[newbie] Starting again

[newbie]

Thanks for the advice. I really do try to think about what's in it for her, honest I do...

It's a little hard to put into words, but here goes....

In the past I know that when I would start caressing her and initiating foreplay that she would tend to shut me down when she felt like I had some sort of expectation that this would end up in PIV sex....primarily when it wasn't something she was into at the time, or tired from the day, or whatever. She knew that usually the goal of my advances was to have PIV sex....for me.

What I have found now was that she is much more open to this type of play knowing that my end goal is not an issue anymore, I'm not trying to get to PIV sex. I'm all about making her feel good and bringing her to orgasm if that's what she wants.

I have limited experience in fooling around while locked in chastity (read my prior submittal) but this last time was a good example of what I'm talking about. When we went to bed that evening we were both in an amorous mood, in fact I would even say that she was more so than I was which is rare. She and I spent a long time just enjoying each others bodies and we both ended up being very aroused. In the past that would have led to me trying to have sex with her, but this time we both basked in our horneyness and eventually drifted off to sleep. In the morning we picked up where we left off and eventually she had a nice oral orgasm...nothing for me even though she offered.

I guess what I'm trying to show is that our sexual behavior is different now, now she an I can just enjoy each other without any pressure or expectations like before, and she really seems more relaxed and happy about that.

We also seem to be more affectionate and loving in our everyday life, more so than before.

I haven't really masturbated excessively in a very long time, but would still rub one out every once in a while before I really got involved in chastity. I haven't done it in quite a while. I was starting to have some performance issues in the bedroom and thought that maybe that wasn't helping, so I quit doing that.

My erections were not always available when needed, and when they did show up they weren't 100% firm either. I have noticed that now that I've been locked up and haven't been able to touch my penis whenever I want, that I do get turned on more quickly and my erections are much firmer. I am anxious to have my wife experience this since it's been an issue in the past, and she deserves to have a nice firm erection when she wants it. Hopefully this is something I can do for her to make her experience better.

I still do my share of the chores as always, but have also stepped that up some, and have found that I'm doing more little things to make her life easier and more enjoyable. I also haven't been as irritable as I have in the past, being more relaxed about the chastity thing since we have talked about that and put it into use. I use to complain that we didn't have sex often enough, now that's a mute point.

We both seem much happier with each other. Time will tell.

[newbie]

Still plugging along at this. Trying to find my way.

I think it's finally sinking in (thanks to all who have been trying to get me to realize this) that it's not about me AT ALL. It's really all about her.

While that may seem like an obvious statement, it's actually alot harder to get used to that mind set than I think I anticipated.

Up until now I've been doing all those extra special things to try and make her life easier, more comfortable, and to show her how much I care for her by being more affectionate.

But, when I would get into bed with her I would also show her alot of affection (which was fine) but would tend to overdo it a little and start getting into how it was making ME feel. I could tell on more than a few occasions that she was getting annoyed with me when I would be getting more and more amorous in bed instead of simply cuddling and letting her sleep.

See, my wife isn't the most affectionate person in the world, and while it can be a bummer sometimes it's also just the way she's wired. She doesn't like too much playing around in bed when all she wants to do is cuddle and go to sleep, and all the playing around was being done because it made me feel good (in several places... ) and it was my hope that it would be reciprocrated in my direction. See...all about me and my wants and needs. Duh.

In "forcing" the issue, I would be actually running the risk of her not wanting to even try this new relationship twist which is certainly her perogative, but if it all crashed then it would have been my doing.
In being married to her for over 17 years I know that sex is pretty far down on her priority list, and have learned to accept that. Because we can go for extended periods of time without any sexual outlet, chastity actually fits into that very well, Instead of getting mad about not having sex, and then masturbating to make up for it, I simply wear this device and see this relationship (and my wife) in a whole new light.

