[focused] down the road we go...

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USurper
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Re: [focused] down the road we go...

Post by USurper »

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focUSed
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

Last weekend was a mix of cage on and cage off. Since we were about to lose our ability to make noise due to a change in household circumstances, we elected to take advantage of the opportunity. She came up on Fri and before the night was over, I was in her hands and the cage was being unlocked and coming off. It remained off until she was ready to leave again on Sunday when, per our agreement, I took care of a few personal hygiene items before putting it back on for her to turn the key, thus locking me in again for safe keeping while we're apart. She has stated that it's one of the more enjoyable things she gets to do!

So tonight as part of getting ready for THIS weekend, the conversation was sort of revolving around having discussions about various things as sort of foreplay leading up to our next shared time together. One thing led to another and there was a hint about whether or not some aspect of denial should be included in our planned activities.

We have a bit of a difference of opinion about how long it should take to reach destinations, and whether delaying them is worthwhile, or even desirable. She is of the opinion that she'd rather not wait, or be made to, and should get right to the first one. I haven't decided whether or not this is due to our periodic separations, or if the case would be the same once we see each other more often/regularly when living together.

But I feel (know?) that when the end result is delayed some, the event is much stronger, and thus more enjoyable. I have successfully demonstrated this to her, but in the moment, she tends to not agree rather vehemently! Afterward when things have calmed down some, she will sometimes admit that it was more intense and that she quite enjoyed the end result, but not the journey to get there. Hence the Catch-22 we're all too familiar with.

I have made well known my preference to delay things a bit, moreso to demonstrate that she has the control and that it's her decision about what happens, and how, and where, and what happens after...etc. Often her stance overcomes any decision to delay things and I get one on a fairly regular basis as well. This part of our conversation has me thinking that may change in the future:

Her: And what about you? Do you want to get there...eventually? After many close calls?
Me: It always feels awesome, esp when it's your call.
Her: Mmmm hmmm. I must work on being less predictable. So as to reinforce the fact that it is truly my call.
Me: Hmmm...is that so? You don't feel like it's your call already?
Her: It is but I think you have me pretty well figured out. That takes some of the fun out of it.

Whatever happens, I'm sure I will enjoy it. I just hope she does as well!
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Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

Took a chance and updated my avatar; sort of teased when I told her I'd done it by saying that it included a body part. She was very clear those aren't to be posted here at this point. She was even more clear that if there were to be, it would be mine, and none of hers! So I hinted that it may have included one of hers but didn't give any further information. Her response text this morning, 'I saw your addition to the site. Interesting...' was neither encouraging or discouraging, so for now I will assume it was ok to show her photo of the time she mistakenly (that's what we're going with, since she never came out and said it was intentional) took the key that is normally at my house home with her and left me with nothing.

She has made it plainly clear that isn't how she expects this to go, as in the event of an emergency, she wants me to have a way out. I've explained that since this thing is on between her visits, it's relatively 'long-term' already and isn't uncomfortable, whether working outside, in the garage or working out. Her fear is if I'm in an accident but I've also explained that since I don't carry a key with me, and would likely have other issues if that were the case to the point where I'd have to visit a hospital or be in a similar unplanned situation, to the point that whether I had a key or not wouldn't be the first thing on my mind.

On track to reach double digits for this go 'round; it went on a day late after our most recent visit because of a derm appointment (we're not yet to that point, not sure we ever will be) so I kitted up almost a week ago, and it will be until this weekend after another work set before we see each other again. Aaaand on THAT thought...

I was reading about someone wanting their KH to 'hide the key better' and thought about having asked her to do the same for me between visits. I may have to rethink that request (she has hidden my key three times now, once was on a shelf in plain site, so sort of the same concept) because in the end, and I agree with the responses in that thread, it isn't about me. I don't search for the key when it's hidden and I don't think about it being on the counter (or the fact that both are in my house) at the moment so it's not like I need to not have access to 'behave.' But the idea of NOT having any access at all really trips my trigger, to the point of the avatar. That week was in reality not much different than the others as far as my condition and status. However, it was significantly different for my headspace, knowing that I didn't have even a hidden key available should I have needed it.

