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[jasmic68] Making it real. Slowly.

Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 5:34 am
by Jasmic68

I have been posting extensively on 'The Other Place' for a few months, simply because that was the first chastity forum I discovered. I was desperate for an outlet for my feelings and a need to communicate. I had been using Tumblr (as Nefariouschastitylife) but it just wasn't giving me the sense of being part of something I really needed. I am much more interested in text based journals and conversations than I am the chastity themed posts any way. A notable exception is the stupendous Tumblr but even then it is their own, text based creations that I find so incredible.

I am English, in my late 40's, married with two grown up kids. I now live in Germany with my Wife of 25 years though because of our respective jobs we have lived apart for at least half of that time. We finally got to live together when she got a fantastic job that was good enough to support both of us without the need for me to work.

How did I get into this chastity game?

A quick précis of my story so far. It hasn't been a long one in terms of time, I only started last October, and living it I have sometimes felt like we are going at a snails pace, but then I think about where I am now and realise that actually a lot has happened in that time.

It started when I really, really upset my Wife, in September 2015. It all seems so ridiculous now, but I became a bit obsessed with genital modification. I showed my Wife images of what I wanted to do and was stunned when She agreed to let me. Long story short when I had finished the modification and my glans was altered she had a pretty horrendous reaction to what I had done. I do not in any way blame her for this reaction, despite the fact she had given me permission.

At the time we were living in separate countries, me in England, her working and living in Germany. Her reaction was so severe I spent three days convinced she was going to ask me for a divorce, I was absolutely distraught. When she finally communicated that she was not wanting to go that far, but didn't know how to fix our marriage, especially sexually, I was relieved beyond belief.

I was on Tumblr one day when I saw a chastity device wrapped around a penis. I was fascinated, primarily as I thought that I had discovered a way to fix what I had broken. I had become completely self-absorbed making the modification to my glans and I saw this chastity thing as a way of showing my Wife how determined I was to make things right, to make her the centre and focus of our relationship.

She agreed to give it a go. I am not going to go through the next six weeks of trial and error, I made every mistake every beginner ever has. I bought a chrome device hopelessly too big for my normally average penis size. I bought a cheap cb6k copy that taught me what size tube and ring I really needed, but also tried to chew off my testicles. I actually have a scar now because of that damn thing. I then got close but the next device had hinge that pinched really nastily and also cut the underneath of my testicles.

My final chance, the one that rescued my efforts and the final one my Wife was willing to let me pay for, was a Holy Trainer v2 in black.

It arrived on November 12 2015. It fit, and I have been locked up almost 24/7 since then, with a routine being established between us to be let out for cleaning. Those six weeks, from the beginning of October 2015 until the HTv2 arrived let me prove to my Wife how serious and determined I was. She is my Keyholder and I realise, having read how many Wives refuse to do this, how lucky I am.

Re: [jasmic68] Making it real. Slowly.

Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 5:45 am
by Jasmic68
It has been quite a bumpy journey. The one thing I was not ready for, not aware of, was the emotional rollercoaster I was going t put myself through. The highs have been incredible, but the lows, verging on panic attacks and bouts of depression, have been horrendous.

Luckily my Wife has been patient with me, and is committed to what I started. I wouldn't say she has fully taken control, but she has got to where she is by herself on her own terms. She has surprised me often, moved forwards at her own pace and has refused to be influenced by my early attempts to manipulate our relationship direction.

That is why I called this journal Making it real. Slowly.

She is not interested in making this a D/s relationship. We have discovered that we were leading a FLR, WLM or whatever other acronym you care to use to describe a relationship in which the Wife is the major shareholder. We just didn't realise there was a thing that described it, or that people might choose to live that way. We didn't choose it, it just developed that way over the years for practical reasons. I recently joked that if she ever gave up the control of our marriage I would give it six weeks before complete collapse.

My Wife chose the Holy Trainer in opaque black for me, as it meant she would not have to see my glans. We are planning on getting a Steelworxx Looker 2 for the same reason later this year. She is even toying with the idea of getting me a Neosteel Arch next year (2017) as by then I will have totally proven that this is not a fad and it will totally remove my penis from sight.

We don't have silly names for each other, we don't follow any set of rules, we just do this the way that we want to. I do write her as Wife rather than wife in my journal, as a sign of respect for the woman I love. She doesn't think I have a pathetic penis, if anything she rather likes it. I do call her Miss if she ever gives me a direct order, which she has started to do more often.

