On the one hand, I find the idea of being controlled, restricted, blocked - not by some strict or fearsome dominant, but by something physical, final and unyielding - both chilling highly arousing and it is the subject of most of what the Germans refer to as "Kopfkino" - the cinema in my head - as well as stories I have read (and memorised) online.
On the other hand, I am seriously addicted to masturbation and often to the detriment or exclusion of relationships with significant people in my life. And I'd like to rein that in and not be ruled by my thought life. A few days ago I read on http://www.chastityforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=943 that the dopamine high released by an O is as powerful as that of a cocaine high, which explains why it is so 'addictive' (though according to that article that term is debatable amongst medics since it's not an external substance one is taking). The article also points out that denial for 2 - 8 weeks could be the only way to break the addiction. Worth a try?
So the idea of wearing a chastity device appeals on both fronts - the fact that they are two somewhat contradictory fronts is my Catch 22. Right now I find myself experimenting again.
[marq] Catch 22
[marq] The first Latowski
I can still remember when I discovered that CBs are not just the stuff of fantasy writing (and of museums, where I always found them - and the suits of armour - very exciting). Not long after that, at the beginning of 2008, rather by chance I think, I spotted a Latowski belt for sale on ebay and I managed to win it. So I started my real life experience with chastity at the deep end! Amazingly, when it arrived, it was an excellent fit, despite not having been made to measure for me. I immediately managed several periods of several hours of wear including going out and walking around town.
However, even though I got an absolute bargain price for the belt, it had still cost me several hundred. And I quickly got cold feet about justifying that amount of spending. And what if something happened and it got damaged or destroyed and the money was gone for good? Moreover, far from being a help in taming my urges, now every moment - whether wearing it or not - I found my thoughts constantly turning back to the Lato. I had a bit of extra stomach at the time, and although the fit was great, it did suddenly amplify my beer belly to the point that people noticed it. And it was clear that it wasn't compatible with riding a bicycle, which I do daily.
Less than a month later I had re-listed the Lato on ebay, sold it for about 20% profit, and it was gone.
Ever since, I frequently regretted not giving it a longer trial, and not finding a way to finance it that would mean I could take the risk, even though I knew that in other ways it had been clear it wasn't the answer for me.
However, even though I got an absolute bargain price for the belt, it had still cost me several hundred. And I quickly got cold feet about justifying that amount of spending. And what if something happened and it got damaged or destroyed and the money was gone for good? Moreover, far from being a help in taming my urges, now every moment - whether wearing it or not - I found my thoughts constantly turning back to the Lato. I had a bit of extra stomach at the time, and although the fit was great, it did suddenly amplify my beer belly to the point that people noticed it. And it was clear that it wasn't compatible with riding a bicycle, which I do daily.
Less than a month later I had re-listed the Lato on ebay, sold it for about 20% profit, and it was gone.
Ever since, I frequently regretted not giving it a longer trial, and not finding a way to finance it that would mean I could take the risk, even though I knew that in other ways it had been clear it wasn't the answer for me.
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