[cockislocked]answers found through chastity

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I will start off my journey way back when- as early as I can remember. Feel free to comment or if you have any questions.
If you would of asked me 6 moths ago, I would never have imagined to be where I am today.
Let me give you some background before we begin the journey, as this plays an important part:
I am in my mid 30's, my wife of 16 years is in her early 30's and we have 2 teens. I work as a cop , and I am part of the tactical team.
My sexual desires started long before I knew what sex was- probably when I was about 7, but I can remeber the feelings and desires. It started with a plastic diaper cover I had found at home.
I did not know what masturbation was, but I did know I liked the feeling of being contained inside, and the feeling the diaper cover's glossy plastic had on my penis.
One day, I could not find my prized diaper cover, and I searched day after day in all the possible places that my parents might have moved it to. I searched for days like a drug attic looking for a fix. my high. I never did find it.
It was not long before I found my next desire. Maxi pads.I did not know what they were for, but I did know that the pretty women on tv spoke of how they gave the feelings of comfort, confidence, protection. I was sold.
I started taking my moms maxi pads which were scented femenin. I remember the rush I had opening the packages, or the sexual impulses I had when walking in the femenin hygiene isle at the grocery store. I still did not know what they were for, but i longed for the rush i felt when wearing the pads.
I started tying myself up when wearing them, and that gave me an amazing rush.
I was 10 years old on a family vacation, when I asked my parents if I could buy a pair of "real" handcuffs.from a souvenir shop. They said a firm no stating i would torment my siblings with them.
I grew up in a farm community, with little exposure to other kids, and had only 3 tv channels. I did enjoy watching police shows which featured people being cuffed, frisked and locked up. I fantasized about being in both roles- the one being arrested as well as the figure of authority. I still did not know about masturbation, and my sexual tensions were building as time went on.
One day I overheard my mom speaking to someone in disbelief that my cousin was wetting the bed still, and had to wear "adult diapers" called Attends. I was immediately intrigued. I had no idea such a thing existed. I had to get some of these diapers-but how??

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I found myself feeling desperate for the rush I felt from opening , smelling and feeling Always maxi pads. My next mission was to get some of these Attends diapers I had learned of. My next visits to my cousins, I found myself discretely, but desperately searching his room and basement for this "stash of diapers".I never did find them, but I did find them at the pharmacy.I stooped to new levels of low, and began shop lifting the diapers. I would rip open a pack and grab about 2 of them. They were too big to get more. I still remember the very unique scent the Attends diapers had.
I felt such a rush putting them on, but yet I was still not in the know of masturbation. If I was, I probably could have stopped my urges and not turned to stealing.
It was not long after, my parents realized that they were finding maxi pad wrappers in the forest where I played, and they confronted me.
I was about 11 or 12, and my mom made an appointment with a dr of some sorts to try and figure it out.
This was very embarassing, especially back then, being a kid etc...
One strange thing- I always had to have the high end stuff. Attends diapers were plastic, well made, and I got pleasure from being contained in them, and wetting myself.
Maxi pads were Always.
I made home made restraints- and I used to enjoy restraining myself almost to the point of not being able to get free.
It was a couple of years later, I learned all about masturbation, taking the edge off. This helped with not craving the Diapers and maxi pads.For now.
As I became sexually active, I always had urges to be restrained, or to restrain my partners. Back then this was less "acceptable " you could say, and kink was not so popular.Hell the Internet was just starting to come to life, but I really did not have access to it.
My wife and I became involved as teens. She confessed to me that she had been dape raped, and that has always and even to this day put a strain on her being restrained.
When she was pregnant with our first, her sexual desires went away, and I finally built up some courage to ask her to put me in diapers. I explained that if there was a barrier between my privates and hers- I would have comfort in this and in turn stop bothering her for sexual relief.
This worked for a short time. I loved that feeling she gave me when she would pull down my underwear, rub vaseline all over my penis, and give me direction on how she wanted me to place myself as she diapered me. It was a feeling of not having control.
As years went on I would get her to restrain me with handcuffs as much as I could during sex. But I wanted more...
I went to Home Depot to purchase some chain, and links. I modified my handcuffs, so that they were a body belt. The chain went around my waist. One hand would be secured at my side, ( opposite side of her)while the other hand could just have enough movement to reach into the vaseline, and then relieve myself.
Basically on weekends, my wife likes to sleep in, so she was happy when I mentioned I would make a device that would not allow me to touch her . Upon feeling urges to feel her up bright and early on the weekend, I would wrap the chain around myself, secure it , lock it, and masturbate. I would then have no choice but to lay there calmly and helpless after finishing ejaculating. Once misses was awake, she would get her cuff keys, and un-cuff me. This was very exciting, but I needed more...

