[cuyahoga] Chapter Two

A place to blog about your thoughts and experiences
User avatar
Schnoff
Posts: 333
Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2017 5:03 pm
Location: Western MA
Gender:
Contact:

Re: [cuyahoga] Chapter Two

Post by Schnoff » Sat Sep 22, 2018 1:53 am

Sorry to hear that, man. I know how hard these "unequal partnerships" can be, particularly when the D-side is not committed to creating that framework. If that's what happened.
0 x

User avatar
KittensBoyToy
Posts: 488
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2018 4:43 pm
Location: Texas Hill Country
Gender:

Re: [cuyahoga] Chapter Two

Post by KittensBoyToy » Sun Sep 23, 2018 11:27 am

I hope the 2 of you can work out whatever is causing the problems.
0 x
Kitten's Boy Toy
Happy to be Kitten's property!

User avatar
cuyahoga
Posts: 292
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:48 pm

Re: [cuyahoga] Chapter Two

Post by cuyahoga » Mon Sep 24, 2018 1:17 pm

Thank you all, and also the number of private messages I’ve received. This is a great, supportive and caring community.

There is a long standing issue in my marriage, unrelated to denial and chastity. It’s something I’ve tried unsuccessfully to address in the past. I thought I could ignore it. Denial and chastity amplify my reaction to it, and amplify the hurt I feel because of it.

I never thought that denial and chastity would fix it. I really just thought I could live with it. Now I know it’s going to have to be addressed more firmly, and unless it’s resolved to some degree, denial and chastity can’t continue.

This was not a singular event. It’s a collection of events and observations and discussions and promises and disappointments that stretches back for years. I also don’t feel like it’s a marriage killer. Maybe I need to make a change, maybe she needs to make a change, maybe we both need to make a change.

I’ve sought the advice of a relationship counselor, already attended a first meeting, and will move forward with the advice I was given in that forum.

Again. Thank you all soooo much. This is an amazing corner of the internet that I am so glad to be a part of.
1 x

User avatar
cuyahoga
Posts: 292
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:48 pm

Re: [cuyahoga] Chapter Two

Post by cuyahoga » Wed May 08, 2019 4:45 am

Long talk last night, finally. Actual progress is still up in the air, but at least everything is finally out in the open. That part feels good.

Might need a ‘Chapter 3’ soon. That would be awesome. Or this could be the first post of an ‘Epilogue.’ That would suck.
0 x

User avatar
cshorts
Posts: 102
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2018 12:15 am
Gender:

Re: [cuyahoga] Chapter Two

Post by cshorts » Thu May 09, 2019 12:26 am

Welcome back. Great to hear that there is some progress, reason to be hopeful.
0 x
Wearing: MCN Contender
In chastity since: 3 October 2018

User avatar
cuyahoga
Posts: 292
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:48 pm

Re: [cuyahoga] Chapter Two

Post by cuyahoga » Fri May 10, 2019 9:10 am

In September, when things went wrong, I told this forum that it was an issue in my marriage unrelated to denial and chastity, and that was true. It’s an issue my wife carries into our marriage. I could probably be better about how I handle it sometimes.

Since January, she’s been trying here and there to address it, but barely following through. I’ve been supportive of her efforts, but not pushing when she’s dropped it.

I’ve been longing for some denial and chastity. On May 1st, I decided to forego orgasms for a while, of my own volition. The next time we had sex, and I was done without finishing, it caused a comment from my wife. “I don’t like where we left that in September, but I’m not sure how to talk about it.”

Somehow, these events dropped like a bomb on our relationship. When I revealed that I’d gone to see a therapist in September, she was shocked. And after a couple of days, small conversations turned into a very long sit down.

I explained my position, my needs, my expectations, my disappointments. She listened, and I encouraged her to not respond if she didn’t have to. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I really wanted her to take her own time, process, and come back to the subject. She had concerns and needs and disappointments of her own, but other than that and some questions for clarity, she didn’t offer much of a response, other than to emphasize that this was more important to her than she’d demonstrated in the past, and she understood why I felt the way I did.

I stressed that I did not blame her for this. This is a result of the differences in our ‘paradigms’. It’s no one’s fault.

She’s thinking. I’m waiting, very patiently. She’s going to visit a good friend over Memorial Day weekend, and I told her that if she wanted to wait until after that, I would be okay with that. When I started my own ‘denial’ on May 1st, my intention was to have some extra fun that weekend while she and the kids were away, so I explained that I still wanted to hold off that long, but I wanted to orgasm before she takes control again, if that’s what’s going to happen. I also said that all of my wants right now are negotiable.

She’s thinking. I’m waiting.
0 x

User avatar
cuyahoga
Posts: 292
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:48 pm

Re: [cuyahoga] Chapter Two

Post by cuyahoga » Sat May 11, 2019 11:19 am

When I told my wife a few days ago that I was thinking of foregoing orgasms for a while, I also mentioned to her that I might wear the cage a bit, too. After the kids were in bed last night, I thought it might be a good time to do that, the first time in her presence since September. I kind of ‘cleared’ it with her first, and she approved.

