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[mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2019 3:13 am
by mr_faithful
I don't know if I even truly understand how I got to this point, so perhaps that's why I feel compelled to write it down here. This might get religious to an uncomfortable degree, but I don't care about the reader's comfort level. If you object to that possibility, keep it to yourself and stop reading right now. Be assured that I give zero f***s. That goes for anything you might find offensive or disrespectful, be assured that I couldn't care less about that. If you don't like it, stop reading my journal, keep your opinion to yourself, and go read the millions of other posts and threads on the internet until you find something that suits your tastes. Or, make a new thread about how much you hate my post. Whatever you do, don't suffer any type of delusion that I will entertain any thought-policing. You can't say I didn't warn you.

I'm not a holy man, and I doubt very much that I ever will be. So it is with some surprise that I find myself here out of an obligation to repent. I mean, I don't even know if that's really the word I need to use to describe my motivation, that is how far away I feel from any sense of holiness. I drink, I curse, I lust after women, I gamble, I have outbursts of angry passion; in short, there is nothing in my disposition that would indicate any real sincere desire for repentance or penance.

Perhaps it is that I am aging. In some dark corner of my soul, I am realizing that the end of my life is closer than the beginning. That could explain a desire to make amends for past sins. I don't really know for sure, but it's my current theory.

One day, after giving it some thought, I decided that I didn't want my wife to use birth control anymore. She has an IUD. She is Roman Catholic and that's a real no-no. My wife has always been prayerful, but not devoted to church. I am also Roman Catholic, but I fell from faith as I got older. I just kept getting angry every time I went to mass. This is not the church I knew as a boy, and I usually get the feeling that it isn't even Catholic anymore. That would upset me a great deal during mass and it hurt my wife to see me like that. So I stopped going.

That was decades ago, but one day recently I just came to the realization that she should stop using birth control and stop offending God. She is a good woman, a good person, and she wants to be a good Catholic. When I told her my feelings had changed about the IUD, she complained loudly. Most of her complaints were a bunch of excuses that aren't going to fly on Judgement Day, typical empowered-woman type of stuff, but one of them really hit me hard. She said that if she went to the rhythm method, and messed up or missed something that she had to keep track of, then we would have to wait and she knew I would be angry with her. So now, it's my fault. Which is always true for a married man.

Of course, it's not actually my fault, but that didn't work for Adam. I think you understand what I'm talking about. Both Adam and Eve got the boot from Paradise.

I do love my wife, and I want her to stop offending God so that she can go to heaven. Also, I have a lot of sins of the flesh that I need to repent for. If I actually make it to purgatory, I'm going to be there for quite a long time. A good chunk of eternity anyways. But hell is more likely, because it really doesn't look good for me.

So I have decided to give my chastity to her as a gift. I promised her that I will abstain from using my genitals for sexual reasons until she is ready to have unprotected sex by removing her IUD from her uterus. She says that she will not be ready until she reaches menopause. She is 45 years old. I looked it up, and the average woman with her traits reaches menopause at 51.5 years old. So I'm looking at denial for possibly around 6 or 7 years. I have completely agreed to this, and given other concessions to issues she raised. She is still processing this, but I won't be the reason she says no.

I've got much more to write, because that gets us to about two months ago, but I've gone pretty long here. So I'll stop the story for now and continue in a couple of days or so.

Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2019 3:19 am
by slave d
Frankly i find your lack of respect for me as a forum reader had me stop at the end of your first paragraph. Good luck with whatever you’re hoping for.

MsM’s ld

Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2019 11:16 am
by wishful4
I am not offended by your reasoning for using male chastity. it doesn't matter if you are doing it for religious reasons or because it makes chocolate taste better. However, what did stand out is that you want to make this sacrifice for your wife. You are want to make her life better. If she takes you seriously, at some point the both of you will have to have a serious conversation about the logistics of doing what you propose. Will it mean permanent chastity for you and wearing a strap-on for her supplemented with a Magic Wand or some other method to insure her sexual satisfaction? What you are offering is indeed doable, but it will take lots of communication and commitment from both of you, enforcement by her when you are weak, and a concerted effort by you to make sure she gets everything she needs in the relationship dept. I, for one, would like to hear the contents of that discussion if the two of you ever have it.

Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2019 3:11 pm
by locked4her55
mr_faithful wrote:
Mon Mar 25, 2019 3:13 am
I don't know if I even truly understand how I got to this point, so perhaps that's why I feel compelled to write it down here. This might get religious to an uncomfortable degree, but I don't care about the reader's comfort level. If you object to that possibility, keep it to yourself and stop reading right now. Be assured that I give zero f***s. That goes for anything you might find offensive or disrespectful, be assured that I couldn't care less about that. If you don't like it, stop reading my journal, keep your opinion to yourself, and go read the millions of other posts and threads on the internet until you find something that suits your tastes. Or, make a new thread about how much you hate my post. Whatever you do, don't suffer any type of delusion that I will entertain any thought-policing. You can't say I didn't warn you.

I'm for one glad I continued to read but I was a bit put off that you found the need to devote a whole paragraph basically telling the membership here "you don't care what we think".

Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Posted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 10:04 pm
by mr_faithful
@wishful4 please have some patience, my friend! I'm getting to all of that, and there is alot of good stuff for you. I'm just trying to break posts into digestible chunks for this journal. It took me a few days of drafts to get that first post how I wanted to express it, and I still messed up the end a little bit. When I said she was still processing this, she is to a degree, but she has come alot further along than the point I left off in the story. The place I ended the post was where we were at the end of January, or two months ago.

A little backstory to set the scene before I arrived at this decision. At the New Year, I was having sex with my wife 3 times in a typical week, and that was on top of me self-abusing another several times a week. Once I had reached my decision around the end of January, I stopped self-abuse cold turkey. I was dead serious, and stopping that like I did made my wife understand how serious I really was. It was very hard for me, and I started praying my rosary every day for the strength. I also say a Hail Mary every time I feel the urge. The shame I feel when the Holy Mother knows what I'm thinking helps it to go away. My wife couldn't believe it. At that point, I finally laid it out what I was thinking. Mind you, this was at the time when I really hadn't learned much about the practicalities of doing something like this. I was just reading what turned out to be mostly fantasy fiction.

But, that wasn't all bad. I had learned enough from that material to understand that chastity wasn't for both partners in a lifestyle like this, but for the man only. I mentioned that to her, and that we would keep the same frequency of time together, but that we would change the nature of our acts of love. She was immediately alarmed by some of the things I mentioned I had read. Once I went back and read that again from her perspective, I felt really stupid and I immediately regretted how I had approached the subject. I didn't want all that other stuff to happen either, I was just trying to find a way to keep the intimacy we had together because we both enjoyed that. Once I apologized for losing my head a little bit, she thanked me and felt more assured. She said she wanted to keep our intimacy together as well, but I needed to take some time to think of how we would change our acts of love.

At this point, I believed I could stay chaste from self-abuse while at home, but I do travel alot and I get very bored, lonely, and horny while away. I use my rosary and other prayers, but the difficulty level is much greater for me. My username is not a description, it is more satirical in nature. I had been searching around to learn more about abstinence and celibacy as a lifestyle, and at some point ran across the website. It was there that I saw the mouse trap and thought that it looked like the most convenient and practical option. It is just a shaft tube that is secured by a PA piercing. My thought was that I would pierce this onto my penis and that would be the end of it for 6 years. Lol!

I was intent on piercing this thing onto myself, because I knew I wouldn't be very likely to succeed while away. I know now that breaking into these things is very doable, but I was feeling desperate to find a solution. Remember that bible verse where Jesus says that it is better to tear your eye out than use it to lust after someone? That was where I was going, except with less gore. I wanted to stop sinning, and that meant that I had to remove the occasion of the sin, which is what any addict has to do to keep themselves from relapsing. I'm pretty sure I'm a sex addict. More on that in a later post.

But I explained to my wife that I wanted to give her my chastity, not only so that she could remove her sin, but that I could also stop my own. I used the descriptions of why people fast for spiritual reasons, and this would be fasting from sexual indulgences. I also mentioned that I had done many immoral acts, and many of them to her. I did not admit acts with others, but I think she is suspicious. This time of abstinence would be a penance for those sins as well. She kind of understood the fasting part of it, but the piercing was, in her words, "extreme".