I hope one day we'll get there, when she will be comfortable knowing that I don't have emergency access, and my 'normal' will be that I know the only way the lock is being turned is if she has decided it will be. That's mentally the way it is already; just not currently physically limited to only that option. But to the point above, maybe it doesn't need to be?
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Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

I see it's been awhile since my last update; things have sort of been crazy with schedule changes, house guest additions (hers and mine) and trying to find time to be together and move this journey forward while still remaining true to ourselves and not be too distracted by all the craziness around us (what is wrong with some people!?) But I digress...

While we continue to research how to manage our first group activity in these socially distanced times, our conversations sometimes center on what we might see (first trip) or subsequently do. The topic of CFNM came up as something she finds 'acceptable' as she's not into being as exposed for the enjoyment of others as I might be. I see that some here have experience with those venues as well so hopefully we'll be able to find a sweet spot and see what it's like for ourselves at some point.

It all comes down to effort, which creates opportunity, but before all of that come conversation/discussion, understanding (what each of us expects to get from it), and agreement. We're pretty much still in the conversation/discussion phase, although there are some elements of understanding and agreement (I think!) but we will likely continue to clarify as we go.

I have a few text exchanges that I think might qualify for Hot things your keyholder has said! but based on the recent thread hijack regarding band castration, I didn't feel inclined to visit and post. So I'll mention a few here and see if that helps readers understand a little about where we currently are and where we might be headed.

When we started I was wearing a stretcher fairly often and I think it may have helped with the transition to a cage. However it took a few iterations of metal cages (as mentioned in my profile summary) to settle on the one currently in use (log stats stand at 84% wear during 2020, longest period 27 days, current period 13 days on the way to at least 19) but because of the design (the angled rings join in a central block at the bottom) I've thought about getting a MM Jailbird.

I saw there was one for sale recently but I'm hesitant to get a used device because of the potential fitment problems and having to send it back for adjustments (if even possible), so may have to inquire about my specific concerns to see if they can be addressed via correspondence prior to purchase, to alleviate my fears it won't meet my expectations.

In the meantime, reviewing once again the ordering criteria, I think I want the inverted bars as the device I'm currently wearing only has two separated vertical bars in the front and quite often things get pinched to the point of noticing, and even discomfort in the form of a sharp pain, and necessitating an adjustment. As you might expect, in public, or at work, this can be somewhat challenging. Although it's not unmanageable or a show stopper, I thought maybe the inverted front bars (horizontal inside, vertical outside) would help keep some of the sensitive bits a little further inside and away from clothing.

Of course, I also had to view the other options, originally thinking I wanted a 2" device to be able to have an extra cage ring, but I'm not sure it's necessary. Have others found that the lack of an additional ring affects the fit or allows shaft skin to bulge between the longitudinal cage bars? That's one concern, but I think another aspect I like would be the extra ring would increase the weight a bit more. There's just something for me in being able to feel, and see when everything is relaxed, the weight of a device tugging on things. It serves as a mental reminder during those times when there isn't any pinching or anything going on and brings me back to why we're doing this and refreshes my commitment to it for us.
Last edited by focUSed on Tue Jun 16, 2020 12:48 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
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Re: [focused] down the road we go...

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Watch for a PM.
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I'm Kitten's property and She keeps Her property secure in a Jail Bird!
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

To continue last night's discussion (that ended rather abruptly, sorry), the other aspect about the Jailbird we're now discussing is the 'punishment' pins. She's not really into considering them as punishment per se, but apparently isn't opposed to trying them out for size:

Me: Would you want any of the pins? They call them punishment pins...I'm not sold.
She: That stick into you if you [try to] get hard?
Me: Yes
She: Hmmm...what do you think? Are they removable? If we didn't like it? I would be interesting to try
Me: Yes. Hmmm...your definition of 'interesting' is in and of itself, interesting.
She: I wouldn't mind trying it if you were game (and later) You aren't passive for the most part. Maybe those pins will help! ;)

So I guess we're going to inquire about trying them and ask how the fit would be on a cage designed for them if one isn't installed (if we don't like it and take it out)

What started this latest discussion was a comment I made last Wed about looking at the 3D printed devices (with two locks) on this site and reviewing the Jailbird again (we've looked before but went with something cheaper to see how the fit was, and to see whether or not we'd stick with it before spending more money).