I am a very, very lucky man.

Re: [jasmic68] Making it real. Slowly.

Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 6:01 am
by Jasmic68
There has been one, fundamental development in our use of chastity very recently.

Back at the beginning of our use of chastity I told my Wife that I did not want to have an orgasm, and she got really confused. I struggled to explain how I could have had a fantasy of her control being so rigid that she would deny me something we had enjoyed for the 28 years we had been together. It didn't make any sense to her.

I tried to explain that I was desperate for this not to mean she denied herself, simply that I would only ever be allowed to have an orgasm when she decided it was OK. The problem was she was uninterested in micro-managing me in this way. If we were making love of course I was allowed to orgasm, don't be silly.

Then, just because of being busy and real world interference I went through a nearly 6 week period without an orgasm. We made love on December 13 and everything for me changed.

First off the orgasm I had was stupendous, incredible, mind blowing. I did not suffer from the post orgasmic blues syndrome I have read lots about. What I did experience was a lessening of the sexual tension and pressure that had built up in me over the previous weeks.

That is a good thing, right?

Wrong. I suddenly realised that I had begun to experience something odd, when I pleasured my Wife and gave her an orgasm. My body and mind had started to join in. I was experiencing all sorts of crazy feelings, my mind was all over the place, my skin ridiculously sensitive, my muscles twitching. The feeling was very nearly as intense as an orgasm, the difference was it went on for minutes rather than seconds. Also once I had reached this state she could get me back up there in seconds with a simple stroke of my ear, or a finger scratched down my back.

After I had an orgasm this completely dissipated and took at least three weeks to return.

Last Saturday I explained to my Wife all about these feelings and experiences. Where before the fantasy of orgasm made no sense to her this made complete sense. She totally got what I was trying to explain, and immediately decided to control my orgasms.

The only thing is she took it waaaaaaay further than I expected. Later that day I asked her if she had decided how long she was going to deny me my orgasm.

You don't need them any more she replied. Calmly, firmly, with no hint that she was joking or messing with my head.

Somehow in the space of three months I have gone from using chastity to fix my marriage (which it totally has, way beyond any hopes I had for this to happen) to what would appear to be permanent denial of orgasm. I am completely OK with this, at the moment. I do not know how I will feel in several months time, but as of now I want to try.

We obviously have things to discuss and work out. I want to find out does she include ruined orgasms as not being necessary. I need to explain that my own sexual release is reliant on hers, so for this to happen I cannot imagine that being denied to me as well. If she ever did get to a point where my involvement in her sexual release was not needed I am pretty sure I would not be able to continue.

All of that is in the future though. I am sat here in the now.

Re: [jasmic68] Making it real. Slowly.

Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 10:38 am
by noid51
I look forward to following your journey jasmic.

Re: [jasmic68] Making it real. Slowly.

Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2016 6:03 am
by Jasmic68
Thank you noid. I find it helps writing all my thoughts and feelings down. I hope it doesn't get too boring ;)

It hasn't been a smooth ride getting to where we are at the moment. My Wife finds it almost impossible to talk about what turns her on, what her desires and needs are. I have absolutely no idea why, we have been married 25 years, together for a few more than that. Whatever the reason it is deep and I fear immovable.

This makes things really difficult for me. I need, like I am sure many men do when they first start something 'unusual' like this, some sign that I am doing the right thing, that she is happy. Don't get me wrong, I do get some signals that she is happy, least not that she has not told me to take my cage off. My main problem is if she does not tell me what turns her on, how am I supposed to just guess?

Enough with the whining, things move at the pace she decides they move. I am allowed to talk to her about chastity and any other kinks on a Saturday, a rule that came about as I was overwhelming her with information when we first started. This Saturday I am not actually sure what I want to talk about. Last week she declared that I do not need to have an orgasm again and I want to know what she means by this. Just because I do not need an orgasm does she want me to not ever have one? Does she include ruined orgasms?

I do have to be careful what I ask as she does sometimes tell me that it is for her to know and for me to wonder about. I am going to have to explain that this is no small thing we have stumbled into, that I want to try and do it but I will need help.

How do you help somebody not to do something?

