[focused] down the road we go...

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focUSed
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

Oh my, how time flies!

As mentioned below, it was a record setting Christmas, and beyond! And since, there have been more on days than off; however, I think I'm back to tracking the removals regardless of reason. There have been overnight visits, at least one massage, one doctor's visit, etc. As a couple, I think we've moved beyond 'forced' wear, or maybe never were there entirely? I currently have both keys due to a minor incident of confusion reference which key was which before she departed from our last weekend together in mid-April, so I guess one would say I'm a highly encouraged/motivated 'volunteer' at this point?

She definitely has an opinion on the matter, and has stated under no uncertain terms that she expects compliance despite the situation until it can be rectified. And despite the ability to do so, I haven't questioned that guidance nor desired to do anything but leave it on until she is able to take it off. Some may find that strange, some may totally understand. For me, it's a simple thing.

Aside from the basic concept that we've agreed it's her decision when it comes off, even if I have the unrestricted ability and could easily do so without her knowledge, violating that concept goes well beyond what I want this to be. Maybe it's a test, maybe it was an accident. In reality, our work schedules and current living situation means she wants me to have access to a key all the time regardless so it's only really different in that she doesn't also have one at the moment. She wouldn't have the ability to take it off until we see each other again anyway, so until that changes and she has more persistent access to the device and still elects to keep it on, this is our situation. My wearing is basically between visits and we're both curious as to how the relationship will unfold once we're together as then it becomes not just a default decision cue to lack of proximity but an active decision that it's how she wants it to be until deciding otherwise. I can't wait!

There's more to cover but I'll at least update my log with this post and get into the other discussion separately. Play nicely!
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Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
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focUSed
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

The idea that I should always have a key with me for emergencies was sort of 'tested' in late February. I was travelling back south to visit my cousin who had just gotten out of the hospital when I began to experience what are now somewhat familiar pains in my side which felt like another (my third) kidney stone. I don't carry a key on my person and haven't carried one in my vehicle despite it being suggested a while back; always just felt that if there is an emergency, I'll likely have other higher priority things on my mind than whether or not I have a key to remove the device. I have confidence the medical staff will know how to deal with should the need arise and since it's not a high dollar item (yet), I have no concerns if it's destroyed in the removal.

Fortunately I did not require hospitalization and the pains subsided while I was waiting to be seen after they took my vitals, so I departed the facility and passed the stone later that night. I guess if there had been a request for an MRI I would have had to say something, although with stainless and brass, I'm not sure it would be an issue as there is nothing ferrous in the construction materials.

This was again further highlighted during a trip we took together in early March. I had previously traveled alone while wearing and had no issues with passing through the airports. She had emphasized hesitancy (refusal?) to accompany me while wearing in the future, but we managed to find common ground in that she would go through before me and keep on walking should I be asked into secondary. Similar to last time, that did not happen and we both passed without incident, increasing my confidence that the device doesn't trigger ferrous detectors and that if it's seen on the backscatter, the agents are familiar enough with what it is to not care, or simply don't view personal genital ornamentation as a security threat.

Unfortunately we were unable to collect an additional data point on the way home and that's the genesis of this post.

Spending almost a week with multiple sets of relatives, and non-relatives, can be taxing for just about anyone, especially when there is an unspoken expectation of likely competing priorities among the participants. That's a rather cryptic way of saying that we didn't get much alone time together except when we were in our room and there were a LOT of activities throughout the week that competed for our time. Mostly mine as it was my direct family involvement, but that also put perceived pressure on her to go along with me, or be left having to wonder if people would ask why she wasn't interested in doing so.

Trying to be supportive to both sides put me in a bit of a precarious position, and eventually my history with my ex caught up to us one night when things blew up after returning to our room just prior to departing for home the next morning. I wasn't aware it was coming but the atmosphere upon departing in the rental vehicle quickly indicated something was going down, and quickly.

The room was rather cold once we got settled, and it wasn't due to the temperature. And all night long, I was thinking to myself about the potential conversation(s) that would follow and what my response would be. You see, the device had been left on the table after being removed for some afternoon activities and remained there while we were with family that night. We were due to depart the next morning and I was pondering whether or not it would be refitted prior to doing so.

Actually I wasn't pondering whether it would be refitted as much as pondering my response to the request, or demand, either way, that it be or not be. I wasn't sure where we were. In my mind, the question was, had things gone so far south between us that this would be something not to be discussed until we were in a better place and could bring it back as something we were still willing to do? Or had things gone so far between us that this would be something that would be considered a test as to where we were with regard to what we're doing? That whether or not I would comply with her desire, regardless of directed wear or directed non-wear, would be the answer? I was going through both scenarios in my mind and had no idea what was going through hers, but felt I needed to be prepared for either and make a decision in both cases as to what my response would be.

It brought this thing we're doing to the forefront in a very unexpected way. It was an extremely uncomfortable and lonely night, spent separated, both physically and emotionally, further than we had been in a very long time. The device was still sitting out the following morning, and while she was in the shower, I placed it in my suitcase, literally taking the subject 'off the table' for us until later. We traveled home and due to the late arrival time, she stayed until the following day before heading back south. We were able to have several conversations about the situation and agreed that it was enough of a part of us at this point that, aside from whatever else was going on, it needed to go back in place. I don't think she put it on, and likewise also didn't lock it, before she left but it was on again by that evening when we said goodnight.

I guess the point of bringing all of that up is that although we were aware of what we were doing together, saying the right things, insinuating the right thoughts, doing the right things, there came a point in time where it either wasn't as big of a thing between us as perhaps we were making it out to be. Or maybe it was so much a part of us now that without it, we seemed incomplete. I'm still not sure I know!

We are still continuing as before; she has conducted more research on her own, despite being somewhat frustrated at the way some thing are discussed, toward how she can fulfill her KH role as she sees it, not as something dictated to her from a book or myself but the way she wants to, however that may be.

I think I am in for a wild ride! Play safe!
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Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
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focUSed
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[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

We recently have been discussing Lucy Fairbourne's book Femdom for Nice Girls which was ordered out of curiosity. It was light reading at first and involved being asked to write down thoughts about the subjects presented. I think her comment centered on, 'If I wanted to keep a journal, I'd write a blog! I'm looking for information!'

I had to laugh (just a little chuckle actually) at her frustration, knowing that a lot of information out there centers on someone's idea of what this should all be about vs maybe what we think may work for us. She sent a picture of the chapter on orgasm denial with the caption, 'After 2 chapters of physical punishment & degradation, finally something useful!' I couldn't have agreed more!

She's still not completely sold on the idea of denial as far as something 'to do' to me, as she enjoys PIV and what usually follows it, as well as being in her 'command center,' which provides her full access to me to do with what she wishes. I can honestly say I have no complains with any of those options. The point being, whatever she wants. We're still working on that part; when she'll finally allow herself to let go and not really be concerned with what she thinks I want or need.

Of course that can be fraught with unforeseen consequences or outcomes, but of course, that's part of the journey and discovery. What would truly be possible if she were to just be free to let herself go and take what she wants?

I can't wait to find out!
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Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
Fastredcar
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Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2020 11:49 pm

Re: [focused] down the road we go...

Post by Fastredcar »

Instead of thinking about denial as something to do TO you, perhaps she should think of it as something to do FOR you. That puts it in a whole new light.
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