After she described the piercing as extreme, she followed that up with a big point that I didn't really see coming. She asked me if I had thought about the fact that if I had given up my own sexual needs for that long, why would I ever need to go back? In other words, she was talking about me staying celibate for the rest of our lives. I was immediately horrified, but also incredibly aroused at the thought. After thinking it over for a brief moment, I said something to the effect that if we were both happy with that situation, wouldn't that be okay? She shrugged a little bit and chewed on her fingernail. I started to understand that she had actually thought this through on her own.

I was reeling from that conversation. I had alot of mixed feelings. For one, I was encouraged by the fact that it appeared to me that she was entertaining the idea seriously. She also appeared to be capable of taking it even further. I was also feeling a little crushed that she didn't like my piercing plan, and that she was probably right. She usually is right about the extreme ideas I tend to generate.

I thought these things over for awhile and talked to her again after a day or two. I mentioned to her again why I thought the piercing would be better, but she still considered it extreme. There was no moving her off of that position. I then tried to probe a little more about whether she was really thinking about my staying celibate forever, and she deflected it back to me by asking me if that's what I wanted. I told her I had mixed feelings about that. So I was 0 for 2. I reached deep for my ace and asked her the big question, I asked her whether she wanted to take her IUD out. She told me she didn't really care one way or the other. At that point, I told her that I was thinking that I should probably take back my chastity offer, and that this was probably a bad idea. I said that it sounded like it was a little risky, she had mentioned earlier that she was unsure about what would happen to my mental state by giving up my own sexual pleasure, and I reminded her of that and I felt that if she didn't really care about being able to remove her IUD, then there wasn't any real upside. All risk, no reward, so to speak.

She seemed to hesitate at that point, and she realized that I had put the ball into her court. If we were going to do this, I needed something from her to tell me that this would be something she would like as well. This was a very large gesture I was making, and I wasn't making it lightly. If she didn't really feel like she would value the gift, what would be the point of doing it, especially if it put our relationship at risk. It was her turn to think on it for a couple of days. At this point, we were about one week into February.

Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Posted: Sat Mar 30, 2019 10:39 pm
by mr_faithful
It was only a day later when she decided to talk to me again. She asked me to come with her while she walked the dog. As we set out, she started by saying that she understood the reasons that I wanted to pierce a tube onto myself, and that it made sense to her. That made me feel relieved, but she went on to say that maybe that is something we could consider after a year or so. I kind of stopped there and couldn't listen to the rest of what she was saying, because I was considering the implications of what she had just said. She is seriously talking about what we might do next year. Wow.

Then I forced myself back to the conversation, and she started to talk about the reasons it would be good for her to remove her IUD. Most of these were pretty flimsy, but I could tell she was talking herself into it. My wife is traumatized at the thought of pregnancy. Whenever she feels ill or even just strange, she immediately runs out to buy a pregnancy test and pees on it. One day she was feeling some vertigo, and I took her to the doctor. She made me pull over at a drugstore on the way there so she could get a pregnancy test. At the doctor's office, while explaining her symptoms to the doctor, she mentioned that she had just taken a pregnancy test and it was negative. The doctor stopped his exam and looked her straight in the eye and asked her what on earth made her take a pregnancy test for vertigo. I could barely hold my laugh.

Anyways, it was with this understanding that I realized she was making the effort to let me know she wanted to do this without coming right out and saying that she wanted to do this. Typical female communication. But up to this point most of the stuff she was saying didn't sound like a very compelling reason. There had to be something more, so I tried digging it out of her. At long last, she was willing to admit that the thought of me caged up while she was receiving sexual pleasure was incredibly hot to her. She had this very sly and sheepish look on her face while she said it that made her look absolutely gorgeous. BAM! I felt it in my knees. Mixed emotions of all sorts were flying through me. But I kept my composure as best I could and asked her to elaborate a little more on what she foresaw after menopause, about why she seemed to think that I would want to continue a life of celibacy. She shrugged her shoulders a little bit and just said that it seemed like the logical outcome. I asked her whether she thought that was good or bad, and she didn't reply immediately. When she did say something, she just said she didn't really know. She didn't say it would be bad.

