[asyouwishmiss] relocked again. Different Rules.

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Asyouwishmiss
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Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 9:59 pm

[asyouwishmiss] relocked again. Different Rules.

Post by Asyouwishmiss »

So the last time I was locked was almost two years ago. I was unlocked in June 2014 I think. Which was amazing. But we took a break. Which at the time was what we had decided. I figured it would be at least a few months, but life has a way of changing things up.


Both my gf and I have had some busy lives. New jobs, new stresses. She started a new prescription last year that helps her manage her own depression and anxiety. Which I am glad she did, cause I love her and want her to healthy and not be anxious.

But the side effect we both noticed was a drop in libido.

And tbh, it wasn't all her either. I myself noticed a huge drop in libido. It was almost like after my last time being locked... my libido (left to it's regular unlocked, vanilla life, with regular masterbation).. felt LOWER than it was before we had even started down this journey. Not really convinced that chastity broke me. But I noticed that even when I masterbated... it was now about 2-3 times a week... not the almost every day it was just several years ago. (Some people might say that's cause I'm getting into my 'late' 40s. I'm kind of still in denial about the whole getting older thing).

But with busy lives. She lives with me about 60% of the time. Sometimes more. And suddenly we realized that it had been a month or more with zero sex between us. And we were still close. It wasn't like either of us was secretly looking for sex somewhere else. It's just that terrible mix of age, stress, prescriptions and bad timing.

And I would start to feel guilty about masterbating, cause I would feel like I should at least wait a day or so. Maybe if I was more aroused it would mean we might do it. But we spent 3 solid weekends together rarely leaving the apt. No Sex. Mostly just video games (what's worse... we are each playing our own separate video game).

And meanwhile I really missed being locked. It's not it enough to just not cum for a week, it's about her having control. But for her... her total dis-interest in sex made her all the more nervous about doing anything Dom/sub related.

And so last weekend, I found myself suddenly really horny. Horny enough to let myself feel really submissive. I think given my own crazy work schedule, I realized I hadn't even masterbated in at least 5 or 6 days. Which mentally reminded me of I start to feel after having been locked for that many days.

She could tell I was turned on. I woke up next to her quite engorged. But I could tell she was feeling anxious about sex, since she was worried her libido just wasn't there. And she was afraid of denying me. She loves affection, and she loves sex. But the meds leave her feeling less than interested. Or she is just worried that she won't cum at all.

But I guess i was horny enough that I admitted to her, that her not being interested in my sexually... was kind of a turn on. And I kind of asked her if she was ok teasing me and making me wait for her.

And after a bit of discussion.. she agreed. I would keep myself ready till she was ready.

So for the next few days I just kept myself from ejaculating, but the entire situation was turning me on so much, that I couldn't stop edging. By wed night, she had to go to her mother's for a night, and I was embarrassed to admit that I couldn't sleep the entire night. I kept looking at tumblr, reading stories.

But what was worse... is that while she knows she really wants me to be locked, the prospect of her trying to "dominate" me under this situation was kind of stressing her out. We agreed that I should lock myself again. She came home friday night. I found my old steel cage, but it seems that after almost 2 years neither one of us remembered the programmable combo lock to the realtor's box that had the preferred key and padlock. We have dozens of these tiny locks we use for cuffs and locking collars, but for safety reasons, I get them all identically keyed. So we really wanted the "Special" padlock (that also looked nicer) which only had two keys.. one for her to keep with her, and one for me to keep locked in the realtor's box (where only she knows the combo).

It got so late that she fell asleep, before I had it all ready. But I remember from experience that putting one of these things on (especially if it's been a while) is really not that erotic. Takes me a few tries to get my balls through the steel loop. I swear I had used the smallest loop last time, but after trying without success, I switched back to the larger loop. (My balls weren't used to being stressed anymore). She woke up later (after I climbed into bed) and reached down between my legs and checked me. She was happy I had just put it on.

She said that having me locked feels like a relief for her. As if she doesn't have to worry about sex at all. She feels empowered and excited.

And we talked. But I could tell she still was worried. Last time, me being locked up was a source of sexual excitement for her too. But this time I could tell she is nervous about knowing what I want. Or not knowing what she wants. We have immediately become more intimate. I cannot keep my hands off of her when she is here. When she isn't, I can't stop thinking about her. But I think she is worried about trying to satisfy my needs when there is no guarantee that this will be a source of sexual excitement for her.

She is gone back to her mother's for easter weekend, (she will be back tomorrow). And in the meantime I started reading as much as I could. But I think maybe in my overzealous, horny state I told her about things I saw on the internet and immediately I could tell she was feeling a bit overwhelmed. Which immediately had me concerned about this big experiment we are about to do.

Last night I started reading http://www.amazon.com/How-Roman-Dominat ... B008F82SKE . Cause it claimed to have some tips for how women can get pleasure from having a slave that isn't even sexual. And while the book has it's issues, it did put an emphasis that for women... they should feel entitled to enjoy Vanilla pleasures. He defines the 3 features of such a relationship: Authority, Vanilla, Exploitation. Where women should be insisting that their slaves perform services that may not have any kink at all (hence Vanilla). May not even be sexual. Women's needs are different, so they should be focusing their slaves into performing things that please them: "Room Service", "Party". And while the "domina" is getting pleasure from attention, freedom from household chores, the slave is getting to experience real service and submission. Not some fantasy of submission that porn sites talk about, but something simpler, sweeter, and genuine.

And so this morning, I confessed to my princess that I had spent the morning reading the whole book, and described to her the rules. On how the majority of emphasis should be on service, pampering. Being a good slave. And that in the beginning, the "domina" should be wholly concerned with the slave doing things to please her. Only a small fraction of the time needs to be sexual at all. And when that happens... it should be primarily about HER pleasure. Which could include things like.. the domina just falling asleep after sex, leaving her slave still locked and frustrated.

Which is an idea she really loves. I could immediately see how something kind of snapped in her head. And she was quick to even start giving me tasks. And we agreed to try and put some structure around the nights we spend together. With the focus being on me taking care of her, and taking care of the apt. And I will get a daily "timeout"... where I'm locked and waiting for her. Which gives her some alone time to help transition into this space also.

And she will start to add more rules and structure as she wants. And she is excited about being pampered, and feeling intimate. She plans eventually to fuck me. In some ways... the whole psychological pressure around her libido and worrying about satisfying me, has been lifted.

So for now, she shouldn't even concern herself with what kinks or pleasures I want. Which I told her would satisfy me on an even deeper level. The focus for now is on taking care of her. Pleasing her.

And suddenly.. it feel like things are starting to click on an even deeper level, I still have a lot of anxiety about how this will all work. I can tell that I am WAY ahead of her in the "enthusiasm" department (since I'm now almost two weeks with no orgasm) I know that she needs to move into this space at her pace. And it's my job to be patient and submissive. But I have to find ways to slow down. My whole body feels a charge that it hasn't felt in a long time. And it's hard to focus on work (I'm supposed to be on the computer working right now... ).

Tomorrow night will be the first time she wants to be totally in control of me for the night. I'm sure I will be home from work early and showered and waiting.
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