I JUST returned back to the good place, but went through emotional roller coaster. Last time I wrote I had done it myself and I was upset with myself. That my wife was nowhere around did not help.
I went on the business trip, had the contender waiting for me in the Hotel. Mark, from MCN is amazing to work with. I put it on straight away and left the hotel without a key (or the tool for the security screw). The contender felt amazing and I love it. But I think I was too optimistic with the base ring and it seems i went a number to small. Woke up every hour in the first three nights but wanted to get used to it. Now I just ordered a bigger ring as I feel like I just don't get used to it.
I wanted to be good in Orlando on my business trip and the contender helped me, even though I had the tool. I was starting to be proud of myself and just did not want to do it myself. On the last day I packed my bags and knew i would need to pack my contender and I wanted to wash my penis without the cage. And then....
Yes, the day of my return to my wife I edged myself and edged myself and edged myself until I went a little too far. Didn't feel like an orgasm but wasn't horny anymore. BUT an hour later I thought well let me repeat that and so I did - many times and again I went over the edge (just slightly)
This was a huge mistake and I was so angry with myself. It took one week to be back in a good place. I was the old me that I was before chastity. My wife would irritate me so much and I would get angry with her. I did not feel the love I feel when I am not in this bad place. It was just me. I was different to her, misinterpreted her and got aggressive with words. Still when analyzing it feels as if she was also wrong but if I am in the good place these fights just don't happen, it is weird.
But now I am back in the good place and I love it. I apologized to my wife and told her everything. She is very understanding and told me - yeah you were just like a year ago. I told her no no no - this journey started only 70 days ago and she told me it feels so unreal, I never want to go back to before. I agreed. She does not read the books I recommend to her as she has no time. And in the week since I was back from business travel she did not want anything erotic with me since she did not like the person that came back from the business travel.
To help me get back to the horny and good place I watched porn but with the contender on. Not proud of that but it helped me get my hormones in place. I stopped again and my wife teased me again yesterday, which felt amazing.
PS: My birthday present is coming up
Something I had asked for minimum 2 months ago. I think she will rent a hotel room and has some exciting stuff planned.
Last O: 8 days
Last Masturbation: 8 days
I asked her that if I write a private blog just for her if she would read it and she said yes. So I think that is what I am going to set up. A blog (with a password, sorry guys) addressed to her, telling her what I like, what I dislike and more importantly what is going on in my head.
My wife is so amazing, so understanding, I truly am in love.