(This is a long one... get popcorn. I've been working on it for most of the afternoon when work allows. We had a pretty significant bump in the road and now we're here.)
Working with Mature Metal to get my cage fixed so that it wasn't chewing on my tender skin, I was told that base ring I'm using is a size too large. I measured and measured again and had already reduced the size of the base ring once, how could this be? Mistress MM also helpfully suggested that we increase the size of the gap between ring and cage that may make things more comfortable.
In the interim, I tried to wear a cheap Chinese cage that mostly fit me but it made the problem abrasion created by the Jailbird just continue. I had to ask for the key and be released and free until I had properly healed up. I was frustrated, she wasn't all that worried about keeping me caged.
Sending the cage to Texas and being without it for two weeks made me ill inside but it was the right thing to do. Should I go down a size? If I get it wrong, it has to go away for another two weeks. My solution is to buy a new ring in the size they want me to use (with the oval shape instead of round), adjust my existing ring without changing the size and then hopefully I'm covered from all sides. The cage goes out and comes back right before the new year and I immediately go back into the cage using the smaller ring. I'm excited, I'm hopeful and I'm really challenged at how much more work it takes to get into the base ring. This is snug and I briefly consider whether some lubricant will be necessary to get this ring in place.
I'm in the newly updated cage, I install a brand new brass lock (more rust resistant) and hand over the keys to my wife. Back on track, until...
My body is not ready for the smaller ring, the discomfort becomes pain and finally I have to give up. It is just too much and it feels like the underside of my testicles are bruised. I lived with the discomfort for several days before asking my wife to release me and that's when things went sideways.
Each time I asked my wife for the key, she handed it over much like she would if I asked her to pass the salt. She understood that I wasn't comfortable and like all things she wanted me to be happy. When the cage went off for modification, she only asked about it when I mentioned it arrived in Texas. When I had to call off wearing the new modifications, she shrugged and handed over the key. I was frustrated, she wasn't all that worried about keeping me caged.
Damn. All of this is coming to an end and chastity won't be a thing in our lives any more but worse than that... she is happy about it. Or at the very least, relieved that it isn't working out so she can wash her hands of it. I begin a period of mourning and learn that self-pleasure is a thing again. I'm not a horny teenager but where chastity had all but ended that practice, it was slowly becoming something I tried to find time to do... alone. I could be alone with my fantasies and alone with my pleasure without her knowing about any of it. I am weak and my biology conspires against me.
Weeks out of the cage, my sore spot is healed. My perception of bruising is healed. My wife seems to be fine with how the world is turning and not a word is spoken about the cage or chastity. Life gets busy, work, kids, etc. I continue to sulk and wish it were otherwise but we wake up, go to the gym, go to work, eat dinner and then sleep without the cage as a part of our lives. When I get disappointed and really focus on it, I find a way to masturbate. It may not be healthy but I know I can improve my disposition pretty quickly except... everything I learned from being chaste was that this wasn't a good idea. I'd be happier if I found a way to involve her, work on being closer physically but I just felt like I was being whiny and a burden.
We have sex and we have intimacy so it isn't that she and I have a malfunctioning relationship but suddenly, it isn't what it was. I keep trying to bring up the courage to talk about it and remember the relief? disinterest? happiness? she had when she unlocked me and I put all that hardware away. No, I can live without it and I can show some self-control without putting that burden back in her life.
Start a new cycle of wishing I was caged, fighting temptation and either winning or losing the fight but now not sure I want to fight it anymore. No. No. No. I can do this, I'll just use some self-control but not sweat the minor lapses if they happen. We have always had different libidos and schedules so it'll be fine, it has always been fine. My ability to keep myself under control is poor and I start thinking about when I can find some alone time again. Ugh.
My thoughts turn to how I can do this a little better and how I really want to be back in the cage. I miss the weight, the constant reminder and limited functionality when locked. I could lock myself, put the keys somewhere other than my pocket and maybe I can at least delay some of the idle hands. My plan was to put on the ring for the night and assemble the cage the following morning if all goes well. I did my best sneaking and pulled the ring from storage and slid it over the parts where it was supposed to go.
Either I wasn't as stealthy as I thought or my wife just chose that night to run her hand over my crotch and just happened to feel the exposed post from the Jailbird base ring.
HER: "What's this?"
HIM: "Part of the cage."
HER: "Huh? I thought we weren't doing that anymore?"
Okay, well she knows but sounds frustrated that the cage is returning. I'll keep my mouth shut and keep up with my plan to wear the cage, besides we normally have to schedule sex so I can take off the cage when we get together so she doesn't even know it is there. This will be fine and it will satisfy my craving to be caged, reduce my self-play and not burden her at all. I fully assemble the cage, close the lock and slide the keys into my pocket.
It is good to be back. It is really good to be back. I missed being contained but I had no idea how much until I felt it again. This is going to work and it did... for two whole days. The household schedule uncharacteristically shallowed out one Saturday afternoon and she surprised me with an offer for sex. Well, I guess she was about to find out I was wearing a cage again... I couldn't sneak that off in any plausible way now.
HIM: "I'd love to but you'll need these. I've been really good for the last two weeks but I started wearing the cage again just to help remind me to be good."
I handed her the keys and she didn't seemed shocked at all. I undressed, she undressed and she unlocked me. We had fun together and she made a comment about whether I was going to put that thing back on now or later but if I was going to wear it, I should probably give her back the keys.
Hope! Dear sweet hope! My heart beat a little more quickly. I locked myself back up but couldn't bring myself to hand off the keys but she wasn't demanding them either; I won't give her that problem. It also occurred to me that if I hand over the keys, there really won't be any more self-love and I wasn't sure I was ready for that yet.
We finished out the day, getting ready for bed and she stands over me with her hand out.
I stuttered and stammered and just couldn't bring myself to do it. I wasn't ready and I had spent the last couple of months convincing myself she didn't want to play the game. It was over after all.
The following night she stood over the bed and held out her hand.
I knew I couldn't tell her no but I took my time saying yes to make sure she really, really wanted this responsibility. I confessed to my weakness. I told her I really preferred to be caged. I told her that I wanted to surrender this control to her but only if she really wanted it. She did. She extended her hand again. There wasn't much conversation after that as she put the keys away in a place only she knows and we went to sleep.
We had a long conversation about what each of us wanted, I asked questions, she asked questions. We were careful about each other's feelings and thoughtful about any replies we offered the other. My concerns where answered and her curiosity was answered by me.
I confessed that I felt badly that I didn't have control over myself without the cage. She told me that she understood and knew it was difficult but wasn't all that worried about it.
HER: "You're not a bad person."
I put to her the question does she like it when I'm locked up? Am I different; maybe for the better?
HER: "You're more attentive to me. You touch me more, you get 'handsy' but you also deliberately focus on me more when you're locked. I like that."
She has only come close to saying something like that in the past 5 years and this was very specific about her preferences. I have been under her renewed control for the last few days and the talk about keys and the knowing looks – the flirting – has come back in a very welcome manner.
I'm so relieved and hopeful.
I love my wife!
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