[Naljeans] Back in - relief

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Naljeans
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:07 pm

[insert aggravated, sad, angry, guilt-ridden, frustrated rant here]

That’s far better than what I originally typed. Still locked and owned, for now anyway.
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Naljeans
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Wed Jan 30, 2019 9:23 pm

I’m back in a good place. Properly locked and more importantly, sincerely owned again. I don’t want to relive the experience of all of that being in doubt. After some difficult conversations and mutual hurt feelings, things are back where they should be.

A pretty severe beating seems to cemented us being back in a good place. I realize that sounds absurd, but it fits both of our wiring. She needed to do it, and I needed to take it. It started heavy and I wondered how long it would last. As I reached the point that I just wanted it to stop, she grabbed her worst cane and truly tested my limits. She mercifully stopped immediately after passing my limit. Days later, the marks have barely faded and I couldn’t be happier about it. I still get unpleasant butterflies thinking about it though.

She uncaged me to inflict some pain without risking injury. When asked if I wanted a release, I said no. I didn’t want to start at day 0 and frankly didn’t feel I deserved release. That’s not what she wanted, so I went back to day 0 anyway.

Power exchange can be a tricky dance, and it takes both partners being on the same page. I got off that page, but feel it’s back where it should be.
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pigdickless1
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by pigdickless1 » Sun Feb 10, 2019 10:25 am

Naljeans wrote:
Tue Jan 01, 2019 5:13 pm
Big swing in just two days. I confessed to my KH that I was getting into the stage where it doesn’t feel like I have a cock anymore. It’s hard to describe any better than that - like it’s just an appendage some fancy jewelry is locked onto.

Her reply was simply: “That’s wonderful news!”

Now I’m REALLY conflicted about possibly being released soon. So it goes.
Hi Naljeans,

Wow, that is soooo horny. I just love that reply from your KH, "That's wonderful news!"
I am new her to Chastity Forums and I totally appreciate reading threads like yours. Your thread provides an amazing insight into how the journey can be. I would love to get to the stage where I myself actually feel that my cock is just a thing for jewellery to hang from. Maybe that is why my member name is pigdickless1.

Best wishes to you.
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by wishful4 » Mon Feb 11, 2019 11:41 am

You remind me of myself when I started this journey. Every Keyholder has to find something in Male Chastity that turns them on. For my spouse, denying me turned her on immensely. After having been locked for a while, I would have what best can be described as "moments of desperation" where I felt I needed out of this thing NOW. Other times I felt like I had a bubbling volcano in my lower abdomen just seething and boiling, wanting to erupt. My spouse favors long term chastity, but she often will give me a couple of supervised hours out of the cage from time to time, but never any unlocked showers or overnights. No doubt about it, the first month of chastity is the most difficult. It does get easier after that. My opinion is that, if she gets you to two months, you can go indefinitely. You probably shouldn't tell her that though. Milking me while locked only served to raise my frustration level and arousal. I would feel like a train wreck afterwards and she would just have to hold me till I came down. It gave me no relief at all. For that reason, I usually don't look forward to it. My spouse has gotten away from doing it lately. Your Keyholder seems to have a plan for you. Commit yourself and let it play out. However, always share what you are feeling with her. She needs that info to be a good Keyholder.
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Naljeans
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Thu Feb 28, 2019 12:45 pm

A month later, all but three marks are gone. Yes, three small scars remain. A trophy and reminder of sorts. Our relationship is in a great place, with clarity and comfort for us both.

Chastity-specific update: It has been 2.5 weeks since being uncaged at all, and it feels significantly longer than that. The usual frustration and claustrophobia have been higher than usual the past week or so. I think it’s a reflection of my struggle to relinquish control mentally - that there’s some subconscious resistance to just accepting that I can’t get aroused when I want. Logically, I’m fully on board and welcome that power exchange but my lizard brain fights it.

I also realize that she has always released me every two or three weeks - never longer or shorter - and the lizard brain is using that as a benchmark. It will shock the system when/if she decides to go longer than that. I don’t like how the desire to uncage has been such a primary thought recently, and I imagine being told it will be longer could break that thinking. Or worsen it? Who knows.

Having said that, I’ve previously been satiated completely through pleasing her, and perhaps that’s simply what I need now. I should have started this update with “Dear Diary”. :D
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Fri Mar 15, 2019 6:45 pm

Background- My KH/owner and I do not live together, though we see each other weekly or so. I have an emergency key for my cage.

