[lockedsteve] She still desires me but not like before.

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lockedsteve
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[lockedsteve] She still desires me but not like before.

Post by lockedsteve »

I have posted many times that we started chastity two years ago because my wife has a preference for women. A few months ago I was feeling that she was not sexually interested in any men. She would constantly remind me that if same sex marriages were legal when we were married, she would have chosen a woman to marry. Still says that if I die before her she is done with men and would live with a women for the rest of her life. She has not allowed any kind of sexual penetration and oral has almost disappeared, both giving and receiving and she likes me to wear a bra and panties when we do have sex which is me kissing her and fondling her breast without speaking a word while she closes her eyes, fantasizes about her old girlfriend and gets off on her vibrator.

She wants sex as little as possible, with me at least. Her vibrator sees a lot more action. Even when she allows me to use my hands or mouth to stimulate her, she will tell me to stop so she can finish with her vibrator. She has a nice collection of them. This year she had me get a very small custom cage that has no room to get erect in. If I try it gets painful. Then she eliminated our twice a week teasing sessions and kept on increasing my orgasm dAenial time until she will take me between 3-4 months. She keeps telling me she would be happier if it was never or at most, once a year so she has something to take away from me if I am not a good husband.

Now she has me just listening to her use her vibrator so I cannot see her at all. I finally asked her if she still found me sexually desirable anymore. We had tested to see if it was just me or all men that she could take or leave and she did not like sex with someone else. I guess not many men would support and love a wife who has a live in girlfriend, is not into intercourse or oral anymore. I make a very good living and she gets more than most women do.

So last night I decided to just confront her because she has been evasive every time I ask her about her sexuality and if she is into men or me. I offered to never bother her about sex again if she did not sexually desire me and instead to just keep me locked up and let out every few months to masturbate alone so she did not even have to watch. I told her that I really needed a direct answer because I do not know where I stand sexually with her. I am sure of her love and affection but not so much her sexual attraction.

She told me that she still finds me sexually attractive but that her sex drive is much lower post menopause and her dislike of penetration and oral has nothing to do with me. She does not even like oral with women anymore. She did say that she would like another women in bed with us but she is enjoying locking me up in chastity and teasing me every so often. Her favorite thing is to edge me or get me hard and then leave me that way. All her life she felt obligated to do something when a man had an erection caused by her. The old blue balls story and how much it hurt because she got it that way, etc.. Now she can get me hard and just tell me to lock up. Better yet, she can keep me locked up so that I cannot even get hard.

Although she is not into traditional sex she does enjoy sexual control over me and gets a lot of pleasure over it. That is something she could never do with a female because she was into dominant women. So while she is not sexually excited by the sight of me, my small penis and especially not my semen, she is sexually into denying me sex. She loves it and laughs out loud when I am begging for release. She needs me hard and begging her to get her best orgasms. She has to hold on to my penis or balls while using her vibrator. She really does not like giving herself orgasms alone. So her sexual attraction is her sexual control over a man.

Biexuals are more complex than many think. My wife prefers women for sex, men to sexually control, women for companionship and roommates, but for everything else she wants a man. She wants a conventional marriage to an alpha male like her dad and I fit that role. She says she feels secure and safe with a man but likes the companionship of an emotional female. Her best sex is with both a male and female with her. She needs both. She would like another woman to live with us as before but if I died, she would just want a woman.

You can understand my confusion when after a life with me and her girlfriend, she told me that she never thought about it when I asked her if she was bisexual or heteroflexible. She said she knows no other way to feel but she is more into the person than their sex. So I have her answer to my questions, sort of but at least it is not that she is repelled by men as I thought.

Her sexual tastes were the reason for my presenting chastity to her. It fit into her likes and dislikes. I do not like the word lifestylers but for the last two years chastity has been around the clock with very few orgasms. It is as much as a sexual lifestyle as BDSM was for most of our marriage.

Tonight she wants to pleasure herself with her favorite vibrator but instead of me kissing and touching her, she wants me to listen by phone. She just walked in and told me to massage her later on. She had me buy a professional massage table and take lessons a long time ago. I have noticed that she is getting more confident in telling me what to do after a very long marriage in which she lived to please me. Even shared her girlfriend with me. The next few years should be interesting as we explore D/s.

Right now her girlfriends envy her for having a husband who is so attentive to her and help ful when we visit them. My wife tells me to make the coffee and set the table while she tells the host to relax and let me do it. I wear panties and a bra, not because I like to but because she wants me to. Says it makes me less macho. She gets in and out of domestic discipline. She gets sexually stimulated but feels bad for doing so. She was abused as a child, not sexually, but physically. Her Father put his two sons in the hospital once and his wife several times. My wife ran off to stay with her best friend who ended up being our long time lover. She she is conflicted about whipping or caning me. She gets sexually excited by doing something she feared. We are working on that. Baby steps. It took me too full years just to stop feeling guilty about denying me an orgasm..

The Journey continues and it feels good to talk about it.
Last edited by lockedsteve on Sat Aug 22, 2015 8:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: She still desires me but not like before.

Post by Tom Allen »

Is this going to be an ongoing Journal for you? If so, could you please read the rules in the RED link above?
Thanks.
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lockedsteve
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Re: She still desires me but not like before.

