[Nat] Starting at the beginning...

[Nat]

Well I am a lucky boy. Last night my KH said she would let me out in the morning. It felt lovely to know I would get out to make love with her. I had a strange dream during the night where by my KH got really strict with me. She had me as her slave with a collar and lead making me service her and do all manner of things, at her beck and call. I woke with a painful hard on in my cage.

True to her word she let me out in the morning. I was so aroused at the thought of making love with her, when she unlocked me i couldn't get the base ring off in time. This gave me a huge but slightly uncomfortable hard on. We fondled for a bit before I entered her from behind while we lay on our sides. It felt so good to hold her close and be inside her. She became very wet and my cock felt huge and swollen almost ready to burst. I had to stop a few times as I was very close to orgasm by then. We changed positions so I was on top. Very vanilla but lovely. I could feel every inch of me sliding in and out of her hot wetness. It was wonderful. Before too long she came quite hard which made me feel great too, then she gave me permission to cum again. With the base ring on it did feel restricted and reduced my orgasm but it did make it last a lot longer, I managed to keep going afterwards enough to make her orgasm again.
It was such a simple experience but I needed to feel that at that time. I caressed her a little before we got up.

[Nat]

So we said our sad fair-wells and now we will be apart until sometime in January. We agreed to be strong for each other and make the best of it. I have a very heavy heart though. After the last 6 weeks it is going to be so tough to stay connected. The phone service where I am is really patchy so most of our correspondents tends to be via email.
At the moment I'm not locked up because of all the traveling and security checks I will be doing over the coming week, its just not practical. So I am on my honor and will stick to it. The only thing I have to look forward to is some tasks from my KH. She has given me some toys to bring with me, some of which will hurt, some will be nice! I don't want to spoil the surprise so wont list all she has given me. My only chance to tease!
Hotel rooms are lonely places on your own, but I'm here of my own free will and must remember that. I can go home any time I want but right now I need to be working.
I know my KH will read this at some stage so I have to remember not to make this sound like an email to her. Its just a way of getting my thoughts about chastity recorded and how it affects me.

[sishypus]

Bon voyage, Nat! I look forward to hearing what your KH has in store for your absence. Good luck dealing with the distance and update us as often as you can. Be good for her, you're a very lucky guy to have her.

[Nat]

Well this is difficult. I'm surprised I think like this but I would rather be locked up right now than free. Its a lot harder to stay true to yourself. I miss the security of having a KH who is in control of me. When you have to do it on your own its much more difficult. There feels like less of a reason to deny myself an orgasm when I'm 6 weeks away from being home. The longest I have ever gone without an orgasm is about 2 weeks. I think my KH will push me past that, this time. She hinted as much before I left.
Communication with my KH has been sketchy already due to the time difference and the fact she is so much busier once I go away, as she has to do everything on her own now.
I told my KH that I had been having tempting thoughts the other night and that I had played with myself until I was hard thinking about all the toys she made me bring with me. I said that I stopped once I realized it couldn't lead to an orgasm so I might as well stop there, just in case I got carried away.
She said if I wanted I could get out the panties she had me bring and lay them on the bed. I could look and feel them but wasn't allowed to wear them. That was yesterday afternoon. I expected to get another email last night with some kind of tease or task but nothing. I guess she must have been busy or thought just allowing me to get them out was enough?
I asked her how she felt about me playing with myself while away. Did she want to control that or just my orgasms? She said that for now just my orgasm's as long as I didn't get carried away.
I have to keep reminding myself that I have had it my way for the last 25 years and now its time for her to have her way. Its what I want and I'm pretty sure she is a lot happier this way too.