She was in a great mood last night, and we hung out, watched some television, and chatted. She touched me in the cage for a few minutes after I first put it on, and then later, when I decided to go to bed, she followed me into the bedroom, and laid with me for a while touching it a lot. I was actually dripping when she done.

She stayed up later than me, but I woke up enough when she came to bed that I slid over and spooned with her for a bit. It’s been so long since I had my locked cock nestling in her butt. I have really, really ... really missed that.

This is actually a new cage, much smaller than my last one. It’s another Jail Bird, shorter and skinnier, that I ordered thinking it would always be solo playtime. When I proposed foregoing orgasms for a while, I really didn’t expect it to prompt the discussion, and resulting possibility of resuming our play.

Overnight, the cage was brutal. It’s been nine or ten months since I slept locked, and the smaller cage was definitely not as forgiving. And there was another problem. Donning the cage for myself, as opposed to being ordered into it, is apples and oranges for me. I took it off at 3:30 in the morning, and went back to sleep. If I’d been under orders, I would not have done that.

The difference is that when I’m the reason it’s locked on, it’s just frustrating and annoying, and not really erotic. When I’m locked at her command, the frustration becomes super charged erotic. I would have gotten up at 3:30, gone to the couch and zoned out in blissful pain until I could come back to bed still locked.

I’m sticking with my current plan of holding off until Memorial Day weekend, unless she decides to broach the subject before then. I will keep locking off and on, on my own, testing my limits with the new smaller cage. I can tell that it sits better when I’m relaxed, and stays where it should from soft to hard to soft, but when I’m straining against its confinement, it’s a significant change. I can’t tell yet if it’s better; I don’t think I’ll know that answer with certainty until it’s her decision. Until then, I need to focus on determining whether I can wear it for as long as she might command.

My goal for this little adventure started as an attempt to meet my own needs. That was, in light of what’s happened, stupid. I can’t meet my own needs; she’s an integral part of my needs, and I’m glad were talking about it again. My new goal is to give this new cage some solid trial runs while she’s considering our next move (hopefully) forward. No orgasms, increasing lengths of time in the cage, lots of cuddling.

She was awesome last night. She didn’t hesitate to play with me, and she was smiling when she was doing it. When I first put it on, and she played with it through my pajama bottoms for a few minutes, she was sitting and I was standing in front of her. Eventually, while she was still going, I had to pull away and move to sit down. She looked at me quizzically, and I said that it was so intense, I was having trouble continuing to stand. “You’re out of practice,” she said, lightly teasing.

She’s right. That moment, and the overnight, made that clear. I really hope she decides to whip me back into shape. Or flog me back into shape...
2 x

User avatar
cuyahoga
Posts: 292
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:48 pm

Re: [cuyahoga] Chapter Two

Post by cuyahoga » Mon May 13, 2019 4:40 am

Small clue last night. May is busy, almost every weekend filled with family activities and trips. June 1st is currently empty. She’s thinking of getting us a babysitter and having her side of our long talk then, and she emphasized a couple of times that she is thinking, “giving over head space to it”.

She also had a very big moment last night regarding her own issue, and the work she needs to do on that, and asking me for more help. Huge moment, big step forward. This is that thing she brings into our marriage that I think may be the root of most of these struggles. Her directly asking me for help with that is far bigger to me than our talk.

It was a good weekend, with tons of family time, and at the end of it, she recognized her problem had affected her entire weeked. “Why couldn’t I just feel the fun? Where has my joy gone?” Just asking those two questions was a really big step forward. (For anyone worried, it’s not as bad as that makes it sound. That quote needs a shit ton of context for true understanding of the situation.)
0 x

User avatar
LockedByBD
Posts: 95
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 3:29 pm
Gender:

Re: [cuyahoga] Chapter Two

Post by LockedByBD » Thu May 16, 2019 11:41 am

cuyahoga wrote:
Sat May 11, 2019 11:19 am
My goal for this little adventure started as an attempt to meet my own needs. That was, in light of what’s happened, stupid. I can’t meet my own needs; she’s an integral part of my needs, and I’m glad were talking about it again.
Ain't it the truth?
cuyahoga wrote:
Sat May 11, 2019 11:19 am
Eventually, while she was still going, I had to pull away and move to sit down. She looked at me quizzically, and I said that it was so intense, I was having trouble continuing to stand. “You’re out of practice,” she said, lightly teasing.
Here's hoping you'll get all the practice you want. :lol:
0 x
No means no, as in "I have no plans to unlock you." :o

User avatar
cuyahoga
Posts: 292
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:48 pm

Re: [cuyahoga] Chapter Two

Post by cuyahoga » Sun Jun 02, 2019 6:30 am

It was a very good talk. After ten years of marriage and sixteen years together, lines of communication can be renegotiated or redefined or ... something.

We both have things we need to pay more attention to, to make it work. We both want it to work. We we’re drifting apart for the last ten months, and we just snapped back together. I have a lot of hope for this.

I will be denied and in chastity again soon. Thank ... fucking ... gawd!!
1 x

Post Reply