I think I know what I am going to do. I would really like her to talk to other keyholders, people in the same situation as she is. The Keyholder section of this forum might give her an outlet that is not me, is anonymous, and might help her open up a bit more. She is reading Georgia Ivey Greens book about Male Chastity, so this might be the next step she needs. She is a good, loving woman, who has stuck by me through some tough times, so anything I can suggest that will help her will make me happy.

Re: [jasmic68] Making it real. Slowly.

Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 2:42 am
by Jasmic68
Although I am a beginner at this Chastity game I do think that this is how I want things to continue from now on. I was fairly sure when I started but as time goes on I get more convinced with each passing week.

It isn't easy though. My Wife has a fairly low sex drive, her needs are one or two orgasms a week, max, with some entire weeks (like this week has been) where she is too busy to worry about such nonsense. Handing over the control of my sexuality to someone with such little need is hard as my own need has gone up since starting the denial. I don't know but I think one of my problems is I am actually too good at hiding from her how horny I am.

Part of this is I am not convinced that she will actually deny me if I do show her how horny I am. Her attitude is, or at least appears to be, that it is up to me to stop myself from wanting to have an orgasm, not her. She loves tormenting me, her giggling while I get an attempted erection and thrash around on the bed is an aphrodisiac all of itself. She has never once told me that I am going to stay locked up and I have never actually had to ask to be released. In fact right now I had to ensure her that everything was fine with my downstairs area and I didn't need a release.

My first true period of denial was just a few days short of six weeks. This is way more than some manage and hardly a blip for others, but I was happy it both lasted that long and that I finally got that earth shattering orgasm I was craving. I am currently approaching the six week mark (today is Friday, I get to six weeks next Wednesday.)

While this is not a competition I am keen to try and get to that six week mark before I try anything. I have not begged to be released yet, never really felt the need to, so next weekend when my Wife is more receptive I might give it a go. I feel a bit naughty planning ahead like this but with my Wife I sort of have to. There would be no point begging tonight or any other week day, it wouldn't be a fair trial as she would probably not be interested in doing anything anyway.

My hope is that she still denies me. I hope she enjoys seeing how horny for her I have become. How I need her help to keep my resolve and keep myself chaste.

Anyway, enough thoughtful meandering, time for normal life. Time to walk my daft doggy, who is currently lying on his back, fast asleep a few feet away from me. Legs splayed apart, showing me his free to use balls. About time those got removed, I am sure he is mocking me!

Re: [jasmic68] Making it real. Slowly.

Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 2:57 am
by Jasmic68
My Wife has to be spotlessly clean before she will let me anywhere near her sexually. What this has done is given me a sort of Pavlovian response in that if I have a shower, I get horny. This is because for the best part of 28 years if I have had sex with her I have always had a shower just before. Obviously there are times when I have a shower without sex but by now the synapses have been trained to think that shower = a good chance of sex.

Since starting chastity this has become a bit of a ritual. My Wife gets in the shower first, I wait outside the cubicle to be allowed in. I wash her back for her, with attention spent on her neck and shoulders. My treat is then to clean between her legs and get to feel her ass, the tight nugget of pleasure around her hole gets a thorough cleaning. My extra special treat is then she cleans my back. I have noticed she is getting more and more frisky with my bottom as time passes, before chastity she hardly touched it.

We move to the bedroom and she has become thoroughly addicted to me giving her a back massage. I work her entire body from neck to feet, my own hornyness increasing each time I get to her bottom and part those delicious cheeks. I deny myself what I want for as long as I can before usually moaning something unintelligible and diving in with my tongue. One hand is usually parting those cheeks or rubbing her back while my other is trying to find a comfortable position for my Holy Trainer encased penis, straining for release but not getting it.

At some point defined by her she will turn over for the finish, where I use my tongue, fingers, nose, chin, arms, body on her legs, stomach, feet, and anything else I can reach, while licking her pussy to orgasm. I have a pretty good success rate (almost perfect until I tried to follow the instructions of that damn stupid book 'She Comes First"!!!! Why did I buy it? You cannot do this by following a checklist!)

The incredible thing is finding myself floating into some strange headspace while she is having an orgasm. My own body becomes sensitive, my legs and arms twitch and I have had an experience which took me longer to come down from than she did. I am also sensitive to touch for a long time after, much longer than I ever was after having an orgasm.

My first recent ambition, bringing her to an orgasm whilst licking her bottom has recently been realised. I had to manually stimulate her pussy with my fingers and it took some doing, but we got there. I then realised this wasn't actually as good for me as I didn't get to taste those wonderful juices.