[Nat]

I am still learning and feel that I still have a long way to go and much to learn but am looking forward to continuing this journey. I'm thinking that I'm only just starting to realize what it is to be truly submissive. I have only held an idea in my head up until now. I think to be truly submissive you have to totally give in to your KH and tune in to how she is feeling and what she wants. It is not about what I want its about what I can give.
I realize that I have been such a dominant force in our marriage that it will take quite a while to redress the balance. Even after the last couple of months I still feel the balance is more on my side. I'm wondering at what point I will feel like we are equal? how will I know? What will I use as a yard stick? For one thing I have to stop dropping hints I want teasing. She knows I'm horny all the time and take it I'm ready and willing to serve her anytime she wants. I don't need to pester her...
I think the times she has caught me by surprise with her requests and suggestions has been the times I have felt her controlling me the most. Of course the first time she pegged me we discussed it in some detail to make sure everything went OK but now I feel she might spring that at on me at any time and that makes me feel submissive. Not just that, I use it as an example. We are breaking down barriers and that feels great. Its strange to think back to the day I plucked up the courage to ask her to try Chasity with me. That was one of the hardest conversation to start as there is no going back. I think its the feeling that if it goes wrong you cant ever take it back. It could have destroyed us but luckily it has done the complete opposite and I feel it has saved us. I'm not saying we would have separated but we wouldn't be as close and loving as we are now without Chastity.
Another aspect of being apart that is now more frustrating is that I cant help my wife. I cant be there to hold her when she's having a bad day. I cant do all those chores around the house now I'm gone. I cant take any of the load off. It has made me realize haw much it must hurt her every time I have gone away and that makes me feel very sad inside.
This has been a very melancholy post! I'm feeling every mile between us.

[sishypus]

Aww. I'm sure your keyholder will smile when she reads these posts. It sounds like you're really getting in touch with your emotions in regards to and as a result of your submission.

I, for one, appreciate a post like this last one, because that really is the journey as much as accounts of how you've been teased and what your predicament has led you to endure. The personal feelings and desires to care for your KH, and to do better, recognizing you can and should extend more trust, nag less, and serve more completely... those are the sort of realizations, the sort of genuine truths that make me love the whole idea of this.

The post before it was equally honest and sweet. I love that idea that your cage is no longer a prison of sorts, but in fact carries the burden of self-control for you. That you miss it's comfort and have to work doubly hard to observe your rules without it and look forward to being put back inside so that you can relax and trust yourself again.

Take care, Nat, and I hope your KH continues to take such good care of you.

[Nat]

Sishpus- Thanks for your post. Its nice to know someone is reading and I know both me and my KH like the feedback. I'm not so sure after my next post you will be so sympathetic though?

I had to write a difficult email to my KH this morning...

She gave me the task of inserting a butt plug and wearing a pair of the knickers she had me bring for two hours. Than I had to wear the knickers all night. In the afternoon I had already locked myself up. I didn't want to get used to being out. Somehow I felt more secure with it on and better able to control my urges. I know I had the key and could get out any time I wanted but it still felt good to go back in?
From the moment I got to the hotel I had been thinking of what task she would give me first. This was one of them. I chose the larger of the two plugs because I felt I could go 2 hours in it even if I had to go to the restaurant for dinner later. More about that later. I chose the purple silk knickers because I hadn't worn those ones before and wondered what they would be like. I stripped naked and brought all the stuff to the bathroom. I was quite excited by then as you can imagine, wondering what it would feel like with the plug in me and the silk of the knickers against my skin. I had my cage on too, just to add another dimension.
So I lubed up the plug and worked it in my welcoming hole. It slipped right in. I love the way the base spreads my cheeks when its all the way in! Next I stepped into the silk knickers and slowly brought them up my legs the fabric brushing against the hairs on my legs, I momentarily thought what it would feel like to have hairless legs? Would it feel even better? Then I pulled them all the way up, the fabric hugging my ass. I could feel the waist band all the way round my body and the front nestled above my now throbbing cock. I looked at myself in the huge bathroom mirror. Looking back at me was a very erotic sight. I felt excited, sexy and very turned on. I looked at myself for a while admiring how well the knickers fitted me and then I thought about sending my KH a picture, which I did...
I put on my trousers and T shirt and went back to watching my program, all the time squirming in my seat feeling the plug being pushed deeper inside me as I sat on it, the fabric of the knickers brushing and tickling my skin. I had about an hour and a half to wait before the restaurant opened. When I knew it was opened I didn't delay and put my shoes on grabbed the key and left. It felt alien to be out of the comfort and security of the hotel room and be amongst people who had no idea what I was doing. I had to go to reception, then I headed to the restaurant. It still wasn't quite open yet. I suddenly felt the need to use the bathroom. I went in and the attendant was cleaning...bugger. I couldn't delay so went into one of the cubicles. I did my business, then of course had the dilemma of what to do with the plug? I thought about giving up but that thought quickly passed. I slipped the plug back in quite easily to my surprise. I left the cubicle and washed up. I then headed to the restaurant and sat down. I was so nervous and kept adjusting my position. I dont think anyone noticed but I was very self conscious all the same. As soon as I had eaten I couldn't get back to my room fast enough. As I walked back the plug felt buried deep in me. Once back to the safety of the hotel room I took my trousers off went to the bathroom and took the plug out. I had done it...more than two hours.
Even though I had taken out the plug I still had the feeling of it in me to a lesser degree though. It felt great walking around the room with nothing but a T shirt and knickers on. A lovely sense of freedom and erotica.