I thanked her for opening up to me like she did. We changed the subject for the rest of the walk. At this point I still felt confused and mixed up emotionally. On the one hand I felt a strong confident desire to do this and see it through. On the other, I was in disbelief of myself that I was actually considering it. I have this real dual nature to myself. I can observe my own thoughts and actions as a sharp critic even while they are happening. This is especially true when I am doing something immoral. Like breaking the serious commandments type of immoral. The devil got his hooks into me a long time ago, and he plays me like a fiddle. My soul must be worth a lot to him, because he works on me constantly. I also get the feeling that God likes the battle he wages with the devil over my soul, because I am always finding myself making a decision to put myself into situations where I will be tempted. And I fail, I feel crushing remorse, vow to never do it again, and do it again the next day.

I need to tattoo it somewhere. VRS, "vade retro Satana" or "back off Satan". The first three words of exorcism.I need to brand it onto my soul.

Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Posted: Tue Apr 02, 2019 3:09 pm
by mr_faithful
I am torn. On the one hand, I really want to give my wife this gift, and it is coming from my love and duty as a husband. It is a good thing for both of us IMO. On the other hand, it is very arousing, which makes me wonder if I am not just fooling myself and my wife. From this point on, I feel very tentative about doing this. I want to make sure I am not falling for another snare or trap.

After our walk and talk, I had a lot of thinking to do. Both sides of myself were really arguing with each other. Some part of me felt like if we were really going to do this, it had to be slow and deliberate. Another part of me was really trying to talk me out of the whole thing. In some sense it is maddening, and another gave me peace at the thought. A bizarre state of mind to be sure.

Here's an example of what I mean. We were lying in bed the next morning. My wife was reading her phone and I was lying there thinking. A voice in my head was telling me to shut my mouth, get up, shower and go do some work. Naturally, I said, "Maybe you are right, maybe I will just start with a non-piercing device and we take it real slow. We will just dabble in the idea for a little bit and see if we like it." My wife said she thought that sounded like a very good idea, and to go ahead and look at some devices.

I ordered some test rings and started the process. I started with something that felt snug but not tight. I believe it was the 2-1/8". I wore it around for awhile, but that night it had slipped about half-way down. I went down to the 2". Same thing happened the next day. Then the 1-7/8" and I had a ball slip back through. I finally settled on the 1-3/4" ring. Just to be sure, I ordered an aluminum 1-3/4" ring and wore it continuously. At one point, I showed my wife and asked her how it looked. She was very shy about that, lol. She was working on her laptop in bed, and after she looked she yelled out that she made a terrible mistake on something she was working on and didn't know how to fix it. As she was scrambling around, I told her that I knew it. This was just a trick by Satan to trap us into doing something bad. I took off the ring and threw it in the drawer. She laughed and told me to stop being a drama queen, she would fix it and that I need to order the device. Lol! That's my girl.

At this point we were also reducing my sex activities to once a week. My passion for her was red hot, and she was really enjoying it when I would finally take her. She was having alot of problems doing anything else out of strong feelings of guilt. I explained to her that the scoreboard on O's was looking really bad for her, and she needed to get on the board. That didn't really work, but it did make her laugh.

Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2019 4:40 pm
by mr_faithful
A lot has happened since I last posted. What I am journaling now feels like quite awhile ago. Everything I am writing here is true to the best of my recollection, but it is probably a little clouded with time and events. I am trying my best to stay true to what happened, but I can't guarantee a little exaggeration or misrepresentation hasn't slipped in. I hope I can get caught up soon, so that I can feel confident in everything being represented faithfully.

My chastity device arrived in the last week of February. I had been on some short trips, but I had done very well. No self-abuse or fornicating of any kind. My prayer routine was helping, but I had to say it A LOT. It was distracting me from my job. Luckily I have a great deal of flexibility, so I was able to cope without much impact on my work performance.

That's why, when I finally got the device, I was very anxious. I wanted it to work so bad. I know it is beatable, but I just need a bit of an extra edge to go along with everything else I was doing to stay good. As soon as it arrived I put it on and it felt pretty good. I had been wearing my test ring 24/7 so it wasn't hard to break into the actual device ring at all. I had the cage inner diameter a little smaller than what I really measured, following the practical advice I found on the forums. It was comfortable and secure. I felt quite a bit of relief once it was on.

