[focused] down the road we go...

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USurper
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Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 5:28 pm
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Re: [focused] down the road we go...

Post by USurper »

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focUSed
Posts: 65
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:25 pm
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

Last weekend was a mix of cage on and cage off. Since we were about to lose our ability to make noise due to a change in household circumstances, we elected to take advantage of the opportunity. She came up on Fri and before the night was over, I was in her hands and the cage was being unlocked and coming off. It remained off until she was ready to leave again on Sunday when, per our agreement, I took care of a few personal hygiene items before putting it back on for her to turn the key, thus locking me in again for safe keeping while we're apart. She has stated that it's one of the more enjoyable things she gets to do!

So tonight as part of getting ready for THIS weekend, the conversation was sort of revolving around having discussions about various things as sort of foreplay leading up to our next shared time together. One thing led to another and there was a hint about whether or not some aspect of denial should be included in our planned activities.

We have a bit of a difference of opinion about how long it should take to reach destinations, and whether delaying them is worthwhile, or even desirable. She is of the opinion that she'd rather not wait, or be made to, and should get right to the first one. I haven't decided whether or not this is due to our periodic separations, or if the case would be the same once we see each other more often/regularly when living together.

But I feel (know?) that when the end result is delayed some, the event is much stronger, and thus more enjoyable. I have successfully demonstrated this to her, but in the moment, she tends to not agree rather vehemently! Afterward when things have calmed down some, she will sometimes admit that it was more intense and that she quite enjoyed the end result, but not the journey to get there. Hence the Catch-22 we're all too familiar with.

I have made well known my preference to delay things a bit, moreso to demonstrate that she has the control and that it's her decision about what happens, and how, and where, and what happens after...etc. Often her stance overcomes any decision to delay things and I get one on a fairly regular basis as well. This part of our conversation has me thinking that may change in the future:

Her: And what about you? Do you want to get there...eventually? After many close calls?
Me: It always feels awesome, esp when it's your call.
Her: Mmmm hmmm. I must work on being less predictable. So as to reinforce the fact that it is truly my call.
Me: Hmmm...is that so? You don't feel like it's your call already?
Her: It is but I think you have me pretty well figured out. That takes some of the fun out of it.

Whatever happens, I'm sure I will enjoy it. I just hope she does as well!
2 x
Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular bar version of the same thing)

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focUSed
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

Took a chance and updated my avatar; sort of teased when I told her I'd done it by saying that it included a body part. She was very clear those aren't to be posted here at this point. She was even more clear that if there were to be, it would be mine, and none of hers! So I hinted that it may have included one of hers but didn't give any further information. Her response text this morning, 'I saw your addition to the site. Interesting...' was neither encouraging or discouraging, so for now I will assume it was ok to show her photo of the time she mistakenly (that's what we're going with, since she never came out and said it was intentional) took the key that is normally at my house home with her and left me with nothing.

She has made it plainly clear that isn't how she expects this to go, as in the event of an emergency, she wants me to have a way out. I've explained that since this thing is on between her visits, it's relatively 'long-term' already and isn't uncomfortable, whether working outside, in the garage or working out. Her fear is if I'm in an accident but I've also explained that since I don't carry a key with me, and would likely have other issues if that were the case to the point where I'd have to visit a hospital or be in a similar unplanned situation, to the point that whether I had a key or not wouldn't be the first thing on my mind.

On track to reach double digits for this go 'round; it went on a day late after our most recent visit because of a derm appointment (we're not yet to that point, not sure we ever will be) so I kitted up almost a week ago, and it will be until this weekend after another work set before we see each other again. Aaaand on THAT thought...

I was reading about someone wanting their KH to 'hide the key better' and thought about having asked her to do the same for me between visits. I may have to rethink that request (she has hidden my key three times now, once was on a shelf in plain site, so sort of the same concept) because in the end, and I agree with the responses in that thread, it isn't about me. I don't search for the key when it's hidden and I don't think about it being on the counter (or the fact that both are in my house) at the moment so it's not like I need to not have access to 'behave.' But the idea of NOT having any access at all really trips my trigger, to the point of the avatar. That week was in reality not much different than the others as far as my condition and status. However, it was significantly different for my headspace, knowing that I didn't have even a hidden key available should I have needed it.

I hope one day we'll get there, when she will be comfortable knowing that I don't have emergency access, and my 'normal' will be that I know the only way the lock is being turned is if she has decided it will be. That's mentally the way it is already; just not currently physically limited to only that option. But to the point above, maybe it doesn't need to be?
2 x
Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular bar version of the same thing)

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