My plan going forward is to not have a plan, no agenda, just relax and let everything work itself out naturally. I will continue to do everything I can to make my wifes life more enjoyable and relaxing, all the while showing her how much I love and care about her. She is a very special woman, and I'm a very lucky man, especially considering how openminded she's been about chastity and how she has reluctantly accepted it (at least for now) and has shown signs of embracing it.

It's all about her and what she wants and needs.

[newbie]

Had a great night. Lots of physical contact, which she really seemed to enjoy. There was a lot of contact with the device on her part as we'll. I woke up once in the middle of the night with the biggest nocturnal erection I've ever had. My balls were pulled extremely tight. No pain, just pressure. I could actually wrap my fist around my penis completely.......behind my base ring! Lots of precum this morning from all the cuddling and contact.

[newbie]

Well, the weekend came and went and really other that what I talked about from Friday night in my previous entry, there really wasn't much to report. That isn't to say that it was a bad time by any means, it was more or less uneventful.

But that got me thinking, even though there wasn't much going on in the bedroom department, my wife and I still enjoyed being with each other and I still did what I could to make her weekend more relaxing on her part and more productive for me in what I could do for her. Hopefully that made sense.

As what usually happens on Saturdays, she had some errands she wanted to run and some things to take care of that she had been putting off for a while. So she was gone the majority of Saturday, which enabled me to clean the house, do all the laundry, fix some things around the house, and all the other things that I love doing for her. It really gives me great satisfaction, and is also a turn-on to know that I'm working to get all the chores done while she's out at the salon getting her hair and eyebrows done, and doing things that she enjoys. I was in the device most of the weekend, from Friday night until late Sunday morning, and althought there was the usual body contact in bed, we were both pretty exhausted and didn't do much other than sleep.

It was during this weekend that I soon realized that in some ways I am not trying to hide my wearing of the holy trainer from her, but in other words I am. Like I said, I wore it most of the weekend so when I took a shower on Saturday morning I left it on. This is something that I never do since I generally put the cage on in the evening and then take it off in the morning. When I got out of the shower with the cage in full view, I was half-hoping that she would walk into the bathroom and see everything. It was actually pretty exciting to think about, but alas she didn't make an appearance, so I got dressed. Normally (like I've said before) I go to the bathroom with my bag and put the cage on in there, out of sight from her. I suppose that's out of respect for her since she's not completely on board with the whole thing. I wonder if I should start putting it on in the bedroom when she's there. Hmmmm. But as we all know, putting one on isn't always the most graceful thing in the world to witness.

The fact that she's not completely on board with this shouldn't be all that unexpected. It's a pretty big change from the vanilla bedroom antics we've enjoyed in the past. I found a blog entry from "the key is on my nipple ring" which is a fun blog to read but appears to have ended in 2012. It's written from a womans perspective and she describes the stages of a woman dealing with her husbands chastity as such:

The first idea I was had to do with the various stages of acceptance a person goes through to accept chastity—or any fetish or kink that his/her partner may present. The scenario that I read most commonly usually has the man presenting an idea to his wife/girlfriend. Rarely do I see that these women are immediately accepting—in fact they may be totally opposed to the notion. The stages seem to be:


•Total confusion
•Shocked
•Weirded out (may be as extreme as total revulsion)
If the woman is moving to be GGG (good, giving, game) then
•Laissez-faire
•Cautiously curious
•Grudging acceptance
•Enthusiastic participant

From what I have read, some women may stay in the first three stages in an endless loop. Their attitude seems to be, “I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t understand why you want to do that, it’s just weird.” The man, in response, becomes defensive, dejected, perhaps angry or depressed. He may move into “stealth mode” meaning he will participate in the activity, unbeknownst to his wife. Clearly none of this is psychologically healthy for either person.
If the wife decides she is willing to entertain the idea, she moves to the next series of steps. “Laissez-faire” is characterized by an “Okay, if you want to, but don’t ask me to be involved” attitude. Her husband, happy now that he is able to do what was previously forbidden let’s her know that he is grateful; this in turn triggers a cautious curiosity and tentative willingness to learn more. “Grudging acceptance” in chastity might be characterized by, “I’ll take the key but don’t expect much else” or, “I’m willing to play along with this according to some specific ground rules.” The final stage, wherein issues are resolved, is when the wife becomes an enthusiastic participant. This is what I was touching on in this post where I explored the concept of being equally invested.