This is were I start to get a bit carried away. I started looking around on iBooks for some literature to download and came across a short story that sparked my interest- Hypno sissy. (what could possibly go wrong?) I download and started to read it, getting increasingly turned on. When it got to the passage about anal, I couldn't take it any longer and brok out the butt plug and lube again. (what could possibly go wrong?) I got to town pushing the plug in and out of me with one hand and reading with the other. It felt so good, I really wanted my KH to take me right then, to completely submit my body to her. I kept going, reading more as I went. After a while I couldn't take my cock in the cage any longer, so got the key and unlocked myself. (what could possibly go wrong?) I continued on, pre cum dripping out of my limp cock as I pumped the plug in and out of me. I thought, 'This is wrong I'm completely turned on yet limp'. Of course what I should have thought was, 'This is WRONG'. So I started to stroke myself to get hard. It didn't take long. (what could possibly....?) Bugger I passed the point of no return and had to stifle my orgasm. I squeezed my cock tight as I came and held it for a minute. Once I released it, cum oozed out onto my belly. I felt a bit flat at that point. I knew I had done wrong and over stepped the line. This is not what was allowed. The worst part was that half an hour later I thought 'Well I'm still completely turned on, I've had an orgasm so I might as well have another one one'. So did.
I went to sleep still wearing the knickers and woke up this morning with a raging hard on and still really turned on, but it was tinged with guilt.

So there you have it. My full confession. I'm not going to start making excuses. I just have to wait for the consequences.

[Nat]

Well I have finally reached my place of work. As soon as I got through the last security check I did lock myself up using a numbered security tag. I posted a phot of which to my KH with a bit of a relief. Its taken several days and of course I have had to wait a couple of days to find out what my KH thought about my episode in the last hotel stop. As it turned out she was rightfully upset and very disapointed in me. I think it was more the second orgasm I decided to 'award' myself, as if I had thrown in the towel. I was very nervouse about how she whould take it and how she would react, since she is quite new to this. I was very worried this would be too much for her and she would give up on me.
In her reply to me she admitted she didn't really know how to deal with me because she couldn't really inflict any phyisical punishment. She said she thought about cutting off corrrespondents with me for a couple of days as punishment. This made my heart sink. The thought of getting the cold shoulder could possibly be the worst punishment I could have thought of, if I had thought of it. The fact she had thought of it, showed me clearly how upset she was with me. I felt very guilty when I read that.
I called as soon as I could but circumstance was against us and we couldn't talk about our relationship at my end because I was in a public place and she had family around her at her end. Its one of the down sides of being away from home. You never know if the other half will be there when you call, what mood they will be in or what they will be doing! There is nothing worse than looking forward to making a call, to speak to yourself on the answer phone. A trully lonely experience. So you can see why getting the cold shoulder filled me with dread?
Luckily for me, my Keyholders punishment required me to write 50 times- 'I must do what my keyholders tells me or I could be locked up for two months or more in my cage.'
After taking about 45mins and four pages of A4 lined paper I got the message and writers cramp. I photographed the lines as proof and emailed it with a grovelling appology letter, also as part of my punishment. I had great difficulty emailing this because of technical difficulties and was worried she thought I had either ignored her or wasn't prepared to do the punishment, so I called her to see if she got the mail which she recieved while I was talking on the phone. Technowledgy is great when it works. 10 years ago we wouldn't have been able to to any of this where I work. It sonly in the last 5 years we have had fairly reliable satalite communications. We managed to have a good chat this time and I said I would look forward to hearing from her when she had had time to read the email I had just sent.
I just hope its enough to show her I really am sorry to have broken her trust in me and to have let her down at such an early stage. I think she did a really good job of chosing a suitable punishment. I didn't expect it and she could have done a lot worse, so I am grateful. Its difficult for her because she never knows what my situation is and what I am able to do as my work/life situation changes all the time. I told her that I should expect punishment if I disapoint her again in the future and should accept it without complaint, which I will. I feel a lot happier now I'm back under her control. It would have been so easy to be dishonest and just not tell her what I did. This way its out in the open, dealt with and we can move on.
I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful KH in my life.