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For many reasons I can't explain, i urge to feel controlled.As i said- I work in law enforcement , and this is like no other place I know of. I know infidelity happens in every line of work, but I have never seen anything like this. Maybe it's the 12-16 hour shifts with young attractive woman? maybe it is all the physical training of wrestling around with these woman, I don't know. But I can tell you this..When you are on the tactical response team, your popularity goes way up. The boys wanna party with you, and the woman love the uniforms, the status. I'm a pretty good looking guy you could say, but when I got on the squad- well, I can have my pick at work- not to brag.It is what it is
That being said I have seen many relationships fall apart, or people cheating and not getting caught ...I love my wife, and being locked up helps assure her and myself that I am 100 % fully committed to her. I came across chastity by accident about 6 months ago. I was surfing porn, which I did not do too often, and i accidentaly came across a video. I was immediately hooked. I had to see more videos, I had to read more on line. I was not sure what I was getting into, and even more scary...How do I sell this life style to my wife? I had a plan.

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I decided I would give this a go. I was intrigued, turned on, and loved the idea of having no control of my penis.Once I did enough reading, it was time. I went to my local sex shop, and here is where I made my first mistake. I went in there hot & horny, and no matter what I was going to be locked up.
The sales lady helped me out a bit, and brought me a CB-X "The Curve" . I looked at it and thought it looked big, but then again, I was new uneducated in chastity, and believed I would be more comfortable with some extra room. I was WRONG.
I left the store, and had some other errands to do. Could i wait to get home? Hell no. I had to be locked up. I yurned for it. I pulled into a private area and started preparing. I learned very quick, that if you are like me, you will get very hard to the thought of the cage going on. It took some time for me to relax enough, and with some lubricant, I was in. Click went the lock!
I continued on with my errands. I was so turned on! I was wondering if anyone could see the large bulge that the curve device has? I looked at beautiful woman in the stores in a different way too. Here I was , locked and ready to play. Hoping my wife would buy into this.
I'll mention how important it is to have a proper fitting cage. I did not fill the Curve when soft. When I would pee, it came out like a sprinkler head. Each time I would have to roll up toilet paper and push it into the tip of the cage to clean as best I could. This was a pain, and I could not pee in public standing, cause it would spray all over my clothes and feet. This bitch had to start peeing sitting down. This was one thing my wife did like, as the bathroom stayed clean!I was now ready to come clean with my wife.

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I exposed my fetish, and my cage to my wife the very day I purchased it. She did not see this coming and probably did not know about chastity or the lifestyle. This was going to be a shock to her. Although it had been a long time, we had experimented with diapers, me being restrained, and some light bondage on her during the time she was reading the 50 shades series, followed by the harder sylvia Day series books. But chastity...never.
She came home from work, and I told her I had a surprise for her. I brought her in the bedroom and blindfolded her. I told her I bought a sex toy. she replied to all my statements with hesitant "okaaaays"
Meanwhile i was already locked inside- she had no clue.
I went on to reason with her saying " you know how I am a very sexual person, and you are just not at my level? I know i pressure you to have sex or jerk me off regularly when you are not in the mood or tired...I feel like I am a burden on you sometimes, and you do it just to make me happy, or so you can sleep in peace..."
"You know how I don't like having control, and after everything I just mentioned, I want you to have these" I handed her the set of keys that came with my cage. She lifts the blindfold questioning "what are these?"
I pulled down my pants.

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She saw this cage on my dick and was taken back in surprise. I went on to point out that from now on, my dick was hers to use and abuse as she pleased.
I assured her that with this cage, i would be on my best behaviour, and if she was not in the mood, she would be at peace as I was surrendering my dick to her.No more pawing at her while she is trying to sleep in, no more pressure to have sex when she is not in the mood.
I sold it as best I could, and although she was surprised, shocked, and confused- she was willing to try it out. What's there to lose?
It is possible I gave her too much info at once, but in the days that followed, I found myself emailing her with links to articles and benefits of chastity. I sent her both perspectives from male and female. For her to play, I felt she needed to know as much as possible, and to be well educated in the matter. I had to. This was not something I wanted to give up on . I was hooked. I was locked.
I had more work to do....

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I found I was reading Mistress Ivey's blog whenever I had a chance. I was "comfortable" with her style, and thought my wife could relate to her in some ways. I emailed lots of her blogs to my KH, and ended up buying several of her books.I found these beneficial to both her and I in understanding what to expect etc...
I have read on here that several of you are told to lock up and hand over the key.
I don't personally like this approach. For me, I am restrained with a body belt with cuffs to the rear making it not possible for me to touch myself. This is how I am locked up. She puts on the cage , she clicks the lock. There is nothing I can do about it but lay there. I get such a rush when I walk in the bedroom, and there is a towel spread out on the bed, and my cuffs. I know this means it's time for teasing. The cuffs come off when I am securely back in my cage.
Of course there is exceptions. If she is goin to let me screw her for a bit ( don't cum!! ) and so on!
When she locks me up, I feel so helpless. It's a rush!