My second ambition is to try and let her relax and have a second orgasm soon after the first. She has never in all the years had a multiple orgasm and having read the incredible Monkey in a Cage blog (By Lady M and Caged Monkey) from the beginning I am desperate to give this a go.

Re: [jasmic68] Making it real. Slowly.

Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 8:52 am
by locked4her55
Great narrative. Thanks for sharing your journey so far. I'm sure many here can relate to much of what you have experienced so far.

Best of luck as you move forward.

Re: [jasmic68] Making it real. Slowly.

Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:01 am
by Jasmic68
Things are really good. I can't always remember what I have written previously so here is a quick recap of where we are at the moment.

I started wearing a chastity device at the beginning of October 2015 but it took until November 12th when I got my Holy Trainer to really get going. I was wearing an Attica steel device from the beginning of November so that is when I say I really started doing this. As we are coming to the end of January 2016 I am still a beginner to chastity with three months behind me, but I have had a lot of experiences in that period.

The last time I masturbated was some time in October. I again just think that the date started at the beginning of November. I have not physically stimulated myself since I demonstrated a ruined orgasm to my Wife. It was spectacularly unmemorable anyway, and a large part of my motivation to start chastity was to reboot my entire sexual experience.

My Wife was always in charge of our relationship, we had just never heard of an FLR or WLM. We were just doing it anyway. She is therefore very comfortable with the idea of being in control of my sexual release (or lack of!) and my wearing a device has seen a remarkable change in how relaxed sexually she is. As a result I am getting the chance to pleasure her way more than ever before in our time together (28 years now.)

When my Wife recently said that I no longer needed orgasms I heard her say that I was not going to have them any more. It really blew my mind and I spent a week thinking about little else. Was I OK with this? Would I be able to do it? Would I want to try? What she actually meant was simply that I no longer needed them, that I would have them when she wanted me to, not that I would never have them again.

So I will never know how long my denial period is going to be. We don't have a 'maybe' day, or a set amount of days. We don't roll dice or draw cards, we just go until she decides that she wants to use me. So far this has been two periods close to six weeks. I am absolutely fine with this. I hope to experience a longer period of denial than I have so far, to see how it affects me, to push my limits, but that is up to her.

So far this January my Wife has had ten orgasms to my one. (Yes, I have been counting!) I am hoping that in the next two days I might be able to add at least one more to her total. The crazy thing is that one orgasm a month through sex is nothing different for me, but neither of us can think of another month in our entire relationship where she has had so many. She has only just really got going and is loving things so far.

I have no idea what is going to happen this weekend. For the longest time this drove me crazy, my early issues were all around that one simple fact. For some reason over the last two weeks this has suddenly got easier. My only thought is that is because something has always happened and I just needed to get used to the fact that it was my Wife who needed to decide what that was and when.

Re: [jasmic68] Making it real. Slowly.

Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:13 am
by Jasmic68
In other news, Chastity brings unexpected weight loss motivation to English man living in North West Germany!

Like many other men I experienced some significant middle age spread around my middle. Over the past ten years I have put on a considerable amount of weight until I was about 107.25 kg, about 17 stones or 236 pounds. At 6'2" or 187cm this put me in the obese bracket. Although I wasn't particularly happy about this I didn't really do much about it.

And then, Chastity! All of a sudden I have this thing hanging off of my penis and balls, and my extra weight means it doesn't fit very well. Also my Wife decides she wants to see me wearing lingerie, but only if I manage to lose 20kg. Wearing lingerie had never been one of my fantasies but the way my Wife said it blew my mind and I really want it to happen.

Since 4th January I have been regularly exercising, drinking copious amounts of water and paying serious attention to what goes in my mouth. I have had no beer, no biscuits or other snacks, virtually no bread, virtually no cheese or other fatty products. I eat porridge with honey most mornings and have either a protein shake or a bowl of soup for lunch. My evening meals are 600 calories or less.

On Wednesday I weighed myself and I had just broken through the 101kg barrier. I have lost 6.35kg, or about a stone or 14 pounds. I still have a significant way to go and a definite sense of how difficult it is going to be. This is going to be a year long project at least, but one I am determined to achieve.

One of the other things I have started is daily exercise. So no more sitting at this computer, it is time to walk my doggie. (That isn't a euphemism for something rude, I really do need to take my dog for a walk!)