[Nat]

I thought I would post a copy of the apology I wrote my KH after the 'OrgasmGate' incident.

I am writing to apologise for my behaviour on the night of 25th November. I was selfish in my actions and took advantage of the privileges you so graciously awarded me. I have broken your trust in me and I know your estimation of me has diminished. I got carried away with the spirit of the moment not just on one occasion but two. I showed little or no remorse after the first indiscretion and took a liberty with your instructions, making a second and therefore even worse indiscretion. I broke the faith that you had in me and for that I truly feel guilty and sorrowful.
I hope by humbly writing this letter and completing your task of 50 lines you can see that I am truly sorry for my actions and wish for redemption. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive a me, a person who should know how to behave much better.
You have given me the gift of being my keyholder and I shouldn't forget what a privilege that is. You think of me and my needs and I should do more towards doing the same for you. I shouldn't be so selfish as to make this difficult for you, in fact I should be making your life easier.
In the future I will try harder to obey your instructions to the letter and obey all rules you place upon me with good spirit. If I disobey any of your instructions in the future I should expect to be punished in any way you see fit.
Again I can only apologize for what I have done and refrain from behaving in such negative way in the future.

She told me that she liked the letter and the lines and forgave me. It felt so good to here those words.

I have noticed 5 days into orgasm denial and my libido is climbing steadily. My dreams are starting to be taken over with more erotic thoughts of my KH. I deserve a long period of denial after taking advantage of my KH good will. Not that I would refuse an orgasm but I guess what I'm trying to say is, that I have just started to think it would be nice to have one!
I need to come up with more ways to let m KH know how much I love and miss her. The usual mushy stuff at the end of an email just doesn't seam like enough knowing what she does for me. I need to let her know how grateful I am... Mmm better put some thought into that.

My KH told me that she felt uneasy reading other peoples posts on the 'Journey' section of this site and that it felt somehow wrong. Like sneaking a look at someones diary I guess? I think she wants to find her own groove and that's pretty cool. She has never paid much attention to what other people have done, well neither of us has, come to think about it. I thought that if people didn't want other to people to read their posts they wouldn't post at all, but its nice to have a kind of private section to put your thoughts down. For the first time I read through all my previous posts. I wanted to remind myself what I'm missing now I have been away for 10 days already...
I used to think I could quite happily live on a desert island somewhere like the 'Swiss family Robinson', but now I know I need that interaction with other people. I used to be very shy around new people, whereas my wife is just amazing at making new friends. It never ceases to amaze me how she can just merrily chat to total strangers as if they were her best friends.

[TwistedMister]

My KH told me that she felt uneasy reading other peoples posts on the 'Journey' section of this site and that it felt somehow wrong. Like sneaking a look at someones diary I guess?

People post in the 'Journey' forum because they *want* other people to be able to read it. It isn't 'sneaking' a peek, they are giving it to you to read, it isn't wrong at all...and it isn't even a 'private' area- you don't have to be a member to read the 'Journey' forum, anyone on the net can see it.