Post by lockedsteve »

Yes, it will be a journal. Sorry that I took no notice of the different rules for this section.
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lockedsteve
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Re: [lockedsteve] She still desires me but not like before.

Post by lockedsteve »

Just thought an update was in order. My wife felt bad that I did not feel that she was interested in me or men so she lightened up on me and I got to cum twice in September. Today she said she wants to go back to what we were doing before, which is 3 month minimum orgasm denial periods. She also said that she wants to go back to dominating me. Apparently I have succeeded in convincing her that I do not think she is cruel and mean when she dominates me. I told her to think of it as a role. It was not the real her, but a role she played. However she appeared to enjoy what she did to me today.

She told me to stop working and massage her feet and would not let me get back to it for over an hour. Then after dinner she went into Domme mode and had me massage her feet for another hour (and I have tennis elbow), and then told me to get her a cup of coffee and a piece of coffee cake. I brought her caffeinated coffee instead of de-caf. That set her off. She canned not only my butt but my stomach. She never marked my stomach before. Then she did something I had never suggested; she used a fat Sharpie and wrote some non flattering things on my stomach, pubic area (she wants to do my penis the next time she allows me to unlock) and butt. This was more dominate stuff than she usually did in a week. Something has changed.

Perhaps it was the talk we had about her sexuality and our sexual life as a monogamous couple for the first time and limitations due to age. I feel we are still solid and nothing seems to shake her love for me. She does love me sexually but in a different way than most wives. We had not had intercourse for a few decades. We cannot remember when since we were in our triad and heavy into a BDSM sex life that included our girlfriend. My wife normally does not have a good imagination. I cannot recall her ever suggesting something kinky or even a sex position. Our girlfriend and I were the ones to keep things interesting. My wife would pretty much do anything her girlfriend and I asked her to do. It seem she needed to be asked or told what to do so she could feel that sex was still in a hetero context. We talked for over an hour about her sexuality and acceptance of it finally. Now that she sees women with women in relationships, she has become more comfortable. In our day, there was a very good chance that her parents would not want to see her anymore, lose her friends and even her job, if they found out she was bisexual.

My memory is going slowly, but surely, so I want to write these things down for myself to read in the future. I like to ramble and follow my train of thought even if it jumps the track a lot. Like she finally got over feeling she was being mean to me by denying me an orgasm, she seems to have gotten over the same as far as D/s goes. We shall see how far she takes this because she has been submissive for her entire life.

My next orgasm is scheduled for New Year's Eve at the stroke of midnight. If history has taught me anything, it is that she will let me orgasm sooner than expected. That is her thing; giving me orgasms when I least expect them or thinks I am in emotional or sexual distress. The thing is that we have a safe word to let her know I am serious but when I am desperate for an orgasm and she sees me struggling with it and leaking cum, she thinks my begging for an orgasm is real and then will give me one in the next week or two. She has read two books on chastity and most of the good stuff online and yet she still does not get the basic concept of when I say yes, I hope she says no. My wife is a very kind hearted person who likes to please others.

My wife will rather give in, than discipline, but seems to have seen the light and tonight proved that she will not hesitate to use her cane with force. The next few months should be interesting but I would not be surprised if she changes her mind. Chastity has been a roller coaster ride for me. We go from lax to strict in the blink of an eye. She sets me up for an long term denial period but gets carried away and makes me cum with her. She is aware of that and at first told me to stay locked up when we have sex but soon after wanted to feel the flesh get hard in her hand so she unlocks me some of the time. She has also changed my shower routine. She used to unlock me for my shower but thought I was spending too much time in there so now I have a few minutes to unlock and clean my penis with a wash cloth before I shower.

We shall see what happens next. I am sure that it will catch me by surprise and make me a liar.
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lockedsteve
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Re: [lockedsteve] She still desires me but not like before.

Post by lockedsteve »

I forgot to fully explain how we resolved the issue of my wife's preference for women which was why I started this journal in the first place. My wife tried to explain her preference for woman. We all have preferences and all things being equal, we would choose our preference. However all things are never equal and sometimes Cherry Vanilla ice cream is a better choice than Chocolate,even if Chocolate is our preference. I am her Cherry Vanilla. Tastes good but sometimes she feels like she wants a little chocolate and mentions it, but I take it as her rejecting her cherry vanilla. I am bad at analogies. :)

Our main problems are adjusting to a monogamous marriage and old age. I was my wife's first love and only sex partner when we married. 6 months later she was inviting her girlfriends over to join us in threesomes and I was dating a few women. I was attracted to my wife because she was so different than my two previous girlfriends, one of whom I was once engaged to, who are bisexual and very sexually active with me and others. The fact that my wife turned out to be the same as the type of woman I was always attracted to, is mind boggling to me. I loved three woman who are bisexual and they did not know it until much later in our relationship so it is not that I knew they were bi. My wife says I turned all my girlfriends bisexual. :)

So our new life is very different than our old one. All of my wive's friends are very religious and conservative. They would stop seeing her if they knew she was bi. Yet she is enjoying a normal heterosexual life instead of the wild ride we were on before where we had sex with most of our friends.
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