[noob] On my way I hope.

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noob
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[noob] On my way I hope.

Post by noob » Wed Sep 18, 2019 6:16 pm

Hello everyone! I am new here and not in chastity just yet. In fact, I have only just brought the topic up to my wife.
It has been only a week since I told her my fantasy of giving her total control over my orgasms. She did not freak out so I am hopeful she is going to give it a try. So far I have sent her a few links to read and a pdf copy of a book on the subject. I gave her the book yesterday and she said she would have to read it in small increments since she has limited time but would let me know once she had read it.
She has said she did not want me to wear a cage so I suggested we start out on the honor system. I hope that will lead to a cage at some point but even if it does not I am super excited she has not shut the idea down yet. I would be interested in feedback from some experienced guys here on this site.
I am hoping, in the long run, this could be a step towards cuckolding.
Wish me luck!!
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Schnoff
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Re: [noob] On my way I hope.

Post by Schnoff » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:03 pm

Good luck!

Honor system definitely works. It took me about 4 years to be able to keep my word reasonably successfully. The lessons learned along the way were good, I think this can be done much faster. It’s definitely a journey.
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noob
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Re: [noob] On my way I hope.

Post by noob » Fri Sep 20, 2019 8:41 am

So last night she asked me to use my hands to make her orgasm which lead to getting out one of her toys. She had several good orgasms. It was so very intense for me not knowing what would happen next. Several times I touched myself watching her and when ever she saw me she would stop me and tell not to touch myself. After she was satisfied she had me put things away and I was hoping for some teasing and fonding from her but instead I got a few strokes before she said good night.
Then she said she didn't think I was going to like this arrangement she feels if she has an orgasm that I should get one too. I tried too explain the appeal in prolonging my arousal unfortunately I don't think I got my point across. I was wondering if anyone (especially wives) might suggest some reading I could give her that would better explain it. Even any suggestions you experienced members might have as to how to explain it.
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KittensBoyToy
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Re: [noob] On my way I hope.

Post by KittensBoyToy » Fri Sep 20, 2019 12:47 pm

What book did you give her? The best and most common advice to someone introducing chastity to the wife is to go slow, don't push her and let her absorb/progress at her own pace.
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noob
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Re: [noob] On my way I hope.

Post by noob » Fri Sep 20, 2019 1:53 pm

Thanks for the advice the book was
Taking Back Your Marriage by Georgia Ivy Green
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Schnoff
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Re: [noob] On my way I hope.

Post by Schnoff » Sat Sep 21, 2019 4:02 am

It took my husband a good long while - I want to say a year of longer - to get over his feeling that he was somehow depriving me if he came, and I didn’t.

It just took speaking about my feelings, until he believed it in his core. There were some longer explanations, where I talked about my feeling of gratitude when he denied me, and how I feel loved when he gives me genital pleasure: That I do need attention, I don’t need orgasm.
My reassurance, whenever he asked, that yes I really preferred tease and denial over orgasm. “I don’t get it”, he’d say, and I’d say that we were different that way. Eventually it was “I don’t get it, but I get that’s how you tick”, and then it was “there’s the sound I love” when he teases me and I moan.

And I think it was the simple things: The heartfelt thank you after sex and tease and denial. The happy moans during. A “god that feels so good” in the moments after, when I am raging hard. And a general attitude of being happy and attentive when denied orgasm.

I know that for myself, readjusting to where I didn’t have an attitude that I somehow deserved orgasm took work. I used little mantras, and kept reminding myself that my orgasm belonged to my husband, and I was grateful when he denied it to me. Bear knew I was doing this, readjusting my attitude, I didn’t hide that from him. I also didn’t allow myself to become grumpy because I hadn’t had an orgasm. If there were feelings of “but I deserve one!”, I’d do my best to readjust. I did come a lot without permission in the first 4 years. Going from a failure mindset to a growth mindset was maybe the hardest part for both of us.

Tell her how you feel, and just as importantly, show her, so she can believe what you tell her.
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