic of the building I work in is old and reassembled on with turns and low ceilings and forgotten, padlocked rooms. One of them is for my office. It's where wer keep our oldest records, dating back 150 years. I often think about what it would be like, padlocked in there, bound with the lights off in various predicaments. It is PITCH BLACK.

So I start thinking about that, then about another office I know of, where it would be just as dark, I coffe beer chained there..Master woods feed me the dange meals, is forget the hours, maybe over 2 days, fed frequently so I don't know the time. Interrupted only by Masters whim in playing with me.

Then I got ro thinking about Master. It led to feeling lonely. I tried to hu ump the chair that sat forgotten in the corner, but I became dejected and even more sad.

I have been good, haven't touched myself at all today. I discovered a way to piss so my little cock stays dry. No touching. I just wish I cos see Him. Even some writers of endowment, some positive feedback, but he rarely gives it iits just not something he does, I guess. I understand, but doesn't sto me from wishing it. Recently he told me "I'm glad wer got you in the right track you're worth it". That's the closest I've gotten ro a compliment in a while. I called Him crying happy tears!!

I really miss Him. I called Hots voicemail right ti hear His voice. I know He's busy. Just hope He won't be so busy in the future. .
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Schnoff
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Re: [sklavenAJ] a new year and a new hope

Post by Schnoff »

You deserve someone who goes out of their way to let you know they want you in their life.

I know that’s somewhat obvious and maybe a little trite - doesn’t make it any less true. I thought I’d put that here, so you have it if you ever need it.
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Schnoff
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Tango tangor ergo sum.

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