My wife called me on her way home from work to tell me about her day. After about 15-20 minutes, I had to ask her if she remembered that it came today. She said she remembered, but not to talk about it. I was puzzled, but that's pretty typical, so I didn't let it bother me. Once she got home, I met her in the bedroom and she said "Okay, let's see it." I dropped my pants and she took a close look. She was smiling the whole time, then she stood up and nodded her head approvingly and we left it at that.

Before the cage had arrived, my wife had been using the thought in her dirty talk quite a bit. Talking me through scenarios she was visualizing. VERY erotic. I think she got a little squeamish once it was actually there. I was too, to be honest. I can't explain why the thought of piercing a cage onto my penis didn't bother me at all, but the testes ring still makes me squeamish as well. It just feels like my balls are hanging out there in a real vulnerable way. Then, everytime I have to bend over or bend down I practically rack myself in the nuts when the cage doesn't give in the right direction. Oof. Also, the skin on my scrotum was pretty sensitive and needed some toughening up. Lotion really helps with that. In the beginning, I was applying lotion at least 4 times a day.

Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Posted: Fri Apr 12, 2019 9:19 am
by wishful4
Hang in there, wearing will get easier as I'm sure it has by now. Though I am not pierced, I do not try to remove or pull out of my device. You have to get into the mindset that the device is there to remind you of a commitment you made to remain chaste for her. It is up to her to decide when and if it will be removed. I have been chaste for about two months now. My spouse often will let me out of the device for a few hours during the day when we are going to be together and I would not have an opportunity to self pleasure. She is very strict about no unlocked showers. I always sleep in the device and am locked when we are apart. We have pretty much gotten into a routine and you and she will too. I never get more than single digit orgasms in a calendar year but all of them are mind blowing and very much appreciated. The worst part is that I do feel neglected sometimes. I am aware that I am locked all the time, but she tends to forget about it. We often go several days without any intimacy and it is difficult at times. But, in the end, it is worth it. I hope it is for you too.

Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Posted: Fri May 17, 2019 12:55 pm
by mr_faithful
Thanks for the words of encouragement @wishful4. I'm sorry to hear that you feel neglected sometimes. I hope you can talk to your wife and get some attention when you need it. I do that when I'm getting a little too anxious for my own good, and she often responds with some comfort. Sometimes she lashes out because she is in a bad mood, but I forgive her. I also remind myself of how I got here in the first place, and ask Mary for some prayer to help me. That is how I finally broke my masturbation habit.

I have now worn my cage for 60 days. I have been out 4 times. Twice because I felt like this was a bad idea, and twice for intercourse. My wife still continues to have her IUD, but she has an appointment to have it removed next week. I will update this after next week and let you know if she really did it or not.

Overall, this is going very well. We have had some rough spots, which is why I took it off twice. Once for only a few hours after I had some regrets, but then I put it back on. The second time was after my wife told me that she wasn't going to pray anymore, because it wasn't going to do any good. I felt some despair at that and lost track of why I was doing this, so I removed it overnight. But we had a very long talk and we got back on track. I think it was for the better.

One thing I didn't really mention yet, was that during this entire phase, my wife has suggested that she might look into trying the rhythm method so that we could have intercourse from time to time. This has played with my mind and emotions, and in my opinion, not in a good way. To a normal person, this would be a good thing and that goes without saying. But for a sexual degenerate like me it is really not good. Imagine telling a drug addict who is trying to swear off drugs that you will still give him some from time to time. How is the addict supposed to move on with his new life when he thinks that he might get his drug from time to time? It is a sweet and sour thought to be honest. Also, I don't really believe her when she says it and I know she is just telling me something that she thinks I want to hear. I think that is leading someone on and it really isn't merciful at all. I've tried to gently tell her that but maybe I need to be more plainspoken about it.

But as I said, overall this is going very well. My wife says I am much happier and not as "dark", whatever that might mean. I think I know what she means, because lust "darkens the mind". It feels very good to be free from much of that now. I am far happier with my new chastity. The eternal fire feels farther away than before.