We noticed that over the course of my 6+ months in chastity, my (her) penis had gotten noticeably longer (like 1.5” at least.) Some or all of that is attributable to getting in better shape, but it seems larger now than I can ever remember. Makes no sense.

So, she is requiring me to self-measure twice a week and log the results. The first attempt took 8 minutes. Her response: “far too slow, what took so long?” I thought this exercise would be a welcome break from the claustrophobia of being caged - nope.

Frankly, it’s rather unpleasant getting as hard as possible, using the measuring tape and immediately trying to cram it back into the cage. The erection and freedom is gone and locked away within seconds. I mentioned this to her, and she noted that I’m just clinically collecting data for her. Today the test took 6 minutes, at least 3 of which were wrestling with the cage.

Ironic that it’s now a decent size and I’ve never had so little access to it, nor pleasure from it. Also that 2 weeks with no relief seemed like my limit, and now it seems a duration that “short” would be exceedingly generous.
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Naljeans
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Sun Mar 17, 2019 11:04 am

After some play time and a shower, my Goddess told me to get dressed so we could go have dinner. So, I put my panties on and heard “aren’t you forgetting something?” I was perplexed. “Your cage?” Holy crap, how did I forget that? Before I could process that, she was coming in to punish me. I flinched. “Stand still. You should not have needed a reminder.” Two pretty strong smacks followed and then the cage went on effortlessly. “There we go, back where it should be. And I like that you were so eager to get back in your panties.” What a strange yet comfortable reality.
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Naljeans
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Tue Mar 26, 2019 9:20 pm

The measuring exercise was a major challenge today. I have been extremely horny, and frustrated (with life, not in a fun way), as I won’t see my owner for another couple of weeks. Whether I get released then is unknown and not very relevant. I miss her and don’t like the void.

But today was measuring day, so I grabbed the key and tape. Even getting close to hard, I was on the edge. I couldn’t get fully hard without worrying about going too far. It started to seem impossible to just get fully erect. The temptation to even just have a ruined orgasm was extraordinary. It took a lot of internal dialogue. Finally, I got the measurement and forced the cage on. Thankfully work and life were busy today and I moved on.

It felt great to know that I was so close and didn’t violate her trust. That I internally understood that the measuring is for her and remaining chaste is for us both. But wow, today was cruel.
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:35 pm

I had a doctor’s appointment for a full body screen. I knew it involved stripping down to my underwear, so I asked my owner to let me not wear panties. She very reluctantly agreed. I told her that I wasn’t asking to be uncaged, which she said was good because the answer would’ve been no anyway.

My old boxer briefs are far too big now, and she’s only allowed me to get performance briefs for situations like this. My cage is pretty small, so it’s generally not hard to hide. I checked in the mirror at home, and the cage wasn’t noticeable. I disrobed at the doctor’s office and realized their lights are far brighter than those at home. The post and bars of the cage were obvious, and I was stuck. Standing there caged in tight briefs was a pretty vulnerable, nerve-wracking moment, for obvious reasons and not wanting to expose the doctor to anything. It also went a ways towards accepting myself. And of course it was a non-event.
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Sat Apr 13, 2019 9:21 am

Time for a cage-centric update. I recently realized that I’m beginning to not miss uncaged erections like I used to. Or at least I don’t feel the claustrophobia of being locked quite as much. Perhaps my brain has adjusted to this (relatively) new normal - internalizing that they’re really not for me anymore.

My owner told me a while back that she is in charge of my health - ensuring that I get physically stronger and thatany release I get is for health reasons and not my pleasure. Deep down, I assumed this was just a teasing ploy and her exercising her control and ownership. Now I’ve seen it in practice and it feels pretty damn sincere.

After quite a lot of painful play and edging, she put me on all fours. “Time to get you emptied out.” She very clinically started probing my prostate and jacking me off aggressively. “I know you don’t like to cum (who told her that??) but you need to. I’ll make it quick. Just take your medicine.” Before I could even process what she said, I was empty. Less than a minute. It felt incredible but was immediately forgotten as she went back to spanking me because she wanted to (sadist.) In hindsight, i realized just how humiliating and non-erotic the process was - especially considering it had been a few weeks and it would likely be a few more weeks until being released again.
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