This description seems to be us to a "t". I believe my wife has adopted the “Laissez-faire” attitude stated above, which is very good news for us. I will continue to show her and tell her how grateful I am that she is giving me (us) this opportunity. If you knew my wife,this is a very big deal. She very well could have squashed this right off the bat (like she did the first time). So I'm hoping this will lead to the Cautiously Curious stage next. We'll find out. Patience, patience.

By the way, I did ask her this morning if everything was ok since she was so "tired" all weekend, and she said everything was fine, and gave me a kiss. Maybe she was just tired, go figure.

Also, one last thing. I ordered a new clear 36mm base ring for my HT2 to replace the black 40mm ring I'm currently using. Should go better with the clear tube, and hold the tube closer to my body. Hopefully it's not too tight, but my body seems to have adjusted to the 40mm one. I see it was delivered by USPS this afternoon, so we'll see what happens if my wife finds it before I do....

[newbie]

Well, I did it.

After much internet surfing looking for the right way to present my feelings to my wife about continuing with male chastity, and from talking to alot of very helpful people on this site, I decided yesterday to send my wife an email and put things out in the open.

If anyone has read my previous entries here you'll remember that the last time I did this things dodn't go so well, and I quit the whole thing for a while.

I'm hoping this time goes much smoother. I think it might because she already knows about me wearing the device (for obvious reasons in bed) and so the shock of all that is over. What I really tried to convey in this email is that this is something I really want to continue, that it's my fetish and has nothing to do with me not wanting to have sex with her or anything of the sort. In fact, I explained, I still want that part of our relationship to remain the same, and to encourage her to hold on to a key so that she has control over when I get unlocked........that it is completely her choice of when and for how long. If she feels the need to have me unlocked for any reason whatsoever. Most important was that I wanted to drive home the point that it wasn't anything she she did or didn't do, and that I still want to have sex with her as often as possible.

So I wrote the email and waited...and waited...finally I looked in her inbox (before everyone gets upset, this email address use to be the email that she and I would use for personal emails, rather than work, so I have the password and access to it), and saw that she has over 60 new emails, mostly coupons from stores and special offers, etc. Mine is in there, and is waiting to be read. I did contemplate deleting it out of fear that maybe I said too much (which I tend to do) and made it to 'direct', but considering our current situation I think it's appropriate so I decided to keep it in there. I do go win there every once in a while to see if it's been read yet.

I can't hold my breath forever.....

[newbie]

Well, looks like this journey has hit another dead end, much like the first time.

She read my email and sent me back a reply stating:

It is your business if want to have that on. If you want to put a key in my nightstand go ahead. That thing turns me off so I don't want to know when you have it on. Sorry but that is how I feel

I think that pretty much sums it up, she has always told me that it turns her off, so if we can't get beyond that issue then obviously this wouldn't be consensual, and that's no good.

I replied back telling her that I apppreciated her honesty and that since it's not consensual then it's not worth doing.

Looks like it's not going to happen, I'm not going for a third try.

Thanks to everyone who helped me out here, I appreciate everyones opinions and advice.

[noid51]

Hey Newbie, sorry to hear that it hasn't worked out for you. Who knows maybe she will come around to the idea sometime in the future. I had a rough go of it starting off with my wife as I went too far too soon. I think I finally convinced her how important it was to me. Now I'm in the process of proving to her that it can be something she can enjoy. Wish the best for you and your wife whatever roads you may travel.