Me: I was thinking about getting one the right size and seeing how it does
She: Do you want one of the Mature Metal cages? I think we've established that this is going to a pretty permanent thing so...
Me: Have we?
She: Yes...based on the log it would seem that it's working quite well.
Me: Do you enjoy it enough to keep going and make that kind of investment? Or are you just so so about it as long as I want to? You should know that what you just said made things snug!
She: I'm enjoying it as long as it doesn't cause any discomfort (other than being unable to be erect ;) ) or have any negative health effects. I am much more than so so about it at this point. Now it would almost seem weird if we stopped doing it!
Me: Perhaps I should look at the measurements again...
She: Mmmm...are you still digging it?
Me: Yes, and I'm digging it even more that you're digging it.
She: LOL...great!

There were some other things that came up and we continued to discuss how we feel about it, the impact of long term wear to include some urologist quote about overnight use being problematic due to nocturnal/spontaneous erections that in theory exist to encourage blood flow and stretching of the vascular and erectile tissue to keep it healthy and prevent atrophy.

I know comments have been made that it's not a muscle and thus can't atrophy, but there also have been observations that there is some effect that is quickly restored once the growth restrictions are removed. Since we remove more regularly than some (our log is for days worn, not necessarily continuous, but that is accounted for when it does occur) I'm not too concerned. I'm lucky that she enjoys me being free when we're together as seldom as we are right now; this situation may change when we're finally co-located. Although she considered me on lock down depriving her of what she enjoys too, so I don't see long term lockup as being a thing. Long term denial however is something totally different, and although she enjoys letting/seeing/making me reach the final summit, she also has been slowly considering the effects of not doing so for an extended period of time, as long as she can enjoy her side of the equation, including access to me when desired.

Whatever it is, I'm game. As has been stated here several times...it's about what she wants. I just want her to have the say so, either way, and she's coming around to that idea quite nicely!
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Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

Tonight could possibly be the last night before a break. I'm not trying to preempt anything, but she's flying in tomorrow afternoon to meet me and we're driving home Mon/Tues. The lock was last turned 31 May before I rode home from our last visit. So it's been (or will be) 19 days w/o being out. Mixed feelings, as she's aware, because it's not the longest but getting close, but also because I enjoy her touch...immensely!

We shall see, because in the end, it's her choice whether I get out, and if so, when, how, what happens, etc. Of course there are plenty of other things we can, and do, do without me being out, all of which I thoroughly enjoy. And even if she decides I get out, she may decide that I don't get to go all the way, at least for another couple days until we're on the way back home and don't have to necessarily be as quiet as we do here.

Hold please...(back with an update in a few days!)
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Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

Well, it was a reset after a 19 day stretch, but well worth the wait! After settling in for the night last Fri, we managed to find a little time to play, I was let out, and stayed that way through our drive back on Tues. Mon night was especially fun with a little 'extra' action that we've started to enjoy on a more regular basis, and hope to continue while learning more about it for better results.

Back in on Tues evening for the final leg to home, because she enjoys turning the lock (and I enjoy her doing it as well!) and I was going into another work set for at least 8 days. Already halfway done with that and adjusted back to what is now rather 'normal' for us.

I looked at the two MM devices for sale on FET, but was looking for a 1" diameter cage (they're 1.25" and 1.375") and wasn't able to measure my current base ring size to compare but plan to at the next opportunity. We may decide to try one if the base ring matches, otherwise we'll be back to the custom measurements if we decide to get the JB.

There's no rush; the current device fits just fine. We did have plenty of time to talk on the drive, which is always good. Not much else to report at the moment. Hope everyone else's journeys are being as successful as ours is!
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Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

Enjoyed a nice relaxing holiday weekend. We didn't go anywhere (well, except she came here...) but enjoyed the local amateur fireworks shows, especially one in the backyard while we dared christening the deck! We hadn't had the opportunity until this weekend, so we took advantage of it while we could.