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I wrote up a contract. After viewing many on line, I took a bit from many and made my own with some variations. It is VERY specific, and clearly identifies what consequences will be. In my case, my wife used to feel burdened you could say by me sexually. We enjoyed sex, but her less often than I wanted. So often she would feel pressured to relieve me in what ever manner she wanted, usually by a hand job. I made it clear that if I was locked up, I would do my best to be more obedient, and less demanding sexually.This meant not begging her for relief, pawing at her body on weekends when it is time to sleep in etc.
I wanted to surrender control. And I did....
As the contract stated:
- I would now be forced to sit to pee
-Slave would only take off device at Dr's under KH supervision (or for tactical training at work). Should wife not be able to be present, I would send a time stamped pic in dr's parking lot prior to cage removal, and immediately after appointment once device is again secure.
-KH could request a photo at anytime of my locked cage with time stamp on photo , and lock number visible.
-KH could also request I send her my GPS location by maps app. I must explain where I am and who I am with , doing what for how long.
- I would always request permission before agreeing to take part in any event "with the guys" etc...Which would be subject to her approuval.
-wife may request at anytime that I wear a diaper.ESPECIALLY in scenarios where I might be at a bar with the "easy girls" after work. This would sure prevent them from me letting them sit on me or get close.Wife may also sign the diaper tapes, so that she would no if it was removed, and it must be on tight enough that it can't be pulled down. ( in any event the cage would still be intact anyway.) Consequences would be 3 ADDITIONAL WEEKS of orgasm denial for removal or tampering with diapers.
She knew my every move. Where I was by GPS, she knew I was locked, and if I was without her, it was only cause she permitted me to be...

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I have to say, that after going for a few extended periods of being locked up, I can point out a few things that changed from one time to the next. I learned lots about myself and my long time fetishes from being a kid.To each their own, but for me and my KH, we each had and still do have different opinions of being locked up.
I am decent sized, started off with the Curve cage. Although I can fill it out at times, most of the time I had room to spare. After more reading, once I was released, I went to the store to buy the 6000s. This way smaller! I have trouble getting into it, and I bulge out everywhere, and although it can be uncomfortable at times, I like the constant feeling of knowing it's there. For me, I like my cage smaller, tighter and I can never forget how little control I have...
My first go of being locked up lasted 32 days I believe it was. The rush I would get seeing cuffs laying on the bed meant I was in for a tease session. WOW! I remember that odd feeling of wanting to cum SO BAD! But at the same time, you don't want to cum and start over..Like a junkie you find yourself wanting to go longer for that ultimate orgasm!
My only complaint was I wanted more tease sessions. It was in the contract that I could not ask for more, or be punished, but I desperately wanted to be inside her, or have her slippery hands stroke me to the brink.
Once she let me cum, it was truly amazing! But that part of me wanted to hold out...
After I came, she left me out. Days and then weeks went by. I hinted I was ready to be locked up again, but nothing. I could not understand why not? I pleased her in every way, I kept a clean house, i massaged her daily. I found myself totally committed to pleasing her, yet it was like she was indifferent? This was very confusing for me, as I thought everything had gone well our first time? She even said how happy she was with changes in me. So why would she not lock me back up? We had to talk....

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I have always found that for me -it is easier to talk or I am more open to talk when being stimulated.If she is stroking me, I just open right up for the most part. After my first lock up ended with a happy ending over a month later, I found myself unlocked and unhappy about it. I kept making hints while having sex that if she wanted me to be locked up again that I was ready and she could deny my orgasm, but she just would not. She would just say "I know".
Eventually, probably a month or so later she finally did. We had work to do. We made progress in some areas, while back peddling in others.
Looking back, maybe I pushed to hard to fast, after all, she is not on the same sex drive as I. Once we started laying down rules, my punishments were either spankings with the paddle, or more time added. In a strange way, I found myself desperately wanting both, but at the same time not wanting to be spanked, and desperately wanting to cum. What a confusing place to be in...
I would do bratty things that would get me spanked and ultimately more time. Maybe it was because I feared if she let me out, she would hesitate to lock me back up again? I also did like the feeling of her bending me over her lap and smacking me with the paddle. ( that good feeling ends quick lol)
I recall a night in particular which she was not impressed.Every few weeks, she would let me sleep out of my cage. At my wish, she would put a diaper on me for bed. I explained to her that the diaper also gave me a feeling of loss of control. At the same time it would not allow me to touch myself, and my penis would have absolutely no contact with her while sleeping.
The next morning she would wake and my "break" would be over and I would lock back up.This worked fine until I wet the bed. Like lots. The diaper must have moved a bit, but I soaked the bed! She was not happy, and now I felt like I was creating headaches for her. This was one of many that I learned of later on...