[newbie]

Thanks for the encouragement. We talked about it again last night, and basically she is totally turned off by both the device and the whole idea, but, she doesn't care if I wear it. She just doesn't want to see it, touch it, or know about it. So I can still wear it, but now it will be more of a masturbation deterrent than a game we can both enjoy.

It was kind of funny, she seemed very amorous last night and we ended up making love. Strange day.

I'll keep you updated.

[MiFlyboy]

Hi Newbie;
I have mentioned this many times before to others who are in your position; What is in it for her? When you know the answer to that question things will progress much more quickly.

My SO was a very slow adopter until she caught me red handed masturbating. She was really pissed off. She immediately said get that Steel Walter Belt out of the closet and get in it. She locked it up and took possession of the key immediately. From that point on things improved dramatically in regard to our chastity practice. That was 10-15 years ago.

Today, I'm locked up until the outside temps reach 70'F. It is currently -5F where we live. For our friends overseas, that is -20'C to +21C.

Be careful what you wish for, it may come true! That is so true with our relationship.

Sincerely,
FlyBoy
Down & Locked...Check

[newbie]

Hey, guess what, I'm back.

So here's where I am in a nutshell.

Slowly but surely wearing a chastity device crept back into my everyday life. I tried to give it up completely after I opened up to my wife about trying to start experimenting with chasatity in which she told me that it totally turned her off and she essentially wanted nothing to do with it. In her response she did tell me however that if I wanted to wear the device then that was my business, she just didn't want to know bout it.

So I began wearing it (self locked of course) on and off and would maybe go for a day or two at a time. Well, the other night I decided to put it on and so I went to the bathroom with my bag containing two devices and decided which to wear that night. Unfortunately when I emptied the bag, I left one of the tubes on the bathroom counter, and then went to bed. My wife and I got up in the morning and started our day as usual. She went in to shower first and I went out to make coffee, etc... When I went to the bedroom while she was still in the shower, I found my black HT2 tube laying on my dresser. I didn't know what to think, so I put it away. Later on we were in the bathroom together and I mentioned finding the tube on the dresser. She told me she had found it on the bathroom counter and put it there. She wasn't real happy with me primarily because she (and rightfully so) was afraid one of the kids could have seen it laying there. I apologized and told her that it wouldn't happen again. How stupid I was for leaving it there. She was good with that, and things continued on as normal. Since then (this was earlier in the week) I've been carefull but have still be wearing it on and off.

I've been thinking about what happened and I realized that she wasn't at all upset that I was obviously still wearing a device from time to time, and that I hadn't put everything away for good. It was out in the open now (quite literally) that I was indeed wearing a device. In the past I would do everything in secret as far as putting it on without her seeing (hence the bathroom incident) and have tried to hide it from her when possible when I was wearing it. I don't plan on making it overly obvious even now, but I don't think I will be as secretive now that she knows (again).

As far as the real "chastity" part goes, I don't think we'll ever get to the stage where she locks me into it and holds the key. She still has no interest in that, but I feel that I can at least wear it in her presence and to bed without her getting totally turned off. Regardless of whether I am wearing a device or not, I still treat her with utmost respect and do things around the house to make her life easier. I think it's simply the fact right now that I enjoy wearing the device for the devices sake. I enjoy the feeling, the support, the weight, the straining at night time, all of it. I also like not being able to access my penis to masturbate.

This may not have anything to do with the chastity situation the other morning, but she has seemed really happy and upbeat the last couple of days, especially toward me. Even today, she dressed for work in one of my favorite outfits that she can wear, and even made mention to that fact in a few"see what I'm wearing today?" type comments. Drove me crazy.

I think for right now I'm going to continue wearing it when I can (work and home) and especially to bed. In bed I'm sure she will notice so I'm interested in how that plays out.

I'm not sure if I should as her to be more understanding about me wearing a device, and allow me to put it on and wear it in front of her rather than have to go to the bathroom to do so, and that there's a chance she will see it on occasion and may bump into it from time to time.

Time will tell.