The cage came off Fri night, ending a 10 day stint this time, but is back on again Sun night and will probably remain so until the 15th if the plan for the next week or so holds true. We did some talking this weekend and it sounds like 'we' are ready to get serious about a MM Jailbird. She was rather disciplined in taking measurements and talking about the things I had already basically decided I needed (ok...wanted) size-wise. I think we'll be going with a 1" diameter cage, either 1.75" or 2" long, mounted to a 1.675 (inch and 5/8s) base ring by a security screw. I was looking at the inverted bars, but not sure they're worth the option as either is different than my current orientation in that I don't have the horizontal set, either inside or outside. Also, the end of the current device has the bars welded almost on the outside of the last ring vs the MM devices are mounted in drilled holes. In my opinion, that is a much nicer design.

We also discussed the 'punishment pins' and although we initially thought they might be fun to try, I think we now agree that this is not a punishment thing and that their presence would likely result in an earlier than desired removal either due to pain or general discomfort, which is not the reason, at least thus far, it generally has been removed.

Her parting words before heading home were to ask if I was ready to 'pull the trigger' on the order. I will probably think about it a little longer and maybe send off an email asking how the cage length is measured (specifically whether or not it takes into account the gap, which I think it does because of the description to measure flaccid length and subtract 1/4 inch, for the base ring) because I want to make sure I don't order too long of a cage. The flaccid measurements were well above what the current device has, and I definitely don't want to go that long, so it will be a guess and I'd rather guess right the first time.

I suppose that's all for now. Hope everyone had a nice 4th and enjoyed some great 'fireworks' of their own!
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Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

We're temporarily on hold about the MM JB. Although the sizes are pretty much determined after an email exchange with Mistress MM (who probably is a guy, knowing my luck) where it was explained that they take neither the base ring or gap measurements into account when meeting the cage length (cage ring to tip is the measurements, the -1/4 inch instruction is 'because the penis will likely be slightly shorter than while taking measurements' not for the base ring) we're not sure the cost is worth the risk of trying a new device when we already have something that works.

One the one hand, I do like the JB design better; our current device has multiple rings that connect at the bottom to form the curve and they're perfect places for gunk to get trapped. The MM device doesn't have these and is more open all the way around so I think it would remain cleaner and possibly less sweaty. I still have a concern about the correct gap measurement to get (Mistress MM said they measure the gap at the bottom but didn't really address that the loose pin to collar fit allows the cage to angle some, and if that's the case, the larger measurement would be at the bottom. I specifically asked if there was any ability to do a close tolerance fit but received no inclination that was even a possibility) and don't want to have to send it back for it being too loose or too tight. I would likely go with too tight as the first option as having one of the boys slip through a too loose gap would NOT be a fun event to have to endure.

I thought for a bit about sourcing the stainless myself and giving my own fabrication a try (which I still might at some point just out due to a hobbyist's personality) but I don't currently have access to a welder to connect any bent 1/4" stock into a ring shape, or add the pin and collar. So if I want one right now, it will be to purchase or find one with the correct measurements (1.5" cage length, 1" cage diameter, 1.625" base ring diameter, 1/4" gap, security screw option) on a secondhand sale.

She is good with it either way so the decision is really up to me; I'll probably cave at some point but right now it's on hold while I think about it some more and see if I can find more reviews from those who have had one. As always, I hesitate to spend a lot of money on things I merely want, and don't necessarily need.

On another note, we had a VERY interesting exchange last weekend during our visit. The bike ride down and back was pleasant, no discomfort despite the bit of a heat wave we're having these days. We'd been looking at some videos occasionally, exploring each others' interests and seeing what we could find to help stimulate conversation, or anything else! I somehow came across a few from a particular 'author' that tripped my trigger in several areas. Sharing these had put a few ideas into her head for the weekend and we were able to play a bit and see how they worked for us (VERY well, I might add!) All in all, it was a very exciting weekend exchange and I look forward to learning more as she tests out things I suggest, or comes up with her own!

We do want to get back on the idea of attending some sort of party at some point, but given the current social situation, that particular scenario has sort of been relegated to mere conversation for the time being. But the thoughts and images provoked by the conversation definitely do their part to stimulate, as expected! It's all good; I did a bit of a forecast for the year, and if it's on every night for the rest of the year, it'll have been on for more than 90% of the time...pretty incredible level to have reached in under two years! It likely won't due to things we have planned, but there's always a chance!

Enjoy the warm weather!
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Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
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